burlesques-第114章

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Scapgoat；〃　says　Tuggeridge；　grinning；　and　handing　him　over　a　sealed

paper；　〃here's　the　lease；　I　leave　you　in　possession；　and　wish　you

good　morning。〃



〃In　possession　of　what？〃　says　the　rightful　lady　of　Tuggeridgeville；

leaning　out　of　the　carriage…window。　　She　hated　black　Tuggeridge；　as

she　called　him；　like　poison：　the　very　first　week　of　our　coming　to

Portland　Place；　when　he　called　to　ask　restitution　of　some　plate

which　he　said　was　his　private　property；　she　called　him　a　base…born

blackamoor；　and　told　him　to　quit　the　house。　　Since　then　there　had

been　law　squabbles　between　us　without　end；　and　all　sorts　of

writings；　meetings；　and　arbitrations。



〃Possession　of　my　estate　of　Tuggeridgeville；　madam；〃　roars　he；

〃left　me　by　my　father's　will；　which　you　have　had　notice　of　these

three　weeks；　and　know　as　well　as　I　do。〃



〃Old　Tug　left　no　will；〃　shrieked　Jemmy；　〃he　didn't　die　to　leave　his

estates　to　blackamoorsto　negroesto　base…born　mulatto　story…

tellers；　if　he　did　may　I　be　…〃



〃Oh；　hush！　dearest　mamma；〃　says　Jemimarann。　　〃Go　it　again；　mother！〃

says　Tug；　who　is　always　sniggering。



〃What　is　this　business；　Mr。　Tuggeridge？〃　cried　Tagrag　（who　was　the

only　one　of　our　party　that　had　his　senses）。　　〃What　is　this　will？〃



〃Oh；　it's　merely　a　matter　of　form；〃　said　the　lawyer；　riding　up。

〃For　heaven's　sake；　madam；　be　peaceable；　let　my　friends；　Higgs；

Biggs；　and　Blatherwick；　arrange　with　me。　　I　am　surprised　that　none

of　their　people　are　here。　　All　that　you　have　to　do　is　to　eject　us；

and　the　rest　will　follow；　of　course。〃



〃Who　has　taken　possession　of　this　here　property？〃　roars　Jemmy；

again。



〃My　friend　Mr。　Scapgoat；〃　said　the　lawyer。Mr。　Scapgoat　grinned。



〃Mr。　Scapgoat；〃　said　my　wife；　shaking　her　fist　at　him　（for　she　is　a

woman　of　no　small　spirit）；　〃if　you　don't　leave　this　ground　I'll

have　you　pushed　out　with　pitchforks；　I　willyou　and　your　beggarly

blackamoor　yonder。〃　　And；　suiting　the　action　to　the　word；　she

clapped　a　stable　fork　into　the　hands　of　one　of　the　gardeners；　and

called　another；　armed　with　a　rake；　to　his　help；　while　young　Tug　set

the　dog　at　their　heels；　and　I　hurrahed　for　joy　to　see　such　villany

so　properly　treated。



〃That's　sufficient；　ain't　it？〃　said　Mr。　Scapgoat；　with　the　calmest

air　in　the　world。　　〃Oh；　completely；〃　said　the　lawyer。　　〃Mr。

Tuggeridge；　we've　ten　miles　to　dinner。　　Madam；　your　very　humble

servant。〃　　And　the　whole　posse　of　them　rode　away。





LAW　LIFE　ASSURANCE。





We　knew　not　what　this　meant；　until　we　received　a　strange　document

from　Higgs；　in　Londonwhich　begun；　〃Middlesex　to　wit。　　Samuel　Cox；

late　of　Portland　Place；　in　the　city　of　Westminster；　in　the　said

county；　was　attached　to　answer　Samuel　Scapgoat；　of　a　plea；

wherefore；　with　force　and　arms；　he　entered　into　one　messuage；　with

the　appurtenances；　which　John　Tuggeridge；　Esq。；　demised　to　the　said

Samuel　Scapgoat；　for　a　term　which　is　not　yet　expired；　and　ejected

him。〃　　And　it　went　on　to　say　that　〃we；　with　force　of　arms；　viz；

with　swords；　knives；　and　staves；　had　ejected　him。〃　　Was　there　ever

such　a　monstrous　falsehood？　when　we　did　but　stand　in　defence　of　our

own；　and　isn't　it　a　sin　that　we　should　have　been　turned　out　of　our

rightful　possessions　upon　such　a　rascally　plea？



Higgs；　Biggs；　and　Blatherwick　had　evidently　been　bribed；　for　would

you　believe　it？they　told　us　to　give　up　possession　at　once；　as　a

will　was　found；　and　we　could　not　defend　the　action。　　My　Jemmy

refused　their　proposal　with　scorn；　and　laughed　at　the　notion　of　the

will：　she　pronounced　it　to　be　a　forgery；　a　vile　blackamoor　forgery；

and　believes；　to　this　day；　that　the　story　of　its　having　been　made

thirty　years　ago；　in　Calcutta；　and　left　there　with　old　Tug's

papers；　and　found　there；　and　brought　to　England；　after　a　search

made　by　order　of　Tuggeridge　junior；　is　a　scandalous　falsehood。



Well；　the　cause　was　tried。　　Why　need　I　say　anything　concerning　it？

What　shall　I　say　of　the　Lord　Chief　Justice；　but　that　he　ought　to　be

