the book of snobs-第23章

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British　Snobs　located　in　the　watering　place　which　she

selects　for　her　summer　residence；　being　the　daughter　of

the　Earl　of　Haggistoun。　　That　broad…shouldered　buck；　with

the　great　whiskers　and　the　cleaned　white　kid…gloves；　is

Mr。　Phelim　Clancy　of　Poldoodystown：　he　calls　himself　Mr。

De　Clancy；　he　endeavours　to　disguise　his　native　brogue

with　the　richest　superposition　of　English；　and　if　you

play　at　billiards　or　ECARTE　with　him；　the　chances　are

that　you　will　win　the　first　game；　and　he　the　seven　or

eight　games　ensuing。



That　overgrown　lady　with　the　four　daughters；　and　the

young　dandy　from　the　University；　her　son；　is　Mrs。　Kewsy；

the　eminent　barrister's　lady；　who　would　rather　die　than

not　be　in　the　fashion。　　She　has　the　'Peerage'　in　her

carpet…bag；　you　may　be　sure；　but　she　is　altogether　cut

out　by　Mrs。　Quod；　the　attorney's　wife；　whose　carriage；

with　the　apparatus　of　rumbles；　dickeys；　and　imperials；

scarcely　yields　in　splendour　to　the　Marquis　of　Carabas's

own　travelling…chariot；　and　whose　courier　has　even　bigger

whiskers　and　a　larger　morocco　money…bag　than　the

Marquis's　own　travelling　gentleman。　　Remark　her　well：　she

is　talking　to　Mr。　Spout；　the　new　Member　for　Jawborough；

who　is　going　out　to　inspect　the　operations　of　the

Zollverein；　and　will　put　some　very　severe　questions　to

Lord　Palmerston　next　session　upon　England　and　her

relations　with　the　Prussian…blue　trade；　the　Naples…soap

trade；　the　German…tinder　trade；　&c。　　Spout　will　patronize

King　Leopold　at　Brussels；　will　write　letters　from　abroad

to　the　JAWBOROUGH　INDEPENDENT；　and　in　his　quality　of

MEMBER　DU　PARLIAMONG　BRITANNIQUE；　will　expect　to　be

invited　to　a　family　dinner　with　every　sovereign　whose

dominions　he　honours　with　a　visit　during　his　tour。



The　next　person　isbut　hark！　the　bell　for　shore　is

ringing；　and；　shaking　Snook's　hand　cordially；　we　rush　on

to　the　pier；　waving　him　a　farewell　as　the　noble　black

ship　cuts　keenly　through　the　sunny　azure　waters；　bearing

away　that　cargo　of　Snobs　outward　bound。







CHAPTER　XXII



CONTINENTAL　SNOBBERY　CONTINUED



We　are　accustomed　to　laugh　at　the　French　for　their

braggadocio　propensities；　and　intolerable　vanity　about　La

France；　la　gloire；　l'Empereur；　and　the　like；　and　yet　I

think　in　my　heart　that　the　British　Snob；　for　conceit　and

self…sufficiency　and　braggartism　in　his　way；　is　without　a

parallel。　　There　is　always　something　uneasy　in　a

Frenchman's　conceit。　He　brags　with　so　much　fury；

shrieking；　and　gesticulation；　yells　out　so　loudly　that

the　Francais　is　at　the　head　of　civilization；　the　centre

of　thought；　&c。；　that　one　can't　but　see　the　poor　fellow

has　a　lurking　doubt　in　his　own　mind　that　he　is　not　the

wonder　he　professes　to　be。



About　the　British　Snob；　on　the　contrary；　there　is

commonly　no　noise；　no　bluster；　but　the　calmness　of

profound　conviction。　　We　are　better　than　all　the　world；

we　don't　question　the　opinion　at　all；　it's　an　axiom。　　And

when　a　Frenchman　bellows　out；　'LA　FRANCE；　MONSIEUR；　LA

FRANCE　EST　A　LA　TETE　DU　MONDE　CIVILISE！'　we　laugh　good…

naturedly　at　the　frantic　poor　devil。　　WE　are　the　first

chop　of　the　world：　we　know　the　fact　so　well　in　our　secret

hearts　that　a　claim　set　up　elsewhere　is　simply　ludicrous。

My　dear　brother　reader；　say；　as　a　man　of　honour；　if　you

are　not　of　this　opinion？　Do　you　think　a　Frenchman　your

equal？　　You　don'tyou　gallant　British　Snobyou　know　you

don't：　no　more；　perhaps；　does　the　Snob　your　humble

servant；　brother。



And　I　am　inclined　to　think　it　is　this　conviction；　and　the

consequent　bearing　of　the　Englishman　towards　the

foreigner　whom　he　condescends　to　visit；　this　confidence

of　superiority　which　holds　up　the　head　of　the　owner　of

every　English　hat…box　from　Sicily　to　St。　Petersburg；　that

makes　us　so　magnificently　hated　throughout　Europe　as　we

are；　thismore　than　all　our　little　victories；　and　of

which　many　Frenchmen　and　Spaniards　have　never　heardthis

amazing　and　indomitable　insular　pride；　which　animates　my

lord　in　his　travelling…carriage　as　well　as　John　in　the

rumble。



If　you　read　the　old　Chronicles　of　the　French　wars；　you

find　precisely　the　same　character　of　the　Englishman；　and

Henry　V。's　people　behaved　with　just　the　cool　domineering

manner　of　our　gallant　veterans　of　France　and　the

Peninsula。　　Did　you　never　hear　Colonel　Cutler　and　Major

Slasher　talking　over　the　war　after　dinner？　or　Captain

Boarder　describing　his　action　with　the　'Indomptable？'

