susy, a story of the plains-第37章

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YOU　only。　　Don't　laugh　at　me；　Mrs。　Peyton；　it　is　the　truth；　the

whole　truth；　I　am　telling　you。　　God　help　me！〃



If　she　only　COULD　have　laughed；harshly；　ironically；　or　even

mercifully　and　kindly！　　But　it　would　not　come。　　And　she　burst　out：



〃I　am　not　laughing。　　Good　heavens；　don't　you　see？　　It　is　ME　you　are

making　ridiculous。〃



〃YOU　ridiculous？〃　he　said　in　a　momentarily　choked；　half…stupefied

voice。　　〃Youa　beautiful　woman；　my　superior　in　everything；　the

mistress　of　these　lands　where　I　am　only　stewardmade　ridiculous；

not　by　my　presumption；　but　by　my　confession？　　Was　the　saint　you　just

now　admired　in　Father　Esteban's　chapel　ridiculous　because　of　the

peon　clowns　who　were　kneeling　before　it？〃



〃Hush！　　This　is　wicked！　　Stop！〃



She　felt　she　was　now　on　firm　ground；　and　made　the　most　of　it　in

voice　and　manner。　　She　must　draw　the　line　somewhere；　and　she　would

draw　it　between　passion　and　impiety。



〃Not　until　I　have　told　you　all；　and　I　MUST　before　I　leave　you。　　I

loved　you　when　I　came　here；even　when　your　husband　was　alive。

Don't　be　angry；　Mrs。　Peyton；　HE　would　not；　and　need　not；　have　been

angry；　he　would　have　pitied　the　foolish　boy；　who；　in　the　very

innocence　and　ignorance　of　his　passion；　might　have　revealed　it　to

him　as　he　did　to　everybody　but　ONE。　　And　yet；　I　sometimes　think　you

might　have　guessed　it；　had　you　thought　of　me　at　all。　　It　must　have

been　on　my　lips　that　day　I　sat　with　you　in　the　boudoir。　　I　know　that

I　was　filled　with　it；　with　it　and　with　you；　with　your　presence；　with

your　beauty；　your　grace　of　heart　and　mind；yes；　Mrs。　Peyton；　even

with　your　own　unrequited　love　for　Susy。　　Only；　then；　I　knew　not　what

it　was。〃



〃But　I　think　I　can　tell　you　what　it　was　then；　and　now；〃　said　Mrs。

Peyton；　recovering　her　nervous　little　laugh；　though　it　died　a　moment

after　on　her　lips。　　〃I　remember　it　very　well。　　You　told　me　then　that

I　REMINDED　YOU　OF　YOUR　MOTHER。　　Well；　I　am　not　old　enough　to　be　your

mother；　Mr。　Brant；　but　I　am　old　enough　to　have　been；　and　might　have

been；　the　mother　of　your　wife。　　That　was　what　you　meant　then；　that

is　what　you　mean　now。　　I　was　wrong　to　accuse　you　of　trying　to　make

me　ridiculous。　　I　ask　your　pardon。　　Let　us　leave　it　as　it　was　that

day　in　the　boudoir；　as　it　is　NOW。　　Let　me　still　remind　you　of　your

mother；I　know　she　must　have　been　a　good　woman　to　have　had　so　good

a　son；and　when　you　have　found　some　sweet　young　girl　to　make　you

happy；　come　to　me　for　a　mother's　blessing；　and　we　will　laugh　at　the

recollection　and　misunderstanding　of　this　evening。〃



Her　voice　did　not；　however；　exhibit　that　exquisite　maternal

tenderness　which　the　beatific　vision　ought　to　have　called　up；　and

the　persistent　voice　of　Clarence　could　not　be　evaded　in　the　shadow。



〃I　said　you　reminded　me　of　my　mother；〃　he　went　on　at　her　side；

〃because　I　knew　her　and　lost　her　only　as　a　child。　　She　never　was

anything　to　me　but　a　memory；　and　yet　an　ideal　of　all　that　was　sweet

and　lovable　in　woman。　　Perhaps　it　was　a　dream　of　what　she　might　have

been　when　she　was　as　young　in　years　as　you。　　If　it　pleases　you　still

to　misunderstand　me；　it　may　please　you　also　to　know　that　there　is　a

reminder　of　her　even　in　this。　　I　have　no　remembrance　of　a　word　of

affection　from　her；　nor　a　caress；　I　have　been　as　hopeless　in　my　love

for　her　who　was　my　mother；　as　of　the　woman　I　would　make　my　wife。〃



〃But　you　have　seen　no　one；　you　know　no　one；　you　are　young；　you

scarcely　know　your　own　self！　　You　will　forget　this；　you　will　forget

ME！　　And　ififI　shouldlisten　to　you；　what　would　the　world　say；

what　would　YOU　yourself　say　a　few　years　hence？　　Oh；　be　reasonable。

Think　of　it；it　would　be　so　wild；so　mad！　sosoutterly

ridiculous！〃



In　proof　of　its　ludicrous　quality；　two　tears　escaped　her　eyes　in　the

darkness。　　But　Clarence　caught　the　white　flash　of　her　withdrawn

handkerchief　in　the　shadow；　and　captured　her　returning　hand。　　It　was

trembling；　but　did　not　struggle；　and　presently　hushed　itself　to　rest

