three men on the bummel-第10章

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request。　　They　are　bought　by　the　thousand；　I　know。　　In　every　town
in　Europe　there　must　be　people　going　about　talking　this　sort　of
thing。〃

〃Maybe；〃　I　replied；　〃but　fortunately　nobody　understands　them。　　I
have　noticed；　myself；　men　standing　on　railway　platforms　and　at
street　corners　reading　aloud　from　such　books。　　Nobody　knows　what
language　they　are　speaking；　nobody　has　the　slightest　knowledge　of
what　they　are　saying。　　This　is；　perhaps；　as　well；　were　they
understood　they　would　probably　be　assaulted。〃

George　said：　　〃Maybe　you　are　right；　my　idea　is　to　see　what　would
happen　if　they　were　understood。　　My　proposal　is　to　get　to　London
early　on　Wednesday　morning；　and　spend　an　hour　or　two　going　about
and　shopping　with　the　aid　of　this　book。　　There　are　one　or　two
little　things　I　wanta　hat　and　a　pair　of　bedroom　slippers；　among
other　articles。　　Our　boat　does　not　leave　Tilbury　till　twelve；　and
that　just　gives　us　time。　　I　want　to　try　this　sort　of　talk　where　I
can　properly　judge　of　its　effect。　　I　want　to　see　how　the　foreigner
feels　when　he　is　talked　to　in　this　way。〃

It　struck　me　as　a　sporting　idea。　　In　my　enthusiasm　I　offered　to
accompany　him；　and　wait　outside　the　shop。　　I　said　I　thought　that
Harris　would　like　to　be　in　it；　tooor　rather　outside。

George　said　that　was　not　quite　his　scheme。　　His　proposal　was　that
Harris　and　I　should　accompany　him　into　the　shop。　　With　Harris；　who
looks　formidable；　to　support　him；　and　myself　at　the　door　to　call
the　police　if　necessary；　he　said　he　was　willing　to　adventure　the
thing。

We　walked　round　to　Harris's；　and　put　the　proposal　before　him。　　He
examined　the　book；　especially　the　chapters　dealing　with　the
purchase　of　shoes　and　hats。　　He　said：

〃If　George　talks　to　any　bootmaker　or　any　hatter　the　things　that　are
put　down　here；　it　is　not　support　he　will　want；　it　is　carrying　to
the　hospital　that　he　will　need。〃

That　made　George　angry。

〃You　talk；〃　said　George；　〃as　though　I　were　a　foolhardy　boy　without
any　sense。　　I　shall　select　from　the　more　polite　and　less　irritating
speeches；　the　grosser　insults　I　shall　avoid。〃

This　being　clearly　understood；　Harris　gave　in　his　adhesion；　and　our
start　was　fixed　for　early　Wednesday　morning。



CHAPTER　IV



Why　Harris　considers　alarm　clocks　unnecessary　in　a　familySocial
instinct　of　the　youngA　child's　thoughts　about　the　morningThe
sleepless　watchmanThe　mystery　of　himHis　over　anxietyNight
thoughtsThe　sort　of　work　one　does　before　breakfastThe　good
sheep　and　the　badDisadvantages　of　being　virtuousHarris's　new
stove　begins　badlyThe　daily　out…going　of　my　Uncle　PodgerThe
elderly　city　man　considered　as　a　racerWe　arrive　in　LondonWe
talk　the　language　of　the　traveller。

George　came　down　on　Tuesday　evening；　and　slept　at　Harris's　place。
We　thought　this　a　better　arrangement　than　his　own　suggestion；　which
was　that　we　should　call　for　him　on　our　way　and　〃pick　him　up。〃
Picking　George　up　in　the　morning　means　picking　him　out　of　bed　to
begin　with；　and　shaking　him　awakein　itself　an　exhausting　effort
with　which　to　commence　the　day；　helping　him　find　his　things　and
finish　his　packing；　and　then　waiting　for　him　while　he　eats　his
breakfast；　a　tedious　entertainment　from　the　spectator's　point　of
view；　full　of　wearisome　repetition。

I　knew　that　if　he　slept　at　〃Beggarbush〃　he　would　be　up　in　time；　I
have　slept　there　myself；　and　I　know　what　happens。　　About　the　middle
of　the　night；　as　you　judge；　though　in　reality　it　may　be　somewhat
later；　you　are　startled　out　of　your　first　sleep　by　what　sounds　like
a　rush　of　cavalry　along　the　passage；　just　outside　your　door。　　Your
half…awakened　intelligence　fluctuates　between　burglars；　the　Day　of
Judgment；　and　a　gas　explosion。　　You　sit　up　in　bed　and　listen
intently。　　You　are　not　kept　waiting　long；　the　next　moment　a　door　is
violently　slammed；　and　somebody；　or　something；　is　evidently　coming
downstairs　on　a　tea…tray。

〃I　told　you　so；〃　says　a　voice　outside；　and　immediately　some　hard
substance；　a　head　one　would　say　from　the　ring　of　it；　rebounds
against　the　panel　of　your　door。

