burlesques-第28章

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Pluche。　　I　speak　adwisedly。　　I　MAY　be　going　to　form　a　noble

kinexion。　　I　may　be　（by　marridge）　going　to　unight　my　family　once

more　with　Harrystoxy；　from　which　misfortn　has　for　some　sentries

separated　us。　　I　have　dreams　of　that　sort。



〃I've　sean　sevral　times　in　a　dalitifle　vishn　a　SERTING　ERL；

standing　in　a　hattitude　of　bennydiction；　and　rattafying　my　union

with　a　serting　butifle　young　lady；　his　daughter。　　Phansy　Mr。　or　Sir

Jeames　and　lady　Hangelina　de　la　Pluche！　　Ho！　what　will　the　old

washywoman；　my　grandmother；　say？　　She　may　sell　her　mangle　then；　and

shall　too　by　my　honor　as　a　Gent。〃





〃As　for　Squallop　Hill；　its　not　to　be　emadgind　that　I　was　going　to

give　5000　lb。　for　a　bleak　mounting　like　that；　unless　I　had　some

ideer　in　vew。　　Ham　I　not　a　Director　of　the　Grand　Diddlesex？　　Don't

Squallop　lie　amediately　betwigst　Old　Bone　House；　Single　Gloster；

and　Scrag　End；　through　which　cities　our　line　passes？　　I　will　have

400；000　lb。　for　that　mounting；　or　my　name　is　not　Jeames。　　I　have

arranged　a　little　barging　too　for　my　friend　the　Erl。　　The　line　will

pass　through　a　hangle　of　Bareacre　Park。　　He　shall　have　a　good

compensation　I　promis　you；　and　then　I　shall　get　back　the　3000　I

lent　him。　　His　banker's　acount；　I　fear；　is　in　a　horrid　state。〃





＇The　Diary　now　for　several　days　contains　particulars　of　no　interest

to　the　public：Memoranda　of　City　dinnersmeetings　of　Directors

fashionable　parties　in　which　Mr。　Jeames　figures；　and　nearly　always

by　the　side　of　his　new　friend；　Lord　Bareacres；　whose　〃pompossaty；〃

as　previously　described；　seems　to　have　almost　entirely　subsided。＇





We　then　come　to　the　following：





〃With　a　prowd　and　thankfle　Art；　I　copy　off　this　morning's　Gayzett

the　following　news：



〃'Commission　signed　by　the　Lord　Lieutenant　of　the　County　of

Diddlesex。



〃'JAMES　AUGUSTUS　DE　LA　PLUCHE；　Esquire；　to　be　Deputy　Lieutenant。'〃





〃'North　Diddlesex　Regiment　of　Yeomanry　Cavalry。



〃'James　Augustus　de　la　Pluche；　Esquire；　to　be　Captain；　vice

Blowhard；　promoted。〃'





〃And　his　it　so？　　Ham　I　indeed　a　landed　propriatora　Deppaty

Leftnanta　Capting？　　May　I　hatend　the　Cort　of　my　Sovring？　and　dror

a　sayber　in　my　country's　defens？　　I　wish　the　French　WOOD　land；　and

me　at　the　head　of　my　squadring　on　my　hoss　Desparation。　　How　I'd

extonish　'em！　　How　the　gals　will　stare　when　they　see　me　in

youniform！　　How　Mary　Hann　wouldbut　nonsince！　　I'm　halways

thinking　of　that　pore　gal。　　She's　left　Sir　John's。　　She　couldn't

abear　to　stay　after　I　went；　I've　heerd　say。　　I　hope　she's　got　a

good　place。　　Any　sumn　of　money　that　would　sett　her　up　in　bisniss；

or　make　her　comfarable；　I'd　come　down　with　like　a　mann。　　I　told　my

granmother　so；　who　sees　her；　and　rode　down　to　Healing　on　porpose　on

Desparation　to　leave　a　five　lb。　noat　in　an　anvylope。　　But　she's

sent　it　back；　sealed　with　a　thimbill。〃





Tuesday。Reseaved　the　folloing　letter　from　Lord　B；　rellatiff

to　my　presntation　at　Cort　and　the　Youniform　I　shall　wear　on　that

hospicious　seramony：





〃'MY　DEAR　DE　LA　PLUCHE；I　THINK　you　had　better　be　presented　as　a

Deputy　Lieutenant。　　As　for　the　Diddlesex　Yeomanry；　I　hardly　know

what　the　uniform　is　now。　　The　last　time　we　were　out　was　in　1803；

when　the　Prince　of　Wales　reviewed　us；　and　when　we　wore　French　gray

jackets；　leathers；　red　morocco　boots；　crimson　pelisses；　brass

helmets　with　leopard…skin　and　a　white　plume；　and　the　regulation

pig…tail　of　eighteen　inches。　　That　dress　will　hardly　answer　at

present；　and　must　be　modified；　of　coarse。　　We　were　called　the　White

Feathers；　in　those　days。　　For　my　part；　I　decidedly　recommend　the

Deputy　Lieutenant。



〃'I　shall　be　happy　to　present　you　at　the　Levee　and　at　the　Drawing…

room。　　Lady　Bareacres　will　be　in　town　for　the　13th；　with　Angelina；

who　will　be　presented　on　that　day。　　My　wife　has　heard　much　of　you；

and　is　anxious　to　make　your　acquaintance。



〃'All　my　people　are　backward　with　their　rents：　for　heaven's　sake；

my　dear　fellow；　lend　me　five　hundred　and　oblige



〃'Yours；　very　gratefully；



〃'BAREACRES。'





