the dust-第15章

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t　let　myself　degrade　myself。〃

〃Fredthat　toneand　don'tplease　don't　look　at　me　like　that！〃　she　begged。

But　his　powerful　glance　searched　on。　　He　said；　〃Is　it　possible　that　you　and　I　are　deceiving　ourselvesand　that　we'll　marry　and　wake　upand　be　bored　and　dissatisfiedlike　so　many　of　our　friends？〃

〃Nono；〃　she　cried；　wildly　agitated。　　〃Fred；　dear　we　love　each　other。　　You　know　we　do。　　I　don't　use　words　as　well　as　you　doand　my　mind　works　in　a　queer　way　　Perhaps　I　didn't　mean　what　I　said。　　No　matter。　If　my　love　were　put　to　the　testFred；　I　don't　ask　anything　more　than　that　your　love　for　me　would　stand　the　tests　my　love　for　you　would　stand。〃

He　caught　her　in　his　arms　and　kissed　her　with　more　passion　than　he　had　ever　felt　for　her　before。　　〃I　believe　you；　Jo；〃　he　said。　　〃I　believe　you。〃

〃I　love　you　sothat　I　could　be　jealous　even　of　herof　that　little　girl　in　your　office。　　Fred；　I　didn't　confess　all　the　truth。　　It　isn't　true　that　I　thought　her　a　nobody。　　When　she　first　came　in　hereit　was　in　this　very　roomI　thought　she　was　as　near　nothing　as　any　girl　I'd　ever　seen。　　Then　she　began　to　change　as　you　said。　　Andoh；　dearest；　I　can't　help　hating　her！　And　when　I　tried　to　get　her　away　from　you；　and　she　wouldn't　come〃

〃Away　from　me！〃　he　cried；　laughing。

〃I　felt　as　if　it　were　like　that；〃　she　pleaded。　　〃And　she　wouldn't　comeand　treated　me　as　if　she　were　queen　and　I　servantonly　politely；　I　must　say；　for　Heaven　knows　I　don't　want　to　injure　her〃

〃Shall　I　have　her　discharged？〃

〃Fred！〃　exclaimed　she　indignantly。　　〃Do　you　think　I　could　do　such　a　thing？〃

〃She'd　easily　get　another　job　as　good。　　Tetlow　can　find　her　one。　　Does　that　satisfy　you？〃

〃No；〃　she　confessed。　　〃It　makes　me　feel　meaner　than　ever。〃

〃Now；　Jo；　let's　drop　this　foolish　seriousness　about　nothing　at　all。　　Let's　drop　it　for　good。〃

〃Nothing　at　allthat's　exactly　it。　　I　can't　understand；　Fred。　　What　is　there　about　her　that　makes　her　haunt　me？　　That　makes　me　afraid　she'll　haunt　you？〃

Norman　felt　a　sudden　thrill。　　He　tightened　his　hold　upon　her　hands　because　his　impulse　had　been　to　release　them。　　〃How　absurd！〃　he　said；　rather　noisily。

〃Isn't　it；　though？〃　echoed　she。　　〃Think　of　you　and　me　almost　quarreling　about　such　a　trivial　person。〃　Her　laugh　died　away。　　She　shivered；　cried；　〃Fred；　I'm　superstitious　about　her。　　I'mI'mAFRAID！〃　　And　she　flung　herself　wildly　into　his　arms。

〃She　IS　somewhat　uncanny；〃　said　he；　with　a　lightness　he　was　far　from　feeling。　　〃But；　dearit　isn't　complimentary　to　me；　is　it？〃

〃Forgive　me；　dearestI　don't　mean　that。　　I　couldn't　mean　that。　　ButI　LOVE　you　so。　　Ever　since　I　began　to　love　you　I've　been　looking　round　for　something　to　be　afraid　of。　　And　this　is　the　first　chance　you've　given　me。〃

〃I'VE　given　you！〃　mocked　he。

She　laughed　hysterically。　　〃I　mean　the　first　chance　I've　had。　　And　I'm　doing　the　best　I　can　with　it。〃

They　were　in　good　spirits　now；　and　for　the　rest　of　the　evening　were　as　loverlike　as　always；　the　nearer　together　for　the　bit　of　rough　sea　they　had　weathered　so　nicely。　　Neither　spoke　of　Miss　Hallowell。　　Each　had　privately　resolved　never　to　speak　of　her　to　the　other　again。　　Josephine　was　already　regretting　the　frankness　that　had　led　her　to　expose　a　not　too　attractive　part　of　herselfand　to　exaggerate　in　his　eyes　the　importance　of　a　really　insignificant　chit　of　a　typewriter。　　When　he　went　to　bed　that　night　he　was　resolved　to　have　Tetlow　find　Miss　Hallowell　a　job　in　another　office。

〃She　certainly　IS　uncanny；〃　he　said　to　himself。　　〃I　wonder　whyI　wonder　what　the　secret　of　her　is。　　She's　the　first　woman　I　ever　ran　across　who　had　a　real　secret。　IS　it　real？　　I　wonder。〃



V


TOWARD　noon　the　following　day　Norman；　suddenly　in　need　of　a　stenographer；　sent　out　for　Miss　Purdy；　one　of　the　three　experts　at　eighteen　dollars　a　week　who　did　most　of　the　important　and　very　confidential　work　for　the　heads　of　the　firm。　　When　his　door　opened　again　he　saw　not　Miss　Purdy　but　Miss　Hallowell。

〃Miss　Purdy　is　sick　to…day；〃　said　she。　　〃Mr。　Tetlow　wishes　to　know　if　I　would　do。〃

