speeches-literary & social-第18章

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fish；　gave　them　serpents。　　When　they　were　ordered　to　send　to　the

East；　they　sent　to　the　West；　when　they　ought　to　have　been　serving

dinner　in　the　North；　they　were　consulting　exploded　cookery　books　in

the　South；　who　wasted；　destroyed；　tumbled　over　one　another　when

required　to　do　anything；　and　were　bringing　everything　to　ruin。　　At

last　the　respectable　gentleman　calls　his　house　steward；　and　says；

even　then　more　in　sorrow　than　in　anger；　〃This　is　a　terrible

business；　no　fortune　can　stand　it　…　no　mortal　equanimity　can　bear

it！　　I　must　change　my　system；　I　must　obtain　servants　who　will　do

their　duty。〃　　The　house　steward　throws　up　his　eyes　in　pious　horror；

ejaculates　〃Good　God；　master；　you　are　setting　class　against　class！〃

and　then　rushes　off　into　the　servants'　hall；　and　delivers　a　long

and　melting　oration　on　that　wicked　feeling。



I　now　come　to　the　third　objection；　which　is　common　among　young

gentlemen　who　are　not　particularly　fit　for　anything　but　spending

money　which　they　have　not　got。　　It　is　usually　comprised　in　the

observation；　〃How　very　extraordinary　it　is　that　these

Administrative　Reform　fellows　can't　mind　their　own　business。〃　　I

think　it　will　occur　to　all　that　a　very　sufficient　mode　of　disposing

of　this　objection　is　to　say；　that　it　is　our　own　business　we　mind

when　we　come　forward　in　this　way；　and　it　is　to　prevent　it　from

being　mismanaged　by　them。　　I　observe　from　the　Parliamentary　debates

…　which　have　of　late；　by…the…bye；　frequently　suggested　to　me　that

there　is　this　difference　between　the　bull　of　Spain　the　bull　of

Nineveh；　that；　whereas；　in　the　Spanish　case；　the　bull　rushes　at　the

scarlet；　in　the　Ninevite　case；　the　scarlet　rushes　at　the　bull　…　I

have　observed　from　the　Parliamentary　debates　that；　by　a　curious

fatality；　there　has　been　a　great　deal　of　the　reproof　valiant　and

the　counter…check　quarrelsome；　in　reference　to　every　case；　showing

the　necessity　of　Administrative　Reform；　by　whomsoever　produced；

whensoever；　and　wheresoever。　　I　daresay　I　should　have　no　difficulty

in　adding　two　or　three　cases　to　the　list；　which　I　know　to　be　true；

and　which　I　have　no　doubt　would　be　contradicted；　but　I　consider　it

a　work　of　supererogation；　for；　if　the　people　at　large　be　not

already　convinced　that　a　sufficient　general　case　has　been　made　out

for　Administrative　Reform；　I　think　they　never　can　be；　and　they

never　will　be。　　There　is；　however；　an　old　indisputable；　very　well

known　story；　which　has　so　pointed　a　moral　at　the　end　of　it　that　I

will　substitute　it　for　a　new　case：　　by　doing　of　which　I　may　avoid；

I　hope；　the　sacred　wrath　of　St。　Stephen's。　　Ages　ago　a　savage　mode

of　keeping　accounts　on　notched　sticks　was　introduced　into　the　Court

of　Exchequer；　and　the　accounts　were　kept；　much　as　Robinson　Crusoe

kept　his　calendar　on　the　desert　island。　　In　the　course　of

considerable　revolutions　of　time；　the　celebrated　Cocker　was　born；

and　died；　Walkinghame；　of　the　Tutor's　Assistant；　and　well　versed　in

figures；　was　also　born；　and　died；　a　multitude　of　accountants；　book…

keepers；　and　actuaries；　were　born；　and　died。　　Still　official

routine　inclined　to　these　notched　sticks；　as　if　they　were　pillars

of　the　constitution；　and　still　the　Exchequer　accounts　continued　to

be　kept　on　certain　splints　of　elm　wood　called　〃tallies。〃　　In　the

reign　of　George　III。　an　inquiry　was　made　by　some　revolutionary

spirit；　whether　pens；　ink；　and　paper；　slates　and　pencils；　being　in

existence；　this　obstinate　adherence　to　an　obsolete　custom　ought　to

be　continued；　and　whether　a　change　ought　not　to　be　effected。



All　the　red　tape　in　the　country　grew　redder　at　the　bare　mention　of

this　bold　and　original　conception；　and　it　took　till　1826　to　get

these　sticks　abolished。　　In　1834　it　was　found　that　there　was　a

considerable　accumulation　of　them；　and　the　question　then　arose；

what　was　to　be　done　with　such　worn…out；　worm…eaten；　rotten　old　bits

of　wood？　　I　dare　say　there　was　a　vast　amount　of　minuting；

