three men on the bummel-第14章

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that？〃

George　fitted　it　on　before　the　glass；　and；　choosing　another　remark
from　the　book；　said：

〃This　hat　fits　me　sufficiently　well；　but；　tell　me；　do　you　consider
that　it　becomes　me？〃

The　man　stepped　back　and　took　a　bird's…eye　view。

〃Candidly；〃　he　replied；　〃I　can't　say　that　it　does。〃

He　turned　from　George；　and　addressed　himself　to　Harris　and　myself。

〃Your　friend's　beauty；〃　said　he；　〃I　should　describe　as　elusive。　　It
is　there；　but　you　can　easily　miss　it。　　Now；　in　that　cap；　to　my
mind；　you　do　miss　it。〃

At　that　point　it　occurred　to　George　that　he　had　had　sufficient　fun
with　this　particular　man。　　He　said：

〃That　is　all　right。　　We　don't　want　to　lose　the　train。　　How　much？〃

Answered　the　man：　　〃The　price　of　that　cap；　sir；　which；　in　my
opinion；　is　twice　as　much　as　it　is　worth；　is　four…and…six。　　Would
you　like　it　wrapped　up　in　brown　paper；　sir；　or　in　white？〃

George　said　he　would　take　it　as　it　was；　paid　the　man　four…and…six
in…silver；　and　went　out。　　Harris　and　I　followed。

At　Fenchurch　Street　we　compromised　with　our　cabman　for　five
shillings。　　He　made　us　another　courtly　bow；　and　begged　us　to
remember　him　to　the　Emperor　of　Austria。

Comparing　views　in　the　train；　we　agreed　that　we　had　lost　the　game
by　two　points　to　one；　and　George；　who　was　evidently　disappointed；
threw　the　book　out　of　window。

We　found　our　luggage　and　the　bicycles　safe　on　the　boat；　and　with
the　tide　at　twelve　dropped　down　the　river。



CHAPTER　V



A　necessary　digressionIntroduced　by　story　containing　moralOne
of　the　charms　of　this　bookThe　Journal　that　did　not　command
successIts　boast：　　〃Instruction　combined　with　Amusement〃
Problem：　　say　what　should　be　considered　instructive　and　what
amusingA　popular　gameExpert　opinion　on　English　lawAnother　of
the　charms　of　this　bookA　hackneyed　tuneYet　a　third　charm　of
this　bookThe　sort　of　wood　it　was　where　the　maiden　lived
Description　of　the　Black　Forest。

A　story　is　told　of　a　Scotchman　who；　loving　a　lassie；　desired　her
for　his　wife。　　But　he　possessed　the　prudence　of　his　race。　　He　had
noticed　in　his　circle　many　an　otherwise　promising　union　result　in
disappointment　and　dismay；　purely　in　consequence　of　the　false
estimate　formed　by　bride　or　bridegroom　concerning　the　imagined
perfectability　of　the　other。　　He　determined　that　in　his　own　case　no
collapsed　ideal　should　be　possible。　　Therefore；　it　was　that　his
proposal　took　the　following　form：

〃I'm　but　a　puir　lad；　Jennie；　I　hae　nae　siller　to　offer　ye；　and　nae
land。〃

〃Ah；　but　ye　hae　yoursel'；　Davie！〃

〃An'　I'm　wishfu'　it　wa'　onything　else；　lassie。　　I'm　nae　but　a　puir
ill…seasoned　loon；　Jennie。〃

〃Na；　na；　there's　mony　a　lad　mair　ill…looking　than　yoursel'；　Davie。〃

〃I　hae　na　seen　him；　lass；　and　I'm　just　a…thinkin'　I　shouldna'　care
to。〃

〃Better　a　plain　man；　Davie；　that　ye　can　depend　a'　than　ane　that
would　be　a　speirin'　at　the　lassies；　a…bringin'　trouble　into　the
hame　wi'　his　flouting　ways。〃

〃Dinna　ye　reckon　on　that；　Jennie；　it's　nae　the　bonniest　Bubbly　Jock
that　mak's　the　most　feathers　to　fly　in　the　kailyard。　　I　was　ever　a
lad　to　run　after　the　petticoats；　as　is　weel　kent；　an'　it's　a　weary
handfu'　I'll　be　to　ye；　I'm　thinkin'。〃

〃Ah；　but　ye　hae　a　kind　heart；　Davie！　an'　ye　love　me　weel。　　I'm　sure
on't。〃

〃I　like　ye　weel　enoo'；　Jennie；　though　I　canna　say　how　long　the
feeling　may　bide　wi'　me；　an'　I'm　kind　enoo'　when　I　hae　my　ain　way；
an'　naethin'　happens　to　put　me　oot。　　But　I　hae　the　deevil's　ain
temper；　as　my　mither　call　tell　ye；　an'　like　my　puir　fayther；　I'm　a…
thinkin'；　I'll　grow　nae　better　as　I　grow　mair　auld。〃

〃Ay；　but　ye're　sair　hard　upon　yersel'；　Davie。　　Ye're　an　honest　lad。
I　ken　ye　better　than　ye　ken　yersel'；　an'　ye'll　mak　a　guid　hame　for
me。〃

〃Maybe；　Jennie！　　But　I　hae　my　doots。　　It's　a　sair　thing　for　wife
an'　bairns　when　the　guid　man　canna　keep　awa'　frae　the　glass；　an'
when　the　scent　of　the　whusky　comes　to　me　it's　just　as　though　I
hae'd　the　throat　o'　a　Loch　Tay　salmon；　it　just　gaes　doon　an'　doon；
an'　there's　nae　filling　o'　me。〃

