the dust-第23章
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icetears and the most touching tenderness。 〃He has some great secret that he wants to discover； and he is afraid he will die without having had the chance。〃
〃You will love me if I make your father happy？〃
He knew it was the question of a fool； but he so longed to hear from her lips some word to give him hope that he could not help asking it。 She said：
〃Love you asas you seem to love me？ Not that same way。 I don't feel that way toward you。 But I will love you in my own way。〃
He observed her with penetrating eyes。 Was this speech of hers innocence or calculation？ He could get no clue to the truth。 He saw nothing but innocence； the teaching of experience warned him to believe in nothing but guile。 He hid his doubt and chagrin behind a mocking smile。 〃As you please；〃 said he。 〃I will do my part。 Thenwe'll see。 。 。 。 Do you care about anyone elsein MY way of loving； I mean？〃
It was again the question of an infatuated fool； and put in an infatuated fool's way。 For； if she were a 〃deep one；〃 how could he hope to get the truth？ But her answer reassured him。 〃No；〃 she saidher simple； direct negation that had a convincing power he had never seen equaled。
〃If I ever knew of another man's touching you；〃 he said； 〃I'd feel like strangling him。〃 He laughed at himself。 〃Not that I should strangle him。 That sort of thing isn't done any more。 But I'd do something devilish。〃
〃But I haven't promised not to kiss anyone else；〃 she said。 〃Why should I？ I don't love you。〃
He looked at her strangely。 〃But you're going to love me；〃 he said。
She shrank within herself again。 She looked at him with uneasy eyes。 〃You won't kiss me any more until I tell you that I do love you？〃 she asked with the gravity and pathos and helplessness of a child。
〃Don't you want to learn to love me？to learn to love？〃
She was silenta silence that maddened him。
〃Don't be afraid to speak；〃 he said irritably。 〃What are you thinking？〃
〃That I don't want you to kiss meand that I do want father to be happy。〃
Was this guile？ Was it innocence？ He put his arms round her。 〃Look at me；〃 he said。
She gazed at him frankly。
〃You like me？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Why don't you want me to kiss you？〃
〃I don't know。 It makes medislike you。〃
He released her。 She laid her hand on his arm eagerly。 〃Please〃 she implored。 〃I don't mean to hurt you。 I wouldn't offend you for anything。 Only when you ask me a questionmustn't I tell you the truth？〃
〃Always；〃 he said； believing in her； in spite of the warnings of cynical worldliness。 〃I don't know whether you are sincere or notas yet。 So for the present I'll give you the benefit of the doubt。〃 He stood back and looked at her from head to foot。 〃You are beautiful！ perfect；〃 he said in a low voice。 He laughed。 〃I'll resist the temptation to kiss you again。 I must go now。 About your fatherI'll see what can be done。〃
She stood with her hands behind her back； looking up at him with an expression he could not fathom。 Suddenly she advanced； put up her lips and said gravely；
〃Won't you kiss me？〃
He eyed her quizzically。 〃Ohyou've changed your mind？ 〃
She shook her head。
〃Then why do you ask me to kiss you？ 〃
〃Because of what you said about father。〃
He laughed and kissed her。 And then she； too； laughed。 He said； 〃Not for my own sakenot a little bit？〃
〃Oh； yes；〃 she cried； 〃when you kiss me that way。 I like to be kissed。 I am very affectionate。〃
He laughed again。 〃You ARE a queer one。 If it's a game； it's a good one。 Is it a game？〃
〃I don't know；〃 said she gayly。 〃Good night。 This is dreadfully late for me。〃
〃Good night；〃 he said； and they shook hands。 〃Do you like me betteror less？〃
〃Better；〃 was her prompt； apparently honest reply。
〃Curiously enough； I'm beginning to LIKE you；〃 said he。 〃Now don't ask me what I mean by that。 If you don't know already； you'll not find out from me。〃
〃Oh； but I do know；〃 cried she。 〃The way you kissed methat was one thing。 The way you feel toward me nowthat's a different thing。 Isn't it so？〃
