man and superman-第31章
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THE STATUE。 What harm is he doing you； Juan？ It seems to me that
he was talking excellent sense when you interrupted him。
THE DEVIL。 ＇warmly shaking the statue's hand＇ Thank you； my
friend： thank you。 You have always understood me： he has always
disparaged and avoided me。
DON JUAN。 I have treated you with perfect courtesy。
THE DEVIL。 Courtesy！ What is courtesy？ I care nothing for mere
courtesy。 Give me warmth of heart； true sincerity； the bond of
sympathy with love and joy
DON JUAN。 You are making me ill。
THE DEVIL。 There！ ＇Appealing to the statue＇ You hear； sir！ Oh； by
what irony of fate was this cold selfish egotist sent to my
kingdom； and you taken to the icy mansions of the sky！
THE STATUE。 I can't complain。 I was a hypocrite； and it served me
right to be sent to heaven。
THE DEVIL。 Why； sir； do you not join us； and leave a sphere for
which your temperament is too sympathetic； your heart too warm；
your capacity for enjoyment too generous？
THE STATUE。 I have this day resolved to do so。 In future；
excellent Son of the Morning； I am yours。 I have left Heaven for
ever。
THE DEVIL。 ＇again grasping his hand＇ Ah； what an honor for me！
What a triumph for our cause！ Thank you； thank you。 And now； my
friendI may call you so at lastcould you not persuade HIM
to take the place you have left vacant above？
THE STATUE。 ＇shaking his head＇ I cannot conscientiously recommend
anybody with whom I am on friendly terms to deliberately make
himself dull and uncomfortable。
THE DEVIL。 Of course not； but are you sure HE would be
uncomfortable？ Of course you know best： you brought him here
originally； and we had the greatest hopes of him。 His sentiments
were in the best taste of our best people。 You remember how he
sang？ ＇He begins to sing in a nasal operatic baritone； tremulous
from an eternity of misuse in the French manner＇。
Vivan le femmine！
Viva il buon vino！
THE STATUE。 ＇taking up the tune an octave higher in his counter
tenor＇
Sostegno a gloria
D'umanita。
THE DEVIL。 Precisely。 Well； he never sings for us now。
DON JUAN。 Do you complain of that？ Hell is full of musical
amateurs： music is the brandy of the damned。 May not one lost
soul be permitted to abstain？
THE DEVIL。 You dare blaspheme against the sublimest of the arts！
DON JUAN。 ＇with cold disgust＇ You talk like a hysterical woman
fawning on a fiddler。
THE DEVIL。 I am not angry。 I merely pity you。 You have no soul；
and you are unconscious of all that you lose。 Now you； Senor
Commander； are a born musician。 How well you sing！ Mozart would
be delighted if he were still here； but he moped and went to
heaven。 Curious how these clever men； whom you would have
supposed born to be popular here； have turned out social
failures； like Don Juan！
DON JUAN。 I am really very sorry to be a social failure。
THE DEVIL。 Not that we don't admire your intellect； you know。 We
do。 But I look at the matter from your own point of view。 You
don't get on with us。 The place doesn't suit you。 The truth is；
you haveI won't say no heart； for we know that beneath all your
affected cynicism you have a warm one。
DON JUAN。 ＇shrinking＇ Don't； please don't。
THE DEVIL。 ＇nettled＇ Well； you've no capacity for enjoyment。 Will
that satisfy you？
DON JUAN。 It is a somewhat less insufferable form of cant than
the other。 But if you'll allow me； I'll take refuge； as usual； in
solitude。
THE DEVIL。 Why not take refuge in Heaven？ That's the proper place
for you。 ＇To Ana＇ Come； Senora！ could you not persuade him for
his own good to try a change of air？
ANA。 But can he go to Heaven if he wants to？
THE DEVIL。 What's to prevent him？
ANA。 Can anybodycan I go to Heaven if I want to？
THE DEVIL。 ＇rather contemptuously＇ Certainly； if your taste lies
that way。
ANA。 But why doesn't everybody go to Heaven； then？
THE STATUE。 ＇chuckling＇ I can tell you that； my dear。 It's
because heaven is the most angelically dull place in all
creation： that's why。
THE DEVIL。 His excellency the Commander puts it with military
