the moscow census-第21章

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that　I　felt　ashamed。＇　｛17｝

Yes；　before　doing　good　it　was　needful　for　me　to　stand　outside　of
evil；　in　such　conditions　that　I　might　cease　to　do　evil。　　But　my　whole
life　is　evil。　　I　may　give　away　a　hundred　thousand　rubles；　and　still　I
shall　not　be　in　a　position　to　do　good　because　I　shall　still　have　five
hundred　thousand　left。　　Only　when　I　have　nothing　shall　I　be　in　a
position　to　do　the　least　particle　of　good；　even　as　much　as　the
prostitute　did　which　she　nursed　the　sick　women　and　her　child　for
three　days。　　And　that　seemed　so　little　to　me！　　And　I　dared　to　think
of　good　myself！　　That　which；　on　the　first　occasion；　told　me；　at　the
sight　of　the　cold　and　hungry　in　the　Lyapinsky　house；　that　I　was　to
blame　for　this；　and　that　to　live　as　I　live　is　impossible；　and
impossible；　and　impossible；that　alone　was　true。

What；　then；　was　I　to　do？



CHAPTER　XVI。



It　was　hard　for　me　to　come　to　this　confession；　but　when　I　had　come　to
it　I　was　shocked　at　the　error　in　which　I　had　been　living。　　I　stood　up
to　my　ears　in　the　mud；　and　yet　I　wanted　to　drag　others　out　of　this
mud。

What　is　it　that　I　wish　in　reality？　　I　wish　to　do　good　to　others。　　I
wish　to　do　it　so　that　other　people　may　not　be　cold　and　hungry；　so
that　others　may　live　as　it　is　natural　for　people　to　live。

＇I　wish　this；　and　I　see　that　in　consequence　of　the　violence；
extortions；　and　various　tricks　in　which　I　take　part；　people　who　toil
are　deprived　of　necessaries；　and　people　who　do　not　toil；　in　whose
ranks　I　also　belong；　enjoy　in　superabundance　the　toil　of　other
people。

I　see　that　this　enjoyment　of　the　labors　of　others　is　so　arranged；
that　the　more　rascally　and　complicated　the　trickery　which　is　employed
by　the　man　himself；　or　which　has　been　employed　by　the　person　from
whom　he　obtained　his　inheritance；　the　more　does　he　enjoy　of　the
labors　of　others；　and　the　less　does　he　contribute　of　his　own　labor。

First　come　the　Shtiglitzy；　Dervizy；　Morozovy；　the　Demidoffs；　the
Yusapoffs；　then　great　bankers；　merchants；　officials；　landed
proprietors；　among　whom　I　also　belong；　then　the　poorvery　small
traders；　dramshop…keepers；　usurers；　district　judges；　overseers；
teachers；　sacristans；　clerks；　then　house…porters；　lackeys；　coachmen；
watch…carriers；　cab…drivers；　peddlers；　and　last　of　all；　the　laboring
classesfactory…hands　and　peasants；　whose　numbers　bear　the　relation
to　the　first　named　of　ten　to　one。　　I　see　that　the　life　of　nine…tenths
of　the　working　classes　demands；　by　reason　of　its　nature；　application
and　toil；　as　does　every　natural　life；　but　that；　in　consequence　of　the
sharp　practices　which　take　from　these　people　what　is　indispensable；
and　place　them　in　such　oppressive　conditions；　this　life　becomes　more
difficult　every　year；　and　more　filled　with　deprivations；　but　our
life；　the　life　of　the　non…laboring　classes；　thanks　to　the　co…
operation　of　the　arts　and　sciences　which　are　directed　to　this　object；
becomes　more　filled　with　superfluities；　more　attractive　and　careful；
with　every　year。　　I　see；　that；　in　our　day；　the　life　of　the　working…
man；　and；　in　particular；　the　life　of　old　men；　of　women；　and　of
children　of　the　working　population；　is　perishing　directly　from　their
food；　which　is　utterly　inadequate　to　their　fatiguing　labor；　and　that
this　life　of　theirs　is　not　free　from　care　as　to　its　very　first
requirements；　and　that；　alongside　of　this；　the　life　of　the　non…
laboring　classes；　to　which　I　belong；　is　filled　more　and　more；　every
year；　with　superfluities　and　luxury；　and　becomes　more　and　more　free
from　anxiety；　and　has　finally　reached　such　a　point　of　freedom　from
care；　in　the　case　of　its　fortunate　members；　of　whom　I　am　one；　as　was
only　dreamed　of　in　olden　times　in　fairy…tales；the　state　of　the
owner　of　the　purse　with　the　inexhaustible　ruble；　that　is；　a　condition
in　which　a　man　is　not　only　utterly　released　from　the　law　of　labor；
but　in　which　he　possesses　the　possibility　of　enjoying；　without　toil；
all　the　blessings　of　life；　and　of　transferring　to　his　children；　or　to
any　one　whom　he　may　see　fit；　this　purse　with　the　inexhaustible　ruble。

