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Burlesques



by William Makepeace Thackeray









CONTENTS





NOTES BY EMINENT HANDS。





George de Barnwell。  By Sir E。 L。 B。 L。; Bart。



Codlingsby。  By D。 Shrewsberry; Esq。



Phil Fogarty。  A Tale of the Fighting Onety…Oneth。  By Harry

Rollicker



Barbazure。  By G。 P。 R。 Jeames; Esq。; etc。



Lords and Liveries。  By the Authoress of 〃Dukes and Dejeuners;〃

〃Hearts and Diamonds;〃 〃Marchionesses and Milliners;〃 etc。; etc。



Crinoline。  By Je…mes Pl…sh; Esq。



The Stars and Stripes。  By the Author of 〃The Last of the

Mulligans;〃 〃Pilot;〃 etc。



A Plan for a Prize Novel







THE DIARY OF C。 JEAMES DE LA PLUCHE; ESQ。; WITH HIS LETTERS。





A Lucky Speculator



The Diary



Jeames on Time Bargings



Jeames on the Gauge Question



Mr。 Jeames Again







THE TREMENDOUS ADVENTURES OF MAJOR GAHAGAN。





I。 〃Truth is Strange; Stranger than Fiction〃



II。 Allyghur and Laswaree



III。 A Peep into Spain。Account of the Origin and Services of the

Ahmednuggar Irregulars



IV。 The Indian Campthe Sortie from the Fort



V。 The Issue of my Interview with my Wife



VI。 Famine in the Garrison



VII。 The Escape



VIII。 The Captive



IX。 Surprise of Futtyghur







A LEGEND OF THE RHINE。





I。 Sir Ludwig of Hombourg



II。 The Godesbergers



III。 The Festival



IV。 The Flight



V。 The Traitor's Doom



VI。 The Confession



VII。 The Sentence



VIII。 The Childe of Godesberg



IX。 The Lady of Windeck



X。 The Battle of the Bowmen



XI。 The Martyr of Love



XII。 The Champion



XIII。 The Marriage







REBECCA AND ROWENA; A ROMANCE UPON ROMANCE。





CHAPTER



I。 The OvertureCommencement of the Business



II。 The Last Days of the Lion



III。 St。 George for England



IV。 Ivanhoe Redivivus



V。 Ivanhoe to the Rescue



VI。 Ivanhoe the Widower



VII。 The End of the Performance







THE HISTORY OF THE NEXT FRENCH REVOLUTION。





I。  



II。 Henry V。 and Napoleon III



III。 The Advance of the PretendersHistorical Review



IV。 The Battle of Rheims



V。 The Battle of Tours



VI。 The English under Jenkins



VII。 The Leaguer of Paris



VIII。 The Battle of the Forts



IX。 Louis XVII







COX'S DIARY。





The Announcement



First Rout



A Day with the Surrey Hounds



The Finishing Touch



A New Drop…Scene at the Opera



Striking a Balance



Down at Beulah



A Tournament



Over…Boarded and Under…Lodged



Notice to Quit



Law Life Assurance



Family Bustle









NOVELS BY EMINENT HANDS。





GEORGE DE BARNWELL



BY SIR E。 L。 B。 L。; BART。





VOL I。





In the Morning of Life the Truthful wooed the Beautiful; and their

offspring was Love。  Like his Divine parents; He is eternal。  He

has his Mother's ravishing smile; his Father's steadfast eyes。  He

rises every day; fresh and glorious as the untired Sun…God。  He is

Eros; the ever young。  Dark; dark were this world of ours had

either Divinity left itdark without the day…beams of the Latonian

Charioteer; darker yet without the daedal Smile of the God of the

Other Bow!  Dost know him; reader?



Old is he; Eros; the ever young。  He and Time were children

together。  Chronos shall die; too; but Love is imperishable。

Brightest of the Divinities; where hast thou not been sung?  Other

worships pass away; the idols for whom pyramids were raised lie in

the desert crumbling and almost nameless; the Olympians are fled;

their fanes no longer rise among the quivering olive…groves of

Ilissus; or crown the emerald…islets of the amethyst Aegean!  These

are gone; but thou remainest。  There is still a garland for thy

temple; a heifer for thy stone。  A heifer?  Ah; many a darker

sacrifice。  Other blood is shed at thy altars; Remorseless One; and

the Poet Priest who ministers at thy Shrine draws his auguries from

the bleeding hearts of men!



