the nature faker-第2章

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were　much　of　the　same　Turkish…bath　school　of　art；　and　the　air　was
no　worse。

〃Cheer　up；　Clarence！〃　begged　Jackson；　〃you'll　soon　be　dead。
To…morrow　you'll　be　back　among　your　tree…toads　and　sunsets。　And；
let　us　hope；〃　he　sighed；　〃no　one　will　try　to　stop　you！〃

〃What　worries　me　is　this；〃　explained　Herrick。　〃I　can't　help
thinking　that；　if　one　night　of　this　artificial　life　is　so　hard
upon
me；　what　must　it　be　to　those　bears！〃

Kelly　exclaimed；　with　exasperation：　〃Confound　the　bears！〃　he
cried。
〃If　you　must　spoil　my　supper　weeping　over　animals；　weep　over
cart…horses。　They　work。　Those　bears　are　loafers。　They're　as　well
fed　as　pet　canaries。　They're　aristocrats。〃

〃But　it's　not　a　free　life！〃　protested　Herrick。　〃It's　not　the　life
they　love。〃

〃It's　a　darned　sight　better；〃　declared　Kelly；　than　sleeping　in　a
damp　wood；　eating　raw　blackberries〃

〃The　more　you　say；〃　retorted　Herrick；　〃the　more　you　show　you　know
nothing　whatsoever　of　nature's　children　and　their　habits。〃

〃And　all　you　know　of　them；〃　returned　Kelly；　is　that　a　cat　has
nine
lives；　and　a　barking　dog　won't　bite。　You're　a　nature　faker。〃
Herrick　refused　to　be　diverted。

〃It　hurt　me；〃　he　said。　〃They　were　so　big；　and　good…natured；　and
helpless。　I'll　bet　that　woman　beats　them！　I　kept　thinking　of　them
as　they　were　in　the　woods；　tramping　over　the　clean　pine　needles；
eating　nuts；　andand　honey；　and〃

〃Buns！〃　suggested　Jackson。

〃I　can't　forget　them；〃　said　Herrick。　〃It's　going　to　haunt　me；
to…morrow；　when　I'm　back　in　the　woods；　I'll　think　of　those　poor
beasts　capering　in　a　hot　theatre；　when　they　ought　to　be　out　in
the
open　as　God　meant　they〃

〃Well；　then；〃　protested　Kelly；　〃take　'em　to　the　open。　And　turn
'em
loose！　And　I　hope　they　bite　YOU！〃

At　this　Herrick　frowned　so　deeply　that　Kelly　feared　he　had　gone
too
far。　Inwardly；　he　reproved　himself　for　not　remembering　that　his
friend　lacked　a　sense　of　humor。　But　Herrick　undeceived　him。

〃You　are　right！〃　he　exclaimed。　〃To…morrow　I　will　buy　those　bears；
take　them　to　the　farm；　and　turn　them　loose！〃

No　objections　his　friend　could　offer　could　divert　him　from　his
purpose。　When　they　urged　that　to　spend　so　much　money　in　such　a
manner　was　criminally　wasteful；　he　pointed　out　that　he　was
sufficiently　rich　to　indulge　any　extravagant　fancy；　whether　in
polo
ponies　or　bears；　when　they　warned　him　that　if　he　did　not　look　out
the　bears　would　catch　him　alone　in　the　woods；　and　eat　him；　he
retorted　that　the　bears　were　now　educated　to　a　different　diet；
when
they　said　he　should　consider　the　peace　of　mind　of　his　neighbors；
he
assured　them　the　fence　around　his　game　preserve　would　restrain　an
elephant。

〃Besides；〃　protested　Kelly；　〃what　you　propose　to　do　is　not　only
impracticable；　but　it's　cruelty　to　animals。　A　domesticated　animal
can't　return　to　a　state　of　nature；　and　live。〃

〃Can't　it？〃　jeered　Herrick。　〃Did　you　ever　read　'The　Call　of　the
Wild'？〃

〃Did　you　ever　read；〃　retorted　Kelly；　〃what　happened　at　the　siege
of
Ladysmith　when　the　oats　ran　low　and　they　drove　the　artillery
horses
out　to　grass？　They　starved；　that's　all。　And　if　you　don't　feed
your
bears　on　milk　out　of　a　bottle　they'll　starve　too。〃

〃That's　what　will　happen；〃　cried　Jackson；　those　bears　have
forgotten　what　a　pine　forest　smells　like。　Maybe　it's　a　pity；　but
it's　the　fact。　I'll　bet　if　you　could　ask　them　whether　they'd
rather
sleep　in　a　cave　on　your　farm　or　be　headliners　in　vaudeville；
they'd
tell　you　they　were　'devoted　to　their　art。'〃

〃Why！〃　exclaimed　Kelly；　〃they're　so　far　from　nature　that　if　they
didn't　have　that　colored　boy　to　comb　and　brush　them　twice　a　day
they'd　be　ashamed　to　look　each　other　in　the　eyes。〃

〃And　another　thing；〃　continued　Jackson；　〃trained　animals　love　to
'show　off。'　They're　children。　Those　bears　ENJOY　doing　those
tricks。
They　ENJOY　the　applause。　They　enjoy　dancing　to　the　'Merry　Widow
Waltz。'　And　if　you　lock　them　up　in　your　jungle；　they'll　get　so
homesick　that　they'll　give　a　performance　twice　a　day　to　the
squirrels　and　woodpeckers。〃

