the lost road-第20章
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stable。 The Sultan wanted her； but when he learned I meant to turn
her over to you； he let her go。 We both hope you'll accept。〃
Lady Firth had no scruples。 In five minutes she had accepted； had
clapped a side…saddle on her rich gift； and was cantering joyously
down the Pearl Road。
Polly Adair looked after her with an expression that was
distinctly wistful。 Thus encouraged； Hemingway said：
〃I'm glad you are sorry。 I hope every time you see that pony
you'll be sorry。〃
〃Why should I be sorry？〃 asked the girl。
〃Because you have been unkind；〃 said Hemingway； 〃and it is not your
character to be unkind。 And that you have shown lack of character
ought to make you sorry。〃
〃But you know perfectly well；〃 said Mrs。 Adair； 〃that if I were
to take any one of these wonderful things you bring me； I wouldn't
have any character left。〃
She smiled at him reassuringly。 〃And you know；〃 she added； 〃that
that is not why I do not take them。 It isn't because I can't afford to；
or because I don't want them； because I do； but it's because I don't
deserve them； because I can give you nothing in return。〃
〃As the copy…book says；〃 returned Hemingway； 〃'the pleasure is in
the giving。' If the copy…book don't say that； I do。 And to pretend
that you give me nothing； that is ridiculous！〃
It was so ridiculous that he rushed on vehemently。 〃Why； every
minute you give me something；〃 he exclaimed。 〃Just to see you；
just to know you are alive； just to be certain when I turn in at
night that when the world wakes up again you will still be a part
of it； that is what you give me。 And its name isHappiness！〃
He had begun quite innocently； he had had no idea that it would
come。 But he had said it。 As clearly as though he had dropped
upon one knee； laid his hand over his heart and exclaimed： 〃Most
beautiful of your sex； I love you！ Will you marry me？〃 His eyes
and the tone of his voice had said it。 And he knew that he had
said it； and that she knew。
Her eyes were filled with sudden tears； and so wonderful was the
light in them that for one mad moment Hemingway thought they were
tears of happiness。 But the light died； and what had been tears
became only wet drops of water； and he saw to his dismay that she
was most miserable。
The girl moved ahead of him to the cliff on which the agency
stood； and which overhung the harbor and the Indian Ocean。 Her
eyes were filled with trouble。 As she raised them to his they begged
of him to be kind。
〃I am glad you told me；〃 she said。 〃I have been afraid it was
coming。 But until you told me I could not say anything。 I tried
to stop you。 I was rude and unkind〃
〃You certainly were；〃 Hemingway agreed cheerfully。 〃And the more
you would have nothing to do with me； the more I admired you。 And
then I learned to admire you more； and then to love you。 It seems now
as though I had always known and always loved you。 And now this
is what we are going to do。〃
He wouldn't let her speak； he rushed on precipitately。
〃We are first going up to the house to get your typewriting…machine；
and we will bring it back here and hurl it as far as we can off this cliff。
I want to see the splash！ I want to hear it smash when it hits that rock。
It has been my worst enemy； because it helped you to be independent
of me； because it kept you from me。 Time after time； on the veranda；
when I was pretending to listen to Lady Firth； I was listening to that
damned machine banging and complaining and tiring your pretty
fingers and your dear eyes。 So first it has got to go。 You have been
its slave； now I am going to be your slave。 You have only to rub
the lamp and things will happen。 And because I've told you nothing
about myself； you mustn't think that the money that helps to make
them happen is 'tainted。' It isn't。 Nor am I； nor my father； nor my
father's father。 I am asking you to marry a perfectly respectable
young man。 And； when you do〃
Again he gave her no opportunity to interrupt； but rushed on
impetuously： 〃We will sail away across that ocean to wherever
you will take me。 To Ceylon and Tokio and San Francisco； to Naples
and New York； to Greece and Athens。 They are all near。 They are
all yours。 Will you accept them and me？〃 He smiled appealingly；
but most miserably。 For though he had spoken lightly and with
confidence； it was to conceal the fact that he was not at all confident。
As he had read in her eyes her refusal of his pony； he had read； even
as he spoke； her refusal of himself。 When he ceased speaking the girl
answered：
〃If I say that what you tell me makes me proud； I am saying too little。〃
She shook her head firmly； with an air of finality that frightened
Hemingway。 〃But what you askwhat you suggest is impossible。〃
〃You don't like me？〃 said Hemingway。
〃I like you very much；〃 returned the girl； 〃and； if I don't seem
unhappy that it can't be； it is because I always have known it can't
be〃
〃Why can't it be？〃 rebelled Hemingway。 〃I don't mean that I can't
understand your not wanting to marry me； but if I knew your
objection； maybe； I could beat it down。〃
Again； with the same air of finality； the girl moved her head
slowly； as though considering each word； she began cautiously。
〃I cannot tell you the reason；〃 she said； 〃because it does not
concern only myself。〃
〃If you mean you care for some one else；〃 pleaded Hemingway；
〃that does not frighten me at all。〃 It did frighten him extremely；
but； believing that a faint heart never won anything； he pretended
to be brave。
〃For you；〃 he boasted； 〃I would go down into the grave as deep as
any man。 He that hath more let him give。 I know what I offer。 I
know I love you as no other man〃
The girl backed away from him as though he had struck her。 〃You
must not say that；〃 she commanded。
For the first time he saw that she was moved； that the fingers
she laced and unlaced were trembling。 〃It is final！〃 exclaimed
the girl。 〃I cannot marryyou； or any one。 II have promised。
I am not free。〃
〃Nothing in the world is final；〃 returned Hemingway sharply；
〃except death。〃 He raised his hat and； as though to leave her；
moved away。 Not because he admitted defeat； but because he
felt that for the present to continue might lose him the chance to
fight again。 But； to deliver an ultimatum； he turned back。
〃As long as you are alive； and I am alive；〃 he told her； 〃all
things are possible。 I don't give up hope。 I don't give up you。〃
The girl exclaimed with a gesture of despair。 〃He won't understand！〃
she cried。
Hemingway advanced eagerly。
〃Help me to understand；〃 he begged。
〃You won't understand；〃 explained the girl； 〃that I am speaking
the truth。 You are right that things can change in the future；
but nothing can change the past。 Can't you understand that？〃
〃What do I care for the past？〃 cried the young man scornfully。 〃I
know you as well as though I had known you for a thousand years
and I love you。〃
The girl flushed crimson。
〃Not my past；〃 she gasped。 〃I meant〃
〃I don't care what you meant；〃 said Hemingway。 〃I'm not prying
into your little secrets。 I know only one thingtwo things； that
I love you and that； until you love me； I am going to make your
life hell！〃
He caught at her hands； and for an instant she let him clasp them
in both of his； while she looked at him。
Something in her face； other than distress and pity； caused his
heart to leap。 But he was too wise to speak； and； that she might
not read the hope in his eyes； turned quickly and left her。 He
had not crossed the grounds of the agency before he had made up
his mind as to the reason for her repelling him。
〃She is engaged to Fearing！〃 he told himself。 〃She has promised
to marry Fearing！ She thinks that it is too late to consider another
man！〃 The prospect of a fight for the woman he loved thrilled him
greatly。 His lower jaw set pugnaciously。
〃I'll show her it's not too late；〃 he promised himself。 〃I'll show her
which of us is the man to make her happy。 And； if I am not the
man； I'll take the first outbound steamer and trouble them no more。
But before that happens；〃 he also promised himself； 〃Fearing must
s