Norman　shifted　uneasily　in　his　chair。　　〃Just　as　wellperfectlycertainly；〃　he　stammered。　　He　was　not　looking　at　herseemed　wholly　occupied　with　the　business　he　was　preparing　to　dispatch。

She　seated　herself　in　the　usual　place；　at　the　opposite　side　of　the　broad　table。　　With　pencil　poised　she　fixed　her　gaze　upon　the　unmarred　page　of　her　open　notebook。　Instead　of　abating；　his　confusion　increased。　　He　could　not　think　of　the　subject　about　which　he　wished　to　dictate。　　First；　he　noted　how　long　her　lashes　wereand　darker　than　her　hair；　as　were　her　well…drawn　eyebrows　also。　　Never　had　he　seen　so　white　a　skin　or　one　so　smooth。　　She　happened　to　be　wearing　a　blouse　with　a　Dutch　neck　that　day。　　What　a　superb　throat！　　What　a　line　of　beauty　its　gently　swelling　curve　made。　　Then　his　glance　fell　upon　her　lips；　rosy…red；　slightly　pouted。　And　what　masses　of　dead　gold　hairno；　not　gold；　but　of　the　white…gray　of　wood　ashes；　and　tinted　with　gold！　No　wonder　it　was　difficult　to　tell　just　what　color　her　hair　was。　　Hair　like　that　was　ready　to　be　of　any　color。　And　there　were　her　arms；　so　symmetrical　in　her　rather　tight　sleeves；　and　emerging　into　view　in　the　most　delicate　wrists。　　What　a　marvelous　skin！

〃Have　you　ever　posed？〃

She　startled　and　the　color　flamed　in　her　cheeks。　　Her　eyes　shot　a　glance　of　terror　at　him。　　〃II；〃　she　stammered。　　Then　almost　defiantly；　〃Yes；　I　didfor　a　while。　But　I　didn't　suppose　anyone　knew。　　At　the　time　we　needed　the　money　badly。〃

Norman　felt　deep　disgust　with　himself　for　bursting　out　with　such　a　question；　and　for　having　surprised　her　secret。　　〃There's　nothing　to　be　ashamed　of；〃　he　said　gently。

〃Oh；　I'm　not　ashamed；〃　she　returned。　　Her　agitation　had　subsided。　　〃The　only　reason　I　quit　was　because　the　work　was　terribly　hard　and　the　pay　small　and　uncertain。　　I　was　confused　because　they　discharged　me　at　the　last　place　I　had；　when　they　found　out　I　had　been　a　model。　　It　was　a　church　paper　office。〃

Again　she　poised　her　pencil　and　lowered　her　eyes。　But　he　did　not　take　the　hint。　　〃Is　there　anything　you　would　rather　do　than　this　sort　of　work？〃　he　asked。

〃Nothing　I　could　afford；〃　replied　she。

〃If　you　had　been　kind　to　Miss　Burroughs　yesterday　she　would　have　helped　you。〃

〃I　couldn't　afford　to　do　that；〃　said　the　girl　in　her　quiet；　reticent　way。

〃To　do　what？〃

〃To　be　nice　to　anyone　for　what　I　could　get　out　of　it。〃

Norman　smiled　somewhat　cynically。　　Probably　the　girl　fancied　she　was　truthful；　but　human　beings　rarely　knew　anything　about　their　real　selves。　　〃What　would　you　like　to　do？〃

She　did　not　answer　his　question　until　she　had　shrunk　completely　within　herself　and　was　again　thickly　veiled　with　the　expression　which　made　everyone　think　her　insignificant。　　〃Nothing　I　could　afford　to　do；〃　said　she。　It　was　plain　that　she　did　not　wish　to　be　questioned　further　along　that　line。

〃The　stage？〃　he　persisted。

〃I　hadn't　thought　of　it；〃　was　her　answer。

〃What　then？〃

〃I　don't　think　about　things　I　can't　have。　　I　never　made　any　definite　plans。〃

〃But　isn't　it　a　good　idea　always　to　look　ahead？　　As　long　as　one　has　to　be　moving；　one　might　as　well　move　in　a　definite　direction。〃

She　was　waiting　with　pencil　poised。

〃There　isn't　much　of　a　future　at　this　business。〃

She　shrank　slightly。　　He　felt　that　she　regarded　his　remark　as　preparation　for　a　kindly　hint　that　she　was　not　giving　satisfaction。　。　。　。　　Well；　why　not　leave　it　that　way？　　Perhaps　she　would　quit　of　her　own　accord　would　spare　him　the　troubleand　embarrassmentof　arranging　with　Tetlow　for　another　place　for　her。　　He　began　to　dictategave　her　a　few　sentences　mockingly　different　from　his　usual　terse　and　clear　statements　interrupted　himself　with：

〃You　misunderstood　me　a　while　ago。　　I　didn't　mean　you　weren't　doing　your　work　well。　　On　the　contrary；　I　think　you'll　soon　be　expert。　　But　I　thought　perhaps　I　might　be　able　to　help　you　to　something　you'd　like　better。〃

He　listened　to　his　own　words　in　astonishment。　　What　new　freak　of　madness　was　this？　　Instead　of　clearing　himself　of　this　uncanny　girl；　he　was　proposing　things　to　her　that　would　mean　closer　relations。　　And　what　reason　had　he　to　think　she　was　fitted　for　anything　but　just　what　she　was　now　doingdoing　indifferently　well？

〃Thank　you；〃　she　said