the dust-第22章
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〃So it was； Mr。 Hallowell；〃 said Norman。 〃But I have been interested。 I don't as yet see what can be done。 I'm only saying that I'll think it over。〃
〃I understand；〃 said Hallowell。 He was trying to seem calm and indifferent。 But his voice had the tremulous note of excitement in it and his hands fumbled nervously； touching evidence of the agitated gropings of his mind in the faint； perhaps illusory； light of a new… sprung hope。 〃Yes； I understand perfectly。 Still it is pleasant to think about such a thing； even if there's no chance of it。 I am very fond of dreaming。 That has been my life； you know。〃
Norman colored； moved uneasily。 The fineness of this man's character made him uncomfortable。 He could pity Hallowell as a misguided failure。 He could dilate himself as prosperous； successful； much the more imposing and important figure in the contrast。 Yet there was somehow a point of view at which； if one looked carefully； his own sort of man shriveled and the Hallowell sort towered。
〃I MUST be going；〃 Norman said。 〃Nodon't come with me。 I know the way。 I've interrupted you long enough。〃 And he put out his hand and； by those little clevernesses of manner which he understood so well； made it impossible for Hallowell to go with him to Dorothy。
He was glad when he shut the door between him and her father。 He paused in the hall to dispel the vague； self…debasing discomfortand listening to HER voice as she sang helped wonderfully。 There is no more trying test of a personality than to be estimated by the voice alone。 That test produces many strange and startling results。 Again and again it completely reverses our judgment of the personality； either destroys or enhances its charm。 The voice of this girl； floating out upon the quiet of the cottagethe voice； soft and sweet； full of the virginal passion of dreams unmarred by experience It was while listening to her voice； as he stood there in the dimly lighted hall； that Frederick Norman passed under the spell in all its potency。 In taking an anaesthetic there is the stage when we reach out for its soothing effects； then comes the stage when we half desire； half fear； then a stage in which fear is dominant； and we struggle to retain our control of the senses。 Last comes the stage when we feel the full power of the drug and relax and yield or are beaten down into quiet。 Her voice drew him into the final stage； was the blow of the overwhelming wave's crest that crushed him into submission。
She glanced toward the door。 He was leaning there； an ominous calm in his pale； resolute face。 She gazed at him with widening eyes。 And her look was the look of helplessness before a force that may； indeed must； be struggled against； but with the foregone certainty of defeat。
A gleam of triumph shone in his eyes。 Then his expression changed to one more conventional。 〃I stopped a moment to listen； on my way out；〃 said he。
Her expression changed also。 The instinctive； probably unconscious response to his look faded into the sweet smile； serious rather than merry； that was her habitual greeting。 〃Mr。 Tetlow didn't get away from father so soon。〃
〃I stayed longer than I intended。 I found it even more interesting than I had expected。 。 。 。 Would you be glad if your father could be free to do as he likes and not be worried about anything？〃
〃That is one of my dreams。〃
〃Well； it's certainly one that might come true。 。 。 。 And you It's a shame that you should have to do so much drudgeryboth here and in New York。〃
〃Oh； I don't mind about myself。 It's all I'm fit for。 I haven't any talentexcept for dreaming。〃
〃And for makingSOME man's dreams come true。〃
Her gaze dropped。 And as she hid herself she looked once more almost as insignificant and colorless as he had once believed her to be。
〃What are you thinking about？〃
She shook her head slowly without raising her eyes or emerging from the deep recess of her reserve。
〃You are a mystery to me。 I can't decide whether you are very innocent or veryconcealing。〃
She glanced inquiringly at him。 〃I don't understand；〃 she said。
He smiled。 〃No more do I。 I've seen so much of fakingin women as well as in menthat it's hard for me to believe anyone is genuine。〃
〃Do you think I am trying to deceive you？ About what？〃
He made an impatient gestureimpatience with his credulity where she was concerned。 〃No matter。 I want to make you happybecause I want you to make me happy。〃
Her eyes became as grave as a wondering child's。 〃You are laughing at me；〃 she said。
〃Why do you say that？〃
〃Because I could not make you happy。〃
〃Why not？〃
〃What could a serious man like you find in me？〃
His intense； burning gaze held hers。 〃Some time I will tell you。〃
She shut herself within herself like a flower folding away its beauty and leaving exposed only the underside of its petals。 It was impossible to say whether she understood or was merely obeying an instinct。
He watched her a moment in silence。 Then he said：
〃I am mad about youmad。 You MUST understand。 I can think only of you。 I am insane with jealousy of you。 I want youI must have you。〃
He would have seized her in his arms； but the look of sheer amazement she gave him protected her where no protest or struggle would。 〃You？〃 she said。 〃Did you really mean it？ I thought you were just talking。〃
〃Can't you see that I mean it？〃
〃Yesyou look as if you did。 But I can't believe it。 I could never think of you in that way。〃
Once more that frank statement of indifference infuriated him。 He MUST compel her to feelhe must give that indifference the lieand at once！ He caught her in his arms。 He rained kisses upon her pale face。 She made not the least resistance； but seemed dazed。 〃I will teach you to love me；〃 he cried； drunk now with the wine of her lips； with the perfume of her exquisite youth。 〃I will make you happy。 We shall be mad with happiness。〃
She gently freed herself。 〃I don't believe I could ever think of you in that way。〃
〃Yes； darlingyou will。 You can't help loving where you are loved so utterly。〃
She gazed at him wonderinglythe puzzled wonder of a child。 〃Youloveme？〃 she said slowly。
〃Call it what you like。 I am mad about you。 I have forgotten everythingpridepositionthings you can't imagineand I care for nothing but you。〃
And again he was kissing her with the soft fury of fire； and again she was submitting with the passive； dazed expression that seemed to add to his passion。 To make her feel！ To make her respond！ He； whom so many women had lovedwomen of position； of fame for beauty； of social distinction or distinction as singers； playerswomen of society and women of talent all kinds of worth…while womenthey had cared； had run after him； had given freely all he had asked and more。 And this girlnobody at allshe had nothing for him。
He held her away from him； cried angrily： 〃What is the matter with you？ What is the matter with me？〃
〃I don't understand；〃 she said。 〃I wish you wouldn't kiss me so much。〃
He released her； laughed satirically。 〃Ohyou are playing a game。 I might have known。〃
〃I don't understand；〃 said she。 〃A while ago you said you loved me。 Now you act as if you didn't like me at all。〃 And she smiled gayly at him； pouting her lips a little。 Once more her beauty was shining。 It made his nerves quiver to see the color in her pure white skin where he had kissed her。
〃I don't care whether it is a game or not；〃 he cried。 And he was about to seize her again； when she repulsed him。 He crushed her resistance； held her tight in his arms。
〃You frighten me；〃 she murmured。 〃Youhurt me。〃
He released her。 〃What do you want？〃 he cried。 〃Don't you care at all？〃
〃Oh； yes。 I like youvery much。 I have from the first time I saw you。 But you seem olderand more serious。〃
〃Never mind about that。 We are going to love each otherand I am going to make you and your father happy。〃
〃If you make father happy I will do anything for you。 I don't want anything myselfbut he is getting old and sometimes his despair is terrible。〃 There were tears in her voicetears and the most touching tenderness。 〃He has some great secret that he wants to discover； and