in　his。



〃I'm　not　only　a　fool　but　a　brute；〃　he　said　in　a　lower　voice。

〃Forgive　me。　　I　have　given　you　pain；you；　for　whom　I　would　have

died。〃



They　had　both　stopped。　　He　was　still　holding　her　sleeping　hand。　　His

arm　had　stolen　around　the　burnous　so　softly　that　it　followed　the

curves　of　her　figure　as　lightly　as　a　fold　of　the　garment；　and　was

presumably　unfelt。　　Grief　has　its　privileges；　and　suffering

exonerates　a　questionable　situation。　　In　another　moment　her　fair

head　MIGHT　have　dropped　upon　his　shoulder。　　But　an　approaching　voice

uprose　in　the　adjoining　broad　allee。　　It　might　have　been　the　world

speaking　through　the　voice　of　the　lawyer　Sanderson。



〃Yes；　he　is　a　good　fellow；　and　an　intelligent　fellow；　too；　but　a

perfect　child　in　his　experience　of　mankind。〃



They　both　started；　but　Mrs。　Peyton's　hand　suddenly　woke　up　and

grasped　his　firmly。　　Then　she　said　in　a　higher；　but　perfectly　level

tone：



〃Yes；　I　think　with　you　we　had　better　look　at　it　again　in　the

sunlight　to…morrow。　　But　here　come　our　friends；　they　have　probably

been　waiting　for　us　to　join　them　and　go　in。〃



　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。



The　wholesome　freshness　of　early　morning　was　in　the　room　when

Clarence　awoke；　cleared　and　strengthened。　　His　resolution　had　been

made。　　He　would　leave　the　rancho　that　morning；　to　enter　the　world

again　and　seek　his　fortune　elsewhere。　　This　was　only　right　to　HER；

whose　future　it　should　never　be　said　he　had　imperiled　by　his　folly

and　inexperience；　and　if；　in　a　year　or　two　of　struggle　he　could

prove　his　right　to　address　her　again；　he　would　return。　　He　had　not

spoken　to　her　since　they　had　parted　in　the　garden；　with　the　grim

truths　of　the　lawyer　ringing　in　his　ears；　but　he　had　written　a　few

lines　of　farewell；　to　be　given　to　her　after　he　had　left。　　He　was

calm　in　his　resolution；　albeit　a　little　pale　and　hollow…eyed　for　it。



He　crept　downstairs　in　the　gray　twilight　of　the　scarce…awakened

house；　and　made　his　way　to　the　stables。　　Saddling　his　horse；　and

mounting；　he　paced　forth　into　the　crisp　morning　air。　　The　sun；　just

risen；　was　everywhere　bringing　out　the　fresh　color　of　the　flower…

strewn　terraces；　as　the　last　night's　shadows；　which　had　hidden　them；

were　slowly　beaten　back。　　He　cast　a　last　look　at　the　brown　adobe

quadrangle　of　the　quiet　house；　just　touched　with　the　bronzing　of　the

sun；　and　then　turned　his　face　towards　the　highway。　　As　he　passed　the

angle　of　the　old　garden　he　hesitated；　but；　strong　in　his　resolution；

he　put　the　recollection　of　last　night　behind　him；　and　rode　by

without　raising　his　eyes。



〃Clarence！〃



It　was　HER　voice。　　He　wheeled　his　horse。　　She　was　standing　behind

the　grille　in　the　old　wall　as　he　had　seen　her　standing　on　the　day　he

had　ridden　to　his　rendezvous　with　Susy。　　A　Spanish　manta　was　thrown

over　her　head　and　shoulders；　as　if　she　had　dressed　hastily；　and　had

run　out　to　intercept　him　while　he　was　still　in　the　stable。　　Her

beautiful　face　was　pale　in　its　black…hooded　recess；　and　there　were

faint　circles　around　her　lovely　eyes。



〃You　were　going　without　saying　'goodby'！〃　she　said　softly。



She　passed　her　slim　white　hand　between　the　grating。　　Clarence　leaped

to　the　ground；　caught　it；　and　pressed　it　to　his　lips。　　But　he　did

not　let　it　go。



〃No！　no！〃　she　said；　struggling　to　withdraw　it。　　〃It　is　better　as　it

isasas　you　have　decided　it　to　be。　　Only　I　could　not　let　you　go

thus；without　a　word。　　There　now；go；　Clarence；　go。　　Please！

Don't　you　see　I　am　behind　these　bars？　　Think　of　them　as　the　years

that　separate　us；　my　poor；　dear；　foolish　boy。　　Think　of　them　as

standing　between　us；　growing　closer；　heavier；　and　more　cruel　and

hopeless　as　the　years　go　on。〃



Ah；　well！　they　had　been　good　bars　a　hundred　and　fifty　years　ago；

when　it　was　thought　as　necessary　to　repress　the　innocence　that　was

behind　them　as　the　wickedness　that　was　without。　　They　had　done　duty

in　the　convent　at　Santa　Inez；　and　the　monastery　of　Santa　Barbara；

and　had　been　brought　hit