green mansions-第60章

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hich　nature　helps　our　weakness　even　when　the　will　is　suspended；　that　saved　me　I　cannot　say；　but　it　is　certain　that　I　gradually　recovered　health；　physical　and　mental；　and　finally　reached　the　coast　comparatively　well；　although　my　mind　was　still　in　a　gloomy；　desponding　state　when　I　first　walked　the　streets　of　Georgetown；　in　rags；　half…starved　and　penniless。

But　even　when　well；　long　after　the　discovery　that　my　flesh　was　not　only　alive；　but　that　it　was　of　an　exceedingly　tough　quality；　the　idea　born　during　the　darkest　period　of　my　pilgrimage；　that　die　I　must；　persisted　in　my　mind。　　I　had　lived　through　that　which　would　have　killed　most　menlived　only　to　accomplish　the　one　remaining　purpose　of　my　life。　　Now　it　was　accomplished；　the　sacred　ashes　brought　so　far；　with　such　infinite　labour；　through　so　many　and　such　great　perils；　were　safe　and　would　mix　with　mine　at　last。　There　was　nothing　more　in　life　to　make　me　love　it　or　keep　me　prisoner　in　its　weary　chains。　　This　prospect　of　near　death　faded　in　time；　love　of　life　returned；　and　the　earth　had　recovered　its　everlasting　freshness　and　beauty；　only　that　feeling　about　Rima's　ashes　did　not　fade　or　change；　and　is　as　strong　now　as　it　was　then。　　Say　that　it　is　morbidcall　it　superstition　if　you　like；　but　there　it　is；　the　most　powerful　motive　I　have　known；　always　in　all　things　to　be　taken　into　accounta　philosophy　of　life　to　be　made　to　fit　it。　　Or　take　it　as　a　symbol；　since　that　may　come　to　be　one　with　the　thing　symbolized。　　In　those　darkest　days　in　the　forest　I　had　her　as　a　visitora　Rima　of　the　mind；　whose　words　when　she　spoke　reflected　my　despair。　　Yet　even　then　I　was　not　entirely　without　hope。　　Heaven　itself；　she　said；　could　not　undo　that　which　I　had　done；　and　she　also　said　that　if　I　forgave　myself；　Heaven　would　say　no　word；　nor　would　she。　　That　is　my　philosophy　still：　prayers；　austerities；　good　worksthey　avail　nothing；　and　there　is　no　intercession；　and　outside　of　the　soul　there　is　no　forgiveness　in　heaven　or　earth　for　sin。　　Nevertheless　there　is　a　way；　which　every　soul　can　find　out　for　itselfeven　the　most　rebellious；　the　most　darkened　with　crime　and　tormented　by　remorse。　　In　that　way　I　have　walked；　and；　self…forgiven　and　self…absolved；　I　know　that　if　she　were　to　return　once　more　and　appear　to　meeven　here　where　her　ashes　areI　know　that　her　divine　eyes　would　no　longer　refuse　to　look　into　mine；　since　the　sorrow　which　seemed　eternal　and　would　have　slain　me　to　see　would　not　now　be　in　them。





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