the use and need of the life of carrie a. nation-第12章

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was　with　us；　named　Mr。　Holt。　I　called　him　to　my　bedside　and　asked
him　to　go　to　the　patch　and　dig　a　bushel　of　sweet　potatoes　and　take　them
to　town　and　exchange　them　for　a　little　tea；　sugar；　lemons　and　bread。
He　failed　in　this　and　was　returning　when；　he　met　a　dear；　sweet　woman；
Mrs。　Underwood；　that　I　called　my　〃Texas　Mother。〃　She　called　to　Mr。
Holt；　and　asked　him　how　I　was。　He　told　her　I　was　sick　and　out　of
anything　to　eat。　She　took　the　potatoes　and　sent　the　articles　I　wanted。
I　believe　I　should　have　died　had　he　returned　without　them；　for　I　was
almost　famished　for　food　and　sick　besides。

I　was　in　Columbia　one　day　and　stopped　at　the　Old　Columbia　Hotel；
owned　by　the　Messrs。　Park；　two　bachelors。　Mrs。　Ballenger　a　widow　was
renting　it　from　Messrs。　Park。　I　said　to　them：　〃If　you　ever　need　a　tenant；
send　for　me。〃　In　a　few　months　Mrs。　Ballenger's　daughter　died　and　she
left。　Mr。　Park　sent　for　me　to　come。　We　had　a　car　load　of　good　plain
furniture　and　bedding；　some　handsome　tableware；　but　no　money　to　buy
provisions。

Dear　old　mother　Gloyd　was　a　great　help　to　me。　She　had　once
kept　hotel　herself。　I　did　not　ask　credit；　and　this　is　how　I　got　the　money
to　begin　keeping　hotel：　There　was　an　Irish　ditcher　named　Dunn　whose
wife　did　my　work。　She　was　a　good　cook。　I　borrowed　of　Mr。　Dunn　three
dollars　and　fifty　cents；　and　with　this　money　began　the　hotel　business。　The
house　was　a　rattle　trap；　plastering　off；　and　a　regular　bed…bug　nest。
I　fumigated；　pasted　the　walls　over　with　cloth　and　newspapers；　where　the
plastering　was　off；　and　made　curtains　out　of　old　sheets。　My　purchases
were　about　like　this　for　the　first　day：　Fifty　cents　worth　of　meat；　coffee
ten　cents；　rice　ten　cents　and　sugar　twenty…five　cents；　potatoes　five；　etc。
The　transients　at　one　meal　would　give　me　something　to　spend　for　the　next。
I　assisted　about　the　cooking　and　helped　in　the　dining…room。　Mother　Gloyd
and　Lola　attended　to　the　chamber　work；　and　little　Charlien　was　the　one
who　did　the　buying　for　the　house。　I　would　often　wash　out　my　tablecloths
at　night　myself　and　iron　them　in　the　morning　before　breakfast。　I　would
take　boarders'　washing；　hire　a　woman　to　wash；　then　do　the　ironing　myself。
Columbia　was　a　small　village　of　not　more　than　five　hundred　people。　It　was
the　terminal　of　a　railroad　called　the　Columbia　Tap。　Mr。　Painter；　the
conductor；　began　boarding　with　us　right　off　and　in　three　or　four　days　he
brought　a　family　there　to　board　by　the　name　of　Oastram；　father；　mother
and　two　boys；　having　come　south　to　buy　a　plantation。　Mrs。　Oastrom　handed
me　a　ten　dollar　bill。　I　called　Lola　and　Charlien　upstairs　and　showed
them　the　ten　dollar　bill。　We　were　overjoyed；　we　danced；　laughed；　and
cried。　Charlien　said：　〃Now　we　can　buy　a　whole　ham。〃　For　several
months　my　little　children　and　I　ate　nothing　but　broken　food。　I　can　never
put　on　paper　the　struggles　of　this　life。　I　would　not　know　one　day　how　we
would　get　along　the　next。

The　bitterest　sorrows　of　my　life　have　come　from　not　having　the
love　of　a　husband。　I　must　here　say　that　I　have　had；　at　times；　in　the
society　of　those　I　love；　a　foretaste　of　what　this　could　be。　For　years
I　never　saw　a　loving　husband　that　I　did　not　envy　the　wife；　it　was　a
cry　of　my　heart　for　love。　I　used　to　ask　God　why　He　denied　me　this。
I　can　see　now　why　it　was。　I　know　it　was　God's　will　for　me　to　marry
Mr。　Nation。　Had　I　married　a　man　I　could　have　loved；　God　could　never
have　used　me。　Phrenologists　who　have　examined　my　head　have　said：
〃How　can　you；　who　are　such　a　lover　of　home　be　without　one？〃　The　very
thing　that　I　was　denied　caused　me　to　have　a　desire　to　secure　it　to　others。
Payne　who　wrote　〃Home　Sweet　Home〃　never　had　one。　There　is　in　my
life　a　cause　of　sadness　and　bitter　sorrow　that　God　only　knows。　I　shall　not
write　it　here。　Oh！　how　the　heart　will　break　almost　for　a　loving　word！
I　believe　the　great　want　of　the　world　is　love。　Jesus　came　to　bring　love　to
earth。

