lavengro-第94章
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else could it have been but the yew … the sacred yew which our
ancestors were in the habit of planting in their churchyards?
Moreover; I affirm it to have been the yew for the honour of the
tree; for I love the yew; and had I home and land; I would have one
growing before my front windows。'
'You would do right; the yew is indeed a venerable tree; but it is
not about the yew。'
'The star Jupiter; perhaps?'
'Nor the star Jupiter; nor its moons; an observation which escaped
you at the inn has made a considerable impression upon me。'
'But I really must take my departure;' said I; 'the dark hour is at
hand。'
And as I uttered these latter words the stranger touched rapidly
something which lay near him … I forget what it was。 It was the
first action of the kind which I had observed on his part since we
sat down to table。
'You allude to the evil chance;' said I; 'but it is getting both
dark and late。'
'I believe we are going to have a storm;' said my friend; 'but I
really hope that you will give me your company for a day or two; I
have; as I said before; much to talk to you about。'
'Well;' said I; 'I shall be most happy to be your guest for this
night; I am ignorant of the country; and it is not pleasant to
travel unknown paths by night … dear me; what a flash of
lightning。'
It had become very dark; suddenly a blaze of sheet lightning
illumed the room。 By the momentary light I distinctly saw my host
touch another object upon the table。
'Will you allow me to ask you a question or two?' said he at last。
'As many as you please;' said I; 'but shall we not have lights?'
'Not unless you particularly wish it;' said my entertainer; 'I
rather like the dark; and though a storm is evidently at hand;
neither thunder nor lightning has any terrors for me。 It is other
things I quake at … I should rather say ideas。 Now permit me to
ask you … '
And then my entertainer asked me various questions; to all of which
I answered unreservedly; he was then silent for some time; at last
he exclaimed; 'I should wish to tell you the history of my life …
though not an adventurous one; I think it contains some things
which will interest you。'
Without waiting for my reply he began。 Amidst darkness and gloom;
occasionally broken by flashes of lightning; the stranger related
to me; as we sat at table in the library; his truly touching
history。
'Before proceeding to relate the events of my life; it will not be
amiss to give you some account of my ancestors。 My great…
grandfather on the male side was a silk mercer; in Cheapside; who;
when he died; left his son; who was his only child; a fortune of
one hundred thousand pounds and a splendid business; the son;
however; had no inclination for trade; the summit of his ambition
was to be a country gentleman; to found a family; and to pass the
remainder of his days in rural ease and dignity; and all this he
managed to accomplish; he disposed of his business; purchased a
beautiful and extensive estate for fourscore thousand pounds; built
upon it the mansion to which I had the honour of welcoming you to…
day; married the daughter of a neighbouring squire; who brought him
a fortune of five thousand pounds; became a magistrate; and only
wanted a son and heir to make him completely happy; this blessing;
it is true; was for a long time denied him; it came; however; at
last; as is usual; when least expected。 His lady was brought to
bed of my father; and then who so happy a man as my grandsire; he
gave away two thousand pounds in charities; and in the joy of his
heart made a speech at the next quarter sessions; the rest of his
life was spent in ease; tranquillity; and rural dignity; he died of
apoplexy on the day that my father came of age; perhaps it would be
difficult to mention a man who in all respects was so fortunate as
my grandfather: his death was sudden it is true; but I am not one
of those who pray to be delivered from a sudden death。
'I should not call my father a fortunate man; it is true that he
had the advantage of a first…rate education; that he made the grand
tour with a private tutor; as was the fashion at that time; that he
came to a splendid fortune on the very day that he came of age;
that for many years he tasted all the diversions of the capital
that; at last determined to settle; he married the sister of a
baronet; an amiable and accomplished lady; with a large fortune;
that he had the best stud of hunters in the county; on which;
during the season; he followed the fox gallantly; had he been a
fortunate man he would never have cursed his fate; as he was
frequently known to do; ten months after his marriage his horse
fell upon him; and so injured him; that he expired in a few days in
great agony。 My grandfather was; indeed; a fortunate man; when he
died he was followed to the grave by the tears of the poor … my
father was not。
'Two remarkable circumstances are connected with my birth … I am a
posthumous child; and came into the world some weeks before the
usual time; the shock which my mother experienced at my father's
death having brought on the pangs of premature labour; both my
mother's life and my own were at first despaired of; we both;
however; survived the crisis。 My mother loved me with the most
passionate fondness; and I was brought up in this house under her
own eye … I was never sent to school。
'I have already told you that mine is not a tale of adventure; my
life has not been one of action; but of wild imaginings and strange
sensations; I was born with excessive sensibility; and that has
been my bane。 I have not been a fortunate man。
'No one is fortunate unless he is happy; and it is impossible for a
being constructed like myself to be happy for an hour; or even
enjoy peace and tranquillity; most of our pleasures and pains are
the effects of imagination; and wherever the sensibility is great;
the imagination is great also。 No sooner has my imagination raised
up an image of pleasure; than it is sure to conjure up one of
distress and gloom; these two antagonist ideas instantly commence a
struggle in my mind; and the gloomy one generally; I may say
invariably; prevails。 How is it possible that I should be a happy
man?
'It has invariably been so with me from the earliest period that I
can remember; the first playthings that were given me caused me for
a few minutes excessive pleasure: they were pretty and glittering;
presently; however; I became anxious and perplexed; I wished to
know their history; how they were made; and what of … were the
materials precious? I was not satisfied with their outward
appearance。 In less than an hour I had broken the playthings in an
attempt to discover what they were made of。
'When I was eight years of age my uncle the baronet; who was also
my godfather; sent me a pair of Norway hawks; with directions for
managing them; he was a great fowler。 Oh; how rejoiced was I with
the present which had been made me; my joy lasted for at least five
minutes; I would let them breed; I would have a house of hawks;
yes; that I would … but … and here came the unpleasant idea …
suppose they were to flyaway; how very annoying! Ah; but; said
hope; there's little fear of that; feed them well and they will
never fly away; or if they do they will come back; my uncle says
so; so sunshine triumphed for a little time。 Then the strangest of
all doubts came into my head; I doubted the legality of my tenure
of these hawks; how did I come by them? why; my uncle gave them to
me; but how did they come into his possession? what right had he to
them? after all; they might not be his to give。 I passed a
sleepless night。 The next morning I found that the man who brought
the hawks had not departed。 〃How came my uncle by these hawk