three men on the bummel-第5章

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you　desire　a　holiday　from　my　presence；　you　shall　enjoy　it；　but　if
it　be　not　impertinent　curiosity　on　the　part　of　a　husband；　I　should
like　to　know　what　you　propose　doing　in　my　absence？〃

〃We　will　take　that　house　at　Folkestone；〃　answered　Ethelbertha；　〃and
I'll　go　down　there　with　Kate。　　And　if　you　want　to　do　Clara　Harris　a
good　turn；〃　added　Ethelbertha；　〃you'll　persuade　Harris　to　go　with
you；　and　then　Clara　can　join　us。　　We　three　used　to　have　some　very
jolly　times　together　before　you　men　ever　came　along；　and　it　would
be　just　delightful　to　renew　them。　　Do　you　think；〃　continued
Ethelbertha；　〃that　you　could　persuade　Mr。　Harris　to　go　with　you？〃

I　said　I　would　try。

〃There's　a　dear　boy；〃　said　Ethelbertha；　〃try　hard。　　You　might　get
George　to　join　you。〃

I　replied　there　was　not　much　advantage　in　George's　coming；　seeing
he　was　a　bachelor；　and　that　therefore　nobody　would　be　much
benefited　by　his　absence。　　But　a　woman　never　understands　satire。
Ethelbertha　merely　remarked　it　would　look　unkind　leaving　him
behind。　　I　promised　to　put　it　to　him。

I　met　Harris　at　the　Club　in　the　afternoon；　and　asked　him　how　he　had
got　on。

He　said；　〃Oh；　that's　all　right；　there's　no　difficulty　about　getting
away。〃

But　there　was　that　about　his　tone　that　suggested　incomplete
satisfaction；　so　I　pressed　him　for　further　details。

〃She　was　as　sweet　as　milk　about　it；〃　he　continued；　〃said　it　was　an
excellent　idea　of　George's；　and　that　she　thought　it　would　do　me
good。〃

〃That　seems　all　right；〃　I　said；　〃what's　wrong　about　that？〃

〃There's　nothing　wrong　about　that；〃　he　answered；　〃but　that　wasn't
all。　　She　went　on　to　talk　of　other　things。〃

〃I　understand；〃　I　said。

〃There's　that　bathroom　fad　of　hers；〃　he　continued。

〃I've　heard　of　it；〃　I　said；　〃she　has　started　Ethelbertha　on　the
same　idea。〃

〃Well；　I've　had　to　agree　to　that　being　put　in　hand　at　once；　I
couldn't　argue　any　more　when　she　was　so　nice　about　the　other　thing。
That　will　cost　me　a　hundred　pounds；　at　the　very　least。〃

〃As　much　as　that？〃　I　asked。

〃Every　penny　of　it；〃　said　Harris；　〃the　estimate　alone　is　sixty。〃

I　was　sorry　to　hear　him　say　this。

〃Then　there's　the　kitchen　stove；〃　continued　Harris；　〃everything
that　has　gone　wrong　in　the　house　for　the　last　two　years　has　been
the　fault　of　that　kitchen　stove。〃

〃I　know；〃　I　said。　　〃We　have　been　in　seven　houses　since　we　were
married；　and　every　kitchen　stove　has　been　worse　than　the　last。　　Our
present　one　is　not　only　incompetent；　it　is　spiteful。　　It　knows　when
we　are　giving　a　party；　and　goes　out　of　its　way　to　do　its　worst。〃

〃WE　are　going　to　have　a　new　one；〃　said　Harris；　but　he　did　not　say
it　proudly。　　〃Clara　thought　it　would　be　such　a　saving　of　expense；
having　the　two　things　done　at　the　same　time。　　I　believe；〃　said
Harris；　〃if　a　woman　wanted　a　diamond　tiara；　she　would　explain　that
it　was　to　save　the　expense　of　a　bonnet。〃

〃How　much　do　you　reckon　the　stove　is　going　to　cost　you？〃　I　asked。
I　felt　interested　in　the　subject。

〃I　don't　know；〃　answered　Harris；　〃another　twenty；　I　suppose。　　Then
we　talked　about　the　piano。　　Could　you　ever　notice；〃　said　Harris；
〃any　difference　between　one　piano　and　another？〃

〃Some　of　them　seem　to　be　a　bit　louder　than　others；〃　I　answered；
〃but　one　gets　used　to　that。〃

〃Ours　is　all　wrong　about　the　treble；〃　said　Harris。　　〃By　the　way；
what　IS　the　treble？〃

〃It's　the　shrill　end　of　the　thing；〃　I　explained；　〃the　part　that
sounds　as　if　you'd　trod　on　its　tail。　　The　brilliant　selections
always　end　up　with　a　flourish　on　it。〃

〃They　want　more　of　it；〃　said　Harris；　〃our　old　one　hasn't　got　enough
of　it。　　I'll　have　to　put　it　in　the　nursery；　and　get　a　new　one　for
the　drawing…room。〃

〃Anything　else？〃　I　asked。

〃No；〃　said　Harris；　〃she　didn't　seem　able　to　think　of　anything
else。〃

〃You'll　find　when　you　get　home；〃　I　said；　〃she　has　thought　of　one
other　thing。〃

〃What's　that？〃　said　Harris。

〃A　house　at　Folkestone　for　the　season。〃

〃What　should　she　want　a　house　at　Folkestone　for？〃　said　Harris。

〃To　live　in；〃　I　suggested；　〃during　the　summer　months。〃

〃She's　going　to　her　people　in　Wales；〃　said　Harris；　〃for　the
holidays；　with　the　children；　we've　had　an　invitation。〃

