man and superman-第16章
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alone with this gentleman。 Will you not come with me？
ANN。 Miss Ramsden would not like to speak about it before me；
Granny。 I ought not to be present。
RAMSDEN。 You are right： I should have thought of that。 You are a
good girl； Annie。
He pats her on the shoulder。 She looks up at him with beaming
eyes and he goes out； much moved。 Having disposed of him； she
looks at Tanner。 His back being turned to her； she gives a
moment's attention to her personal appearance； then softly goes
to him and speaks almost into his ear。
ANN。 Jack ＇he turns with a start＇： are you glad that you are my
guardian？ You don't mind being made responsible for me； I hope。
TANNER。 The latest addition to your collection of scapegoats；
eh？
ANN。 Oh； that stupid old joke of yours about me！ Do please drop
it。 Why do you say things that you know must pain me？ I do my
best to please you； Jack： I suppose I may tell you so now that
you are my guardian。 You will make me so unhappy if you refuse to
be friends with me。
TANNER。 ＇studying her as gloomily as he studied the dust＇ You
need not go begging for my regard。 How unreal our moral judgments
are！ You seem to me to have absolutely no conscienceonly
hypocrisy； and you can't see the differenceyet there is a sort
of fascination about you。 I always attend to you； somehow。 I
should miss you if I lost you。
ANN。 ＇tranquilly slipping her arm into his and walking about with
him＇ But isn't that only natural； Jack？ We have known each other
since we were children。 Do you remember？
TANNER。 ＇abruptly breaking loose＇ Stop！ I remember EVERYTHING。
ANN。 Oh； I daresay we were often very silly； but
TANNER。 I won't have it； Ann。 I am no more that schoolboy now
than I am the dotard of ninety I shall grow into if I live long
enough。 It is over： let me forget it。
ANN。 Wasn't it a happy time？ ＇She attempts to take his arm
again＇。
TANNER。 Sit down and behave yourself。 ＇He makes her sit down in
the chair next the writing table＇。 No doubt it was a happy time
for you。 You were a good girl and never compromised yourself。 And
yet the wickedest child that ever was slapped could hardly have
had a better time。 I can understand the success with which you
bullied the other girls： your virtue imposed on them。 But tell me
this： did you ever know a good boy？
ANN。 Of course。 All boys are foolish sometimes； but Tavy was
always a really good boy。
TANNER。 ＇struck by this＇ Yes： you're right。 For some reason you
never tempted Tavy。
ANN。 Tempted！ Jack！
TANNER。 Yes； my dear Lady Mephistopheles； tempted。 You were
insatiably curious as to what a boy might be capable of； and
diabolically clever at getting through his guard and surprising
his inmost secrets。
ANN。 What nonsense！ All because you used to tell me long stories
of the wicked things you had donesilly boys tricks！ And you
call such things inmost secrets： Boys' secrets are just like
men's； and you know what they are！
TANNER。 ＇obstinately＇ No I don't。 What are they； pray？
ANN。 Why； the things they tell everybody； of course。
TANNER。 Now I swear I told you things I told no one else。 You
lured me into a compact by which we were to have no secrets from
one another。 We were to tell one another everything； I didn't
notice that you never told me anything。
ANN。 You didn't want to talk about me； Jack。 You wanted to talk
about yourself。
TANNER。 Ah； true； horribly true。 But what a devil of a child you
must have been to know that weakness and to play on it for the
satisfaction of your own curiosity！ I wanted to brag to you； to
make myself interesting。 And I found myself doing all sorts of
mischievous things simply to have something to tell you about。 I
fought with boys I didn't hate； I lied about things I might just
as well have told the truth about； I stole things I didn't want；
I kissed little girls I didn't care for。 It was all bravado：
passionless and therefore unreal。
ANN。 I never told of you； Jack。
TANNER。 No； but if you had wanted to stop me you would have told
of me。 You wanted me to go on。
