the dust-第18章

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ot　brain　of　yours　before　you　commit　yourself。　　Be　reasonable；　old　man。　　Suppose　you　rushed　ahead　and　proposedand　she　acceptedand　then；　after　a　few　days；　you　came　to。　　What　about　her？　You　must　act　on　the　level；　Tetlow。　　Do　the　fair　thing　by　yourself　and　by　her。〃

Norman　had　often　had　occasion　to　feel　proud　of　the　ingenuity　and　resourcefulness　of　his　brain。　　He　had　never　been　quite　so　proud　as　he　was　when　he　finished　that　speech。　　It　pacified　Tetlow；　it　lightened　his　own　sense　of　guilt；　it　gave　him　a　respite。

Tetlow　rewarded　Norman　with　the　look　that　in　New　York　is　the　equivalent　of　the　handclasp　friend　seeks　from　friend　in　times　of　stress。　　〃You're　right；　Fred。　I'm　much　obliged　to　you。　　I　haven't　been　considering　HER　side　of　it　enough。　　A　man　ought　always　to　think　of　that。　　The　womenpoor　thingshave　a　hard　enough　time　to　get　on；　at　best。〃

Norman's　smile　was　characteristically　cynical。　Sentimentality　amused　him。　　〃I　doubt　if　there　are　more　female　wrecks　than　male　wrecks　scattered　about　the　earth；〃　rejoined　he。　　〃And　I　suspect　the　fact　isn't　due　to　the　gentleness　of　man　with　woman；　either。　　Don't　fret　for　the　ladies；　Tetlow。　　They　know　how　to　take　care　of　themselves。　　They　know　how　to　milk　with　a　sure　and　a　steady　hand。　　You　may　find　it　out　by　depressing　experience　some　day。〃

Tetlow　saw　the　aim。　　His　obstinate；　wretched　expression　came　back。　　〃I　don't　care。　　I've　got〃

〃You　went　over　that　ground；〃　interrupted　Norman　impatiently。　　〃You'd　better　be　catching　the　train。〃

As　Tetlow　withdrew；　he　rang　for　an　office　boy　and　sent　him　to　summon　Miss　Hallowell。

Norman　had　been　reasoning　with　himselfwith　the　aid　of　the　self　that　was　both　better　and　more　worldly　wise。　　He　felt　that　his　wrestlings　had　not　been　wholly　futile。　　He　believed　he　had　got　the　strength　to　face　the　girl　with　a　respectful　mind；　with　a　mind　resolute　in　dutyif　not　lovetoward　Josephine　Burroughs。　　〃I　LOVE　Josephine；〃　he　said　to　himself。　　〃My　feeling　for　this　girl　is　some　sort　of　physical　attraction。　　I　certainly　shall　be　able　to　control　it　enough　to　keep　it　within　myself。　　And　soon　it　will　die　out。　　No　doubt　I've　felt　much　the　same　thing　as　strongly　before。　　But　it　didn't　take　hold　because　I　was　never　bound　beforenever　had　the　sense　of　the　necessity　for　restraint。　　That　sense　is　always　highly　dangerous　for　my　sort　of　man。〃

This　sounded　well。　　He　eyed　the　entering　girl　coldly；　said　in　a　voice　that　struck　him　as　excellent　indifference；　〃Bring　your　machine　in　here；　Miss　Hallowell；　and　recopy　these　papers。　　I've　made　some　changes。　　If　you　spoil　any　sheets；　don't　throw　them　away；　but　return　everything　to　me。〃

〃I'm　always　careful　about　the　waste…paper　baskets；〃　said　she；　〃since　they　warned　me　that　there　are　men　who　make　a　living　searching　the　waste　thrown　out　of　offices。〃

He　made　no　reply。　　He　could　not　have　spoken　if　he　had　tried。　　Once　more　the　spell　had　seized　himthe　spell　of　her　weird　fascination　for　him。　　As　she　sat　typewriting；　with　her　back　almost　toward　him；　he　sat　watching　her　and　analyzing　his　own　folly。　　He　knew　that　diagnosing　a　disease　does　not　cure　it；　but　he　found　an　acute　pleasure　in　lingering　upon　all　the　details　of　the　effect　she　had　upon　his　nerves。　　He　did　not　dare　move　from　his　desk；　from　the　position　that　put　a　huge　table　and　a　revolving　case　of　reference　books　between　them。　He　believed　that　if　he　went　nearer　he　would　be　unable　to　resist　seizing　her　in　his　arms　and　pouring　out　the　passion　that　was　playing　along　his　nerves　as　the　delicate；　intense　flame　flits　back　and　forth　along　the　surface　of　burning　alcohol。

A　knock　at　the　door。　　He　plunged　into　his　papers。　〃Come！〃　he　called。

Tetlow　thrust　in　his　head。　　Miss　Hallowell　did　not　look　up。　　〃I'm　off；〃　the　head　clerk　said。　　His　gaze　was　upon　the　unconscious　girla　gaze　that　filled　Norman　with　longing　to　strangle　him。

〃Telegraph　me　from　Albany　as　soon　as　you　get　there；〃　said　Norman。　　〃Telegraph　me　at　my　club。〃

Tetlow　was　gone。　　The　machine　tapped　monotonously　on。　　The　barette　which　held　the　girl's　hair　at　the　back　was　so　high　that　the　full　beauty　of　the　nape　of　her　neck　was　revealed。　　That　wonderful　white　skin　with　the　golden　tint！　　How　softyet　how　firmher　flesh　looked！　　How　slender　yet　how　strong　was　her　build

