little novels-第10章

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n　silence。　No　woman　who　respects　herself　can　endure　silence　when　she　is　in　the　company　of　a　man。　I　made　him　talk。

〃Do　you　come　to　us　from　Ramsgate？〃　I　began。　He　only　nodded　his　head。　〃We　don't　think　much　of　Ramsgate　here；〃　I　went　on。　〃There　is　not　an　old　building　in　the　place。　And　their　first　Mayor　was　only　elected　the　other　day！〃

This　point　of　view　seemed　to　be　new　to　him。　He　made　no　attempt　to　dispute　it；　he　only　looked　around　him；　and　said：　〃Sandwich　is　a　melancholy　place；　miss。〃　He　was　so　rapidly　improving　in　politeness；　that　I　encouraged　him　by　a　smile。　As　a　citizen　of　Sandwich；　I　may　say　that　we　take　it　as　a　compliment　when　we　are　told　that　our　town　is　a　melancholy　place。　And　why　not？　Melancholy　is　connected　with　dignity。　And　dignity　is　associated　with　age。　And　_we_　are　old。　I　teach　my　pupils　logic；　among　other　thingsthere　is　a　specimen。　Whatever　may　be　said　to　the　contrary；　women　can　reason。　They　can　also　wander；　and　I　must　admit　that　_I_　am　wandering。　Did　I　mention；　at　starting；　that　I　was　a　governess？　If　not；　that　allusion　to　〃pupils〃　must　have　come　in　rather　abruptly。　Let　me　make　my　excuses；　and　return　to　my　lost　stranger。

〃Is　there　any　such　thing　as　a　straight　street　in　all　Sandwich？〃　he　asked。

〃Not　one　straight　street　in　the　whole　town。〃

〃Any　trade；　miss？〃

〃As　little　as　possibleand　_that_　is　expiring。〃

〃A　decayed　place；　in　short？〃

〃Thoroughly　decayed。〃

My　tone　seemed　to　astonish　him。　〃You　speak　as　if　you　were　proud　of　its　being　a　decayed　place；〃　he　said。

I　quite　respected　him；　this　was　such　an　intelligent　remark　to　make。　We　do　enjoy　our　decay：　it　is　our　chief　distinction。　Progress　and　prosperity　everywhere　else；　decay　and　dissolution　here。　As　a　necessary　consequence；　we　produce　our　own　impression；　and　we　like　to　be　original。　The　sea　deserted　us　long　ago：　it　once　washed　our　walls；　it　is　now　two　miles　away　from　uswe　don't　regret　the　sea。　We　had　sometimes　ninety…five　ships　in　our　harbor；　Heaven　only　knows　how　many　centuries　ago；　we　now　have　one　or　two　small　coasting　vessels；　half　their　time　aground　in　a　muddy　little　riverwe　don't　regret　our　harbor。　But　one　house　in　the　town　is　daring　enough　to　anticipate　the　arrival　of　resident　visitors；　and　announces　furnished　apartments　to　let。　What　a　becoming　contrast　to　our　modern　neighbor；　Ramsgate！　Our　noble　market…place　exhibits　the　laws　made　by　the　corporation；　and　every　week　there　are　fewer　and　fewer　people　to　obey　the　laws。　How　convenient！　Look　at　our　one　warehouse　by　the　river　sidewith　the　crane　generally　idle；　and　the　windows　mostly　boarded　up；　and　perhaps　one　man　at　the　door；　looking　out　for　the　job　which　his　better　sense　tells　him　cannot　possibly　come。　What　a　wholesome　protest　against　the　devastating　hurry　and　over…work　elsewhere；　which　has　shattered　the　nerves　of　the　nation！　〃Far　from　me　and　from　my　friends〃　（to　borrow　the　eloquent　language　of　Doctor　Johnson）　〃be　such　frigid　enthusiasm　as　shall　conduct　us　indifferent　and　unmoved''　over　the　bridge　by　which　you　enter　Sandwich；　and　pay　a　toll　if　you　do　it　in　a　carriage。　〃That　man　is　little　to　be　envied〃　（Doctor　Johnson　again）　who　can　lose　himself　in　our　labyrinthine　streets；　and　not　feel　that　he　has　reached　the　welcome　limits　of　progress；　and　found　a　haven　of　rest　in　an　age　of　hurry。

I　am　wandering　again。　Bear　with　the　unpremeditated　enthusiasm　of　a　citizen　who　only　attained　years　of　discretion　at　her　last　birthday。　We　shall　soon　have　done　with　Sandwich；　we　are　close　to　the　door　of　the　inn。

〃You　can't　mistake　it　now；　sir；〃　I　said。　〃Good…morning。〃

He　looked　down　at　me　from　under　his　beautiful　eyelashes　（have　I　mentioned　that　I　am　a　little　woman？）；　and　he　asked　in　his　persuasive　tones：　〃Must　we　say　good…by？〃

I　made　him　a　bow。

〃Would　you　allow　me　to　see　you　safe　home？〃　he　suggested。

Any　other　man　would　have　offended　me。　This　man　blushed　like　a　boy；　and　looked　at　the　pavement　instead　of　looking　at　me。　By　this　time　I　had　made　up　my　mind　about　him。　He　was　not　only　a　gentleman　beyond　all　doubt；　but　a　shy　gentleman　as　well。　His　bluntness　and　his　odd　remarks　were；　as　I　thought；　partly　efforts　to　disguise　his　shyness；　and　partly　refuges　in　which　he　tried　to　forget　his　own　sense　of　it。　I　answered　his　audacious　proposal　amiably　and　pleasantly。　〃You　would　only　lose　your　way　again；〃　I　said；　〃and　I　should　have　to　take　you　back　to　the　inn　for　the　second　time。〃

