jane eyre(简·爱)-第18章
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the form； and while seeming to be busy with my sum； had held my
slate in such a manner as to conceal my face： I might have escaped
notice； had not my treacherous slate somehow happened to slip from
my hand； and falling with an obtrusive crash； directly drawn every eye
upon me； I knew it was all over now； and； as I stooped to pick up
the two fragments of slate； I rallied my forces for the worst。 It
came。
'A careless girl！' said Mr。 Brocklehurst； and immediately after…
'It is the new pupil； I perceive。' And before I could draw breath；
'I must not forget I have a word to say respecting her。' Then aloud：
how loud it seemed to me！ 'Let the child who broke her slate come
forward！'
Of my own accord I could not have stirred； I was paralysed： but the
two great girls who sat on each side of me； set me on my legs and
pushed me towards the dread judge； and then Miss Temple gently
assisted me to his very feet； and I caught her whispered counsel…
'Don't be afraid； Jane； I saw it was an accident； you shall not
be punished。'
The kind whisper went to my heart like a dagger。
'Another minute； and she will despise me for a hypocrite；'
thought I； and an impulse of fury against Reed； Brocklehurst； and
Co。 bounded in my pulses at the conviction。 I was no Helen Burns。
'Fetch that stool；' said Mr。 Brocklehurst； pointing to a very
high one from which a monitor had just risen： it was brought。
'Place the child upon it。'
And I was placed there； by whom I don't know： I was in no condition
to note particulars； I was only aware that they had hoisted me up to
the height of Mr。 Brocklehurst's nose； that he was within a yard of
me； and that a spread of shot orange and purple silk pelisses and a
cloud of silvery plumage extended and waved below me。
Mr。 Brocklehurst hemmed。
'Ladies；' said he； turning to his family； 'Miss Temple； teachers；
and children； you all see this girl？'
Of course they did； for I felt their eyes directed like
burning…glasses against my scorched skin。
'You see she is yet young； you observe she possesses the ordinary
form of childhood； God has graciously given her the shape that He
has given to all of us； no signal deformity points her out as a marked
character。 Who would think that the Evil One had already found a
servant and agent in her？ Yet such； I grieve to say； is the case。'
A pause… in which I began to steady the palsy of my nerves； and
to feel that the Rubicon was passed； and that the trial； no longer
to be shirked； must be firmly sustained。
'My dear children；' pursued the black marble clergyman； with
pathos； 'this is a sad； a melancholy occasion； for it becomes my
duty to warn you； that this girl； who might be one of God's own lambs；
is a little castaway： not a member of the true flock； but evidently an
interloper and an alien。 You must be on your guard against her； you
must shun her example； if necessary； avoid her company； exclude her
from your sports； and shut her out from your converse。 Teachers； you
must watch her： keep your eyes on her movements； weigh well her words；
scrutinise her actions； punish her body to save her soul： if；
indeed； such salvation be possible； for （my tongue falters while I
tell it） this girl； this child； the native of a Christian land；
worse than many a little heathen who says its prayers to Brahma and
kneels before Juggernaut… this girl is… a liar！'
Now came a pause of ten minutes； during which I； by this time in
perfect possession of my wits； observed all the female Brocklehursts
produce their pocket…handkerchiefs and apply them to their optics；
while the elderly lady swayed herself to and fro； and the two
younger ones whispered； 'How shocking！'
Mr。 Brocklehurst resumed。
'This I learned from her benefactress； from the pious and
charitable lady who adopted her in her orphan state； reared her as her
own daughter； and whose kindness； whose generosity the unhappy girl
repaid by an ingratitude so bad； so dreadful； that at last her
excellent patroness was obliged to separate her from her own young
ones； fearful lest her vicious example should contaminate their
purity： she has sent her here to be healed； even as the Jews of old
sent their diseased to the troubled pool of Bethesda； and； teachers；
superintendent； I beg of you not to allow the waters to stagnate round
her。'
With this sublime conclusion； Mr。 Brocklehurst adjusted the top
button of his surtout； muttered something to his family； who rose；
bowed to Miss Temple； and then all the great people sailed in state
from the room。 Turning at the door； my judge said…
'Let her stand half an hour longer on that stool； and let no one
speak to her during the remainder of the day。'
There was I； then； mounted aloft； I； who had said I could not
bear the shame of standing on my natural feet in the middle of the
room； was now exposed to general view on a pedestal of infamy。 What my
sensations were； no language can describe； but just as they all
rose； stifling my breath and constricting my throat； a girl came up
and passed me： in passing； she lifted her eyes。 What a strange light
inspired them！ What an extraordinary sensation that ray sent through
me！ How the new feeling bore me up！ It was as if a martyr； a hero； had
passed a slave or victim； and imparted strength in the transit。 I
mastered the rising hysteria； lifted up my head； and took a firm stand
on the stool。 Helen Burns asked some slight questions about her work
of Miss Smith； was chidden for the triviality of the inquiry； returned
to her place； and smiled at me as she again went by。 What a smile！ I
remember it now； and I know that it was the effluence of fine
intellect； of true courage； it lit up her marked lineaments； her
thin face； her sunken grey eye； like a reflection from the aspect of
an angel。 Yet at that moment Helen Burns wore on her arm 'the untidy
badge；' scarcely an hour ago I had heard her condemned by Miss
Scatcherd to a dinner of bread and water on the morrow because she had
blotted an exercise in copying it out。 Such is the imperfect nature of
man！ such spots are there on the disc of the clearest planet； and eyes
like Miss Scatcherd's can only see those minute defects； and are blind
to the full brightness of the orb。
CHAPTER VIII
ERE the half…hour ended； five o'clock struck； school was dismissed；
and all were gone into the refectory to tea。 I now ventured to
descend： it was deep dusk； I retired into a corner and sat down on the
floor。 The spell by which I had been so far supported began to
dissolve； reaction took place； and soon； so overwhelming was the grief
that seized me； I sank prostrate with my face to the ground。 Now I
wept： Helen Burns was not here； nothing sustained me； left to myself I
abandoned myself； and my tears watered the boards。 I had meant to be
so good； and to do so much at Lowood： to make so many friends； to earn
respect and win affection。 Already I had made visible progress； that
very morning I had reached the head of my class； Miss Miller had
praised me warmly； Miss Temple had smiled approbation； she had
promised to teach me drawing； and to let me learn French； if I
continued to make similar improvement two months longer： and then I
was well received by my fellow…pupils； treated as an equal by those of
my own age； and not molested by any； now； here I lay again crushed and
trodden on； and could I ever rise more？
'Never；' I thought； and ardently I wished to die。 While sobbing out
this wish in broken accents； some one approached： I started up…
again Helen Burns was near me； the fading fires just showed her coming
up the long； vacant room； she brought my coffee and bread。
'Come； eat something；' she said； but I put both away from me；
feeling as if a drop or a crumb would have choked me in my present
condition。 Helen regarded me； probably with surprise： I could not
now abate my agitation； though I tried hard； I continued to weep
aloud。 She sat down on the ground near me； embraced her knees with her
arms； and rested her head upon them； in tha
