the book of snobs-第24章

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would　hate　you！'



That　brutal；　ignorant；　peevish　bully　of　an　Englishman　is

showing　himself　in　every　city　of　Europe。　　One　of　the

dullest　creatures　under　heaven；　he　goes　travelling　Europe

under　foot；　shouldering　his　way　into　galleries　and

cathedrals；　and　bustling　into　palaces　with　his　buck…ram

uniform。　　At　church　or　theatre；　gala　or　picture…gallery；

HIS　face　never　varies。　　A　thousand　delightful　sights　pass

before　his　bloodshot　eyes；　and　don't　affect　him。

Countless　brilliant　scenes　of　life　and　manners　are　shown

him；　but　never　move　him。　　He　goes　to　church；　and　calls

the　practices　there　degrading　and　superstitious：　as　if

HIS　altar　was　the　only　one　that　was　acceptable。　　He　goes

to　picture…galleries；　and　is　more　ignorant　about　Art　than

a　French　shoeblack。　　Art；　Nature　pass；　and　there　is　no

dot　of　admiration　in　his　stupid　eyes：　nothing　moves　him；

except　when　a　very　great　man　comes　his　way；　and　then　the

rigid；　proud；　self…confident；　inflexible　British　Snob　can

be　as　humble　as　a　flunkey　and　as　supple　as　a　harlequin。







CHAPTER　XXIII



ENGLISH　SNOBS　ON　THE　CONTINENT



'WHAT　is　the　use　of　Lord　Rome's　telescope？'　my　friend

Panwiski　exclaimed　the　other　day。　　'It　only　enables　you

to　see　a　few　hundred　thousands　of　miles　farther。　　What

were　thought　to　be　mere　nebulae；　turn　out　to　be　most

perceivable　starry　systems；　and　beyond　these；　you　see

other　nebulae；　which　a　more　powerful　glass　will　show　to

be　stars；　again；　and　so　they　go　on　glittering　and　winking

away　into　eternity。'　　With　which　my　friend　Pan；　heaving　a

great　sigh；　as　if　confessing　his　inability　to　look

Infinity　in　the　face；　sank　back　resigned；　and　swallowed　a

large　bumper　of　claret。



I　（who；　like　other　great　men；　have　but　one　idea）；　thought

to　myself；　that　as　the　stars　are；　so　are　the　Snobs：the

more。　　you　gaze　upon　those　luminaries；　the　more　you

beholdnow　nebulously　congregatednow　faintly

distinguishablenow　brightly　defineduntil　they　twinkle

off　in　endless　blazes；　and　fade　into　the　immeasurable

darkness。　　I　am　but　as　a　child　playing　on　the　sea…shore。

Some　telescopic　philosopher　will　arise　one　day；　some

great　Snobonomer；　to　find　the　laws　of　the　great　science

which　we　are　now　merely　playing　with；　and　to　define；　and

settle；　and　classify　that　which　is　at　present　but　vague

theory；　and　loose　though　elegant　assertion。



Yes：　a　single　eye　can　but　trace　a　very　few　and　simple

varieties　of　the　enormous　universe　of　Snobs。　　I　sometimes

think　of　appealing　to　the　public；　and　calling　together　a

congress　of　SAVANS；　such　as　met　at　Southamptoneach　to

bring　his　contributions　and　read　his　paper　on　the　Great

Subject。　　For　what　can　a　single　poor　few　do；　even　with

the　subject　at　present　in　hand？　　English　Snobs　on　the

Continentthough　they　are　a　hundred　thousand　times　less

numerous　than　on　their　native　island；　yet　even　these　few

are　too　many。　　One　can　only　fix　a　stray　one　here　and

there。　　The　individuals　are　caughtthe　thousands　escape。

I　have　noted　down　but　three　whom　I　have　met　with　in　my

walk　this　morning　through　this　pleasant　marine　city　of

Boulogne。



There　is　the　English　Raff　Snob；　that　frequents　ESTAMINETS

and　CABARETS；　who　is　heard　yelling；　'We　won't　go　home

till　morning！'　and　startling　the　midnight　echoes　of　quiet

Continental　towns　with　shrieks　of　English　slang。　　The

boozy　unshorn　wretch　is　seen　hovering　round　quays　as

packets　arrive；　and　tippling　drains　in　inn　bars　where　he

gets　credit。　　He　talks　French　with　slang　familiarity：　he

and　his　like　quite　people　the　debt…prisons　on　the

Continent。　　He　plays　pool　at　the　billiard…houses；　and　may

be　seen　engaged　at　cards　and　dominoes　of　forenoons。　　His

signature　is　to　be　seen　on　countless　bills　of　exchange：

it　belonged　to　an　honourable　family　once；　very　likely；

for　the　English　Raff　most　probably　began　by　being　a

gentleman；　and　has　a　father　over　the　water　who　is　ashamed

to　hear　his　name。　　He　has　cheated　the　old　'governor'