'Hang　the　fellows；'　says　Boarder；　'their　practice　was

very　good。　　I　was　beat　off　three　times　before　I　took

her。'　　'Cuss　those　carabineers　of　Milhaud's；'　says

Slasher；　'what　work　they　made　of　our　light　cavalry！'

implying　a　sort　of　surprise　that　the　Frenchman　should

stand　up　against　Britons　at　all：　a　good…natured　wonder

that　the　blind；　mad；　vain…glorious；　brave　poor　devils

should　actually　have　the　courage　to　resist　an　Englishman。

Legions　of　such　Englishmen　are　patronizing　Europe　at　this

moment；　being　kind　to　the　Pope；　or　good…natured　to　the

King　of　Holland；　or　condescending　to　inspect　the　Prussian

reviews。　　When　Nicholas　came　here；　who　reviews　a　quarter

of　a　million　of　pairs　of　moustaches　to　his　breakfast

every　morning；　we　took　him　off　to　Windsor　and　showed　him

two　whole　regiments　of　six　or　eight　hundred　Britons　a…

piece；　with　an　air　as　much　as　to　say；'There；　my　boy；

look　at　THAT。　　Those　are　ENGLISHMEN；　those　are；　and　your

master　whenever　you　please；'　as　the　nursery　song　says。

The　British　Snob　is　long；　long　past　scepticism；　and　can

afford　to　laugh　quite　good…humouredly　at　those　conceited

Yankees；　or　besotted　little　Frenchmen；　who　set　up　as

models　of　mankind。　　THEY　forsooth！



I　have　been　led　into　these　remarks　by　listening　to　an　old

fellow　at　the　Hotel　du　Nord；　at　Boulogne；　and　who　is

evidently　of　the　Slasher　sort。　　He　came　down　and　seated

himself　at　the　breakfast…table；　with　a　surly　scowl　on　his

salmon…coloured　bloodshot　face；　strangling　in　a　tight；

cross…barred　cravat；　his　linen　and　his　appointments　so

perfectly　stiff　and　spotless　that　everybody　at　once

recognized　him　as　a　dear　countryman。　　Only　our　port…wine

and　other　admirable　institutions　could　have　produced　a

figure　so　insolent；　so　stupid；　so　gentleman…like。　　After

a　while　our　attention　was　called　to　him　by　his　roaring

out；　in　a　voice　of　plethoric　fury；　'O！'



Everybody　turned　round　at　the　'O；'　conceiving　the　Colonel

to　be；　as　his　countenance　denoted　him；　in　intense　pain；

but　the　waiters　knew　better；　and　instead　of　being

alarmed；　brought　the　Colonel　the　kettle。　　'O；'　it

appears；　is　the　French　for　hot…water。　　The　Colonel

（though　he　despises　it　heartily）　thinks　he　speaks　the

language　remarkably　well。　　Whilst　he　was　inhausting　his

smoking　tea；　which　went　rolling　and　gurgling　down　his

throat；　and　hissing　over　the　'hot　coppers'　of　that

respectable　veteran；　a　friend　joined　him；　with　a　wizened

face　and　very　black　wig；　evidently　a　Colonel　too。



The　two　warriors；　waggling　their　old　heads　at　each　other；

presently　joined　breakfast；　and　fell　into　conversation；

and　we　had　the　advantage　of　hearing　about　the　old　war；

and　some　pleasant　conjectures　as　to　the　next；　which　they

considered　imminent。　　They　psha'd　the　French　fleet；　they

pooh…pooh'd　the　French　commercial　marine；　they　showed

how；　in　a　war；　there　would　be　a　cordon　（'a　cordong；　by…

'）　of　steamers　along　our　coast；　and　'by　…；'　ready　at　a

minute　to　land　anywhere　on　the　other　shore；　to　give　the

French　as　good　a　thrashing　as　they　got　in　the　last　war；

'by　…'。　　In　fact；　a　rumbling　cannonade　of　oaths　was

fired　by　the　two　veterans　during　the　whole　of　their

conversation。



There　was　a　Frenchman　in　the　room；　but　as　he　had　not　been

above　ten　years　in　London；　of　course　he　did　not　speak　the

language；　and　lost　the　benefit　of　the　conversation。

'But；　O　my　country！'　said　I　to　myself；　it's　no　wonder

that　you　are　so　beloved！　　If　I　were　a　Frenchman；　how　I

would　hate　you！'



That　brutal；　ignorant；　peevish　bully　of　an　Englishman　is

showing　hi