ANN。 ＇flashing out＇ Oh； that's not true： it's NOT true； Jack。 I
never wanted you to do those dull； disappointing； brutal； stupid；
vulgar things。 I always hoped that it would be something really
heroic at last。 ＇Recovering herself＇ Excuse me； Jack； but the
things you did were never a bit like the things I wanted you to
do。 They often gave me great uneasiness； but I could not tell on
you and get you into trouble。 And you were only a boy。 I knew you
would grow out of them。 Perhaps I was wrong。
TANNER。 ＇sardonically＇ Do not give way to remorse； Ann。 At least
nineteen twentieths of the exploits I confessed to you were pure
lies。 I soon noticed that you didn't like the true stories。
ANN。 Of course I knew that some of the things couldn't have
happened。 But
TANNER。 You are going to remind me that some of the most
disgraceful ones did。
ANN。 ＇fondly； to his great terror＇ I don't want to remind you of
anything。 But I knew the people they happened to； and heard about
them。
TANNER。 Yes； but even the true stories were touched up for
telling。 A sensitive boy's humiliations may be very good fun for
ordinary thickskinned grown…ups； but to the boy himself they are
so acute； so ignominious； that he cannot confess themcannot but
deny them passionately。 However； perhaps it was as well for me
that I romanced a bit； for； on the one occasion when I told you
the truth； you threatened to tell of me。
ANN。 Oh； never。 Never once。
TANNER。 Yes； you did。 Do you remember a dark…eyed girl named
Rachel Rosetree？ ＇Ann's brows contract for an instant
involuntarily＇。 I got up a love affair with her； and we met one
night in the garden and walked about very uncomfortably with our
arms round one another； and kissed at parting； and were most
conscientiously romantic。 If that love affair had gone on； it
would have bored me to death； but it didn't go on； for the next
thing that happened was that Rachel cut me because she found out
that I had told you。 How did she find it out？ From you。 You went
to her and held the guilty secret over her head； leading her a
life of abject terror and humiliation by threatening to tell on
her。
ANN。 And a very good thing for her； too。 It was my duty to stop
her misconduct； and she is thankful to me for it now。
TANNER。 Is she？
ANN。 She ought to be； at all events。
TANNER。 It was not your duty to stop my misconduct； I suppose。
ANN。 I did stop it by stopping her。
TANNER。 Are you sure of that？ You stopped my telling you about
my adventures； but how do you know that you stopped the
adventures？
ANN。 Do you mean to say that you went on in the same way with
other girls？
TANNER。 No。 I had enough of that sort of romantic tomfoolery
with Rachel。
ANN。 ＇unconvinced＇ Then why did you break off our confidences and
become quite strange to me？
TANNER。 ＇enigmatically＇ It happened just then that I got
something that I wanted to keep all to myself instead of sharing
it with you。
ANN。 I am sure I shouldn't have asked for any of it if you had
grudged it。
TANNER。 It wasn't a box of sweets； Ann。 It was something you'd
never have let me call my own。
ANN。 ＇incredulously＇ What？
TANNER。 My soul。
ANN。 Oh； do be sensible； Jack。 You know you're talking nonsense。
TANNER。 The most solemn earnest； Ann。 You didn't notice at that
time that you were getting a soul too。 But you were。 It was not
for nothing that you suddenly found you had a moral duty to
chastise and reform Rachel。 Up to that time you had traded pretty
extensively in being a good child； but you had never set up a
sense of duty to others。 Well； I set one up too。 Up to that time
I had played the boy buccaneer with no more conscience than a fox
in a poultry farm。 But now I began to have scruples； to feel
obligations； to find that veracity and honor were no longer
goody…goody expressions in the mouths of grown up people； but
compelling principles in myself。
ANN。 ＇quietly＇ Yes； I suppose you're right。 You were beginning to
be a man； and I to be a woman。
TANNER。 Are you sure it was not that we were beginning to be
something more？ What does the beginning of manhood and womanhood
me
