the book of snobs-第37章

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company。　　May　the　loathing　of　honest　folks；　the

backbiting　of　others；　the　curses　of　cooks；　pursue　these

wretches；　and　avenge　the　society　on　which　they　trample！）…

…Punctual；　I　say；　to　the　hour　of　five；　which　Mr。　and　Mrs。

Raymond　Gray　had　appointed；　a　youth　of　an　elegant

appearance；　in　a　neat　evening…dress；　whose　trim　whiskers

indicated　neatness；　whose　light　step　denoted　activity

（for　in　sooth　he　was　hungry；　and　always　is　at　the　dinner

hour；　whatsoever　that　hour　may　be）；　and　whose　rich　golden

hair；　curling　down　his　shoulders；　was　set　off　by　a

perfectly　new　four…and…ninepenny　silk　hat；　was　seen

wending　his　way　down　Bittlestone　Street；　Bittlestone

Square；　Gray's　Inn。　　The　person　in　question；　I　need　not

say；　was　Mr。　Snob。　　HE　was　never　late　when　invited　to

dine。　　But　to　proceed　my　narrative：



Mr。　Snob　may　have　flattered　himself　that　he　made　a

sensation　as　he　strutted　down　Bittlestone　with　his　richly

gilt　knobbed　cane　（and　indeed　I　vow　I　saw　heads　looking

at　me　from　Miss　Squilsby's；　the　brass…plated　milliner

opposite　Raymond　Gray's；　who　has　three　silver…paper

bonnets；　and　two　fly…blown　prints　of　fashion　in　the

window）；　yet　what　was　the　emotion　produced　by　my　arrival；

compared　to　that　which　the　little　street　thrilled；　when

at　five　minutes　past　five　the　floss…wigged　coachman；　the

yellow　hammer…cloth　and　flunkeys；　the　black　horses　and

blazing　silver　harness　of　Mr。　Goldmore　whirled　down　the

street！



It　is　a　very　little　street；　of　very　little　houses；　most

of　them　with　very　large　brass　plates　like　Miss

Squilsby's。　　Coal…merchants；　architects　and　surveyors；

two　surgeons；　a　solicitor；　a　dancing…master；　and　of

course　several　house…agents；　occupy　the　houseslittle

two…storeyed　edifices　with　little　stucco　porticoes。

Goldmore's　carriage　overtopped　the　roofs　almost；　the

first　floors　might　shake　hands　with　Croesus　as　he　lolled

inside；　all　the　windows　of　those　first　floors　thronged

with　children　and　women　in　a　twinkling。　　There　was　Mrs。

Hammerly　in　curl…papers；　Mrs。　Saxby　with　her　front　awry；

Mr。　Wriggles　peering　through　the　gauze　curtains；　holding

the　while　his　hot　glass　of　rum…and…waterin　fine；　a

tremendous　commotion　in　Bittlestone　Street；　as　the

Goldmore　carriage　drove　up　to　Mr。　Raymond　Gray's　door。



'How　kind　it　is　of　him　to　come　with　BOTH　the　footmen！'

says　little　Mrs。　Gray；　peeping　at　the　vehicle　too。　　The

huge　domestic；　descending　from　his　perch；　gave　a　rap　at

the　door　which　almost　drove　in　the　building。　　All　the

heads　were　out；　the　sun　was　shining；　the　very　organ…boy

paused；　the　footman；　the　coach；　and　Goldmore's　red　face

and　white　waistcoat　were　blazing　in　splendour。　　The

herculean　plushed　one　went　back　to　open　the　carriage…

door。



Raymond　Gray　opened　hisin　his　shirt…sleeves。　　He　ran　up

to　the　carriage。　　'Come　in；　Goldmore；'　says　he；　'just　in

time；　my　boy。　　Open　the　door；　What…d'ye…call'um；　and　let

your　master　out；'and　What…d'ye…call'um　obeyed

mechanically；　with　a　face　of　wonder　and　horror；　only　to

be　equalled　by　the　look　of　stupefied　astonishment　which

ornamented　the　purple　countenance　of　his　master。



'Wawt　taim　will　you　please　have　the　CAGE；　sir？'　says

What…d'ye…call'um；　in　that　peculiar；　unspellable；

inimitable；　flunkefied　pronunciation　which　forms　one　of

the　chief　charms　of　existence。



Best　have　it　to　the　theatre　at　night；'　Gray　exclaims；　'it

is　but　a　step　from　here　to　the　Wells；　and　we　can　walk

there。　　I've　got　tickets　for　all。　　Be　at　Sadler's　Wells

at　eleven。'



'Yes；　at　eleven；'　exclaims　Goldmore；　perturbedly；　and

walks　with　a　flurried　step　into　the　house；　as　if　he　were

going　to　execution　（as　indeed　he　was；　with　that　wicked

Gray　as　a　Jack　Ketch　over　him）。　　The　carriage　drove　away；

followed　by　numberless　eyes　from　doorsteps　and　balconies；

its　appearance　is　still　a　wonder　in　Bittlestone　Street。



'Go　in　there；　and　amuse　yourself　with　Snob；'　says　Gray；

opening　the　little　drawing…room　door。　　'I'll　call　out　as

soon　as　the　chops　are　ready。　　Fanny's　below；　seeing　to

the　pudding。'



