three men on the bummel-第23章
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into a white…haired old chap； who looked to me like a professor。
Well； HE never smiled； never moved a muscle。〃
〃Maybe； he was thinking of something else；〃 I suggested。
〃That could not have been the case with them all；〃 replied Harris；
〃and in the course of that journey； I must have fallen against
every one of them at least three times。 You see；〃 explained
Harris； 〃they knew when the corners were coming； and in which
direction to brace themselves。 I； as a stranger； was naturally at
a disadvantage。 The way I rolled and staggered about that
platform； clutching wildly now at this man and now at that； must
have been really comic。 I don't say it was high…class humour； but
it would have amused most people。 Those Germans seemed to see no
fun in it whateverjust seemed anxious； that was all。 There was
one man； a little man； who stood with his back against the brake； I
fell against him five times； I counted them。 You would have
expected the fifth time would have dragged a laugh out of him； but
it didn't； he merely looked tired。 They are a dull lot。〃
George also had an adventure at Dresden。 There was a shop near the
Altmarkt； in the window of which were exhibited some cushions for
sale。 The proper business of the shop was handling of glass and
china； the cushions appeared to be in the nature of an experiment。
They were very beautiful cushions； hand…embroidered on satin。 We
often passed the shop； and every time George paused and examined
those cushions。 He said he thought his aunt would like one。
George has been very attentive to this aunt of his during the
journey。 He has written her quite a long letter every day； and
from every town we stop at he sends her off a present。 To my mind；
he is overdoing the business； and more than once I have
expostulated with him。 His aunt will be meeting other aunts； and
talking to them； the whole class will become disorganised and
unruly。 As a nephew； I object to the impossible standard that
George is setting up。 But he will not listen。
Therefore it was that on the Saturday he left us after lunch；
saying he would go round to that shop and get one of those cushions
for his aunt。 He said he would not be long； and suggested our
waiting for him。
We waited for what seemed to me rather a long time。 When he
rejoined us he was empty handed； and looked worried。 We asked him
where his cushion was。 He said he hadn't got a cushion； said he
had changed his mind； said he didn't think his aunt would care for
a cushion。 Evidently something was amiss。 We tried to get at the
bottom of it； but he was not communicative。 Indeed； his answers
after our twentieth question or thereabouts became quite short。
In the evening； however； when he and I happened to be alone； he
broached the subject himself。 He said：
〃They are somewhat peculiar in some things； these Germans。〃
I said： 〃What has happened？〃
〃Well；〃 he answered； 〃there was that cushion I wanted。〃
〃For your aunt；〃 I remarked。
〃Why not？〃 he returned。 He was huffy in a moment； I never knew a
man so touchy about an aunt。 〃Why shouldn't I send a cushion to my
aunt？〃
〃Don't get excited；〃 I replied。 〃I am not objecting； I respect you
for it。〃
He recovered his temper； and went on：
〃There were four in the window； if you remember； all very much
alike； and each one labelled in plain figures twenty marks。 I
don't pretend to speak German fluently； but I can generally make
myself understood with a little effort； and gather the sense of
what is said to me； provided they don't gabble。 I went into the
shop。 A young girl came up to me； she was a pretty； quiet little
soul； one might almost say； demure； not at all the sort of girl
from whom you would have expected such a thing。 I was never more
surprised in all my life。〃
〃Surprised about what？〃 I said。
George always assumes you know the end of the story while he is
telling you the beginning； it is an annoying method。
〃At what happened；〃 replied George； 〃at what I am telling you。 She
smiled and asked me what I wanted。 I understood that all right；
there could have been no mistake about that。 I put down a twenty
mark piece on the counter and said：
〃Please give me a cushion。〃
〃She stared at me as if I had asked for a feather bed。 I thought；
maybe； she had not heard； so I repeated it louder。 If I had
chucked her under the chin she could not have looked more surprised
or indignant。
〃She said she thought I must be making a mistake。
〃I did not want to begin a long conversation and find myself
stranded。 I said there was no mistake。 I pointed to my twenty
mark piece； and repeated for the third time that I wanted a
cushion； 'a twenty mark cushion。'
〃Another girl came up； an elder girl； and the first girl repeated
to her what I had just said： she seemed quite excited about it。
The second girl did not believe herdid not think I looked the
sort of man who would want a cushion。 To make sure； she put the
question to me herself。
〃'Did you say you wanted a cushion？' she asked。
〃'I have said it three times；' I answered。 'I will say it againI
want a cushion。'
〃She said： 'Then you can't have one。'
〃I was getting angry by this time。 If I hadn't really wanted the
thing I should have walked out of the shop； but there the cushions
were in the window； evidently for sale。 I didn't see WHY I
couldn't have one。
〃I said： 'I will have one！' It is a simple sentence。 I said it
with determination。
〃A third girl came up at this point； the three representing； I
fancy； the whole force of the shop。 She was a bright…eyed； saucy…
looking little wench； this last one。 On any other occasion I might
have been pleased to see her； now； her coming only irritated me。 I
didn't see the need of three girls for this business。
〃The first two girls started explaining the thing to the third
girl； and before they were half…way through the third girl began to
giggleshe was the sort of girl who would giggle at anything。
That done； they fell to chattering like Jenny Wrens； all three
together； and between every half…dozen words they looked across at
me； and the more they looked at me the more the third girl giggled；
and before they had finished they were all three giggling； the
little idiots； you might have thought I was a clown； giving a
private performance。
〃When she was steady enough to move； the third girl came up to me；
she was still giggling。 She said：
〃'If you get it； will you go？'
〃I did not quite understand her at first； and she repeated it。
〃'This cushion。 When you've got it； will you goawayat once？'
〃I was only too anxious to go。 I told her so。 But； I added I was
not going without it。 I had made up my mind to have that cushion
now if I stopped in the shop all night for it。
〃She rejoined the other two girls。 I thought they were going to
get me the cushion and have done with the business。 Instead of
that； the strangest thing possible happened。 The two other girls
got behind the first girl； all three still giggling； Heaven knows
what about； and pushed her towards me。 They pushed her close up to
me； and then； before I knew what was happening； she put her hands
on my shoulders； stood up on tiptoe； and kissed me。 After which；
burying her face in her apron； she ran off； followed by the second
girl。 The third girl opened the door for me； and so evidently
expected me to go； that in my confusion I went； leaving my twenty
marks behind me。 I don't say I minded the kiss； though I did not
particularly want it； while I did want the cushion。 I don't like
to go back to the shop。 I cannot understand the thing at all。〃
I said： 〃What did you ask for？〃
He said： 〃A cushion〃
I said： 〃That is what you wanted； I know。 What I mean is； what
was the actual German word you said。〃
He replied： 〃A kuss。〃
I said： 〃You have nothing to complain of。 It is somewhat
confusing。 A 'kuss' sounds as if it ought to be a cushion； but it
is not； it is a kiss； while a 'kissen' is a cushion。 You muddled
up the two wordspeople have done it before。 I don't know much
about this sort of thing myself； but you asked for a twenty mark
kiss； and from your descrip