repeatedly　in　better　days；　and　swindled　his　sisters　of

their　portions；　and　robbed　his　younger　brothers。　　Now　he

is　living　on　his　wife's　jointure：　she　is　hidden　away　in

some　dismal　garret；　patching　shabby　finery　and　cobbling

up　old　clothes　for　her　childrenthe　most　miserable　and

slatternly　of　women。



Or　sometimes　the　poor　woman　and　her　daughters　go　about

timidly；　giving　lessons　in　English　and　music；　or　do

embroidery　and　work　under…hand；　to　purchase　the　means　for

the　POT…AU…FEU；　while　Raff　is　swaggering　on　the　quay；　or

tossing　off　glasses　of　cognac　at　the　CAF？。　　The

unfortunate　creature　has　a　child　still　every　year；　and

her　constant　hypocrisy　is　to　try　and　make　her　girls

believe　that　their　father　is　a　respectable　man；　and　to

huddle　him　out　of　the　way　when　the　brute　comes　home

drunk。



Those　poor　ruined　souls　get　together　and　have　a　society

of　their　own；　the　which　it　is　very　affecting　to　watch

those　tawdry　pretences　at　gentility；　those　flimsy

attempts　at　gaiety：　those　woful　sallies：　that　jingling

old　piano；　oh；　it　makes　the　heart　sick　to　see　and　hear

them。　　As　Mrs。　Raff；　with　her　company　of　pale　daughters；

gives　a　penny　tea　to　Mrs。　Diddler；　they　talk　about　bygone

times　and　the　fine　society　they　kept；　and　they　sing

feeble　songs　out　of　tattered　old　music…books；　and　while

engaged　in　this　sort　of　entertainment；　in　comes　Captain

Raff　with　his　greasy　hat　on　one　side；　and　straightway　the

whole　of　the　dismal　room　reeks　with　a　mingled　odour　of

smoke　and　spirits。



Has　not　everybody　who　has　lived　abroad　met　Captain　Raff？

His　name　is　proclaimed；　every　now　and　then；　by　Mr。

Sheriff's　Officer　Hemp；　and　about　Boulogne；　and　Paris；

and　Brussels；　there　are　so　many　of　his　sort　that　I　will

lay　a　wager　that　I　shall　be　accused　of　gross　personality

for　showing　him　up。　　Many　a　less　irreclaimable　villain　is

transported；　many　a　more　honourable　man　is　at　present　at

the　treadmill；　and　although　we　are　the　noblest；　greatest；

most　religious；　and　most　moral　people　in　the　world；　I

would　still　like　to　know　where；　except　in　the　United

Kingdom；　debts　are　a　matter　of　joke；　and　making　tradesmen

'suffer'　a　sport　that　gentlemen　own　to？　　It　is

dishonourable　to　owe　money　in　France。　　You　never　hear

people　in　other　parts　of　Europe　brag　of　their　swindling；

or　see　a　prison　in　a　large　Continental　town　which　is　not

more　or　less　peopled　with　English　rogues。



A　still　more　loathsome　and　dangerous　Snob　than　the　above

transparent　and　passive　scamp；　is　frequent　on　the

continent　of　Europe；　and　my　young　Snob　friends　who　are

travelling　thither　should　be　especially　warned　against

him。　　Captain　Legg　is　a　gentleman；　like　Raff；　though

perhaps　of　a　better　degree。　　He　has　robbed　his　family

too；　but　of　a　great　deal　more；　and　has　boldly　dishonoured

bills　for　thousands；　where　Raff　has　been　boggling　over

the　clumsy　conveyance　of　a　ten…pound　note。　　Legg　is

always　at　the　best　inn；　with　the　finest　waistcoats　and

moustaches；　or　tearing　about　in　the　flashest　of　britzkas；

while　poor　Raff　is　tipsifying　himself　with　spirits；　and

smoking　cheap　tobacco。　　It　is　amazing　to　think　that　Legg；

so　often　shown　up；　and　known　everywhere；　is　flourishing

yet。　　He　would　sink　into　utter　ruin；　but　for　the　constant

and　ardent　love　of　gentility　that　distinguishes　the

English　Snob。　　There　is　many　a　young　fellow　of　the　middle

classes　who　must　know　Legg　to　be　a　rogue　and　a　cheat；　and

yet　from　his　desire　to　be　in　the　fashion；　and　his

admiration　of　tip…top　swells；　and　from　his　ambition　to

air　himself　by　the　side　of　a　Lord's　son；　will　let　Legg

make　an　income　out　of　him；　content　to　pay；　so　long　as　he

can　enjoy　that　society。　　Many　a　worthy　father　of　a

family；　when　he　hears　that　his　son　is　riding　about　with

Captain　Legg；　Lord　Levant's　son；　is　rather　pleased　that

young　Hopeful　should　be　in　such　good　company。



Legg　and　his　friend；　Major　Macer；　make　professional　tours

through　Europe；　and　are　to　be　found　at　the　right　places

at　the　right　time。　　Last　year　I　heard　how　my　young

acquaintance；　Mr。　Mu