the lost road-第5章
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that the fact that to him she might prefer some one else was in
no way a surprise。 He only knew that if she should prefer some
one else not all his troop horses nor all his men could put
Humpty Dumpty back again。
But if； in regard to Mr。 Stedman； Miss Gardner had for a moment
been at odds with the man who loved her； she made up for it the
day following on the tennis court。 There she was in accord with
him in heart； soul； and body； and her sharp 〃Well played；
partner！〃 thrilled him like one of his own bugle calls。 For two
days against visiting and local teams they fought their way
through the tournament； and the struggle with her at his side
filled Lee with a great happiness。 Not that the championship of
Agawamsett counted greatly to one exiled for three years to live
among the Moros。 He wanted to win because she wanted to win。
But his happiness came in doing something in common with her；
in helping her and in having her help him； in being； if only in
play； if only for three days； her 〃partner。〃
After they won they walked home together； each swinging a fat；
heavy loving…cup。 On each was engraved：
〃Mixed doubles； Agawamsett； 1910。〃
Lee held his up so that the setting sun flashed on the silver。
〃I am going to keep that；〃 he said； 〃as long as I live。 It means
you were once my 'partner。' It's a sign that once we two worked
together for something and won。〃 In the words the man showed
such feeling that the girl said soberly：
〃Mine means that to me； too。 I will never part with mine；
either。〃
Lee turned to her and smiled； appealing wistfully。
〃It seems a pity to separate them；〃 he said。 〃They'd look well
together over an open fireplace。〃
The girl frowned unhappily。 〃I don't know；〃 she protested。 〃I
don't know。〃
The next day Lee received from the War Department a telegram
directing him to 〃proceed without delay〃 to San Francisco； and
there to embark for the Philippines。
That night he put the question to her directly； but again she
shook her head unhappily； again she said： 〃I don't know！〃
So he sailed without her； and each evening at sunset； as the
great transport heaved her way across the swell of the Pacific；
he stood at the rail and looked back。 With the aid of the first
officer he calculated the difference in time between a whaling
village situated at forty…four degrees north and an army
transport dropping rapidly toward the equator； and so； each day；
kept in step with the girl he loved。
〃Now；〃 he would tell himself； 〃she is in her cart in front of the
post…office； and while they sort the morning mail she gossips
with the fisher folks； the summer folks； the grooms； and
chauffeurs。 Now she is sitting for her portrait to Stedman〃 （he
did not dwell long on that part of her day）； 〃and now she is at
tennis； or； as she promised； riding alone at sunset down our lost
road through the woods。〃
But that part of her day from which Lee hurried was that part
over which the girl herself lingered。 As he turned his eyes from
his canvas to meet hers； Stedman； the charming； the deferential；
the adroit； who never allowed his painting to interrupt his talk；
told her of what he was pleased to call his dreams and ambitions；
of the great and beautiful ladies who had sat before his easel；
and of the only one of them who had given him inspiration。
Especially of the only one who had given him inspiration。 With
her always to uplift him； he could become one of the world's most
famous artists； and she would go down into history as the
beautiful woman who had helped him； as the wife of Rembrandt
had inspired Rembrandt； as 〃Mona Lisa〃 had made Leonardo。
Gilbert wrote： 〃It is not the lover who comes to woo； but the
lover's way of wooing！〃 His successful lover was the one who
threw the girl across his saddle and rode away with her。 But one
kind of woman does not like to have her lover approach shouting：
〃At the gallop！ Charge！〃
She prefers a man not because he is masterful； but because he is
not。 She likes to believe the man needs her more than she needs
him； that she； and only she； can steady him； cheer him； keep him
true to the work he is in the world to perform。 It is called the
〃mothering〃 instinct。
Frances felt this mothering instinct toward the sensitive；
imaginative； charming Stedman。 She believed he had but two
thoughts； his art and herself。 She was content to place his art first。
She could not guess that to one so unworldly； to one so wrapped up
in his art； the fortune of a rich aunt might prove alluring。
When the transport finally picked up the landfalls of Cavite
Harbor； Lee； with the instinct of a soldier； did not exclaim：
〃This is where Dewey ran the forts and sank the Spanish fleet！〃
On the contrary； he was saying： 〃When she comes to join me； it
will be here I will first see her steamer。 I will be waiting with
a field…glass on the end of that wharf。 No； I will be out here in
a shore…boat waving my hat。 And of all those along the rail； my
heart will tell me which is she！〃
Then a barefooted Filipino boy handed him an unsigned cablegram。
It read： 〃If I wrote a thousand words I could not make it easier
for either of us。 I am to marry Arthur Stedman in December。〃
Lee was grateful for the fact that he was not permitted to linger
in Manila。 Instead； he was at once ordered up…country； where at a
one…troop post he administered the affairs of a somewhat hectic
province； and under the guidance of the local constabulary chased
will…o'…the…wisp brigands。 On a shelf in his quarters he placed
the silver loving…cup； and at night； when the village slept； he
would sit facing it； filling one pipe after another； and through
the smoke staring at the evidence to the fact that once Frances
Gardner and he had been partners。
In these post…mortems he saw nothing morbid。 With his present
activities they in no way interfered； and in thinking of the days
when they had been together； in thinking of what he had lost； he
found deep content。 Another man； having lost the woman he loved；
would have tried to forget her and all she meant to him。 But Lee
was far too honest with himself to substitute other thoughts for
those that were glorious； that still thrilled him。 The girl could
take herself from him； but she could not take his love for her
from him。 And for that he was grateful。 He never had considered
himself worthy； and so could not believe he had been ill used。 In
his thoughts of her there was no bitterness： for that also he was
grateful。 And； as he knew he would not care for any other woman
in the way he cared for her； he preferred to care in that way；
even for one who was lost； than in a lesser way for a possible
she who some day might greatly care for him。 So she still
remained in his thoughts； and was so constantly with him that he
led a dual existence； in which by day he directed the affairs of
an alien and hostile people and by night again lived through the
wonderful moments when she had thought she loved him； when he
first had learned to love her。 At times she seemed actually at
his side； and he could not tell whether he was pretending that
this were so or whether the force of his love had projected her
image half around the world。
Often； when in single file he led the men through the forest； he
seemed again to be back on Cape Cod picking his way over their
own lost road through the wood； and he heard 〃the beat of a
horse's feet and the swish of a skirt in the dew。〃 And then a
carbine would rattle； or a horse would stumble and a trooper
swear； and he was again in the sweating jungle； where men； intent
upon his life； crouched in ambush。
She spared him the mockery of wedding…cards； but the announcement
of the wedding came to him in a three…months…old newspaper。 Hoping
they would speak of her in their letters； he kept up a somewhat one…sided
correspondence with friends of Mrs。 Stedman's in Boston； where she now
lived。 But for a year in none of their letters did her name appear。 When
a mutual friend did write of her Lee understood the silence。
From the first； the mutual friend wrote； the life of Mrs。 Stedman
and her husband was thoroughly miserable。 Stedman blamed h