ashamed　of　the　wig　he　sits　in？　　What　of　Mr。　　and　Mr。　；　who

exerted　their　eloquence　against　justice　and　the　poor？　　On　our　side；

too；　was　no　less　a　man　than　Mr。　Serjeant　Binks；　who；　ashamed　I　am；

for　the　honor　of　the　British　bar；　to　say　it；　seemed　to　have　been

bribed　too：　for　he　actually　threw　up　his　case！　　Had　he　behaved　like

Mr。　Mulligan；　his　juniorand　to　whom；　in　this　humble　way；　I　offer

my　thanksall　might　have　been　well。　　I　never　knew　such　an　effect

produced；　as　when　Mr。　Mulligan；　appearing　for　the　first　time　in

that　court；　said；　〃Standing　here　upon　the　pidestal　of　secred

Thamis；　seeing　around　me　the　arnymints　of　a　profission　I　rispict；

having　before　me　a　vinnerable　judge；　and　an　enlightened　jurythe

counthry's　glory；　the　netion's　cheap　defender；　the　poor　man's

priceless　palladium：　how　must　I　thrimble；　my　lard；　how　must　the

blush　bejew　my　cheek〃（somebody　cried　out；　〃O　CHEEKS！〃　　In　the

court　there　was　a　dreadful　roar　of　laughing；　and　when　order　was

established；　Mr。　Mulligan　continued：）〃My　lard；　I　heed　them　not；　I

come　from　a　counthry　accustomed　to　opprission；　and　as　that

counthryyes；　my　lard；　THAT　IRELAND（do　not　laugh；　I　am　proud　of

it）is　ever；　in　spite　of　her　tyrants；　green；　and　lovely；　and

beautiful：　my　client's　cause；　likewise；　will　rise　shuperior　to　the

malignant　imbecilityI　repeat；　the　MALIGNANT　IMBECILITYof　those

who　would　thrample　it　down；　and　in　whose　teeth；　in　my　client's

name；　in　my　counthry'say；　and　MY　OWNI；　with　folded　arrums；　hurl

a　scarnful　and　eternal　defiance！〃



〃For　heaven's　sake；　Mr。　Milligan〃（〃MULLIGAN；　ME　LARD；〃　cried　my

defender）〃Well；　Mulligan；　then；　be　calm；　and　keep　to　your　brief。〃



Mr。　Mulligan　did；　and　for　three　hours　and　a　quarter；　in　a　speech

crammed　with　Latin　quotations；　and　unsurpassed　for　eloquence；　he

explained　the　situation　of　me　and　my　family；　the　romantic　manner　in

which　Tuggeridge　the　elder　gained　his　fortune；　and　by　which　it

afterwards　came　to　my　wife；　the　state　of　Ireland；　the　original　and

virtuous　poverty　of　the　Coxesfrom　which　he　glanced　passionately；

for　a　few　minutes　（until　the　judge　stopped　him）；　to　the　poverty　of

his　own　country；　my　excellence　as　a　husband；　father；　landlord；　my

wife's；　as　a　wife；　mother；　landlady。　　All　was　in　vainthe　trial

went　against　us。　　I　was　soon　taken　in　execution　for　the　damages；

five　hundred　pounds　of　law　expenses　of　my　own；　and　as　much　more　of

Tuggeridge's。　　He　would　not　pay　a　farthing；　he　said；　to　get　me　out

of　a　much　worse　place　than　the　Fleet。　　I　need　not　tell　you　that

along　with　the　land　went　the　house　in　town；　and　the　money　in　the

funds。　　Tuggeridge；　he　who　had　thousands　before；　had　it　all。　　And

when　I　was　in　prison；　who　do　you　think　would　come　and　see　me？

None　of　the　Barons；　nor　Counts；　nor　Foreign　Ambassadors；　nor

Excellencies；　who　used　to　fill　our　house；　and　eat　and　drink　at

our　expense；not　even　the　ungrateful　Tagrag！



I　could　not　help　now　saying　to　my　dear　wife；　〃See；　my　love；　we　have

been　gentlefolks　for　exactly　a　year；　and　a　pretty　life　we　have　had

of　it。　　In　the　first　place；　my　darling；　we　gave　grand　dinners；　and

everybody　laughed　at　us。〃



〃Yes；　and　recollect　how　ill　they　made　you；〃　cries　my　daughter。



〃We　asked　great　company；　and　they　insulted　us。〃



〃And　spoilt　mamma's　temper；〃　said　Jemimarann。



〃Hush！　Miss；〃　said　her　mother；　〃we　don't　want　YOUR　advice。〃



〃Then　you　must　make　a　country　gentleman　of　me。〃



〃And　send　Pa　into　dunghills；〃　roared　Tug。



〃Then　you　must　go　to　operas；　and　pick　up　foreign　Barons　and

Counts。〃



〃Oh；　thank　heaven；　dearest　papa；　that　we　are　rid　of　them；〃　cries　my

little　Jemimarann；　looking　almost　happy；　and　kissing　her　old　pappy。



〃And　you　must　make　a　fine　gentleman　of　Tug　there；　and　send　him　to　a

fine　school。〃



〃And　I　give　you　my　word；〃　says　Tug；　〃I'm　as　ignorant　a　chap　as　ever

lived。〃



〃You're　an　insolent　saucebox；〃　says　Jemmy；　〃you've　learned　that　at

your　fine　school。〃



〃I've　learned　something　else；　too；　ma'am；　ask　the　boys　if　I

haven't；〃