memoranduming；　and　despatch…boxing；　on　this　mighty　subject。　　The

sticks　were　housed　at　Westminster；　and　it　would　naturally　occur　to

any　intelligent　person　that　nothing　could　be　easier　than　to　allow

them　to　be　carried　away　for　fire…wood　by　the　miserable　people　who

live　in　that　neighbourhood。　　However；　they　never　had　been　useful；

and　official　routine　required　that　they　never　should　be；　and　so　the

order　went　forth　that　they　were　to　be　privately　and　confidentially

burnt。　　It　came　to　pass　that　they　were　burnt　in　a　stove　in　the

House　of　Lords。　　The　stove；　overgorged　with　these　preposterous

sticks；　set　fire　to　the　panelling；　the　panelling　set　fire　to　the

House　of　Lords；　the　House　of　Lords　set　fire　to　the　House　of

Commons；　the　two　houses　were　reduced　to　ashes；　architects　were

called　in　to　build　others；　we　are　now　in　the　second　million　of　the

cost　thereof；　the　national　pig　is　not　nearly　over　the　stile　yet；

and　the　little　old　woman；　Britannia；　hasn't　got　home　to…night。



Now；　I　think　we　may　reasonably　remark；　in　conclusion；　that　all

obstinate　adherence　to　rubbish　which　the　time　has　long　outlived；　is

certain　to　have　in　the　soul　of　it　more　or　less　that　is　pernicious

and　destructive；　and　that　will　some　day　set　fire　to　something　or

other；　which；　if　given　boldly　to　the　winds　would　have　been

harmless；　but　which；　obstinately　retained；　is　ruinous。　　I　believe

myself　that　when　Administrative　Reform　goes　up　it　will　be　idle　to

hope　to　put　it　down；　on　this　or　that　particular　instance。　　The

great；　broad；　and　true　cause　that　our　public　progress　is　far　behind

our　private　progress；　and　that　we　are　not　more　remarkable　for　our

private　wisdom　and　success　in　matters　of　business　than　we　are　for

our　public　folly　and　failure；　I　take　to　be　as　clearly　established

as　the　sun；　moon；　and　stars。　　To　set　this　right；　and　to　clear　the

way　in　the　country　for　merit　everywhere：　　accepting　it　equally

whether　it　be　aristocratic　or　democratic；　only　asking　whether　it　be

honest　or　true；　is；　I　take　it；　the　true　object　of　this　Association。

This　object　it　seeks　to　promote　by　uniting　together　large　numbers

of　the　people；　I　hope；　of　all　conditions；　to　the　end　that　they　may

better　comprehend；　bear　in　mind；　understand　themselves；　and　impress

upon　others；　the　common　public　duty。　　Also；　of　which　there　is　great

need；　that　by　keeping　a　vigilant　eye　on　the　skirmishers　thrown　out

from　time　to　time　by　the　Party　of　Generals；　they　may　see　that　their

feints　and　manoeuvres　do　not　oppress　the　small　defaulters　and

release　the　great；　and　that　they　do　not　gull　the　public　with　a　mere

field…day　Review　of　Reform；　instead　of　an　earnest；　hard…fought

Battle。　　I　have　had　no　consultation　with　any　one　upon　the　subject；

but　I　particularly　wish　that　the　directors　may　devise　some　means　of

enabling　intelligent　working　men　to　join　this　body；　on　easier　terms

than　subscribers　who　have　larger　resources。　　I　could　wish　to　see

great　numbers　of　them　belong　to　us；　because　I　sincerely　believe

that　it　would　be　good　for　the　common　weal。



Said　the　noble　Lord　at　the　head　of　the　Government；　when　Mr。　Layard

asked　him　for　a　day　for　his　motion；　〃Let　the　hon。　gentleman　find　a

day　for　himself。〃





〃Now；　in　the　names　of　all　the　gods　at　once；

Upon　what　meat　doth　this　our　Caesar　feed

That　he　is　grown　so　great？〃





If　our　Caesar　will　excuse　me；　I　would　take　the　liberty　of　reversing

that　cool　and　lofty　sentiment；　and　I　would　say；　〃First　Lord；　your

duty　it　is　to　see　that　no　man　is　left　to　find　a　day　for　himself。

See　you；　who　take　the　responsibility　of　government；　who　aspire　to

it；　live　for　it；　intrigue　for　it；　scramble　for　it；　who　hold　to　it

tooth…and…nail　when　you　can　get　it；　see　you　that　no　man　is　left　to

find　a　day　for　himself。　　In　this　old　country；　with　its　seething

hard…worked　millions；　its　heavy　taxes；　its　swarms　of　ignorant；　its

crowds　of　poor；　and　its　crowds　of　wicked；　woe　the　day　when　the

dangerous　man　shall　find　a　day　for　himself；　because　the　head　of　the

Government　failed　in　his　duty　in　not　anticipating　it　by　a　brighter

and　a　better　one！　　Na