I　see　that　the　products　of　the　people's　toil　are　more　and　more
transformed　from　the　mass　of　the　working　classes　to　those　who　do　not
work；　that　the　pyramid　of　the　social　edifice　seems　to　be
reconstructed　in　such　fashion　that　the　foundation　stones　are　carried
to　the　apex；　and　the　swiftness　of　this　transfer　is　increasing　in　a
sort　of　geometrical　ratio。　　I　see　that　the　result　of　this　is
something　like　that　which　would　take　place　in　an　ant…heap　if　the
community　of　ants　were　to　lose　their　sense　of　the　common　law；　if　some
ants　were　to　begin　to　draw　the　products　of　labor　from　the　bottom　to
the　top　of　the　heap；　and　should　constantly　contract　the　foundations
and　broaden　the　apex；　and　should　thereby　also　force　the　remaining
ants　to　betake　themselves　from　the　bottom　to　the　summit。

I　see　that　the　ideal　of　the　Fortunatus'　purse　has　made　its　way　among
the　people；　in　the　place　of　the　ideal　of　a　toilsome　life。　　Rich
people；　myself　among　the　number；　get　possession　of　the　inexhaustible
ruble　by　various　devices；　and　for　the　purpose　of　enjoying　it　we　go　to
the　city；　to　the　place　where　nothing　is　produced　and　where　every
thing　is　swallowed　up。

The　industrious　poor　man；　who　is　robbed　in　order　that　the　rich　may
possess　this　inexhaustible　ruble；　yearns　for　the　city　in　his　train；
and　there　he　also　takes　to　sharp　practices；　and　either　acquires　for
himself　a　position　in　which　he　can　work　little　and　receive　much；
thereby　rendering　still　more　oppressive　the　situation　of　the　laboring
classes；　or；　not　having　attained　to　such　a　position；　he　goes　to　ruin；
and　falls　into　the　ranks　of　those　cold　and　hungry　inhabitants　of　the
night…lodging　houses；　which　are　being　swelled　with　such　remarkable
rapidity。

I　belong　to　the　class　of　those　people；　who；　by　divers　tricks；　take
from　the　toiling　masses　the　necessaries　of　life；　and　who　have
acquired　for　themselves　these　inexhaustible　rubles；　and　who　lead
these　unfortunates　astray。　　I　desire　to　aid　people；　and　therefore　it
is　clear　that；　first　of　all；　I　must　cease　to　rob　them　as　I　am　doing。
But　I；　by　the　most　complicated；　and　cunning；　and　evil　practices；
which　have　been　heaped　up　for　centuries；　have　acquired　for　myself　the
position　of　an　owner　of　the　inexhaustible　ruble；　that　is　to　say；　one
in　which；　never　working　myself；　I　can　make　hundreds　and　thousands　of
people　toil　for　mewhich　also　I　do；　and　I　imagine　that　I　pity
people；　and　I　wish　to　assist　them。　　I　sit　on　a　man's　neck；　I　weigh
him　down；　and　I　demand　that　he　shall　carry　me；　and　without　descending
from　his　shoulders　I　assure　myself　and　others　that　I　am　very　sorry
for　him；　and　that　I　desire　to　ameliorate　his　condition　by　all
possible　means；　only　not　by　getting　off　of　him。

Surely　this　is　simple　enough。　　If　I　want　to　help　the　poor；　that　is；
to　make　the　poor　no　longer　poor；　I　must　not　produce　poor　people。　　And
I　give；　at　my　own　selection；　to　poor　men　who　have　gone　astray　from
the　path　of　life；　a　ruble；　or　ten　rubles；　or　a　hundred；　and　I　grasp
hundreds　from　people　who　have　not　yet　left　the　path；　and　thereby　I
render　them　poor　also；　and　demoralize　them　to　boot。

This　is　very　simple；　but　it　was　horribly　hard　for　me　to　understand
this　fully　without　compromises　and　reservations；　which　might　serve　to
justify　my　position；　but　it　sufficed　for　me　to　confess　my　guilt；　and
every　thing　which　had　before　seemed　to　me　strange　and　complicated；
and　lacking　in　cleanness；　became　perfectly　comprehensible　and　simple。
But　the　chief　point　was；　that　my　way　of　life；　arising　from　this
interpretation；　became　simple；　clear　and　pleasant；　instead　of
perplexed；　inexplicable　and　full　of　torture　as　before。＇　｛18｝

Who　am　I；　that　I　should　desire　to　help　others？　　I　desire　to　help
people；　and　I；　rising　at　twelve　o'clock　after　a　game　of　vint　｛19｝
with　four　candles；　weak；　exhausted；　demanding　the　aid　of　hundreds　of
people；I　go　to　the　aid　of　whom？　　Of　people　who　rise　at　five
o'clock；　who　sleep　on　planks；　who　nourish　themselves　on　bread　and
cabbage；　who　know　how　to　plough；　to　reap；　to　wield　the　axe；　to　chop；
to　harness；　to　sew；of　people　who　in　strength　and　endurance；　and
skill　and　abstemiousness；　are　a　hundred　times　superior　to　me；and　I
go　to　t