While Love hath no end; Can the Bard ever cease singing?  In Kingly

and Heroic ages; 'twas of Kings and Heroes that the Poet spake。

But in these; our times; the Artisan hath his voice as well as the

Monarch。  The people To…Day is King; and we chronicle his woes; as

They of old did the sacrifice of the princely Iphigenia; or the

fate of the crowned Agamemnon。



Is Odysseus less august in his rags than in his purple?  Fate;

Passion; Mystery; the Victim; the Avenger; the Hate that harms; the

Furies that tear; the Love that bleeds; are not these with us

Still? are not these still the weapons of the Artist? the colors of

his palette? the chords of his lyre?  Listen!  I tell thee a tale

not of Kingsbut of Mennot of Thrones; but of Love; and Grief;

and Crime。  Listen; and but once more。  'Tis for the last time

(probably) these fingers shall sweep the strings。



E。 L。 B。 L。





NOONDAY IN CHEPE。





'Twas noonday in Chepe。  High Tide in the mighty River City!its

banks wellnigh overflowing with the myriad…waved Stream of Man!

The toppling wains; bearing the produce of a thousand marts; the

gilded equipage of the Millionary; the humbler; but yet larger

vehicle from the green metropolitan suburbs (the Hanging Gardens of

our Babylon); in which every traveller might; for a modest

remuneration; take a republican seat; the mercenary caroche; with

its private freight; the brisk curricle of the letter…carrier;

robed in royal scarlet: these and a thousand others were laboring

and pressing onward; and locked and bound and hustling together in

the narrow channel of Chepe。  The imprecations of the charioteers

were terrible。  From the noble's broidered hammer…cloth; or the

driving…seat of the common coach; each driver assailed the other

with floods of ribald satire。  The pavid matron within the one

vehicle (speeding to the Bank for her semestrial pittance) shrieked

and trembled; the angry Dives hastening to his office (to add

another thousand to his heap;) thrust his head over the blazoned

panels; and displayed an eloquence of objurgation which his very

Menials could not equal; the dauntless street urchins; as they

gayly threaded the Labyrinth of Life; enjoyed the perplexities and

quarrels of the scene; and exacerbated the already furious

combatants by their poignant infantile satire。  And the

Philosopher; as he regarded the hot strife and struggle of these

Candidates in the race for Gold; thought with a sigh of the

Truthful and the Beautiful; and walked on; melancholy and serene。



'Twas noon in Chepe。  The ware…rooms were thronged。  The flaunting

windows of the mercers attracted many a purchaser: the glittering

panes behind which Birmingham had glazed its simulated silver;

induced rustics to pause: although only noon; the savory odors of

the Cook Shops tempted the over hungry citizen to the bun of Bath;

or to the fragrant potage that mocks the turtle's flavorthe

turtle!  O dapibus suprimi grata testudo Jovis!  I am an Alderman

when I think of thee!  Well: it was noon in Chepe。



But were all battling for gain there?  Among the many brilliant

shops whose casements shone upon Chepe; there stood one a century

back (about which period our tale opens) devoted to the sale of

Colonial produce。  A rudely carved image of a negro; with a

fantastic plume and apron of variegated feathers; decorated the

lintel。  The East and West had sent their contributions to

replenish the window。



The poor slave had toiled; died perhaps; to produce yon pyramid of

swarthy sugar marked 〃ONLY 6 1/2d。〃That catty box; on which was

the epigraph 〃STRONG FAMILY CONGO ONLY 3s。 9d;〃 was from the

country of Confutzeethat heap of dark produce bore the legend

〃TRY OUR REAL NUT〃'Twas Cocoaand that nut the Cocoa…nut; whose

milk has refreshed the traveller and perplexed the natural

philosopher。  The shop in question was; in a word; a Grocer's。



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