lavengro-第119章

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manner；　I　said　to　him；　〃May　I　go　with　you　next　Sunday？〃　　〃Why　not？〃　

said　he；　so　I　went　with　the　labourer　on　the　ensuing　Sabbath　to　the　

meeting　of　the　Methodists。



'I　liked　the　preaching　which　I　heard　at　the　chapel　very　well；　

though　it　was　not　quite　so　comfortable　as　that　of　my　old　friend；　

the　preacher　being　in　some　respects　a　different　kind　of　man。　　It；　

however；　did　me　good；　and　I　went　again；　and　continued　to　do　so；　

though　I　did　not　become　a　regular　member　of　the　body　at　that　time。



'I　had　now　the　benefit　of　religious　instruction；　and　also　to　a　

certain　extent　of　religious　fellowship；　for　the　preacher　and　

various　members　of　his　flock　frequently　came　to　see　me。　　They　were　

honest　plain　men；　not　exactly　of　the　description　which　I　wished　

for；　but　still　good　sort　of　people；　and　I　was　glad　to　see　them。　　

Once　on　a　time；　when　some　of　them　were　with　me；　one　of　them　

inquired　whether　I　was　fervent　in　prayer。　　〃Very　fervent；〃　said　I。　　

〃And　do　you　read　the　Scriptures　often？〃　said　he。　　〃No；〃　said　I。　　

〃Why　not？〃　said　he。　　〃Because　I　am　afraid　to　see　there　my　own　

condemnation。〃　　They　looked　at　each　other；　and　said　nothing　at　the　

time。　　On　leaving　me；　however；　they　all　advised　me　to　read　the　

Scriptures　with　fervency　and　prayer。



'As　I　had　told　these　honest　people；　I　shrank　from　searching　the　

Scriptures；　the　remembrance　of　the　fatal　passage　was　still　too　

vivid　in　my　mind　to　permit　me。　　I　did　not　wish　to　see　my　

condemnation　repeated；　but　I　was　very　fervent　in　prayer；　and　almost　

hoped　that　God　would　yet　forgive　me　by　virtue　of　the　blood…shedding　

of　the　Lamb。　　Time　passed　on；　my　affairs　prospered；　and　I　enjoyed　a　

certain　portion　of　tranquillity。　　Occasionally；　when　I　had　nothing　

else　to　do；　I　renewed　my　studies。　　Many　is　the　book　I　read；　

especially　in　my　native　language；　for　I　was　always　fond　of　my　

native　language；　and　proud　of　being　a　Welshman。　　Amongst　the　books　

I　read　were　the　odes　of　the　great　Ab　Gwilym；　whom　thou；　friend；　

hast　never　heard　of；　no；　nor　any　of　thy　countrymen；　for　you　are　an　

ignorant　race；　you　Saxons；　at　least　with　respect　to　all　that　

relates　to　Wales　and　Welshmen。　　I　likewise　read　the　book　of　Master　

Ellis　Wyn。　　The　latter　work　possessed　a　singular　fascination　for　

me；　on　account　of　its　wonderful　delineations　of　the　torments　of　the　

nether　world。



'But　man　does　not　love　to　be　alone；　indeed；　the　Scripture　says　that　

it　is　not　good　for　man　to　be　alone。　　I　occupied　my　body　with　the　

pursuits　of　husbandry；　and　I　improved　my　mind　with　the　perusal　of　

good　and　wise　books；　but；　as　I　have　already　said；　I　frequently　

sighed　for　a　companion　with　whom　I　could　exchange　ideas；　and　who　

could　take　an　interest　in　my　pursuits；　the　want　of　such　a　one　I　

more　particularly　felt　in　the　long　winter　evenings。　　It　was　then　

that　the　image　of　the　young　person　whom　I　had　seen　in　the　house　of　

the　preacher　frequently　rose　up　distinctly　before　my　mind's　eye；　

decked　with　quiet　graces　…　hang　not　down　your　head；　Winifred　…　and　

I　thought　that　of　all　the　women　in　the　world　I　should　wish　her　to　

be　my　partner；　and　then　I　considered　whether　it　would　be　possible　

to　obtain　her。　　I　am　ready　to　acknowledge；　friend；　that　it　was　both　

selfish　and　wicked　in　me　to　wish　to　fetter　any　human　being　to　a　

lost　creature　like　myself；　conscious　of　having　committed　a　crime　

for　which　the　Scriptures　told　me　there　is　no　pardon。　　I　had；　

indeed；　a　long　struggle　as　to　whether　I　should　make　the　attempt　or　

not　…　selfishness　however　prevailed。　　I　will　not　detain　your　

attention　with　relating　all　that　occurred　at　this　period　…　suffice　

it　to　say　that　I　made　my　suit　and　was　successful；　it　is　true　that　

the　old　man；　who　was　her　guardian；　hesitated；　and　asked　several　

questions　respecting　my　state　of　mind。　　I　am　afraid　that　I　partly　

deceived　him；　perhaps　he　partly　deceived　himself；　he　was　pleased　

that　I　had　adopted　his　profession　…　we　are　all　weak　creatures。　　

