hard times(艰难时世)-第72章
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had to say—the feelings long suppressed broke loose。
“This night； my husband being away； he has been with me；
declaring himself my lover。 This minute he expects me； for I could
release myself of his presence by no other means。 I do not know
that I am sorry； I do not know that I am ashamed； I do not know
that I am degraded in my own esteem。 All that I know is； your
philosophy and your teaching will not save me。 Now； father； you
have brought me to this。 Save me by some other means！”
He tightened his hold in time to prevent her sinking on the
floor； but she cried out in a terrible voice； “I shall die if you hold
me！ Let me fall upon the ground！” And he laid her down there；
and saw the pride of his heart and the triumph of his system； lying
an insensible heap； at his feet。
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Book the Third：
Garnering
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Chapter 1
Another Thing Needful
ouisa awoke from a torpor； and her eyes languidly opened
on her old bed at home； and her old room。 It seemed； at
L
first； as if all that had happened since the days when these
objects were familiar to her were the shadows of a dream； but
gradually； as the objects became more real to her sight； the events
became more real to her mind。
She could scarcely move her head for pain and heaviness； her
eyes were strained and sore； and she was very weak。 A curious
passive inattention had such possession of her； that the presence
of her little sister in the room did not attract her notice for some
time。 Even when their eyes had met； and her sister had
approached the bed； Louisa lay for minutes looking at her in
silence； and suffering her timidly to hold her passive hand； before
she asked：
“When was I brought to this room？”
“Last night； Louisa。”
“Who brought me here？”
“Sissy； I believe。”
“Why do you believe so？”
“Because I found her here this morning。 She didn’t come to my
bedside to wake me； as she always does； and I went to look for her。
She was not in her own room either； and I went looking for her all
over the house； until I found her here； taking care of you and
cooling your head。 Will you see father？ Sissy said I was to tell him
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when you woke。”
“What a beaming face you have； Jane！” said Louisa； as her
young sister—timidly still—bent down to kiss her。
“Have l？ I am very glad you think so。 I am sure it must be
Sissy’s doing。”
The arm Louisa had begun to twine about her neck； unbent
itself。 “You can tell father； if you will。” Then； staying her a
moment； she said； “It was you who made my room so cheerful； and
gave it this look of welcome？”
“Oh no； Louisa； it was done before I came。 It was—” Louisa
turned upon her pillow； and heard no more。 When her sister had
withdrawn； she turned her head back again； and lay with her face
towards the door； until it opened and her father entered。
He had a jaded anxious look upon him； and his hand； usually
steady； trembled in hers。 He sat down at the side of the bed；
tenderly asking how she was； and dwelling on the necessity of her
keeping very quiet after her agitation and exposure to the weather
last night。 He spoke in a subdued and troubled voice； very
different from his usual dictatorial manner； and was often at a loss
for words。
“My dear Louisa。 My poor daughter。” He was so much at a loss
at that place； that he stopped altogether。 He tried again。
“My unfortunate child。” The place was so difficult to get over；
that he tried again。
“It would be hopeless for me； Louisa； to endeavour to tell you
how overwhelmed I have been； and still am； by what broke upon
me last night。 The ground on which I stand has ceased to be solid
under my feet。 The only support on which I leaned； and the
strength of which it seemed and still does seem； impossible to
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question； has given way in an instant。 I am stunned by these
discoveries。 I have no selfish meaning in what I say； but I find the
shock of what broke upon me last night； to be very heavy indeed。”
She could give him no comfort herein。 She had suffered the
wreck of her whole life upon the rock。
“I will not say； Louisa； that if you had by any happy chance
undeceived me some time ago； it would have been better for us
both； better for your peace； and better for mine。 For I am sensible
that it may not have been a part of my system to invite any
confidence of that kind。 I have proved my—my system to myself；
and I have rigidly administered it； and I must bear the
responsibility of its failures。 I only entreat you to believe； my
favourite child； I have meant to do right。”
He said it earnestly； and to do him justice he had。 In gauging
fathomless deeps with his little mean excise…rod； and in staggering
over the universe with his rusty stiff…legged compasses； he had
meant to do great things。 Within the limits of his short tether he
had tumbled about； annihilating the flowers of existence with
greater singleness of purpose than many of the blatant personages
whose company he kept。
“I am well assured of what you say； father。 I know I have been
your favourite child。 I know you have intended to make me happy。
I have never blamed you； and I never shall。”
He took her outstretched hand； and retained it in his。
“My dear； I have remained all night at my table； pondering
again and again on what has so painfully passed between us。
When I consider your character； when I consider that what has
been known to me for hours； has been concealed by you for years；
when I consider under what immediate pressure it has been
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forced from you at last； I come to the conclusion that I cannot but
mistrust myself。”
He might have added more than all； when he saw the face now
looking at him。 He did add it in effect； perhaps； as he softly moved
her scattered hair from her forehead with his hand。 Such little
actions； slight in another man； were very noticeable in him； and
his daughter received th
