the dust-第65章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
At first he saw that this sense of being wronged made it impossible for her to do anything at all toward educating herself for her position。 But time brought about the change he had hoped for。 A few weeks； and she began to cheer up； almost in spite of herself。 What was the use in sulking or sighing or in self…pitying； when it brought only unhappiness to oneself？ The coarse and brutal male in the case was either unaware or indifferent。 There was no one and no place to fly tounless she wished to be much worse off than her darkest mood of self…pity represented her to her sorrowing self。 The housekeeper； Mrs。 Lowell； was a 〃broken down gentlewoman〃 who had been chastened by misfortune into a wholesome state of practical good sense about the relative values of the real and the romantic。 Mrs。 Lowell diagnosed the case of the young wifeas Norman had shrewdly guessed she would and was soon adroitly showing her the many advantages of her lot。 Before they had been three months at Hempstead； Dorothy had discovered that she； in fact； was without a single ground for serious complaint。 She had a husband who was generous about money； and left her as absolutely alone as if he were mere occasional visitor at the house。 She had her livingand such a living！she had plenty of interesting occupationshe had not a single sordid careand perfect health。
The dreams； too It was curious about those dreams。 She would now have found it an intolerable bore to sit with hands idle in her lap and eyes upon vacancy； watching the dim； luminous shadows flit aimlessly by。 Yet that was the way she used to pass hoursentire days。 She used to fight off sleep at night the longer to enjoy her one source of pure happiness。 There was no doubt about it； the fire of romance was burning low； and she was becoming commonplace； practical； resigned。 Well； why not？ Was not life over for her？that is； the life a girl's fancy longs for。 In place of hope of romance； there was an uneasy feeling of a necessity of pleasing this husband of hersof making him comfortable。 What would befall her if she neglected trying to please him or if she； for all her trying； failed？ She did not look far in that direction。 Her uneasiness remained indefiniteyet definite enough to keep her working from waking until bedtime。 And she dropped into the habit of watching his face with the same anxiety with which a farmer watches the weather。 When he happened one day to make a careless； absent…minded remark in disapproval of something in the domestic arrangements； she was thrown into such a nervous flutter that he observed it。
〃What is it？〃 he asked。
〃Nothingnothing；〃 replied she in the hurried tone of one who is trying hastily to cover his thoughts。
He reflected； understood； burst into a fit of hearty laughter。 〃So； you are trying to make a bogey of me？〃
She colored； protested faintly。
〃Don't you know I'm about the least tyrannical； least exacting person in the world？〃
〃You've been very patient with me；〃 said she。
〃Nownow；〃 cried he in a tone of raillery； 〃you might as well drop that。 Don't you know there's no reason for being afraid of me？〃
〃Yes； I KNOW it；〃 replied she。 〃But I FEEL afraid； just the same。 I can't help it。〃
It was impossible for him to appreciate the effect of his personality upon othershow； without his trying or even wishing； it made them dread a purely imaginary displeasure and its absurdly imaginary consequences。 But this confession of hers was not the first time he had heard of the effect of potential and latent danger he had upon those associated with him。 And； as it was most useful； he was not sorry that he had it。 He made no further attempt to convince her that he was harmless。 He knew that he was harmless where she was concerned。 Was it not just as well that she should not know it； when vaguely dreading him was producing excellent results？ As with a Christian the fear of the Lord was the beginning of wisdom； so with a wife the fear of her husband was the beginning of wisdom。 In striving to please him； to fit herself for the position of wife； she was using up the time she would otherwise have spent in making herself miserable with self…pitythat supreme curse of the idle both male and female； that most prolific of the breeders of unhappy wives。 Yes； wives were unhappy not because their husbands neglected them； for busy people have no time to note whether they are neglected or not； but because they gave their own worthless； negligent； incapable selves too much attention。
One evening； she； wearing the look of the timid but resolute intruder； came into his room while he was dressing for dinner and hung about with an air no man of his experience could fail to understand。
〃Something wrong about the house？〃 said he finally。 〃Need more money？〃
〃Nonothing；〃 she replied； with a slight flush。 He saw that she was mustering all her courage for some grand effort。 He waited； only mildly curious； as his mind was busy with some new business he and Tetlow had undertaken。 Presently she stood squarely before him； her hands behind her back and her face up… turned。 〃Won't you kiss me？〃 she said。
〃Sure！〃 said he。 And he kissed her on the cheek and resumed operations with his military brushes。
〃I didn't mean thatthat kind of a kiss；〃 said she dejectedly。
He paused with a quick characteristic turn of the head； looked keenly at her； resumed his brushing。 A quizzical smile played over his face。 〃Oh； I see；〃 said he。 〃You've been thinking about duty。 And you've decided to do yours。 。 。 。 Eh？〃
〃I think It seems to me I don't think〃 she stammered； then said desperately； 〃I've not been acting right by you。 I want toto do better。〃
〃That's good；〃 said he briskly； with a nod of approvaland never a glance in her direction。 〃You think you'll let me have a kiss now and theneh？ All right； my dear。〃
〃Oh； you WON'T understand me！〃 she cried； ready to weep with vexation。
〃You mean I won't misunderstand you；〃 replied he amiably； as he set about fixing his tie。 〃You've been mulling things over in your mind。 You've decided I'm secretly pining for you。 You've resolved to be good and kind and dutifulgenerousto feed old dog Tray a few crumbs now and then。 。 。 。 That's nice and sweet of you〃 He paused until the crisis in tying was passed〃very nice and sweet of youbut There's nothing in it。 All I ask of you for myself is to see that I'm comfortablethat Mrs。 Lowell and the servants treat me right。 If I don't like anything； I'll speak outnever fear。〃
〃ButFredI want to be your wifeI really do；〃 she pleaded。
He turned on her； and his eyes seemed to pierce into the chamber of her thoughts。 〃Drop it； my dear；〃 he said quietly。 〃Neither of us is in love with the other。 So there's not the slightest reason for pretending。 If I ever want to be free of you； I'll tell you so。 If you ever want to get rid of me； all you have to do is to askand it'll be arranged。 Meanwhile； let's enjoy ourselves。〃
His good humor； obviously unfeigned； would have completely discouraged a more experienced woman； though as vain as Dorothy and with as much ground as he had given her for self…confidence where he was concerned。 But Dorothy was depressed rather than profoundly discouraged。 A few moments and she found courage to plead： 〃But you used to care for me。 Don't I attract you any more？〃
〃You say that quite pathetically；〃 said he； in good… humored amusement。 〃I'm willing to do anything within reason for your happiness。 But reallyjust to please your vanity I can't make myself over again into the fool I used to be about you。 You'd hate it yourself。 Why； then； this pathetic air？〃
〃I feel so uselessand as if I were shirking；〃 she persisted。 〃And if you did care for me； it wouldn't offend me now as it used to。 I've grown much wiser more sensible。 I understand thingsand I look at them differently。 AndI always did LIKE you。〃
〃Even when you despised me？〃 mocked he。 It irritated him a little vividly to recall what a consummate fool he had made of himself for her； even though he had every reason to be content with the event of his folly。
〃A girl always thinks she despises a man when she can do as she pleases with him；〃 replied she。 〃A