〃Possibly；〃　I　said；　〃she'll　go　to　Wales　before　she　goes　to
Folkestone；　or　maybe　she'll　take　Wales　on　her　way　home；　but　she'll
want　a　house　at　Folkestone　for　the　season；　notwithstanding。　　I　may
be　mistakenI　hope　for　your　sake　that　I　ambut　I　feel　a
presentiment　that　I'm　not。〃

〃This　trip；〃　said　Harris；　〃is　going　to　be　expensive。〃

〃It　was　an　idiotic　suggestion；〃　I　said；　〃from　the　beginning。〃

〃It　was　foolish　of　us　to　listen　to　him；〃　said　Harris；　〃he'll　get　us
into　real　trouble　one　of　these　days。〃

〃He　always　was　a　muddler；〃　I　agreed。

〃So　headstrong；〃　added　Harris。

We　heard　his　voice　at　that　moment　in　the　hall；　asking　for　letters。

〃Better　not　say　anything　to　him；〃　I　suggested；　〃it's　too　late　to　go
back　now。〃

〃There　would　be　no　advantage　in　doing　so；〃　replied　Harris。　　〃I
should　have　to　get　that　bathroom　and　piano　in　any　case　now。〃

He　came　in　looking　very　cheerful。

〃Well；〃　he　said；　〃is　it　all　right？　　Have　you　managed　it？〃

There　was　that　about　his　tone　I　did　not　altogether　like；　I　noticed
Harris　resented　it　also。

〃Managed　what？〃　I　said。

〃Why；　to　get　off；〃　said　George。

I　felt　the　time　was　come　to　explain　things　to　George。

〃In　married　life；〃　I　said；　〃the　man　proposes；　the　woman　submits。
It　is　her　duty；　all　religion　teaches　it。〃

George　folded　his　hands　and　fixed　his　eyes　on　the　ceiling。

〃We　may　chaff　and　joke　a　little　about　these　things；〃　I　continued；
〃but　when　it　comes　to　practice；　that　is　what　always　happens。　　We
have　mentioned　to　our　wives　that　we　are　going。　　Naturally；　they　are
grieved；　they　would　prefer　to　come　with　us；　failing　that；　they
would　have　us　remain　with　them。　　But　we　have　explained　to　them　our
wishes　on　the　subject；　andthere's　an　end　of　the　matter。〃

George　said；　〃Forgive　me；　I　did　not　understand。　　I　am　only　a
bachelor。　　People　tell　me　this；　that；　and　the　other；　and　I　listen。〃

I　said；　〃That　is　where　you　do　wrong。　　When　you　want　information
come　to　Harris　or　myself；　we　will　tell　you　the　truth　about　these
questions。〃

George　thanked　us；　and　we　proceeded　with　the　business　in　hand。

〃When　shall　we　start？〃　said　George。

〃So　far　as　I　am　concerned；〃　replied　Harris；　〃the　sooner　the
better。〃

His　idea；　I　fancy；　was　to　get　away　before　Mrs。　H。　thought　of　other
things。　　We　fixed　the　following　Wednesday。

〃What　about　route？〃　said　Harris。

〃I　have　an　idea；〃　said　George。　　〃I　take　it　you　fellows　are
naturally　anxious　to　improve　your　minds？〃

I　said；　〃We　don't　want　to　become　monstrosities。　　To　a　reasonable
degree；　yes；　if　it　can　be　done　without　much　expense　and　with　little
personal　trouble。〃

〃It　can；〃　said　George。　　〃We　know　Holland　and　the　Rhine。　　Very　well；
my　suggestion　is　that　we　take　the　boat　to　Hamburg；　see　Berlin　and
Dresden；　and　work　our　way　to　the　Schwarzwald；　through　Nuremberg　and
Stuttgart。〃

〃There　are　some　pretty　bits　in　Mesopotamia；　so　I've　been　told；〃
murmured　Harris。

George　said　Mesopotamia　was　too　much　out　of　our　way；　but　that　the
Berlin…Dresden　route　was　quite　practicable。　　For　good　or　evil；　he
persuaded　us　into　it。

〃The　machines；　I　suppose；〃　said　George；　〃as　before。　　Harris　and　I
on　the　tandem；　J。〃

〃I　think　not；〃　interrupted　Harris；　firmly。　　〃You　and　J。　on　the
tandem；　I　on　the　single。〃

〃All　the　same　to　me；〃　agreed　George。　　〃J。　and　I　on　the　tandem；
Harris〃

〃I　do　not　mind　taking　my　turn；〃　I　interrupted；　〃but　I　am　not　going
to　carry　George　ALL　the　way；　the　burden　should　be　divided。〃

〃Very　well；〃　agreed　Harris；　〃we'll　divide　it。　　But　it　must　be　on
the　distinct　understanding　that　he　works。〃

〃That　he　what？〃　said　George。

〃That　he　works；〃　repeated　Harris；　firmly；　〃at　all　events；　uphill。〃

〃Great　Scott！〃　said　George；　〃don't　you　want　ANY　exercise？〃

There　is　always　unpleasantness　about　this　tandem。　　It　is　the　theory
of　the　man　in　front　that　the　man　behind　does　nothing；　it　is　equally
the　theory　of　the　man　behind　that　he　alone　is　the　motive　power；　the
man　in　front　merely　doing　the　puffing。　　The　mystery　will　never　be
solved。　　It　is　annoying　when　Prudence　is　whispering　to　you　on　the