By　this　time　you　are　charging　madly　round　the　room　for　your
clothes。　　Nothing　is　where　you　put　it　overnight；　the　articles　most
essential　have　disappeared　entirely；　and　meanwhile　the　murder；　or
revolution；　or　whatever　it　is；　continues　unchecked。　　You　pause　for
a　moment；　with　your　head　under　the　wardrobe；　where　you　think　you
can　see　your　slippers；　to　listen　to　a　steady；　monotonous　thumping
upon　a　distant　door。　　The　victim；　you　presume；　has　taken　refuge
there；　they　mean　to　have　him　out　and　finish　him。　　Will　you　be　in
time？　　The　knocking　ceases；　and　a　voice；　sweetly　reassuring　in　its
gentle　plaintiveness；　asks　meekly：

〃Pa；　may　I　get　up？〃

You　do　not　hear　the　other　voice；　but　the　responses　are：

〃No；　it　was　only　the　bathno；　she　ain't　really　hurt；only　wet；
you　know。　　Yes；　ma；　I'll　tell　'em　what　you　say。　　No；　it　was　a　pure
accident。　　Yes；　good…night；　papa。〃

Then　the　same　voice；　exerting　itself　so　as　to　be　heard　in　a　distant
part　of　the　house；　remarks：

〃You've　got　to　come　upstairs　again。　　Pa　says　it　isn't　time　yet　to
get　up。〃

You　return　to　bed；　and　lie　listening　to　somebody　being　dragged
upstairs；　evidently　against　their　will。　　By　a　thoughtful
arrangement　the　spare　rooms　at　〃Beggarbush〃　are　exactly　underneath
the　nurseries。　　The　same　somebody；　you　conclude；　still　offering　the
most　creditable　opposition；　is　being　put　back　into　bed。　　You　can
follow　the　contest　with　much　exactitude；　because　every　time　the
body　is　flung　down　upon　the　spring　mattress；　the　bedstead；　just
above　your　head；　makes　a　sort　of　jump；　while　every　time　the　body
succeeds　in　struggling　out　again；　you　are　aware　by　the　thud　upon
the　floor。　　After　a　time　the　struggle　wanes；　or　maybe　the　bed
collapses；　and　you　drift　back　into　sleep。　　But　the　next　moment；　or
what　seems　to　be　the　next　moment；　you　again　open　your　eyes　under
the　consciousness　of　a　presence。　　The　door　is　being　held　ajar；　and
four　solemn　faces；　piled　one　on　top　of　the　other；　are　peering　at
you；　as　though　you　were　some　natural　curiosity　kept　in　this
particular　room。　　Seeing　you　awake；　the　top　face；　walking　calmly
over　the　other　three；　comes　in　and　sits　on　the　bed　in　a　friendly
attitude。

〃Oh！〃　it　says；　〃we　didn't　know　you　were　awake。　　I've　been　awake
some　time。〃

〃So　I　gather；〃　you　reply；　shortly。

〃Pa　doesn't　like　us　to　get　up　too　early；〃　it　continues。　　〃He　says
everybody　else　in　the　house　is　liable　to　be　disturbed　if　we　get　up。
So；　of　course；　we　mustn't。〃

The　tone　is　that　of　gentle　resignation。　　It　is　instinct　with　the
spirit　of　virtuous　pride；　arising　from　the　consciousness　of　self…
sacrifice。

〃Don't　you　call　this　being　up？〃　you　suggest。

〃Oh；　no；　we're　not　really　up；　you　know；　because　we're　not　properly
dressed。〃　　The　fact　is　self…evident。　　〃Pa's　always　very　tired　in
the　morning；〃　the　voice　continues；　〃of　course；　that's　because　he
works　hard　all　day。　　Are　you　ever　tired　in　the　morning？〃

At　this　point　he　turns　and　notices；　for　the　first　time；　that　the
three　other　children　have　also　entered；　and　are　sitting　in　a　semi…
circle　on　the　floor。　　From　their　attitude　it　is　clear　they　have
mistaken　the　whole　thing　for　one　of　the　slower　forms　of
entertainment；　some　comic　lecture　or　conjuring　exhibition；　and　are
waiting　patiently　for　you　to　get　out　of　bed　and　do　something。　　It
shocks　him；　the　idea　of　their　being　in　the　guest's　bedchamber。　　He
peremptorily　orders　them　out。　　They　do　not　answer　him；　they　do　not
argue；　in　dead　silence；　and　with　one　accord　they　fall　upon　him。
All　you　can　see　from　the　bed　is　a　confused　tangle　of　waving　arms
and　legs；　suggestive　of　an　intoxicated　octopus　trying　to　find
bottom。　　Not　a　word　is　spoken；　that　seems　to　be　the　etiquette　of
the　thing。　　If　you　are　sleeping　in　your　pyjamas；　you　spring　from
the　bed；　and　only　add　to　the　confusion；　if　you　are　wearing　a　less
showy　garment；　you　stop　where　you　are　and　shout　commands；　which　are
utterly　unheeded。　　The　simplest　plan　is　to　leave　it　to　the　eldest
boy。　　He　does　get　them　out　after　a　while；　and　closes　the　door　upon
them。　　It　re…opens　immediately；　and　one；　generally　Muriel；　is　shot
back　into　the　room。　　She　enters　as　from　a　catapult。　　She　is
handicapped　by　having　long　hair；　whi