the book of snobs-第42章

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with　Jack　Snaffle's　stable；　and　is　over…reaching　worse…

informed　rogues　and　swindling　greenhorns；　down　to　Sam's；

the　butcher…boy's；　who　books　eighteenpenny　odds　in　the

tap…room；　and　'stands　to　win　five…and…twenty　bob。'



In　a　turf　transaction；　either　Spavin　or　Cockspur　would

try　to　get　the　better　of　his　father；　and；　to　gain　a　point

in　the　odds；　victimise　his　best　friends。　　One　day　we

shall　hear　of　one　or　other　levanting；　an　event　at　which；

not　being　sporting　men；　we　shall　not　break　our　hearts。

SeeMr。　Spavin　is　settling　his　toilette　previous　to

departure；　giving　a　curl　in　the　glass　to　his　side…wisps

of　hair。　　Look　at　him！　　It　is　only　at　the　hulks；　or　among

turf…men；　that　you　ever　see　a　face　so　mean；　so　knowing；

and　so　gloomy。



A　much　more　humane　being　among　the　youthful　Clubbists　is

the　Lady…killing　Snob。　　I　saw　Wiggle　just　now　in　the

dressing…room；　talking　to　Waggle；　his　inseparable。



WAGGLE。　'Pon　my　honour；　Wiggle；　she　did。'



WIGGLE。　'Well；　Waggle；　as　you　sayI　own　I　think　she

DID　look　at　me　rather　kindly。　　We'll　see　to…night　at　the

French　play。'