〃It's　just　as　hard　to　unlearn　a　thing　as　to　learn　it；〃　said　Kelly
sententiously。　〃You　can't　make　a　man　who　has　learned　to　wear
shoes
enjoy　going　around　in　his　bare　feet。〃

〃Rot！〃　cried　Herrick。　〃Look　at　me。　Didn't　I　love　New　York？　I
loved
it　so　I　never　went　to　bed　for　fear　I'd　miss　something。　But　when　I
went　'Back　to　the　Land；'　did　it　take　me　long　to　fall　in　love　with
the　forests　and　the　green　fields？　It　took　me　a　week。　I　go　to　bed
now　the　same　day　I　get　up；　and　I've　passed　on　my　high　hat　and
frock
coat　to　a　scarecrow。　And　I'll　bet　you　when　those　bears　once　scent
the　wild　woods　they'll　stampede　for　them　like　Croker　going　to　a
third　alarm。〃

〃And　I　repeat；〃　cried　Kelly；　〃you　are　a　nature　faker。　And　I'll
leave　it　to　the　bears　to　prove　it。〃

〃We　have　done　our　best；〃　sighed　Jackson。　〃We　have　tried　to　save
him
money　and　trouble。　And　now　all　he　can　do　for　us　in　return　is　to
give　us　seats　for　the　opening　performance。〃

What　the　bears　cost　Herrick　he　never　told。　But　it　was　a　very
large
sum。　As　the　Countess　Zichy　pointed　out；　bears　as　bears；　in　a
state
of　nature；　are　cheap。　If　it　were　just　a　bear　he　wanted；　he
himself
could　go　to　Pike　County；　Pennsylvania；　and　trap　one。　What　he　was
paying　for；　she　explained；　was　the　time　she　had　spent　in
educating
the　Bruno　family；　and　added　to　that　the　time　during　which　she
must
now　remain　idle　while　she　educated　another　family。

Herrick　knew　for　what　he　was　paying。　It　was　the　pleasure　of
rescuing　unwilling　slaves　from　bondage。　As　to　their　expensive
education；　if　they　returned　to　a　state　of　ignorance　as　rapidly　as
did　most　college　graduates　he　knew；　he　would　be　satisfied。　Two
days
later；　when　her　engagement　at　the　music　hall　closed；　Madame　Zichy
reluctantly　turned　over　her　pets　to　their　new　manager。　With　Ikey
she　was　especially　loath　to　part。

〃I'll　never　get　one　like　him；〃　she　walled　Ikey　is　the　funniest
four…legged　clown　in　America。　He's　a　natural…born　comedian。　Folks
think　I　learn　him　those　tricks；　but　it's　all　his　own　stuff。　Only
last　week　we　was　playing　Paoli's　in　Bridgeport；　and　when　I　was
putting　Bruno　through　the　hoops；　Ikey　runs　to　the　stage…box　and
grabs　a　pound　of　caramels　out　of　a　girl's　lap…and　swallows　the
box。
And　in　St。　Paul；　if　the　trombone　hadn't　worn　a　wig；　Ikey　would
have
scalped　him。　Say；　it　was　a　scream！　When　the　audience　see　the
trombone　snatched　bald…headed；　and　him　trying　to　get　back　his
wig；
and　Ikey　chewing　it；　they　went　crazy。　You　can't　learn　a　bear
tricks
like　that。　It's　just　genius。　Some　folks　think　I　taught　him　to　act
like　he　was　intoxicated；　but　he　picked　that　up；　too；　all　by
himself；　through　watching　my　husband。　And　Ikey's　very　fond　of
beer
on　his　own　account。　If　I　don't　stop　them；　the　stage　hands　would
be
always　slipping　him　drinks。　I　hope　you　won't　give　him　none。〃

〃I　will　not！〃　said　Herrick。

The　bears；　Ikey　in　one　cage　and　Bruno　and　Clara　in　another；
travelled　by　express　to　the　station　nearest　the　Herrick　estate。
There　they　were　transferred　to　a　farm　wagon；　and　grumbling　and
growling；　and　with　Ikey　howling　like　an　unspanked　child；　they
were
conveyed　to　the　game　preserve。　At　the　only　gate　that　entered　it；
Kelly　and　Jackson　and　a　specially　invited　house　party　of　youths
and
maidens　were　gathered　to　receive　them。　At　a　greater　distance
stood
all　of　the　servants　and　farm　hands；　and　as　the　wagon　backed
against
the　gate；　with　the　door　of　Ikey's　cage　opening　against　it；　the
entire　audience；　with　one　accord；　moved　solidly　to　the　rear。
Herrick；　with　a　pleased　but　somewhat　nervous　smile；　mounted　the
wagon。　But　before　he　could　unlock　the　cage　Kelly　demanded　to　be
heard。　He　insisted　that；　following　the　custom　of　all　great
artists；
the　bears　should　give　a　farewell　performance。〃

He　begged　that　Bruno　and　Clara　might　be　permitted　to　dance
together。　He　pointed　out　that　this　would　be　the　last　time　they
could　listen　to　the　strains　of　the　〃Merry　Widow　Waltz。〃　He　called
upon　everybody　present　to　whistle　it。

The　suggestion　of　an　open…air　performance　was　received　coldly。　At
the　moment　no　one　seemed　able　to　pucker　his　lips　into　a　whistle；
and　some　even　explained　that　with　that　famous　waltz　they　were
unfamiliar。

One　girl　atta