the book of snobs-第30章

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in　a　shower；　would　be　wet　to　the　skin　before　she　got

half…way　to　the　carved　Ionic　portico；　where　four　dreary

statues　of　Peace；　Plenty；　Piety　and　Patriotism；　are　the

only　sentinels。　　You　enter　these　palaces　by　back…doors。

'That　was　the　way　the　Carabases　got　their　peerage；'　the

misanthropic　Ponto　said　after　dinner。



WellI　rang　the　bell　at　a　little　low　side…door；　it

clanged　and　jingled　and　echoed　for　a　long；　long　while；

till　at　length　a　face；　as　of　a　housekeeper；　peered

through　the　door；　and；　as　she　saw　my　hand　in　my　waistcoat

pocket；　opened　it。　　Unhappy；　lonely　housekeeper；　I

thought。　　Is　Miss　Crusoe　in　her　island　more　solitary？

The　door　clapped　to；　and　I　was　in　Castle　Carabas。



'The　side　entrance　and　All；'　says　the　housekeeper。　　'The

halligator　hover　the　mantelpiece　was　brought　home　by

Hadmiral　St。　Michaels；　when　a　Capting　with　Lord　Hanson。

The　harms　on　the　cheers　is　the　harms　of　the　Carabas

family。'　　The　hall　was　rather　comfortable。　　We　went

clapping　up　a　clean　stone　backstair；　and　then　into　a　back

passage　cheerfully　decorated　with　ragged　light…green

Kidderminster；　and　issued　upon



'THE　GREAT　ALL。



'The　great　all　is　seventy…two　feet　in　lenth；　fifty…six　in

breath；　and　thirty…eight　feet　'igh。　　The　carvings　of　the

chimlies；　representing　the　buth　of　Venus；　and　Ercules；

and　Eyelash；　is　by　Van　Chislum；　the　most　famous　sculpture

of　his　hage　and　country。　　The　ceiling；　by　Calimanco；

represents　Painting；　Harchitecture　and　Music　（the　naked

female　figure　with　the　barrel　horgan）　introducing　George；

fust　Lord　Carabas；　to　the　Temple　of　the　Muses。　　The

winder　ornaments　is　by　Vanderputty。　　The　floor　is

Patagonian　marble；　and　the　chandelier　in　the　centre　was

presented　to　Lionel；　second　Marquis；　by　Lewy　the

Sixteenth；　whose　'ead　was　cut　hoff　in　the　French

Revelation。　　We　now　henter



THE　SOUTH　GALLERY。



'One　'undred　and　forty…eight　in　lenth　by　thirty…two　in

breath；　it　is　profusely　hornaminted　by　the　choicest　works

of　Hart。　　Sir　Andrew　Katz；　founder　of　the　Carabas　family

and　banker　of　the　Prince　of　Horange；　Kneller。　　Her

present　Ladyship；　by　Lawrence。　　Lord　St。　Michaels；　by　the

samehe　is　represented　sittin'　on　a　rock　in　velvit

pantaloons。　　Moses　in　the　bullrushesthe　bull　very　fine；

by　Paul　Potter。　　The　toilet　of　Venus；　Fantaski。　　Flemish

Bores　drinking；　Van　Ginnums。　　Jupiter　and　Europia；　de

Horn。　　The　Grandjunction　Canal；　Venis；　by　Candleetty；　and

Italian　Bandix；　by　Slavata　Rosa。'And　so　this　worthy

woman　went　on；　from　one　room　into　another；　from　the　blue

room　to　the　green；　and　the　green　to　the　grand　saloon；　and

the　grand　saloon　to　the　tapestry　closet；　cackling　her

list　of　pictures　and　wonders：　and　furtively　turning　up　a

corner　of　brown　holland　to　show　the　colour　of　the　old；

faded；　seedy；　mouldy；　dismal　hangings。



At　last　we　came　to　her　Ladyship's　bed…room。　　In　the

centre　of　this　dreary　apartment　there　is　a　bed　about　the

size　of　one　of　those　whizgig　temples　in　which　the　Genius

appears　in　a　pantomime。　　The　huge　gilt　edifice　is

approached　by　steps；　and　so　tall；　that　it　might　be　let

off　in　floors；　for　sleeping…rooms　for　all　the　Carabas

family。　　An　awful　bed！　　A　murder　might　be　done　at　one　end

of　that　bed；　and　people　sleeping　at　the　other　end　be

ignorant　of　it。　　Gracious　powers！　fancy　little　Lord

Carabas　in　a　nightcap　ascending　those　steps　after　putting

out　the　candle！



The　sight　of　that　seedy　and　solitary　splendour　was　too

much　for　me。　　I　should　go　mad　were　I　that　lonely

housekeeperin　those　enormous　galleriesin　that　lonely

library；　filled　up　with　ghastly　folios　that　nobody　dares

read；　with　an　inkstand　on　the　centre　table　like　the

coffin　of　a　baby；　and　sad　portraits　staring　at　you　from

the　bleak　walls　with　their　solemn　Mouldy　eyes。　　No　wonder

that　Carabas　does　not　come　down　here　often。



It　would　require　two　thousand　footmen　to　make　the　place

cheerful。　　No　wonder　the　coachman　resigned　his　wig；　that