And　having　arrayed　their　little　persons；　these　two

harmless　young　bucks　go　upstairs　to　dinner。







CHAPTER　XL



CLUB　SNOBS



Both　sorts　of　young　men；　mentioned　in　my　last　under　the

flippant　names　of　Wiggle　and　Waggle；　may　be　found　in

tolerable　plenty；　I　think；　in　Clubs。　　Wiggle　and　Waggle

are　both　idle。　　They　come　of　the　middle　classes。　　One　of

them　very　likely　makes　believe　to　be　a　barrister；　and　the

other　has　smart　apartments　about　Piccadilly。　　They　are　a

sort　of　second…chop　dandies；　they　cannot　imitate　that

superb　listlessness　of　demeanour；　and　that　admirable

vacuous　folly　which　distinguish　the　noble　and　high…born

chiefs　of　the　race；　but　they　lead　lives　almost　as　bad

（were　it　but　for　the　example）；　and　are　personally　quite

as　useless。　　I　am　not　going　to　arm　a　thunderbolt；　and

launch　it　at　the　beads　of　these　little　Pall　Mall

butterflies。　　They　don't　commit　much　public　harm；　or

private　extravagance。　　They　don't　spend　a　thousand　pounds

for　diamond　earrings　for　an　Opera…dancer；　as　Lord　Tarquin

can：

neither　of　them　ever　set　up　a　public…house　or　broke　the

bank　of　a　gambling…club；　like　the　young　Earl　of

Martingale。　　They　have　good　points；　kind　feelings；　and

deal　honourably　in　money…transactionsonly　in　their

characters　of　men　of　second…rate　pleasure　about　town；

they　and　their　like　are　so　utterly　mean；　self…contented；

and　absurd；　that　they　must　not　be　omitted　in　a　work

treating　on　Snobs。



Wiggle　has　been　abroad；　where　he　gives　you　to　understand

that　his　success　among　the　German　countesses　and　Italian

princesses；　whom　he　met　at　the　TABLES…D'HOTE；　was

perfectly　terrific。　　His　rooms　are　hung　round　with

pictures　of　actresses　and　ballet…dancers。　　He　passes　his

mornings　in　a　fine　dressing…gown；　burning　pastilles；　and

reading　'Don　Juan'　and　French　novels　（by　the　way；　the

life　of　the　author　of　'Don　Juan；'　as　described　by

himself；　was　the　model　of　the　life　of　a　Snob）。　　He　has

twopenny…halfpenny　French　prints　of　women　with

languishing　eyes；　dressed　in　dominoes；guitars；

gondolas；　and　so　forth；and　tells　you　stories　about

them。



'It's　a　bad　print；'　says　he；　'I　know；　but　I've　a　reason

for　liking　it。　　It　reminds　me　of　somebodysomebody　I

knew　in　other　climes。　　You　have　heard　of　the　Principessa

di　Monte　Pulciano？　　I　met　her　at　Rimini。　　Dear；　dear

Francesca！　　That　fair…haired；　bright…eyed　thing　in　the

Bird　of　Paradise　and　the　Turkish　Simar　with　the　love…bird

on　her　finger；　I'm　sure　must　have　been　taken　fromfrom

somebody　perhaps　whom　you　don't　know　but　she's　known　at

Munich；　Waggle　my　boy；　everybody　knows　the　Countess

Ottilia　de　Eulenschreckenstein。　　Gad；　sir；　what　a

beautiful　creature　she　was　when　I　danced　with　her　on　the

birthday　of　Prince　Attila　of　Bavaria；　in　'44。　　Prince

Carloman　was　our　vis…a…vis；　and　Prince　Pepin　danced　the

same　CONTREDANSE。　　She　had　a　Polyanthus　in　her　bouquet。

Waggle；　I　HAVE　IT　NOW。'　　His　countenance　assumes　an

agonized　and　mysterious　expression；　and　he　buries　his

head　in　the　sofa　cushions；　as　if　plunging　into　a

whirlpool　of　passionate　recollections。



Last　year　he　made　a　considerable　sensation　by　having　on

his　table　a　morocco　miniature…case　locked　by　a　gold　key；

which　he　always　wore　round　his　neck；　and　on　which　was

stamped　a　serpentemblem　of　eternitywith　the　letter　M

in　the　circle。　　Sometimes　he　laid　this　upon　his　little

morocco　writing…table；　as　if　it　were　on　an　altar

generally　he　had　flowers　upon　it；　in　the　middle　of　a

conversation　he　would　start　up　and　kiss　it。　　He　would

call　out　from　his　bed…room　to　his　valet；　'Hicks；　bring　me

my　casket！'



'I　don't　know　who　it　is；'　Waggle　would　say。　　'Who　DOES

know　that　fellow's　intrigues！　　Desborough　Wiggle；　sir；　is

the　slave　of　passion。　　I　suppose　you　have　heard　the　story

of　the　Italian　princess　locked　up　in　the　Convent　of　Saint

Barbara；　at　Rimini？　　He　hasn't　told　you？　　Then　I'm　not　at

liberty　to　speak。　　Or　the　countess；　about　whom　he　nearly

had　the　duel　with　Prince　Witikind　of　Bavaria？　　Perhaps

you　haven't　even　heard　about　that　beautiful　girl　at

Pentonville；　daughter　of　a　most　respectable　Dissenting

clergyman。　　She　broke　her　heart　when　she　found　he　was

engaged　（to　a　most　lovely　creature　of　high　family；　who

afterwards　proved　false　to　him）；　and　she's　now　in

Hanwell。'



Waggle's　belief　in　his　friend　amounts　to　frantic

adoration。　　'What　a　genius　he　is；　if　he　would　but　apply

himself！'　he　whispers　to　me。　　'He　could　be　anything；　sir；

but　for　his　passions。　　His　poems　are　the　most　beautiful

things　you　ever　saw。　　He's　written　a　continuation　of　〃Don

Juan；〃　from　his　own　adventures。　　Did　you　ever　read　his

lines　to　Mary？　　They're　superior　to　Byron；　sirsuperior

to　Byron。'



I　was　glad　to　hear　this　from　so　accomplished　a　critic　as

Waggle；　for　the　fact　is；　I　had　composed　the　verses　myself

for　honest　Wiggle　one　day；　whom　I　found　at　his　chambers

plunged　in　thought　over　a　very　dirty　old…fashioned　album；

in　which　he　had　not　as　yet　written　a　single　word。



'I　can't；'　says　he。　　'Sometimes　I　can　write　whole　cantos；

and　to…day　not　a　line。　　Oh；　Snob！　such　an　opportunity！

Such　a　divine　creature！　　She's　asked　me　to　write　verses

for　her　album；　and　I　can't。'



'Is　she　rich？'　said　I。　　'I　thought　you　would　never　marry

any　but　an　heiress。'



'Oh；　Snob！　she's　the　most　accomplished；　highly…connected

creature！and　I　can't　get　out　a　line。'



'How　will　you　have　it？'　says　I。　　'Hot；　with　sugar？'



'Don't；　don't！　　You　trample　on　the　most　sacred　feelings；

Snob。　　I　want　something　wild　and　tender；like　Byron。　　I

want　to　tell　her　that　amongst　the　festive　balls；　and　that

sort　of　thing；　you　knowI　only　think　about　her；　you

knowthat　I　scorn　the　world；　and　am　weary　of　it；　you

know；　andsomething　about　a　gazelle；　and　a　bulbul；　you

know。'



'And　a　yataghan　to　finish　off　with；'　the　present　writer

observed；　and　we　began：



'TO　MARY



'I　　　　　　seem；　in　the　midst　of　the　crowd；

The　lightest　of　all；

My　laughter　rings　cheery　and　loud；

In　banquet　and　ball。

My　lip　hath　its　smiles　and　its　sneers；

For　all　men　to　see；

But　my　soul；　and　my　truth；　and　my　tears；

Are　for　thee；　are　for　thee！'



'Do　you　call　THAT　neat；　Wiggle？'　says　I。　　'I　declare　it

almost　makes　me　cry　myself。'



'Now　suppose；'　says　Wiggle；　'we　say　that　all　the　world　is

at　my　feetmake　her　jealous；　you　know；　and　that　sort　of

thingand　thatthat　I'm　going　to　TRAVEL；　you　know？

That　perhaps　may　work　upon　her　feelings。'



So　WE　（as　this　wretched　prig　said）　began　again：



'Around　me　they　flatter　and　fawn

The　young　and　the　old；

The　fairest　are　ready　to　pawn

Their　hearts　for　my　gold。

They　sue　meI　laugh　as　I　spurn

The　slaves　at　my　knee；

But　in　faith　and　in　fondness　I　turn

Unto　thee；　unto　thee！'



'Now　for　the　travelling；　Wiggle　my　boy！'　　And　I　began；　in

a　voice　choked　with　emotion



'Away！　for　my　heart　knows　no　rest

Sinc