Wasted　words！　My　obstinate　stranger　only　made　another　proposal。

〃I　have　ordered　lunch　here；〃　he　said；　〃and　I　am　quite　alone。〃　He　stopped　in　confusion；　and　looked　as　if　he　rather　expected　me　to　box　his　ears。　〃I　shall　be　forty　next　birthday；〃　he　went　on；　〃I　am　old　enough　to　be　your　father。〃　I　all　but　burst　out　laughing；　and　stepped　across　the　street；　on　my　way　home。　He　followed　me。　〃We　might　invite　the　landlady　to　join　us；〃　he　said；　looking　the　picture　of　a　headlong　man；　dismayed　by　the　consciousness　of　his　own　imprudence。　〃Couldn't　you　honor　me　by　lunching　with　me　if　we　had　the　landlady？〃　he　asked。

This　was　a　little　too　much。　〃Quite　out　of　the　question；　sirand　you　ought　to　know　it；〃　I　said　with　severity。　He　half　put　out　his　hand。　〃Won't　you　even　shake　hands　with　me？〃　he　inquired　piteously。　When　we　have　most　properly　administered　a　reproof　to　a　man；　what　is　the　perversity　which　makes　us　weakly　pity　him　the　minute　afterward？　I　was　fool　enough　to　shake　hands　with　this　perfect　stranger。　And；　having　done　it；　I　completed　the　total　loss　of　my　dignity　by　running　away。　Our　dear　crooked　little　streets　hid　me　from　him　directly。

As　I　rang　at　the　door…bell　of　my　employer's　house；　a　thought　occurred　to　me　which　might　have　been　alarming　to　a　better　regulated　mind　than　mine。

〃Suppose　he　should　come　back　to　Sandwich？〃

II。

BEFORE　many　more　days　passed　I　had　troubles　of　my　own　to　contend　with；　which　put　the　eccentric　stranger　out　of　my　head　for　the　time。

Unfortunately；　my　troubles　are　part　of　my　story；　and　my　early　life　mixes　itself　up　with　them。　In　consideration　of　what　is　to　follow；　may　I　say　two　words　relating　to　the　period　before　I　was　a　governess？

I　am　the　orphan　daughter　of　a　shopkeeper　of　Sandwich。　My　father　died；　leaving　to　his　widow　and　child　an　honest　name　and　a　little　income　of　L80　a　year。　We　kept　on　the　shopneither　gaining　nor　losing　by　it。　The　truth　is　nobody　would　buy　our　poor　little　business。　I　was　thirteen　years　old　at　the　time；　and　I　was　able　to　help　my　mother；　whose　health　was　then　beginning　to　fail。　Never　shall　I　forget　a　certain　bright　summer's　day；　when　I　saw　a　new　customer　enter　our　shop。　He　was　an　elderly　gentleman；　and　he　seemed　surprised　to　find　so　young　a　girl　as　myself　in　charge　of　the　business；　and；　what　is　more；　competent　to　support　the　charge。　I　answered　his　questions　in　a　manner　which　seemed　to　please　him。　He　soon　discovered　that　my　education　（excepting　my　knowledge　of　the　business）　had　been　sadly　neglected；　and　he　inquired　if　he　could　see　my　mother。　She　was　resting　on　the　sofa　in　the　back　parlorand　she　received　him　there。　When　he　came　out；　he　patted　me　on　the　cheek。　〃I　have　taken　a　fancy　to　you；〃　he　said；　〃and　perhaps　I　shall　come　back　again。〃　He　did　come　back　again。　My　mother　had　referred　him　to　the　rector　for　our　characters　in　the　town；　and　he　had　heard　what　our　clergyman　could　say　for　us。　Our　only　relations　had　emigrated　to　Australia；　and　were　not　doing　well　there。　My　mother's　death　would　leave　me；　so　far　as　relatives　were　concerned；　literally　alone　in　the　world。　〃Give　this　girl　a　first…rate　education；〃　said　our　elderly　customer；　sitting　at　our　tea…table　in　the　back　parlor；　〃and　she　will　do。　If　you　will　send　her　to　school；　ma'am；　I'll　pay　for　her　education。〃　My　poor　mother　began　to　cry　at　the　prospect　of　parting　with　me。　The　old　gentleman　said：　〃Think　of　it；〃　and　got　up　to　go。　He　gave　me　his　card　as　I　opened　the　shop…door　for　him。　〃If　you　find　yourself　in　trouble；〃　he　whispered；　so　that　my　mother　could　not　hear　him；　〃be　a　wise　child；　and　write　and　tell　me　of　it。〃　I　looked　at　the　card。　Our　kind…hearted　customer　was　no　less　a　person　than　Sir　Gervase　Damian；　of　Garrum　Park；　Sussexwith　landed　property　in　our　county　as　well！　He　had　made　himself　（through　the　rector；　no　doubt）　far　better　acquainted　than　I　was　with　the　true　state　of　my　mother's　health。　In　four　months　from　the　memorable　day　when　the　great　man　h