〃Exactly。 I see we are going to get on。〃
〃Yes； indeed。〃
They shook hands again in friendliest fashion； and she opened the front door for him。 And her farewell smile was bright and happy。
VII
IN the cold clear open he proceeded to take the usual account of stockwith dismal results。 She had wound him round her fingers； had made him say only the things he should not have said； and leave unsaid the things that might have furthered his purposes。 He had conducted the affair ridiculously〃just what is to be expected of an infatuated fool。〃 However； there was no consolation in the discovery that he was reduced； after all these years of experience； to the common level man weak and credulous in his dealings with woman。 He hoped that his disgust with himself would lead on to disgust； or； rather； distaste for her。 It is the primal instinct of vanity to dislike and to shun those who have witnessed its humiliation。
〃I believe I am coming to my senses；〃 he said。 And he ventured to call her up before him for examination and criticism。 This as he stood upon the forward deck of the ferry with the magnificent panorama of New York before him。 New York！ And he； of its strong men； of the few in all that multitude who had rank and powerhe who had won as his promised wife the daughter of one of the dozen mighty ones of the nation！ What an ill…timed； what an absurd； what a crazy step… down this excursion of his！ And for what？ There he summoned her before him。 And at the first glance of his fancy at her fair sweet face and lovely figure； he quailed。 He was hearing her voice again。 He was feeling the yield of her smooth； round form to his embrace； the yield of her smooth white cheek to his caress。 In his nostrils was the fragrance of her youth； the matchless perfume of nature； beyond any of the distillations of art in its appeal to his normal and healthy nerves。 And he burned with the fire only she could quench。 〃I must I must。My God； I MUST！〃 he muttered。
When he reached home； he asked whether his sister was in。 The butler said that Mrs。 Fitzhugh had just come from the theater。 In search of her； he went to the library； found her seated there with a book and a cigarette； her wrap thrown back upon her chair。 〃Come out to supper with me； Ursula；〃 he said。 〃I'm starved and bored。〃
〃Why； you're not dressed！〃 exclaimed his sister。 〃I thought you were at the Cameron dance with Josephine。〃
〃Had to cut it out；〃 replied he curtly。 〃Will you come？〃
〃I can't eat； but I'll drink。 Yes； let's have a spree。 It's been years since we had onenot since we were poor。 Let's not go to a DEADLY respectable place。 Let's go where there are some of the other kind； too。〃
〃But I must have food。 Why not the Martin？〃
〃That'll dothough I'd prefer something a little farther up Broadway。〃
〃The Martin is gay enough。 The truth is； there's nothing really gay any more。 There's too much money。 Money suffocates gayety。〃
To the Martin they went； and he ordered an enormous supperone of those incredible meals for which he was famous。 They dispatched a quart of champagne before the supper began to come； he drinking at least two thirds of it。 He drank as much while he was eating and called for a third bottle when the coffee was served。 He had eaten half a dozen big oysters； a whole guinea hen； a whole portion of salad； another of Boniface cheese； with innumerable crackers。
〃If I could eat as you do！〃 sighed Ursula enviously。 〃Yet it's only one of your accomplishments。〃
〃I'm not eating much nowadays；〃 said he gloomily。 〃I'm losing my appetite。〃 And he lit a long black cigar and swallowed half a large glass of the champagne。 〃Nothing tastes goodnot even champagne。〃
〃There IS something wrong with you；〃 said Ursula。 〃Did you ask me out for confidences； or for advice or for both？〃
〃None of them；〃 replied he。 〃Only for company。 I knew I'd not be able to sleep for hours； and I wanted to put off the time when I'd be alone。〃
〃I wish I had as much influence with you as you have with me；〃 said Ursula； by way of preparation for confidences。
〃Influence？ Don't I do whatever you say？〃
She laughed