the　masters　are　insolvent；　and　the　servants　perish　in

this　huge　dreary　out…at…elbow　place。



A　single　family　has　no　more　right　to　build　itself　a

temple　of　that　sort　than　to　erect　a　Tower　of　Babel。　　Such

a　habitation　is　not　decent　for　a　mere　mortal　man。　　But；

after　all；　I　suppose　poor　Carabas　had　no　choice。　　Fate

put　him　there　as　it　sent　Napoleon　to　St。　Helena。　　Suppose

it　had　been　decreed　by　Nature　that　you　and　I　should　be

Marquises？　　We　wouldn't　refuse；　I　suppose；　but　take

Castle　Carabas　and　all；　with　debts；　duns；　and　mean

makeshifts；　and　shabby　pride；　and　swindling　magnificence。



Next　season；　when　I　read　of　Lady　Carabas's　splendid

entertainments　in　the　MORNING　POST；　and　see　the　poor　old

insolvent　cantering　through　the　ParkI　shall　have　a　much

tenderer　interest　in　these　great　people　than　I　have　had

heretofore。　　Poor　old　shabby　Snob！　　Ride　on　and　fancy　the

world　is　still　on　its　knees　before　the　house　of　Carabas！

Give　yourself　airs；　poor　old　bankrupt　Magnifico；　who　are

under　money…obligations　to　your　flunkeys；　and　must　stoop

so　as　to　swindle　poor　tradesmen！　　And　for　us；　O　my

brother　Snobs；　oughtn't　we　to　feel　happy　if　our　walk

through　life　is　more　even；　and　that　we　are　out　of　the

reach　of　that　surprising　arrogance　and　that　astounding

meanness　to　which　this　wretched　old　victim　is　obliged　to

mount　and　descend。







CHAPTER　XXIX



A　VISIT　TO　SOME　COUNTRY　SNOBS



Notable　as　my　reception　had　been　（under　that　unfortunate

mistake　of　Mrs。　Ponto　that　I　was　related　to　Lord

Snobbington；　which　I　was　not　permitted　to　correct）；　it

was　nothing　compared　to　the　bowing　and　kotooing；　the

raptures　and　flurry　which　preceded　and　welcomed　the　visit

of　a　real　live　lord　and　lord's　son；　a　brother　officer　of

Cornet　Wellesley　Ponto；　in　the　120th　Hussars；　who　came

over　with　the　young　Cornet　from　Guttlebury；　where　their

distinguished　regiment　was　quartered。　　This　was　my　Lord

Gules；　Lord　Saltire's　grandson　and　heir：　a　very　young；

short；　sandy…haired　and　tobacco…smoking　nobleman；　who

cannot　have　left　the　nursery　very　long；　and　who；　though

he　accepted　the　honest　Major's　invitation　to　the

Evergreens　in　a　letter　written　in　a　school…boy

handwriting；　with　a　number　of　faults　of　spelling；　may　yet

be　a　very　fine　classical　scholar　for　what　I　know：　having

had　his　education　at　Eton；　where　he　and　young　Ponto　were

inseparable。



At　any　rate；　if　he　can't　write；　he　has　mastered　a　number

of　other　accomplishments　wonderful　for　one　of　his　age　and

size。　　He　is　one　of　the　best　shots　and　riders　in　England。

He　rode　his　horse　Abracadabra；　and　won　the　famous

Guttlebury　steeple…chase。　　He　has　horses　entered　at　half

the　races　in　the　country　（under　other　people's　names；　for

the　old　lord　is　a　strict　hand；　and　will　not　hear　of

betting　or　gambling）。　　He　has　lost　and　won　such　sums　of

money　as　my　Lord　George　himself　might　be　proud　of。　　He

knows　all　the　stables；　and　all　the　jockeys；　and　has　all

the　'information；'　and　is　a　match　for　the　best　Leg　at

Newmarket。　　Nobody　was　ever　known　to　be　'too　much'　for

him　at　play　or　in　the　stable。



Although　his　grandfather　makes　him　a　moderate　allowance；

by　the　aid　of　POST…OBITS　and　convenient　friends　he　can

live　in　a　splendour　becoming　his　rank。　　He　has　not

distinguished　himself　in　the　knocking　down　of　policemen

much；　he　is　not　big　enough　for　that。　　But；　as　a　light…

weight；　his　skill　is　of　the　very　highest　order。　　At

billiards　he　is　said　to　be　first…rate。　　He　drinks　and

smokes　as　much　as　any　two　of　the　biggest　officers　in　his

regiment。　　With　such　high　talents；　who　can　say　how　far　he

may　not　go？　　He　may　take　to　politics　as　a　DELASSEMENT；

and　be　Prime　Minister　after　Lord　George　Bentinck。



My　young　friend　Wellesley　Ponto　is　a　gaunt　and　bony

youth；　with　a　pale　face　profusely　blotched。　　From　his

continually　pulling　something　on　his　chin；　I　am　led　to

fancy　that　he　believes　he　has　what　is　called　an　Imperial

growing　there。　　That　is　not　the　only　tuft　that　is　hunted

in　the　family；　by　the　way。　　He　can't；　of　course；　indulg