lavengro-第3章
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in the early stages of their union。 Yet even at the present day;
now that years threescore and ten have passed over her head;
attended with sorrow and troubles manifold; poorly chequered with
scanty joys; can I look on that countenance and doubt that at one
time beauty decked it as with a glorious garment? Hail to thee; my
parent! as thou sittest there; in thy widow's weeds; in the dusky
parlour in the house overgrown with the lustrous ivy of the sister
isle; the solitary house at the end of the retired court shaded by
lofty poplars。 Hail to thee; dame of the oval face; olive
complexion; and Grecian forehead; by thy table seated with the
mighty volume of the good Bishop Hopkins spread out before thee;
there is peace in thy countenance; my mother; it is not worldly
peace; however; not the deceitful peace which lulls to bewitching
slumbers; and from which; let us pray; humbly pray; that every
sinner may be roused in time to implore mercy not in vain! Thine
is the peace of the righteous; my mother; of those to whom no sin
can be imputed; the score of whose misdeeds has been long since
washed away by the blood of atonement; which imputeth righteousness
to those who trust in it。 It was not always thus; my mother; a
time was; when the cares; pomps; and vanities of this world
agitated thee too much; but that time is gone by; another and a
better has succeeded; there is peace now on thy countenance; the
true peace; peace around thee; too; in thy solitary dwelling;
sounds of peace; the cheerful hum of the kettle and the purring of
the immense angola; which stares up at thee from its settle with
its almost human eyes。
No more earthly cares and affections now; my mother! Yes; one。
Why dost thou suddenly raise thy dark and still brilliant eye from
the volume with a somewhat startled glance? What noise is that in
the distant street? Merely the noise of a hoof; a sound common
enough: it draws nearer; nearer; and now it stops before thy gate。
Singular! And now there is a pause; a long pause。 Ha! thou
hearest something … a footstep; a swift but heavy footstep! thou
risest; thou tremblest; there is a hand on the pin of the outer
door; there is some one in the vestibule; and now the door of thy
apartment opens; there is a reflection on the mirror behind thee; a
travelling hat; a gray head and sunburnt face。 My dearest Son! …
My darling Mother!
Yes; mother; thou didst recognise in the distant street the hoof…
tramp of the wanderer's horse。
I was not the only child of my parents; I had a brother some three
years older than myself。 He was a beautiful child; one of those
occasionally seen in England; and in England alone; a rosy; angelic
face; blue eyes; and light chestnut hair; it was not exactly an
Anglo…Saxon countenance; in which; by the bye; there is generally a
cast of loutishness and stupidity; it partook; to a certain extent;
of the Celtic character; particularly in the fire and vivacity
which illumined it; his face was the mirror of his mind; perhaps no
disposition more amiable was ever found amongst the children of
Adam; united; however; with no inconsiderable portion of high and
dauntless spirit。 So great was his beauty in infancy; that people;
especially those of the poorer classes; would follow the nurse who
carried him about in order to look at and bless his lovely face。
At the age of three months an attempt was made to snatch him from
his mother's arms in the streets of London; at the moment she was
about to enter a coach; indeed; his appearance seemed to operate so
powerfully upon every person who beheld him; that my parents were
under continual apprehension of losing him; his beauty; however;
was perhaps surpassed by the quickness of his parts。 He mastered
his letters in a few hours; and in a day or two could decipher the
names of people on the doors of houses and over the shop…windows。
As he grew up; his personal appearance became less prepossessing;
his quickness and cleverness; however; rather increased; and I may
say of him; that with respect to everything which he took in hand
he did it better and more speedily than any other person。 Perhaps
it will be asked here; what became of him? Alas! alas! his was an
early and a foreign grave。 As I have said before; the race is not
always for the swift; nor the battle for the strong。
And now; doubtless; after the above portrait of my brother; painted
in the very best style of Rubens; the reader will conceive himself
justified in expecting a full…length one of myself; as a child; for
as to my present appearance; I suppose he will be tolerably content
with that flitting glimpse in the mirror。 But he must excuse me; I
have no intention of drawing a portrait of myself in childhood;
indeed it would be difficult; for at that time I never looked into
mirrors。 No attempts; however; were ever made to steal me in my
infancy; and I never heard that my parents entertained the
slightest apprehension of losing me by the hands of kidnappers;
though I remember perfectly well that people were in the habit of
standing still to look at me; ay; more than at my brother; from
which premisses the reader may form any conclusion with respect to
my appearance which seemeth good unto him and reasonable。 Should
he; being a good…natured person; and always inclined to adopt the
charitable side in any doubtful point; be willing to suppose that
I; too; was eminently endowed by nature with personal graces; I
tell him frankly that I have no objection whatever to his
entertaining that idea; moreover; that I heartily thank him; and
shall at all times be disposed; under similar circumstances; to
exercise the same species of charity towards himself。
With respect to my mind and its qualities I shall be more explicit;
for; were I to maintain much reserve on this point; many things
which appear in these memoirs would be highly mysterious to the
reader; indeed incomprehensible。 Perhaps no two individuals were
ever more unlike in mind and disposition than my brother and
myself: as light is opposed to darkness; so was that happy;
brilliant; cheerful child to the sad and melancholy being who
sprang from the same stock as himself; and was nurtured by the same
milk。
Once; when travelling in an Alpine country; I arrived at a
considerable elevation; I saw in the distance; far below; a
beautiful stream hastening to the ocean; its rapid waters here
sparkling in the sunshine; and there tumbling merrily in cascades。
On its banks were vineyards and cheerful villages; close to where I
stood; in a granite basin with steep and precipitous sides;
slumbered a deep; dark lagoon; shaded by black pines; cypresses;
and yews。 It was a wild; savage spot; strange and singular; ravens
hovered above the pines; filling the air with their uncouth notes;
pies chattered; and I heard the cry of an eagle from a neighbouring
peak; there lay the lake; the dark; solitary; and almost
inaccessible lake; gloomy shadows were upon it; which; strangely
modified; as gusts of wind agitated the surface; occasionally
assumed the shape of monsters。 So I stood on the Alpine elevation;
and looked now on the gay distant river; and now at the dark
granite…encircled lake close beside me in the lone solitude; and I
thought of my brother and myself。 I am no moraliser; but the gay
and rapid river; and the dark and silent lake; were; of a verity;
no had emblems of us two。
So far from being quick and clever like my brother; and able to
rival the literary feat which I have recorded of him; many years
elapsed before I was able to understand the nature of letters; or
to connect them。 A lover of nooks and retired corners; I was as a
child in the habit of fleeing from society; and of sitting for
hours together with my head on my breast。 What I was thinking
a