〃How　do　you　like　Tetlow？〃　he　asked；　because　speak　to　her　he　must。

She　glanced　up；　turned　in　her　chair。　　He　quivered　before　the　gaze　from　those　enchanting　eyes　of　hers。　　〃I　beg　pardon；〃　she　said。　　〃I　didn't　hear。〃

〃Tetlowhow　do　you　like　him？〃

〃He　is　very　kind　to　meto　everyone。〃

〃How　did　your　father　like　him？〃

He　confidently　expected　some　sign　of　confusion；　but　there　was　no　sign。　　〃Father　was　delighted　with　him；〃　she　said　merrily。　　〃He　took　an　interest　in　the　work　father's　doingand　that　was　enough。〃

She　was　about　to　turn　back　to　her　task。　　He　hastened　to　ask　another　question。　　〃Couldn't　I　meet　your　father　some　time？　　What　Tetlow　told　me　interested　me　greatly。〃

〃Father　would　be　awfully　pleased；〃　replied　she。　〃Butunless　you　really　care　aboutbiology；　I　don't　think　you'd　like　coming。〃

〃I'm　interested　in　everything　interesting；〃　replied　Norman　dizzily。　　What　was　he　saying？　　What　was　he　doing？　　What　folly　was　his　madness　plunging　him　into？

〃You　can　come　with　Mr。　Tetlow　when　he　gets　back。〃

〃I'd　prefer　to　talk　with　him　alone；〃　said　Norman。　〃Perhaps　I　might　see　some　way　to　be　of　service　to　him。〃

Her　expression　was　vividly　different　from　what　it　had　been　when　he　offered　to　help　HER。　　She　became　radiant　with　happiness。　　〃I　do　hope　you'll　come；〃　she　said　her　voice　very　low　and　sweet；　in　the　effort　she　was　making　to　restrain　yet　express　her　feelings。

〃When？　　This　evening？〃

〃He's　always　at　home。〃

〃You'll　be　there？〃

〃I'm　always　there；　too。　　We　have　no　friends。　　It's　not　easy　to　make　acquaintances　in　the　Eastcongenial　acquaintances。〃

〃I'd　want　you　to　be　there；〃　he　explained　with　great　care；　〃because　you　could　help　him　and　me　in　getting　acquainted。〃

〃Oh；　he'll　talk　freelyto　anyone。　　He　talks　only　the　one　subject。　　He　never　thinks　of　anything　else。〃

She　was　resting　her　crossed　arms　on　the　back　of　her　chair　and；　with　her　chin　upon　them；　was　looking　at　him　a　childlike　pose　and　a　childlike　expression。　　He　said：　〃You　are　SURE　you　are　twenty？〃

She　smiled　gayly。　　〃Nearly　twenty…one。〃

〃Old　enough　to　be　in　love。〃

She　lifted　her　head　and　laughed。　　She　had　charming　white　teethsmall　and　sharp　and　with　enough　irregularity　to　carry　out　her　general　suggestion　of　variability。　〃Yes；　I　shall　like　that；　when　it　comes；〃　she　said；　〃But　the　chances　are　against　it　just　now。〃

〃There's　Tetlow。〃

She　was　much　amused。　　〃Oh；　he's　far　too　old　and　serious。〃

Norman　felt　depressed。　　〃Why；　he's　only　thirty…five。〃

〃But　I'm　not　twenty…one；〃　she　reminded　him。　　〃I'd　want　some　one　of　my　own　age。　　I'm　tired　of　being　so　solemn。　　If　I　had　love；　I'd　expect　it　to　change　all　that。〃

Evidently　a　forlorn　and　foolish　personand　doubtless　thinking　of　him；　two　years　the　senior　of　Tetlow　and　far　more　serious；　as　an　elderly　person；　in　the　same　class　with　her　father。　　〃But　you　like　biology？〃　he　said。　The　way　to　a　cure　was　to　make　her　talk　on。

〃I　don't　know　anything　about　it；〃　said　she；　looking　as　frivolous　as　a　butterfly　or　a　breeze…bobbed　blossom。　〃I　listen　to　father；　but　it's　all　beyond　me。〃

Yesa　light…weight。　　They　could　have　nothing　in　common。　　She　was　a　mere　surfacea　thrillingly　beautiful　surface；　but　not　a　full…fledged　woman。　　So　little　did　conversation　with　him　interest　her；　she　had　taken　advantage　of　the　short　pause　to　resume　her　work。　　No；　she　had　not　the　faintest　interest　in　him。　　It　wasn't　a　trick　of　coquetry；　it　was　genuine。　　He　whom　women　had　always　bowed　before　was　unable　to　arouse　in　her　a　spark　of　interest。　　She　cared　neither　for　what　he　had　nor　for　what　he　was；　in　himself。　　This　offended　and　wounded　him。　　He　struggled　sulkily　with　his　papers　for　half　an　hour。　　Then　he　fell　to　watching　her　again　and

〃You　must　not　neglect　to　give　me　your　address；〃　he　said。　　〃Write　it　on　a　slip　of　paper　after　you　finish。　I　might　forget　it。〃

〃Very　well；〃　she　replied；　but　did　not　turn　round。

〃Why；　do　you　think；　did　Tetlow　come　to　see　you？〃　he　asked。　　He　felt　cheapened　in　his　own　eyeshe；　the　great　man；　the　arrived　man；　the　fiance　of　Josephine　Burroughs；　engage