three men on the bummel-第28章
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sight of me and came up。 He said：
〃What are you doing with that bicycle？〃
I said： 〃I am going to put it in this wood shed out of the way。〃
I tried to convey by my tone that I was performing a kind and
thoughtful action； for which the railway officials ought to thank
me； but he was unresponsive。
〃Is it your bicycle？〃 he said。
〃Well； not exactly；〃 I replied。
〃Whose is it？〃 he asked； quite sharply。
〃I can't tell you；〃 I answered。 〃I don't know whose bicycle it
is。〃
〃Where did you get it from？〃 was his next question。 There was a
suspiciousness about his tone that was almost insulting。
〃I got it；〃 I answered； with as much calm dignity as at the moment
I could assume； 〃out of the train。〃
〃The fact is；〃 I continued； frankly； 〃I have made a mistake。〃
He did not allow me time to finish。 He merely said he thought so
too； and blew a whistle。
Recollection of the subsequent proceedings is not； so far as I am
concerned； amusing。 By a miracle of good luckthey say Providence
watches over certain of usthe incident happened in Carlsruhe；
where I possess a German friend； an official of some importance。
Upon what would have been my fate had the station not been at
Carlsruhe； or had my friend been from home； I do not care to dwell；
as it was I got off； as the saying is； by the skin of my teeth。 I
should like to add that I left Carlsruhe without a stain upon my
character； but that would not be the truth。 My going scot free is
regarded in police circles there to this day as a grave miscarriage
of justice。
But all lesser sin sinks into insignificance beside the lawlessness
of George。 The bicycle incident had thrown us all into confusion；
with the result that we lost George altogether。 It transpired
subsequently that he was waiting for us outside the police court；
but this at the time we did not know。 We thought； maybe； he had
gone on to Baden by himself； and anxious to get away from
Carlsruhe； and not； perhaps； thinking out things too clearly； we
jumped into the next train that came up and proceeded thither。
When George； tired of waiting； returned to the station； he found us
gone and he found his luggage gone。 Harris had his ticket； I was
acting as banker to the party； so that he had in his pocket only
some small change。 Excusing himself upon these grounds； he
thereupon commenced deliberately a career of crime that； reading it
later； as set forth baldly in the official summons； made the hair
of Harris and myself almost to stand on end。
German travelling； it may be explained； is somewhat complicated。
You buy a ticket at the station you start from for the place you
want to go to。 You might think this would enable you to get there；
but it does not。 When your train comes up； you attempt to swarm
into it； but the guard magnificently waves you away。 Where are
your credentials？ You show him your ticket。 He explains to you
that by itself that is of no service whatever； you have only taken
the first step towards travelling； you must go back to the booking…
office and get in addition what is called a 〃schnellzug ticket。〃
With this you return； thinking your troubles over。 You are allowed
to get in； so far so good。 But you must not sit down anywhere； and
you must not stand still； and you must not wander about。 You must
take another ticket； this time what is called a 〃platz ticket；〃
which entitles you to a place for a certain distance。
What a man could do who persisted in taking nothing but the one
ticket； I have often wondered。 Would he be entitled to run behind
the train on the six…foot way？ Or could he stick a label on
himself and get into the goods van？ Again； what could be done with
the man who； having taken his schnellzug ticket； obstinately
refused； or had not the money to take a platz ticket： would they
let him lie in the umbrella rack； or allow him to hang himself out
of the window？
To return to George； he had just sufficient money to take a third…
class slow train ticket to Baden； and that was all。 To avoid the
inquisitiveness of the guard； he waited till the train was moving；
and then jumped in。
That was his first sin：
（a） Entering a train in motion；
（b） After being warned not to do so by an official。
Second sin：
（a） Travelling in train of superior class to that for which ticket
was held。
（b） Refusing to pay difference when demanded by an official。
（George says he did not 〃refuse〃； he simply told the man he had not
got it。）
Third sin：
（a） Travelling in carriage of superior class to that for which
ticket was held。
（b） Refusing to pay difference when demanded by an official。
（Again George disputes the accuracy of the report。 He turned his
pockets out； and offered the man all he had； which was about
eightpence in German money。 He offered to go into a third class；
but there was no third class。 He offered to go into the goods van；
but they would not hear of it。）
Fourth sin：
（a） Occupying seat； and not paying for same。
（b） Loitering about corridor。 （As they would not let him sit down
without paying； and as he could not pay； it was difficult to see
what else he could do。）
But explanations are held as no excuse in Germany； and his journey
from Carlsruhe to Baden was one of the most expensive perhaps on
record。
Reflecting upon the case and frequency with which one gets into
trouble here in Germany； one is led to the conclusion that this
country would come as a boon and a blessing to the average young
Englishman。 To the medical student； to the eater of dinners at the
Temple； to the subaltern on leave； life in London is a wearisome
proceeding。 The healthy Briton takes his pleasure lawlessly； or it
is no pleasure to him。 Nothing that he may do affords to him any
genuine satisfaction。 To be in trouble of some sort is his only
idea of bliss。 Now； England affords him small opportunity in this
respect； to get himself into a scrape requires a good deal of
persistence on the part of the young Englishman。
I spoke on this subject one day with our senior churchwarden。 It
was the morning of the 10th of November； and we were both of us
glancing； somewhat anxiously； through the police reports。 The
usual batch of young men had been summoned for creating the usual
disturbance the night before at the Criterion。 My friend the
churchwarden has boys of his own； and a nephew of mine； upon whom I
am keeping a fatherly eye； is by a fond mother supposed to be in
London for the sole purpose of studying engineering。 No names we
knew happened； by fortunate chance； to be in the list of those
detained in custody； and； relieved； we fell to moralising upon the
folly and depravity of youth。
〃It is very remarkable；〃 said my friend the churchwarden； 〃how the
Criterion retains its position in this respect。 It was just so
when I was young； the evening always wound up with a row at the
Criterion。〃
〃So meaningless；〃 I remarked。
〃So monotonous；〃 he replied。 〃You have no idea；〃 he continued； a
dreamy expression stealing over his furrowed face； 〃how unutterably
tired one can become of the walk from Piccadilly Circus to the Vine
Street Police Court。 Yet； what else was there for us to do？
Simply nothing。 Sometimes we would put out a street lamp； and a
man would come round and light it again。 If one insulted a
policeman； he simply took no notice。 He did not even know he was
being insulted； or； if he did； he seemed not to care。 You could
fight a Covent Garden porter； if you fancied yourself at that sort
of thing。 Generally speaking； the porter got the best of it； and
when he did it cost you five shillings； and when he did not the
price was half a sovereign。 I could never see much excitement in
that particular sport。 I tried driving a hansom cab once。 That
has always been regarded as the acme of modern Tom and Jerryism。 I
stole it late one night from outside a public…house in Dean Street；
and the first thing that happened to me was that I was hailed in
Golden Square by an old lady surrounded by three children； two of
them crying and the third one half asleep。 Before I could get away
she had shot the brats into the cab； taken my number； paid me； so
she