With　respect　to　the　young　person；　she　did　not　ask　many　questions；　

and　I　soon　found　that　I　had　won　her　heart。　　To　be　brief；　I　married　

her；　and　here　she　is；　the　truest　wife　that　ever　man　had；　and　the　

kindest。　　Kind　I　may　well　call　her；　seeing　that　she　shrinks　not　

from　me；　who　so　cruelly　deceived　her；　in　not　telling　her　at　first　

what　I　was。　　I　married　her；　friend；　and　brought　her　home　to　my　

little　possession；　where　we　passed　our　time　very　agreeably。　　Our　

affairs　prospered；　our　garners　were　full；　and　there　was　coin　in　our　

purse。　　I　worked　in　the　field；　Winifred　busied　herself　with　the　

dairy。　　At　night　I　frequently　read　books　to　her；　books　of　my　own　

country；　friend；　I　likewise　read　to　her　songs　of　my　own；　holy　songs　

and　carols　which　she　admired；　and　which　yourself　would　perhaps　

admire；　could　you　understand　them；　but　I　repeat；　you　Saxons　are　an　

ignorant　people　with　respect　to　us；　and　a　perverse；　inasmuch　as　you　

despise　Welsh　without　understanding　it。　　Every　night　I　prayed　

fervently；　and　my　wife　admired　my　gift　of　prayer。



'One　night；　after　I　had　been　reading　to　my　wife　a　portion　of　Ellis　

Wyn；　my　wife　said；　〃This　is　a　wonderful　book；　and　containing　much　

true　and　pleasant　doctrine；　but　how　is　it　that　you；　who　are　so　fond　

of　good　books；　and　good　things　in　general；　never　read　the　Bible？　　

You　read　me　the　book　of　Master　Ellis　Wyn；　you　read　me　sweet　songs　

of　your　own　composition；　you　edify　me　with　your　gift　of　prayer；　but　

yet　you　never　read　the　Bible。〃　　And　when　I　heard　her　mention　the　

Bible　I　shook；　for　I　thought　of　my　own　condemnation。　　However；　I　

dearly　loved　my　wife；　and　as　she　pressed　me；　I　commenced　on　that　

very　night　reading　the　Bible。　　All　went　on　smoothly　for　a　long　

time；　for　months　and　months　I　did　not　find　the　fatal　passage；　so　

that　I　almost　thought　that　I　had　imagined　it。　　My　affairs　prospered　

much　the　while；　so　that　I　was　almost　happy；　…　taking　pleasure　in　

everything　around　me；　…　in　my　wife；　in　my　farm；　my　books　and　

compositions；　and　the　Welsh　language；　till　one　night；　as　I　was　

reading　the　Bible；　feeling　particularly　comfortable；　a　thought　

having　just　come　into　my　head　that　I　would　print　some　of　my　

compositions；　and　purchase　a　particular　field　of　a　neighbour　…　O　

God　…　God！　　I　came　to　the　fatal　passage。



'Friend；　friend；　what　shall　I　say？　　I　rushed　out。　　My　wife　followed　

me；　asking　me　what　was　the　matter。　　I　could　only　answer　with　groans　

…　for　three　days　and　three　nights　I　did　little　else　than　groan。　　Oh　

the　kindness　and　solicitude　of　my　wife！　　〃What　is　the　matter　

husband；　dear　husband？〃　she　was　continually　saying。　　I　became　at　

last　more　calm。　　My　wife　still　persisted　in　asking　me　the　cause　of　

my　late　paroxysm。　　It　is　hard　to　keep　a　secret　from　a　wife；　

especially　such　a　wife　as　mine；　so　I　told　my　wife　the　tale；　as　we　

sat　one　night　…　it　was　a　mid…winter　night　…　over　the　dying　brands　

of　our　hearth；　after　the　family　had　retired　to　rest；　her　hand　

locked　in　mine；　even　as　it　is　now。



'I　thought　she　would　have　shrunk　from　me　with　horror；　but　she　did　

not；　her　hand；　it　is　true；　trembled　once　or　twice；　but　that　was　

all。　　At　last　she　gave　mine　a　gentle　pressure；　and；　looking　up　in　

my　face；　she　said　…　what　do　you　think　my　wife　said；　young　man？'



'It　is　impossible　for　me　to　guess；'　said　I。



〃Let　us　go　to　rest；　my　love；　your　fears　are　all　groundless。〃'







CHAPTER　LXXVII







Getting　late　…　Seven　years　old　…　Chastening　…　Go　forth　…　London　

Bridge　…　Same　eyes　…　Common　occurrence　…　Very　sleepy。



'AND　so　I　still　say；'　said　Winifred；　sobbing。　　'Let　us　retire　to　

rest；　dear　husband；　your　fears　are　groundless。　　I　had　hoped　long　

since　that　your　affliction　would　have　passed　away；　and　I　still　hope　

that　it　eventually　will；　so　take　heart；　Peter；　and　let　us　retire　to　

rest；　for　it　is　getting　late。'



'Rest！'　said　Peter；　'there　is　no　rest　for　the　wicked！'



'We　are　all　wicked；'　said　Winifred；　'but　you　are　afraid　of　a　

shadow。　　How　often　have　I　told　you　that　the　sin　of　your　he