green mansions-第52章
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urprised and startled to notice that Kua…ko had moved in the interval。 He had turned over on his side； and his face was now towards me。 His eyes appeared closed； but he might be only feigning sleep； and I dared not go back to pick up the spear。 After a moment's hesitation I moved on again； and after a second glance back and seeing that he did not stir； I waded cautiously across the stream； walked softly twenty or thirty yards； and then began to run。 At intervals I paused to listen for a moment； and presently I heard a pattering sound as of footsteps coming swiftly after me。 I instantly concluded that Kua…ko had been awake all the time watching my movements； and that he was now following me。 I now put forth my whole speed； and while thus running could distinguish no sound。 That he would miss me； for it was very dark； although with a starry sky above； was my only hope； for with no weapon except my knife my chances would be small indeed should he overtake me。 Besides； he had no doubt roused the others before starting； and they would be close behind。 There were no bushes in that place to hide myself in and let them pass me； and presently； to make matters worse； the character of the soil changed； and I was running over level clayey ground； so white with a salt efflorescence that a dark object moving on it would show conspicuously at a distance。 Here I paused to look back and listen； when distinctly came the sound of footsteps； and the next moment I made out the vague form of an Indian advancing at a rapid rate of speed and with his uplifted spear in his hand。 In the brief pause I had made he had advanced almost to within hurling distance of me； and turning； I sped on again； throwing off my cloak to ease my flight。 The next time I looked back he was still in sight； but not so near； he had stopped to pick up my cloak； which would be his now； and this had given me a slight advantage。 I fled on； and had continued running for a distance perhaps of fifty yards when an object rushed past me； tearing through the flesh of my left arm close to the shoulder on its way； and not knowing that I was not badly wounded nor how near my pursuer might be； I turned in desperation to meet him； and saw him not above twenty…five yards away； running towards me with something bright in his hand。 It was Kua…ko； and after wounding me with his spear he was about to finish me with his knife。 O fortunate young savage； after such a victory； and with that noble blue cloth cloak for trophy and covering； what fame and happiness will be yours！ A change swift as lightning had come over me； a sudden exultation。 I was wounded； but my right hand was sound and clutched a knife as good as his； and we were on an equality。 I waited for him calmly。 All weakness； grief； despair had vanished； all feelings except a terrible raging desire to spill his accursed blood； and my brain was clear and my nerves like steel； and I remembered with something like laughter our old amusing encounters with rapiers of wood。 Ah； that was only making believe and childish play； this was reality。 Could any white man； deprived of his treacherous； far…killing weapon； meet the resolute savage； face to face and foot to foot； and equal him with the old primitive weapons？ Poor youth； this delusion will cost you dear！ It was scarcely an equal contest when he hurled himself against me； with only his savage strength and courage to match my skill； in a few moments he was lying at my feet； pouring out his life blood on that white thirsty plain。 From his prostrate form I turned； the wet； red knife in my hand； to meet the others； still thinking that they were on the track and close at hand。 Why had he stooped to pick up the cloak if they were not followingif he had not been afraid of losing it？ I turned only to receive their spears； to die with my face to them； nor was the thought of death terrible to me； I could die calmly now after killing my first assailant。 But had I indeed killed him？ I asked； hearing a sound like a groan escape from his lips。 Quickly stooping； I once more drove my weapon to the hilt in his prostrate form； and when he exhaled a deep sigh； and his frame quivered； and the blood spurted afresh； I experienced a feeling of savage joy。 And still no sound of hurrying footsteps came to my listening ears and no vague forms appeared in the darkness。 I concluded that he had either left them sleeping or that they had not followed in the right direction。 Taking up the cloak； I was about to walk on； when I noticed the spear he had thrown at me lying where it had fallen some yards away； and picking that up also； I went on once more； still keeping the guiding star before me。
CHAPTER XX
That good fight had been to me like a draught of wine； and made me for a while oblivious of my loss and of the pain from my wound。 But the glow and feeling of exultation did not last： the lacerated flesh smarted； I was weak from loss of blood； and oppressed with sensations of fatigue。 If my foes had appeared on the scene they would have made an easy conquest of me； but they came not； and I continued to walk on； slowly and painfully； pausing often to rest。
At last； recovering somewhat from my faint condition； and losing all fear of being overtaken； my sorrow revived in full force； and thought returned to madden me。
Alas！ this bright being； like no other in its divine brightness； so long in the making； now no more than a dead leaf； a little dust； lost and forgotten for everoh； pitiless！ Oh； cruel！
But I knew it all beforethis law of nature and of necessity； against which all revolt is idle： often had the remembrance of it filled me with ineffable melancholy； only now it seemed cruel beyond all cruelty。
Not nature the instrument； not the keen sword that cuts into the bleeding tissues； but the hand that wields itthe unseen unknown something； or person； that manifests itself in the horrible workings of nature。
〃Did you know； beloved； at the last； in that intolerable heat； in that moment of supreme anguish； that he is unlistening； unhelpful as the stars； that you cried not to him？ To me was your cry； but your poor； frail fellow creature was not there to save； or； failing that； to cast himself into the flames and perish with you； hating God。〃
Thus； in my insufferable pain； I spoke aloud； alone in that solitary place； a bleeding fugitive in the dark night； looking up at the stars I cursed the Author of my being and called on Him to take back the abhorred gift of life。
Yet； according to my philosophy； how vain it was！ All my bitterness and hatred and defiance were as empty； as ineffectual； as utterly futile； as are the supplications of the meek worshipper； and no more than the whisper of a leaf； the light whirr of an insect's wing。 Whether I loved Him who was over all； as when I thanked Him on my knees for guiding me to where I had heard so sweet and mysterious a melody； or hated and defied Him as now； it all came from Himlove and hate； good and evil。
But I knowI knew thenthat in one thing my philosophy was false； that it was not the whole truth； that though my cries did not touch nor come near Him they would yet hurt me； and； just as a prisoner maddened at his unjust fate beats against the stone walls of his cell until he falls back bruised and bleeding to the floor； so did I wilfully bruise my own soul； and knew that those wounds I gave myself would not heal。
Of that night； the beginning of the blackest period of my life； I shall say no more； and over subsequent events I shall pass quickly。
Morning found me at a distance of many miles from the scene of my duel with the Indian； in a broken； hilly country； varied with savannah and open forest。 I was well…nigh spent with my long march； and felt that unless food was obtained before many hours my situation would be indeed desperate。 With labour I managed to climb to the summit of a hill about three hundred feet high in order to survey the surrounding country； and found that it was one of a group of five； and conjectured that these were the five hills of Uritay and that I was in the neighbourhood of Managa's village。 Coming down I proceeded to the next hill； which was higher； and before reaching it came to a stre
