2 new moon新月-第12章
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answer under his breath and then went back to ignoring me。
At lunch； the silence continued。 I felt like I was going to start screaming at any moment； so； to distract
myself； I leaned across the table's invisible line and spoke to Jessica。
〃Hey； Jess？〃
〃What's up； Bella？〃
〃Could you do me a favor？〃 I asked； reaching into my bag。 〃My mom wants me to get some pictures of
my friends for a scrapbook。 So； take some pictures of everybody； okay？〃
I handed her the camera。
〃Sure；〃 she said； grinning； and turned to snap a candid shot of Mike with his mouth full。
A predictable picture war ensued。 I watched them hand the camera around the table； giggling and flirting
and complaining about being on film。 It seemed strangely childish。 Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for
normal human behavior today。
〃Uh…oh；〃 Jessica said apologetically as she returned the camera。 〃I think we used all your film。〃
〃That's okay。 I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed。〃
After school； Edward walked me back to the parking lot in silence。 I had to work again； and for once； I
was glad。 Time with me obviously wasn't helping things。 Maybe time alone would be better。
I dropped my film off at the Thriftway on my way to Newton's； and then picked up the developed
pictures after work。 At home； I said a brief hi to Charlie； grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen； and
hurried up to my room with the envelope of photographs tucked under my arm。
I sat in the middle of my bed and opened the envelope with wary curiosity。 Ridiculously； I still half
expected the first print to be a blank。
When I pulled it out； I gasped aloud。 Edward looked just as beautiful as he did in real life； staring at me
out of the picture with the warm eyes I'd missed for the past few days。 It was almost uncanny that anyone
could look so… so… beyond description。 No thousand words could equal this picture。
I flipped through the rest of the stack quickly once； and then laid three of them out on the bed side by
side。
The first was the picture of Edward in the kitchen； his warm eyes touched with tolerant amusement。 The
second was Edward and Charlie； watching ESPN。 The difference in Edward's expression was severe。
His eyes were careful here； reserved。 Still breathtakingly beautiful； but his face was colder； more like a
sculpture； less alive。
The last was the picture of Edward and me standing awkwardly side by side。 Edward's face was the
same as the last； cold and statue…like。 But that wasn't the most troubling part of this photograph。 The
contrast between the two of us was painful。 He looked like a god。 I looked very average； even for a
human； almost shamefully plain。 I flipped the picture over with a feeling of disgust。
Instead of doing my homework； I stayed up to put my pictures into the album。 With a ballpoint pen I
scrawled captions under all the pictures； the names and the dates。 I got to the picture of Edward and me；
and； without looking at it too long； I folded it in half and stuck it under the metal tab； Edward…side up。
When I was done； I stuffed the second set of prints in a fresh envelope and penned a long thank…you
letter to Renee。
Edward still hadn't come over。 I didn't want to admit that he was the reason I'd stayed up so late； but of
course he was。 I tried to remember the last time he'd stayed away like this； without an excuse； a phone
call… He never had。
Again； I didn't sleep well。
School followed the silent； frustrating； terrifying pattern of the last two days。 I felt relief when I saw
Edward waiting for me in the parking lot； but it faded quickly。 He was no different； unless maybe more
remote。
It was hard to even remember the reason for all this mess。 My birthday already felt like the distant past。 If
only Alice would come back。 Soon。 Before this got any more out of hand。
But I couldn't count on that。 I decided that； if I couldn't talk to him today； really talk； then I was going to
see Carlisle tomorrow。 I had to do something。
After school； Edward and I were going to talk it out； I promised myself。 I wasn't accepting any excuses。
He walked me to my truck； and I steeled myself to make my demands。
〃Do you mind if I come over today？〃 he asked before we got to the truck； beating me to the punch。
〃Of course not。〃
〃Now？〃 he asked again； opening my door for me。
〃Sure；〃 I kept my voice even； though I didn't like the urgency in his tone。 〃I was just going to drop a letter
for Renee in the mailbox on the way。 I'll meet you there。〃
He looked at the fat envelope on the passenger seat。 Suddenly； he reached over me and snagged it。
〃I'll do it；〃 he said quietly。 〃And I'll still beat you there。〃 He smiled my favorite crooked smile； but it was
wrong。 It didn't reach his eyes。
〃Okay；〃 I agreed； unable to smile back。 He shut the door； and headed toward his car。
He did beat me home。 He was parked in Charlie's spot when I pulled up in front of the house。 That was
a bad sign。 He didn't plan to stay； then。 I shook my head and took a deep breath； trying to locate some
courage。
He got out of his car when I stepped out of the truck； and came to meet me。 He reached to take my
book bag from me。 That was normal。 But he shoved it back onto the seat。 That was not normal。
〃Come for a walk with me；〃 he suggested in an unemotional voice； taking my hand。
I didn't answer。 I couldn't think of a way to protest； but I instantly knew that I wanted to。 I didn't like
this。 This is bad； this is very bad； the voice in my head repeated again and again。
But he didn't wait for an answer。 He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard； where the forest
encroached。 I followed unwillingly； trying to think through the panic。 It was what I wanted； I reminded
myself。 The chance to talk it all through。 So why was the panic choking me？
We'd gone only a few steps into the trees when he stopped。 We were barely on the trail—I could still
see the house。
Some walk。
Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me； his expression unreadable。
〃Okay； let's talk；〃 I said。 It sounded braver than it felt。
He took a deep breath。
〃Bella； we're leaving。〃
I took a deep breath； too。 This was an acceptable option。 I thought I was prepared。 But I still had to ask。
〃Why now？ Another year—〃
〃Bella； it's time。 How much longer could we stay in Forks； after all？ Carlisle can barely pass for thirty；
and he's claiming thirty…three now。 We'd have to start over soon regardless。〃
His answer confused me。 I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace。 Why did we
have to leave if they were going？ I stared at him； trying to understand what he meant。
He stared back coldly。
With a roll of nausea； I realized I'd misunderstood。
〃When you say we—；〃 I whispered。
〃I mean my family and myself。〃 Each word separate and distinct。
I shook my head back and forth mechanically； trying to clear it。 He waited without any sign of
impatience。 It took a few minutes before I could speak。
〃Okay；〃 I said。 〃I'll come with you。〃
〃You can't； Bella。 Where we're going… It's not the right place for you。〃
〃Where you are is the right place for me。〃
〃I'm no good for you； Bella。〃
〃Don't be ridiculous。〃 I wanted to sound angry； but it just sounded like I was begging。 〃You're the very
best part of my life。〃
〃My world is not for you；〃 he said grimly。
〃What happened with Jasper—that was nothing； Edward！ Nothing！〃
〃You're right；〃 he agreed。 〃It was exactly what was to be expected。〃
〃You promised！ In Phoenix； you promised that you would stay—〃
〃As long as that was best for you；〃 he interrupted to correct me。
〃No！ This is about my soul； isn't it？〃 I shouted； furious； the words exploding out of me—somehow it still
sounded like a plea。 〃Carlisle told me about that； and I don't care； Edward。 I don't care！ You can have
my soul。 I don't want it without you—it's yours already！〃
He took a deep breath and stared； unseeingly； at the ground for a long moment。 His mouth twisted the
tiniest bit。 When he finally looked up； his eyes were different； hard