bluntness； but the strain of living in Heaven is intolerable。
There is a notion that I was turned out of it； but as a matter of
fact nothing could have induced me to stay there。 I simply left
it and organized this place。
THE STATUE。 I don't wonder at it。 Nobody could stand an eternity
of heaven。
THE DEVIL。 Oh； it suits some people。 Let us be just； Commander：
it is a question of temperament。 I don't admire the heavenly
temperament： I don't understand it： I don't know that I
particularly want to understand it； but it takes all sorts to
make a universe。 There is no accounting for tastes： there are
people who like it。 I think Don Juan would like it。
DON JUAN。 Butpardon my franknesscould you really go back
there if you desired to； or are the grapes sour？
THE DEVIL。 Back there！ I often go back there。 Have you never read
the book of Job？ Have you any canonical authority for assuming
that there is any barrier between our circle and the other one？
ANA。 But surely there is a great gulf fixed。
THE DEVIL。 Dear lady： a parable must not be taken literally。 The
gulf is the difference between the angelic and the diabolic
temperament。 What more impassable gulf could you have？ Think of
what you have seen on earth。 There is no physical gulf between
the philosopher's class room and the bull ring； but the bull
fighters do not come to the class room for all that。 Have you
ever been in the country where I have the largest following
England？ There they have great racecourses； and also concert
rooms where they play the classical compositions of his
Excellency's friend Mozart。 Those who go to the racecourses can
stay away from them and go to the classical concerts instead if
they like： there is no law against it； for Englishmen never will
be slaves： they are free to do whatever the Government and public
opinion allows them to do。 And the classical concert is admitted
to be a higher； more cultivated； poetic； intellectual； ennobling
place than the racecourse。 But do the lovers of racing desert
their sport and flock to the concert room？ Not they。 They would
suffer there all the weariness the Commander has suffered in
heaven。 There is the great gulf of the parable between the two
places。 A mere physical gulf they could bridge； or at least I
could bridge it for them （the earth is full of Devil's Bridges）；
but the gulf of dislike is impassable and eternal。 And that is
the only gulf that separates my friends here from those who are
invidiously called the blest。
ANA。 I shall go to heaven at once。
THE STATUE。 My child； one word of warning first。 Let me complete
my friend Lucifer's similitude of the classical concert。 At every
one of those concerts in England you will find rows of weary
people who are there； not because they really like classical
music； but because they think they ought to like it。 Well； there
is the same thing in heaven。 A number of people sit there in
glory； not because they are happy； but because they think they
owe it to their position to be in heaven。 They are almost all
English。
THE DEVIL。 Yes： the Southerners give it up and join me just as
you have done。 But the English really do not seem to know when
they are thoroughly miserable。 An Englishman thinks he is moral
when he is only uncomfortable。
THE STATUE。 In short； my daughter； if you go to Heaven without
being naturally qualified for it； you will not enjoy yourself
there。
ANA。 And who dares say that I am not naturally qualified for it？
The most distinguished princes of the Church have never
questioned it。 I owe it to myself to leave this place at once。
THE DEVIL。 ＇offended＇ As you please； Senora。 I should have
expected better taste from you。
ANA。 Father： I shall expect you to come with me。 You cannot stay
here。 What will people say？
THE STATUE。 People！ Why； the best people are hereprinces of the
church and all。 So few go to Heaven； and so many come here； that
the blest； once called a heavenly host； are a continually
dwindling minority。 The saints； the fathers； the elect of long
ago are the cranks； the faddists； the outsiders of to…day。
THE DEVIL。 It is
