the dust-第9章

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She　had　selected　Norman　for　the　same　reason　that　he　had　selected　her；　each　recognized　the　other　as　the　〃grand　prize。〃　　Pity　is　not　nearly　so　close　kin　to　love　as　is　the　feeling　that　the　other　person　satisfies　to　the　uttermost　all　one's　pet　vanities。　　It　would　have　been　next　door　to　impossible　for　two　people　so　well　matched　not　to　find　themselves　drawn　to　each　other　and　filled　with　sympathy　and　the　sense　of　comradeship；　so　far　as　there　can　be　comradeship　where　two　are　driving　luxuriously　along　the　way　of　life；　with　not　a　serious　cause　for　worry。　　People　without　half　the　general　fitness　of　these　two　for　each　other　have　gone　through　to　the　end；　regarding　themselves　and　regarded　as　the　most　devoted　of　lovers。　　Indeed；　they　were　lovers。　　Only　one　of　those　savage　tests；　to　which　in　all　probability　they　would　never　be　exposed；　would　or　could　reveal　just　how　much；　or　how　little；　that　vague；　variable　word　lovers　meant　when　applied　to　them。

As　their　eyes　met；　into　each　pair　leaped　the　fine；　exalted　light　of　pride　in　possession。　　〃This　wonderful　woman　is　mine！〃　his　eyes　said。　　And　her　eyes　answered；　〃And　youyou　most　wonderful　of　menyou　are　mine！〃　　It　always　gave　each　of　them　a　thrill　like　intoxication　to　meet；　after　a　day's　separation。　　All　the　joy　of　their　dazzling　good　fortune　burst　upon　them　afresh。

〃I'll　venture　you　haven't　thought　of　me　the　whole　day；〃　said　she　as　he　dropped　to　the　chair　behind　her。

It　was　a　remark　she　often　madeto　give　him　the　opportunity　to　say；　〃I've　thought　of　little　else；　I'm　sorry　to　sayI；　who　have　a　career　to　look　after。〃　　He

made　the　usual　answer；　and　they　smiled　happily　at　each　other。　　〃And　you？〃　he　said。

〃Oh；　I？　　What　else　has　a　woman　to　think　about？〃

Her　statement　was　as　true　as　his　was　false。　　He　was　indeed　all　she　had　to　think　aboutall　worth　wasting　the　effort　of　thought　upon。　　But　hethough　he　did　not　realize　ithad　thought　of　her　only　in　the　incidental　way　in　which　an　ambition…possessed　man　must　force　himself　to　think　of　a　woman。　　The　best　of　his　mind　was　commandeered　to　his　career。　　An　amiable　but　shakily　founded　theory　that　it　was　〃our〃　career　enabled　him　to　say　without　sense　of　lying　that　his　chief　thought　had　been　she。

〃How　those　men　down　town　would　poke　fun　at　you；〃　said　she；　〃if　they　knew　you　had　me　with　you　all　the　time；　right　beside　you。〃

This　amused　him。　　〃Still；　I　suspect　there　are　lots　of　men　who'd　be　exposed　in　the　same　way　if　there　were　a　general　and　complete　show…down。〃

〃Sometimes　I　wish　I　really　were　with　youworking　with　youhelping　you。　　You　have　girlsa　girlto　be　your　secretaryor　whatever　you　call　itdon't　you？〃

〃You　should　have　seen　the　one　I　had　to…day。　　But　there's　always　something　pathetic　about　every　girl　who　has　to　make　her　own　living。〃

〃Pathetic！〃　protested　Miss　Burroughs。　　〃Not　at　all。　　I　think　it's　fine。〃

〃You　wouldn't　say　that　if　you　had　tried　it。〃

〃Indeed；　I　should；〃　she　declared　with　spirit。　　〃You　men　are　entirely　too　soft　about　women。　　You　don't　realize　how　strong　they　are。　　And；　of　course；　women　don't　resist　the　temptation　to　use　their　sex　when　they　see　how　easy　it　is　to　fool　men　that　way。　　The　sad　thing　about　it　is　that　the　woman　who　gets　along　by　using　her　sex　and　by　appealing　to　the　soft…heartedness　of　men　never　learns　to　rely　on　herself。　　She's　likely　to　come　to　grief　sooner　or　later。〃

〃There's　truth　in　all　that；〃　said　Norman。　　〃Enough　to　make　it　dangerously　unjust。　　There's　so　much　lying　done　about　getting　on　that　it's　no　wonder　those　who've　never　tried　to　do　for　themselves　get　a　wholly　false　notion　of　the　situation。　　It　is　hardbitterly　hardfor　a　man　to　get　on。　　Most　men　don't。　　Most　men？　　All　but　a　mere　handful。　　And　if　those　who　do　get　on　were　to　tell　the　truththe　WHOLE　truthabout　how　they　succeeded　well；　it'd　not　make　a　pleasant　story。〃

〃But　YOU'VE　got　on；〃　retorted　the　girl。

〃So　I　have。　　And　how？〃　　Norman　smiled　with　humorous　cynicism。　　〃I'll　never　tellnot　allonly　the　parts　that　sound　well。　　And　those　parts　are　the　least　important。　　However；　let's　not　talk　about　that。　　What　I　set　out　to　say　was　that；　while　it's　hard　for　a　man　to　make　a　decent　livingunless　he　has　luckand　harder　stillmuch　harderfor　him　to　rise　to　independence〃

