burlesques-第34章

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mansion　in　Hill　Street；　regarding　the　health　of　the　Noble　Peer　and

his　incomparable　Countess。　　They　have　been　received　with　a　rudeness

which　we　deplore　but　pardon。　　One　was　threatened　with　a　cane；

another；　in　the　pursuit　of　his　official　inquiries；　was　saluted　with

a　pail　of　water；　a　third　gentleman　was　menaced　in　a　pugilistic

manner　by　his　Lordship's　porter；　but　being　of　an　Irish　nation；　a

man　of　spirit　and　sinew；　and　Master　of　Arts　of　Trinity　College；

Dublin；　the　gentleman　of　our　establishment　confronted　the　menial；

and　having　severely　beaten　him；　retired　to　a　neighboring　hotel　much

frequented　by　the　domestics　of　the　surrounding　nobility；　and　there

obtained　what　we　believe　to　be　the　most　accurate　particulars　of

this　extraordinary　occurrence。



〃George　Frederick　Jennings；　third　footman　in　the　establishment　of

Lord　Bareacres；　stated　to　our　employe　as　follows：Lady　Angelina

had　been　promised　to　Mr。　De　la　Pluche　for　near　six　weeks。　　She

never　could　abide　that　gentleman。　　He　was　the　laughter　of　all　the

servants'　hall。　　Previous　to　his　elevation　he　had　himself　been

engaged　in　a　domestic　capacity。　　At　that　period　he　had　offered

marriage　to　Mary　Ann　Hoggins；　who　was　living　in　the　quality　of

ladies'…maid　in　the　family　where　Mr。　De　la　P。　was　employed。　　Miss

Hoggins　became　subsequently　lady's…maid　to　Lady　Angelinathe

elopement　was　arranged　between　those　two。　　It　was　Miss　Hoggins　who

delivered　the　note　which　informed　the　bereaved　Mr。　Plush　of　his

loss。



〃Samuel　Buttons；　page　to　the　Right　honorable　the　Earl　of　Bareacres；

was　ordered　on　Friday　afternoon　at　eleven　o'clock　to　fetch　a

cabriolet　from　the　stand　in　Davies　Street。　　He　selected　the　cab　No。

19；796；　driven　by　George　Gregory　Macarty；　a　one…eyed　man　from

Clonakilty；　in　the　neighborhood　of　Cork；　Ireland　（of　whom　more

anon）；　and　waited；　according　to　his　instructions；　at　the　corner　of

Berkeley　Square　with　his　vehicle。　　His　young　lady；　accompanied　by

her　maid；　Miss　Mary　Ann　Hoggins；　carrying　a　band…box；　presently

arrived；　and　entered　the　cab　with　the　box：　what　were　the　contents

of　that　box　we　have　never　been　able　to　ascertain。　　On　asking　her

Ladyship　whether　he　should　order　the　cab　to　drive　in　any　particular

direction；　he　was　told　to　drive　to　Madame　Crinoline's；　the　eminent

milliner　in　Cavendish　Square。　　On　requesting　to　know　whether　he

should　accompany　her　Ladyship；　Buttons　was　peremptorily　ordered　by

Miss　Hoggins　to　go　about　his　business。



〃Having　now　his　clue；　our　reporter　instantly　went　in　search　of　cab

19；796；　or　rather　the　driver　of　that　vehicle；　who　was　discovered

with　no　small　difficulty　at　his　residence；　Whetstone　Park；

Lincoln's　Inn　Fields；　where　he　lives　with　his　family　of　nine

children。　　Having　received　two　sovereigns；　instead　doubtless　of　two

shillings　（his　regular　fare；　by　the　way；　would　have　been　only　one…

and…eightpence）；　Macarty　had　not　gone　out　with　the　cab　for　the　two

last　days；　passing　them　in　a　state　of　almost　ceaseless　intoxication。

His　replies　were　very　incoherent　in　answer　to　the　queries　of　our

reporter；　and；　had　not　that　gentleman　himself　been　a　compatriot；　it

is　probable　he　would　have　refused　altogether　to　satisfy　the　curiosity

of　the　public。



〃At　Madame　Crinoline's；　Miss　Hoggins　quitted　the　carriage；　and　A

GENTLEMAN　entered　it。　　Macarty　describes　him　as　a　very　CLEVER

gentleman　（meaning　tall）　with　black　moustaches；　Oxford…gray

trousers；　and　black　hat　and　a　pea…coat。　　He　drove　the　couple　TO　THE

EUSTON　SQUARE　STATION；　and　there　left　them。　　How　he　employed　his

time　subsequently　we　have　stated。



〃At　the　Euston　Square　Station；　the　gentleman　of　our　establishment

learned　from　Frederick　Corduroy；　a　porter　there；　that　a　gentleman

answering　the　above　description　had　taken　places　to　Derby。　　We　have

despatched　a　confidential　gentleman　thither；　by　a　special　train；

and　shall　give　his　report　in　a　second　edition。





〃SECOND　EDITION。



〃（From　our　Reporter。）