〃Ay；　but　ye're　a　guid　man　when　ye're　sober；　Davie。〃

〃Maybe　I'll　be　that；　Jennie；　if　I'm　nae　disturbed。〃

〃An'　ye'll　bide　wi'　me；　Davie；　an'　work　for　me？〃

〃I　see　nae　reason　why　I　shouldna　bide　wi'　yet　Jennie；　but　dinna　ye
clack　aboot　work　to　me；　for　I　just　canna　bear　the　thoct　o't。〃

〃Anyhow；　ye'll　do　your　best；　Davie？　　As　the　minister　says；　nae　man
can　do　mair　than　that。〃

〃An'　it's　a　puir　best　that　mine'll　be；　Jennie；　and　I'm　nae　sae　sure
ye'll　hae　ower　muckle　even　o'　that。　　We're　a'　weak；　sinfu'
creatures；　Jennie；　an'　ye'd　hae　some　deefficulty　to　find　a　man
weaker　or　mair　sinfu'　than　mysel'。〃

〃Weel；　weel；　ye　hae　a　truthfu'　tongue；　Davie。　　Mony　a　lad　will　mak
fine　promises　to　a　puir　lassie；　only　to　break　'em　an'　her　heart　wi'
'em。　　Ye　speak　me　fair；　Davie；　and　I'm　thinkin'　I'll　just　tak　ye；
an'　see　what　comes　o't。〃

Concerning　what　did　come　of　it；　the　story　is　silent；　but　one　feels
that　under　no　circumstances　had　the　lady　any　right　to　complain　of
her　bargain。　　Whether　she　ever　did　or　did　notfor　women　do　not
invariably　order　their　tongues　according　to　logic；　nor　men　either
for　the　matter　of　thatDavie；　himself；　must　have　had　the
satisfaction　of　reflecting　that　all　reproaches　were　undeserved。

I　wish　to　be　equally　frank　with　the　reader　of　this　book。　　I　wish
here　conscientiously　to　let　forth　its　shortcomings。　　I　wish　no　one
to　read　this　book　under　a　misapprehension。

There　will　be　no　useful　information　in　this　book。

Anyone　who　should　think　that　with　the　aid　of　this　book　he　would　be
able　to　make　a　tour　through　Germany　and　the　Black　Forest　would
probably　lose　himself　before　he　got　to　the　Nore。　　That；　at　all
events；　would　be　the　best　thing　that　could　happen　to　him。　　The
farther　away　from　home　he　got；　the　greater　only　would　be　his
difficulties。

I　do　not　regard　the　conveyance　of　useful　information　as　my　forte。
This　belief　was　not　inborn　with　me；　it　has　been　driven　home　upon　me
by　experience。

In　my　early　journalistic　days；　I　served　upon　a　paper；　the
forerunner　of　many　very　popular　periodicals　of　the　present　day。
Our　boast　was　that　we　combined　instruction　with　amusement；　as　to
what　should　be　regarded　as　affording　amusement　and　what
instruction；　the　reader　judged　for　himself。　　We　gave　advice　to
people　about　to　marrylong；　earnest　advice　that　would；　had　they
followed　it；　have　made　our　circle　of　readers　the　envy　of　the　whole
married　world。　　We　told　our　subscribers　how　to　make　fortunes　by
keeping　rabbits；　giving　facts　and　figures。　　The　thing　that　must
have　surprised　them　was　that　we　ourselves　did　not　give　up
journalism　and　start　rabbit…farming。　　Often　and　often　have　I　proved
conclusively　from　authoritative　sources　how　a　man　starting　a　rabbit
farm　with　twelve　selected　rabbits　and　a　little　judgment　must；　at
the　end　of　three　years；　be　in　receipt　of　an　income　of　two　thousand
a　year；　rising　rapidly；　he　simply　could　not　help　himself。　　He　might
not　want　the　money。　　He　might　not　know　what　to　do　with　it　when　he
had　it。　　But　there　it　was　for　him。　　I　have　never　met　a　rabbit
farmer　myself　worth　two　thousand　a　year；　though　I　have　known　many
start　with　the　twelve　necessary；　assorted　rabbits。　　Something　has
always　gone　wrong　somewhere；　maybe　the　continued　atmosphere　of　a
rabbit　farm　saps　the　judgment。

We　told　our　readers　how　many　bald…headed　men　there　were　in　Iceland；
and　for　all　we　knew　our　figures　may　have　been　correct；　how　many　red
herrings　placed　tail　to　mouth　it　would　take　to　reach　from　London　to
Rome；　which　must　have　been　useful　to　anyone　desirous　of　laying　down
a　line　of　red　herrings　from　London　to　Rome；　enabling　him　to　order
in　the　right　quantity　at　the　beginning；　how　many　words　the　average
woman　spoke　in　a　day；　and　other　such　like　items　of　information
calculated　to　make　them　wise　and　great　beyond　the　readers　of　other
journals。

We　told　them　how　to　cure　fits　in　cats。　　Personally　I　do　not
believe；　and　I　did　not　believe　then；　that　you　can　cure　fits　in
cats。　　If　I　had　a　cat　subject　to　fits　I　should　advertise　it　for
sale；　or　even　give　it　away。　　But　our　duty　was　to　supply　information
when　asked　for。　　Some　fool　wrote；　clamouring　to　know；　and　I　spent
the　best　part　of　a　morning　seeking　knowledge　on　the