〃Note。Bareacres　may　press　me　about　the　Depity　Leftnant；　but　I'M

for　the　cavvlery。〃





〃Jewly　will　always　be　a　sacrid　anniwussary　with　me。　　It　was　in　that

month　that　I　became　persnally　ecquaintid　with　my　Prins　and　my

gracious　Sovarink。



〃Long　before　the　hospitious　event　acurd；　you　may　imadgin　that　my

busm　was　in　no　triffling　flutter。　　Sleaplis　of　nights；　I　past　them

thinking　of　the　great　ewentor　if　igsosted　natur　DID　clothes　my

highlidsthe　eyedear　of　my　waking　thoughts　pevaded　my　slummers。

Corts；　Erls；　presntations；　Goldstix；　gracious　Sovarinx　mengling　in

my　dreembs　unceasnly。　　I　blush　to　say　it　（for　humin　prisumpshn

never　surely　igseeded　that　of　my　wicked　wickid　vishn）；　one　night　I

actially　dremt　that　Her　R。　H。　the　Princess　Hallis　was　grown　up；　and

that　there　was　a　Cabinit　Counsel　to　detummin　whether　her　&　was　to

be　bestoad　on　me　or　the　Prins　of　Sax…Muffinhausen…Pumpenstein；　a

young　Prooshn　or　Germing　zion　of　nobillaty。　　I　ask　umly　parding　for

this　hordacious　ideer。



〃I　said；　in　my　fommer　remarx；　that　I　had　detummined　to　be　presented

to　the　notus　of　my　reveared　Sovaring　in　a　melintary　coschewm。　　The

Court…shoots　in　which　Sivillians　attend　a　Levy　are　so　uncomming

like　thethelivries　（ojous　wud！　I　8　to　put　it　down）　I　used　to

wear　before　entering　sosiaty；　that　I　couldn't　abide　the　notium　of

wearing　one。　　My　detummination　was　fumly　fixt　to　apeer　as　a　Yominry

Cavilry　Hoffiser；　in　the　galleant　youniform　of　the　North　Diddlesex

Huzzas。



〃Has　that　redgmint　had　not　been　out　sins　1803；　I　thought　myself

quite　hotherized　to　make　such　halterations　in　the　youniform　as

shuited　the　presnt　time　and　my　metured　and　elygint　taste。　　Pig…

tales　was　out　of　the　question。　　Tites　I　was　detummind　to　mintain。

My　legg　is　praps　the　finist　pint　about　me；　and　I　was　risolved　not

to　hide　it　under　a　booshle。



〃I　phixt　on　scarlit　tites；　then；　imbridered　with　goold；　as　I　have

seen　Widdicomb　wear　them　at　Hashleys　when　me　and　Mary　Hann　used　to

go　there。　　Ninety…six　guineas　worth　of　rich　goold　lace　and　cord　did

I　have　myhandering　hall　hover　those　shoperb　inagspressables。



〃Yellow　marocky　Heshn　boots；　red　eels；　goold　spurs　and　goold

tassels　as　bigg　as　belpulls。



〃JackitFrench　gray　and　silver　oringe　fasings　&　cuphs；　according

to　the　old　patn；　belt；　green　and　goold；　tight　round　my　pusn；　&

settin　hoff　the　cemetry　of　my　figgar　NOT　DISADVINTAJUSLY。



〃A　huzza　paleese　of　pupple　velvit　&　sable　fir。　　A　sayber　of

Demaskus　steal；　and　a　sabertash　（in　which　I　kep　my　Odiclone　and

imbridered　pocket　ankercher）；　kimpleat　my　acooterments；　which；

without　vannaty；　was；　I　flatter　myself；　UNEAK。



〃But　the　crownding　triumph　was　my　hat。　　I　couldnt　wear　a　cock　At。

The　huzzahs　dont　use　'em。　　I　wouldnt　wear　the　hojous　old　brass

Elmet　&　Leppardskin。　　I　choas　a　hat　which　is　dear　to　the　memry　of

hevery　Brittn；　an　at　which　was　inwented　by　my　Feeld　Marshle　and

adord　Prins；　an　At　which　VULGAR　PREJIDIS　&　JOAKING　has　in　vane

etempted　to　run　down。　　I　chose　the　HALBERT　AT。　　I　didn't　tell

Bareacres　of　this　egsabishn　of　loilty；　intending　to　SURPRISE　him。

The　white　ploom　of　the　West　Diddlesex　Yomingry　I　fixt　on　the　topp

of　this　Shacko；　where　it　spread　hout　like　a　shaving…brush。



〃You　may　be　sure　that　befor　the　fatle　day　arrived；　I　didnt　niglect

to　practus　my　part　well；　and　had　sevral　REHUSTLES；　as　they　say。



〃This　was　the　way。　　I　used　to　dress　myself　in　my　full　togs。　　I　made

Fitzwarren；　my　boddy　servnt；　stand　at　the　dor；　and　figger　as　the

Lord　in　Waiting。　　I　put　Mrs。　Bloker；　my　laundress；　in　my　grand　harm

chair　to　reprasent　the　horgust　pusn　of　my　Sovring；　Frederick；　my

secknd　man；　standing　on　her　left；　in　the　hattatude　of　an　illustrus

Prins　Consort。　　Hall　the　Candles　were　lighted。　　'Captain　de　la

Pluche；　presented　by　Herl　Bareacres；'　Fitzwarren；　my　man；

igsclaimed；　as　adwancing　I　made　obasins　to　the　Thrown。　　Nealin　on

one　nee；　I　cast　a　glans　of　unhuttarable　loilty