〃NEWCASTLE；　Monday。



〃I　am　just　arrived　at　this　ancient　town；　at　the　'Elephant　and

Cucumber　Hotel。'　　A　party　travelling　under　the　name　of　MR。　AND　MRS。

JONES；　the　gentleman　wearing　moustaches；　and　having　with　them　a

blue　band…box；　arrived　by　the　train　two　hours　before　me；　and　have

posted　onwards　to　SCOTLAND。　　I　have　ordered　four　horses；　and　write

this　on　the　hind　boot；　as　they　are　putting　to。





〃THIRD　EDITION。



〃GRETNA　GREEN；　Monday　Evening。



〃The　mystery　is　at　length　solved。　　This　afternoon；　at　four　o'clock；

the　Hymeneal　Blacksmith；　of　Gretna　Green；　celebrated　the　marriage

between　George　Granby　Silvertop；　Esq。；　a　Lieutenant　in　the　150th

Hussars；　third　son　of　General　John　Silvertop；　of　Silvertop　Hall；

Yorkshire；　and　Lady　Emily　Silvertop；　daughter　of　the　late　sister　of

the　present　Earl　of　Bareacres；　and　the　Lady　Angelina　Amelia

Arethusa　Anaconda　Alexandrina　Alicompania　Annemaria　Antoinetta；

daughter　of　the　last…named　Earl　Bareacres。





（Here　follows　a　long　extract　from　the　Marriage　Service　in　the　Book

of　Common　Prayer；　which　was　not　read　on　the　occasion；　and　need　not

be　repeated　here。）





〃After　the　ceremony；　the　young　couple　partook　of　a　slight

refreshment　of　sherry　and　waterthe　former　the　Captain　pronounced

to　be　execrable；　and；　having　myself　tasted　some　glasses　from　the

VERY　SAME　BOTTLE　with　which　the　young　and　noble　pair　were　served；　I

must　say　I　think　the　Captain　was　rather　hard　upon　mine　host　of　the

'Bagpipes　Hotel　and　Posting…House；'　whence　they　instantly　proceeded。

I　follow　them　as　soon　as　the　horses　have　fed。





〃FOURTH　EDITION。



〃SHAMEFUL　TREATMENT　OF　OUR　REPORTER。



〃WHISTLEBINKIE；　N。　B。　　Monday；　Midnight。



〃I　arrived　at　this　romantic　little　villa　about　two　hours　after　the

newly　married　couple；　whose　progress　I　have　the　honor　to　trace；

reached　Whistlebinkie。　　They　have　taken　up　their　residence　at　the

'Cairngorm　Arms'mine　is　at　the　other　hostelry；　the　'Clachan　of

Whistlebinkie。'



〃On　driving　up　to　the　'Cairngorm　Arms；'　I　found　a　gentleman　of

military　appearance　standing　at　the　doer；　and　occupied　seemingly　in

smoking　a　cigar。　　It　was　very　dark　as　I　descended　from　my　carriage；

and　the　gentleman　in　question　exclaimed；　'Is　it　you；　Southdown　my

boy？　　You　have　come　too　late；　unless　you　are　come　to　have　some

supper；'　or　words　to　that　effect。　　I　explained　that　I　was　not　the

Lord　Viscount　Southdown；　and　politely　apprised　Captain　Silvertop

（for　I　justly　concluded　the　individual　before　me　could　be　no　other）

of　his　mistake。



〃'Who　the　deuce'　（the　Captain　used　a　stronger　term）　'are　you；

then？'　said　Mr。　Silvertop。　　'Are　you　Baggs　and　Tapewell；　my　uncle's

attorneys？　　If　you　are；　you　have　come　too　late　for　the　fair。'



〃I　briefly　explained　that　I　was　not　Baggs　and　Tapewell；　but　that　my

name　was　Jms；　and　that　I　was　a　gentleman　connected　with　the

establishment　of　the　Morning　Tatler　newspaper。



〃'And　what　has　brought　you　here；　Mr。　Morning　Tatler？'　asked　my

interlocutor；　rather　roughly。　　My　answer　was　frankthat　the

disappearance　of　a　noble　lady　from　the　house　of　her　friends　had

caused　the　greatest　excitement　in　the　metropolis；　and　that　my

employers　were　anxious　to　give　the　public　every　particular

regarding　an　event　so　singular。



〃'And　do　you　mean　to　say；　sir；　that　you　have　dogged　me　all　the　way

from　London；　and　that　my　family　affairs　are　to　be　published　for　the

readers　of　the　Morning　Tatler　newspaper？　　The　Morning　Tatter　be　

（the　Captain　here　gave　utterance　to　an　oath　which　I　shall　not

repeat）　and　you　too；　sir；　you　unpudent　meddling　scoundrel。'



〃'Scoundrel；　sir！'　said　I。　　'Yes；'　replied　the　irate　gentleman；

seizing　me　rudely　by　the　collarand　he　would　have　choked　me；　but

that　my　blue　satin　stock　and　false　collar　gave　way；　and　were　left

in　the　hands　of　this　GENTLEMAN。　　'Help；　landlord！'　I　loudly

exclaimed；　adding；　I　believe；　'murder；'　and　other　exclamations　of

alarm。　　In　vain　I　appealed　to　the　crowd；　which　by　this　time　was

pretty　considerable；　they　and　the　unfeeling　post…boys　only　b