the use and need of the life of carrie a. nation-第39章
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he was once in darkness； but the unregenerate can never understand the
condition of the regenerate。 The impulses that move one born of God is
one of the puzzles not possible to be known by the wisdom of the wise
of this world。 'Tis a secret； 'tis hidden； and can come only by Divine
Revelation and is always a miracle； the greatest ever performed。 It
raises from the dead； never to die again。 It opens the eyes never to be
closed again； 'tis an armor that causes us to handle serpents （devils）
without harm and we can hear or drink deadly poisons； or doctrines but
they will not kill our soul。 〃These signs shall follow them that believe。
The real Christ life is and always will be hateful to the world。 I have
often heard it said of me； 〃I cannot bear that Carry Nation！' I would
only to do the people good。 I do not blame these as I once did； 〃For
the natural man is not subject to the law of God； neither indeed can he。〃
〃Marvel not that the world hate you； ye know that it hated me before it
hated you。〃 I know that when I was ten years old I felt the movings of
God's spiritgot an answer of peace； but like a little infant pined away；
for lack of care and nourishment。 Nothing but the divine mercy of
Almighty God could have directed the affairs of my tempest…tossed life。
I now know there are no accidents。 A sparrow falls by a special providence。
There are no sins or temptations that I can not say： 〃My God
delivered； saved and forgave me for that。〃 I go to prisons and all kinds
of houses of sin。 I say： 〃I can tell you of one who can save and forgive
you for that； he forgave me； and he will forgive you； for I was as
bad； or worse； than you。〃 I have never seen anyone whom I thought had
committed more sin than I。 Many will lift up horrified hands at this
but 'tis true。 I never saw the corruption of but one life； one heart；that
was mine。 I was never so shocked； so disgusted； so distracted with
remorse over any life； so much as my own。 My heart was the foulest
place I ever saw。 I do not know what is in other people's hearts。 Paul
meant this when he said： 〃Christ Jesus came into the world to save
sinners of whom I am chief；〃 Said； this； 〃is worthy of all acceptation〃
or was； a good testimony。 Because one can never see how bad the heart
is； until God sheds the light to see it。 So many people are deceived； as
a blind man。 They may be in filth； and do not know it。 It is there；
but not seen； for lack of light。
I was first condemned by reading the Psalms。 I said： 〃If Christians
have impulses to 〃rejoice〃； clap their hands； and 〃shout〃； I do not
know what it is。 I find no response of gladness in my heart。〃 I trembled
with fear to think of God and the judgement day。 This continued from
youth up to the age of forty。 At this time I received from Christ the
〃Gift of the Holy Ghost〃； the 〃Unction〃； that which 〃leads unto all
truth。〃 There are many names for this； I call it the Bible name。 〃Hold
fast the form of sound words。〃 Before this I had never spoken a word
for God or prayed in public。 At one time I was called on to do so； and
was terrified and mumbled out something； that was no prayer。 Now all
was changed： 〃I was glad when they said unto me； let us go into the
house of the Lord。〃 I was anxious for my time to come to tell how
good Jesus was to me。 When I met my neighbors I would be heavy…
hearted； because they talked of servants； house cleaning； the new fashions；
and these seemed so vain； so frivolous。 I liked to direct their minds to
speak of the Scriptures； and of the ways of doing work for God。 I
soon found out I was not welcome； I was looked upon as an intruder；
was often avoided； I could see the frowns and glances of impatience at
my presence。 These would cause me many a cry and mortification。 My
best companion was the Bible。 I then knew what David meant when he
said： 〃More to be desired are they； than gold； yea than much fine gold；
sweeter also than the honey and the honey comb。〃 I often kiss and
caress my Bible； 'tis the most precious of all earthly treasures。
I wonder how people can live any kind of Christian life without
reading the Scriptures and prayer。 If I neglect this one day I feel
impatient； restless；a soul hunger。 Spurgeon is my favorite of all ministers。
I read where he said； 〃Being a Christian was something like taking
a sea bath。 You go in up to the ankles and there is no pleasure； then
to the knees is not much better； but if you wish to know the pleasure of
a bath take a 'HEADER' and plunge。 Then you can say； How glorious。〃
Christian life is like a journey。 There are flowers and fruit and streams；
thorns； dark valleys and fires； rocky steeps from whose summits you
can see beautiful prospects。 There is rest； refreshment； sleep and bitter
tearful watchings。 'Tis a great pleasure to me to be in a spiritual meeting。
To know by the testimony how far they have traveled。 Some one
in the garden of delights； he wonders why that one tells of the dark
valley。 One at the base of the hill cannot understand why others see
what he cannot。 The young beginner tells of the beautiful sights and
songs； and maybe the one who has been on the road almost a life time
will tell of the 〃continual heaviness； hours of darkness； and the smoking
furnace； and the lamp。〃 I have found that the warrior is never as bouyant
as the new recruit； in his dress parade。 We humor children； and call
on men to labor。 Few； comparatively； get to the place where they prefer
hard labor； to endure desolation of heart； to seek self in nothing；
to see all loved but himself； to see others exalted but only abasement for
self； to 〃endure hardness as a good soldier；〃 to lay on the ground； to
eat hard tack； to make long； weary marches； footsore and still fight on；
to suffer traveling over rocks and thorns； to endure the loss of all
things。〃 I will take this last for mine。 'Tis the best； Oh my God； give
me this！ 〃He that goeth forth and WEEPETH bearing precious seeds shall
doubtless come again rejoicing； bringing his sheaves with him。〃 I do
not ask this because I enjoy suffering but to prove my love and gratitude
to Him who loved me； and gave Himself for me。
After we moved to Medicine Lodge the Free Methodists came there
and held a meeting。 I had never heard the doctrine of the 〃second
blessing〃 or 〃sanctification〃 taught。 It was very interesting to me。 Three
women called to see me in my home； to ask me if I had ever 〃had the
Gift。〃 I told them I had something peculiar given me from God in
Texas； asked them to pray to God to give this great blessing to me or a
witness that he had done so。 These sisters were Mrs。 Painter； Green and
Marvin。 I also prayed for myself。 In about ten days from that time I
was in my sitting room。 It was raining。 A minister and his daughter
were at our house （Mr。 Laurance； a Baptist）。 We were all quietly reading
in the room。 I was in meditation； praying and saying： 〃Just now；
blessed Father； give me the witness。〃 Then a wonderful thing took place；
which it is not 〃lawful〃 or possible for me to utter。 Something was poured
on top of my bead； running all over and through me； which I call divine
electricity。 The two persons who were in the room； Mr。 Laurance and
his daughter； were very much startled； for I jumped up； clapped my hands；
saying： 〃I have this from God； this divine Gift。〃 I went below in the
basement that I might give vent to my gratitude； and under my breath
I walked up and down； thanking； praising； crying and laughing。
Like the woman that found the piece of silver that was lost； I had
to tell my neighbors。 I wrapped myself up to be protected from the
rain； and ran to Sister Painters； near by； then to Sister Dollars and Marvin's
and several others； to tell them of my great blessing。
When I returned I opened my Bible。 Every word and every letter
was surrounded with a bright light。 I turned over the leaves； and I
saw the meaning on the pages at a glance。 There was a new light and
meaning。 I have never been able to express that experience in any other
way than to say I was 〃eating〃 the word of God。 I could now understand
why we do not understand the figures and expressions used in the
Bible； because I have had several experiences； that were i