'Gracious　mercy！'　says　Goldmore　to　me；　quite

confidentially；　'how　could　he　ask　us？　　I　really　had　no

idea　of　thisthis　utter　destitution。'



'Dinner；　dinner！'　roars　out　Gray；　from　the　diningroom；

whence　issued　a　great　smoking　and　frying；　and　entering

that　apartment　we　find　Mrs。　Gray　ready　to　receive　us；　and

looking　perfectly　like　a　Princess　who；　by　some　accident；

had　a　bowl　of　potatoes　in　her　hand；　which　vegetables　she

placed　on　the　table。　　Her　husband　'was　meanwhile　cooking

mutton…chops　on　a　gridiron　over　the　fire。



Fanny　has　made　the　roly…poly　pudding；'　says　he；　the　chops

are　my　part。　　Here's　a　fine　one；　try　this；　Goldmore。'

And　he　popped　a　fizzing　cutlet　on　that　gentleman's　plate。

What　words；　what　notes　of　exclamation　can　describe　the

nabob's　astonishment？



The　tablecloth　was　a　very　old　one；　darned　in　a　score

places。　　There　was　mustard　in　a　teacup；　a　silver　fork　for

Goldmoreall　ours　were　iron。



〃I　wasn't　born　with　a　silver　spoon　in　my　mouth；'　says

Gray；　gravely。　　'That　fork　is　the　only　one　we　have。

Fanny　has　it　generally。'



'Raymond！'…　cries　Mrs。　Gray；　with　an　imploring　face。

'She　was　used　to　better　things；　you　know：　and　I　hope　one

day　to　get　her　a　dinner…service。　　I'm　told　the　electro…

plate　is　uncommonly　good。　　Where　the　deuce　IS　that　boy

with　the　beer？　　And　now；'　said　he；　springing　up；　'I'll　be

a　gentleman。'　　And　so　he　put　on　his　coat；　and　sat　down

quite　gravely；　with　four　fresh　mutton…chops　which　he　had

by　this　time　broiled。



'We　don　t　have　meat　every　day；　Mr。　Goldmore；'　he

continued；　'and　it's　a　treat　to　me　to　get　a　dinner　like

this。　　You　little　know；　you　gentlemen　of　England；　who

live　at　home　at　ease；　what　hardships　briefless　barristers

endure。'



'Gracious　mercy！'　says　Mr。　Goldmore。



'Where's　the　half…and…half？　　Fanny；　go　over　to　the　'Keys'

and　get　the　beer。　　Here's　sixpence。'　　And　what　was　our

astonishment　when　Fanny　got　up　as　if　to　go！



'Gracious　mercy！　let　ME；'　cries　Goldmore。



'Not　for　worlds；　my　dear　sir。　　She's　used　to　it。　　They

wouldn't　serve　you　as　well　as　they　serve　her。　　Leave　her

alone。　　Law　bless　you！'　Raymond　said；　with　astounding

composure。　　And　Mrs。　Gray　left　the　room；　and　actually

came　back　with　a　tray　on　which　there　was　a　pewter　flagon

of　beer。　　Little　Polly　（to　whom；　at　her　christening；　I

had　the　honour　of　presenting　a　silver　mug　EX　OFFICIO）

followed　with　a　couple　of　tobacco…pipes；　and　the　queerest

roguish　look　in　her　round　little　chubby　face。



'Did　you　speak　to　Tapling　about　the　gin；　Fanny；　my　dear？'

Gray　asked；　after　bidding　Polly　put　the　pipes　on　the

chimney…piece；　which　that　little　person　had　some

difficulty　in　reaching。　　'The　last　was　turpentine；　and

even　your　brewing　didn't　make　good　punch　of　it。'



'You　would　hardly　suspect；　Goldmore；　that　my　wife；　a

Harley　Baker；　would　ever　make　gin…punch？　　I　think　my

mother…in…law　would　commit　suicide　if　she　saw　her。'



'Don't　be　always　laughing　at　mamma；　Raymond；'　says　Mrs。

Gray。



'Well；　well；　she　wouldn't　die；　and　I　DON'T　wish　she

would。　　And　you　don't　make　gin…punch；　and　you　don't　like

it　either　andGoldmore　do　you　drink　your　beer　out　of　the

glass；　or　out　of　the　pewter？'



'Gracious　mercy！'　ejaculates　Croesus　once　more；　as　little

Polly；　taking　the　pot　with　both　her　little　bunches　of

hands；　offers　it；　smiling；　to　that　astonished　Director。



And　so；　in　a　word；　the　dinner　commenced；　and　was

presently　ended　in　a　similar　fashion。　　Gray　pursued　his

unfortunate　guest　with　the　most　queer　and　outrageous

description　of　his　struggles；　misery；　and　poverty。　　He

described　how　he　cleaned　the　knives　when　they　were　first

married；　and　how　he　used　to　drag　the　children　in　a　little

cart；　how　his　wife　could　toss　pancakes；　and　what　parts　of

his　dress　she　made。　　He　told　Tibbits；　his　clerk　（who　was

in　fact　the　functionary　who　had　brought　the　beer　from　the

public…house；　which　Mrs。　Fanny　had　fetched　from　the

neighbo