〃It　wasn't　so　dreadfully　hard　for　YOU；〃　interrupted　Josephine；　looking　at　him　with　proud　admiration。　　〃But　then；　you　had　a　wonderful　brain。〃

〃That　wasn't　what　did　it；〃　replied　he。　　〃And；　in　spite　of　all　my　advantagesfriendships；　education；　enough　money　to　tide　me　over　the　beginningsin　spite　of　all　that；　I　had　a　frightful　time。　　Not　the　work。　　Of　course；　I　had　to　work；　but　I　like　that。　　No；　it　was　the　the　maneuvering；　let's　call　itthe　hardening　process。〃

〃You！〃　she　exclaimed。

〃Everyone　who　succeedsin　active　life。　　You　don't　understand　the　system；　dear。　　It's　a　cutthroat　game。　It　isn't　at　all　what　the　successful　hypocrites　describe　in　their　talks　to　young　men！〃　　He　laughed。　　〃If　I　had　followed　the　‘guides　to　success；'　I'd　not　be　here。　Oh；　yes；　I've　made　terrible　sacrifices；　but〃　his　look　at　her　made　her　thrill　with　exaltation〃it　was　worth　doing。　。　。　。　　I　understand　and　sympathize　with　those　who　scorn　to　succeed。　　But　I'm　glad　I　happened　not　to　be　born　with　their　temperament；　at　least　not　with　enough　of　it　to　keep　me　down。〃

〃You're　too　hard　on　yourself；　too　generous　to　the　failures。〃

〃Oh；　I　don't　mean　the　men　who　were　too　lazy　to　do　the　work　or　too　cowardly　to　dare　thethe　unpleasant　things。　　And　I'm　not　hard　with　myselfonly　frank。　But　we　were　talking　of　the　women。　　Poor　things；　what　chance　have　they　got？　　You　scorn　them　for　using　their　sex。　　Wait　till　you're　drowning；　dear；　before　you　criticise　another　for　what　he　does　to　save　himself　when　he's　sinking　for　the　last　time。　　I　used　everything　I　had　in　making　my　fight。　　If　I　could　have　got　on　better　or　quicker　by　the　aid　of　my　sex；　I'd　have　used　that。〃

〃Don't　say　those　things；　Fred；〃　cried　Josephine；　smiling　but　half　in　earnest。

〃Why　not？　　Aren't　you　glad　I'm　here？〃

She　gave　him　a　long　look　of　passionate　love　and　lowered　her　eyes。

〃At　whatever　cost？〃

〃Yes；〃　she　said　in　a　low　voice。　　〃But　I'm　SURE　you　exaggerate。〃

〃I've　done　nothing　YOU　wouldn't　approve　ofor　find　excuses　for。　　But　that's　because　youIall　of　us　in　this　classand　in　most　other　classeshave　been　trained　to　false　ideasno；　to　perverted　ideasto　a　system　of　morality　that's　twisted　to　suit　the　demands　of　practical　life。　　On　Sundays　we　go　to　a　magnificent　church　to　hear　an　expensive　preacher　and　choir；　go　in　expensive　dress　and　in　carriages；　and　we　never　laugh　at　ourselves。　　Yet　we　are　going　in　the　name　of　One　who　was　born　in　a　stable　and　who　said　that　we　must　give　everything　to　the　poor；　and　so　on。〃

〃But　I　don't　see　what　we　could　do　about　it〃　she　said　hesitatingly。

〃We　couldn't　do　anything。　　Onlydon't　you　see　my　point？the　difference　between　theory　and　practice？　Personally；　I've　no　objectionno　strong　objectionto　the　practice。　　All　I　object　to　is　the　lying　and　faking　about　it；　to　make　it　seem　to　fit　the　theory。　　But　we　were　talking　of　womenwomen　who　work。〃

〃I've　no　doubt　you're　right；〃　admitted　she。　　〃I　suppose　they　aren't　to　blame　for　using　their　sex。　　I　ought　to　be　ashamed　of　myself；　to　sneer　at　them。〃

〃As　a　matter　of　fact；　their　sex　does　few　of　them　any　good。　　The　reverse。　　You　see；　an　attractive　woman　one　who's　attractive　AS　a　womancan　skirmish　round　and　find　some　one　to　support　her。　　But　most　of　the　working　womenthose　who　keep　on　at　itdon't　find　the　man。　　They're　not　attractive；　not　even　at　the　start。　After　they've　been　at　it　a　few　years　and　lose　the　little　bloom　they　ever　hadwhy；　they've　got　to　take　their　chances　at　the　game；　precisely　like　a　man。　　Only；　they're　handicapped　by　always　hoping　that　they'll　be　able　to　quit　and　become　married　women。　　I'd　like　to　see　how　men　would　behave　if　they　could　find　or　could　imagine　any　alternative　to　‘root　hog　or　die。'　〃

〃What's　the　matter　with　you　this　evening；　Fred？　I　never　saw　you　in　such　a　bitter　mood。〃

〃We　never　happened　to　get　on　this　subject　before。〃

〃Oh；　yes；　we　have。　　And　you　always　have　scoffed　at　the　men　who　fail。〃

〃And　I　still　scoff　at　themmost　of　them。　　A　lot　of　lazy　cowards。　　Or　else；　so　bent　on　self…indulgence　petty　self…indulgencethat　they　refuse　to　make　the　small　sacrifice　to…day　for　the　sake