During　these　severe　afflictions　I　began　to　see　how　little　there　was　in
life。　I　wondered　at　the　gaiety　of　people。　Seemed　like　a　pall　hung　over　the
earth。　I　would　wonder　that　the　birds　sung；　or　the　sun　would　shine。　I
might　say　that　for　years　this　was　my　experience。　I　would　go　to　God　but
got　very　little　relief；　yet　I　never　gave　up。　It　was　all　the　hope　I　could　see
for　me。　About　this　time　my　little　Charlien；　who　had　been　such　a　help　to　me；
began　to　go　into　a　decline；　until　she　was　taken　down　with　typhoid　fever。
Her　case　was　violent　and　she　was　delirious　from　the　first。　This　my　only
child　was　peculiar。　She　was　the　result　of　a　drunken　father　and　a　distracted
mother。　The　curse　of　heredity　is　one　of　the　most　heart…breaking
results　of　the　saloon。　Poor　little　children　are　brought　into　the　world；
cursed　by　disposition　and　disease；　entailed　on　them。　How　can　mothers　be
true　to　their　offspring　with　a　constant　dread　of　the　nameless　horrors　wives
are　exposed　to　by　being　drunkards'　wives。　Men　will　not　raise　domestic
animals　under　conditions　where　the　mothers　may　bring　forth　weak　or
deformed　offspring。　My　precious　child　seemed　to　have　taken　a　perfect
dislike　to　Christianity。　This　was　a　great　grief　to　me；　and　I　used　to　pray
to　God　to　save　her　soul　at　any　cost；　I　often　prayed　for　bodily　affliction　on
her；　if　that　was　what　would　make　her　love　and　serve　God。　Anything　for
her　eternal　salvation。

Her　right　cheek　was　very　much　swollen；　and　on　examination　we
found　there　was　an　eating　sore　inside　her　cheek。　This　kept　up　in　spite　of
all　remedies；　and　at　last　the　whole　of　her　right　cheek　fell　out；　leaving　the
teeth　bare。　My　friends　and　boarders　were　very　angry　at　the　physician；
saying　she　was　salivated。　From　the　first　something　told　me　this　is　an
answer　to　your　prayer。　At　this　time；　when　her　life　was　despaired　of；　I
had　an　intense　longing　to　save　my　child；　who　was　so　dear　to　me。　I　said：
〃Oh；　God；　let　me　keep　a　piece　of　my　child。〃　A　minister　said：　〃Don't
pray　for　the　life　of　your　child；　she　will　be　so　deformed　it　were　better　she
were　dead。〃　I　could　not　feel　this　way。　After　being　at　death's　door　for
nine　days；　she　began　to　recover。　The　wound　in　her　face　healed　up　to　a
hole　about　the　size　of　a　twenty…five　cent　piece。　Her　jaws　closed　and
remained　so　for　eight　years。　The　sickness　of　my　daughter　and　the　keeping
up　of　the　hotel　was　such　a　tax　on　my　mind；　that　for　six　months　all
transactions　would　recede　from　my　memory。　For　instance；　if　anyone
told　me　something；　in　an　hour　afterwards；　I　could　not　tell　whether　it
had　been　hours；　days　or　months　since　it　was　told　me。　I　never　entirely
recovered　from　this；　still　being　forgetful　of　names；　dates　and　circumstances；
unless　they　are　particularly　impressed　upon　my　mind。　When　I　could　afford
it；　I　took　my　child；　then　twelve　years　old；　down　to　Galveston；　put　her
under　the　care　of　Dr。　Dowell　for　the　purpose　of　closing　the　hole　in　her
cheek。　I　had　to　leave　the　little　one　down　there　among　strangers；　for　I
could　not　afford　to　stay　with　her。　A　mother　only　will　know　what　this
means。　After　four　operations　the　place　was　closed　up　in　her　cheek；　still
her　mouth　was　closed；　her　teeth　close　together。　I　suffered　torture　all　these
years　for　fear　she　might　strangle　to　death。　I　took　her　to　San
Antonio；　Texas；　to　Dr。　Herff；　and　he　and　his　two　sons　removed　a　section
of　the　jawbone；　expecting　to　make　an　artificial　joint；　enabling　her　to　use
the　other　side　of　her　jaw。　After　all　this；　the　operation　was　a　failure；　and
her　jaws　closed　up　again。　We；　in　the　meantime；　moved　to　Richmond
from　Columbia。　We　became　very　successful　in　the　hotel　business　and　I
saved　money　enough　to　send　her　to　New　York　City；　where　her　father；　Dr。
Gloyd；　had　a　cousin；　Dr。　Messinger；　who　would　see　that　she　had　the　best
relief　possible。　None　of　the　surgeons　there　gave　her　any　hope　of　opening
her　jaws。　She　went　to　Dr。　John　Wyeth　to　have　him　perform　the　plastic
surgery；　that　is；　he　cut　off　a　flap　from　under　her　chin；　turning　it　over　the
scar　on　her　cheek。

Although　Charlien　was　not　a　Christian；　she　had　faith　in　God。　Once
she　complained　of　my　being　too　strict　with　her；　but　said：　〃Mamma　I　owe
it　to　you　that　I　have　any　faith　in　God；　even　if　you　are　severe　with　me。〃
She　always　believed　that　her　mother　had　a　God。　Finding　no　physician
in　New　York　that　could　open　her　jaws；　she　wrote