the wood beyond the world-第22章
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I do it: none loveth me; none tormenteth me; but I wear my heart in
longing for I scarce know what。 Neither then am I in this land; but
in a land that I love not; and a house that is big and stately; but
nought lovely。 Then is a dim time again; and sithence a time not
right clear; an evil time; wherein I am older; wellnigh grown to
womanhood。 There are a many folk about me; and they foul; and
greedy; and hard; and my spirit is fierce; and my body feeble; and I
am set to tasks that I would not do; by them that are unwiser than
I; and smitten I am by them that are less valiant than I; and I know
lack; and stripes; and divers misery。 But all that is now become
but a dim picture to me; save that amongst all these unfriends is a
friend to me; an old woman; who telleth me sweet tales of other
life; wherein all is high and goodly; or at the least valiant and
doughty; and she setteth hope in my heart and learneth me; and
maketh me to know much 。 。 。 O much 。 。 。 so that at last I am grown
wise; and wise to be mighty if I durst。 Yet am I nought in this
land all this while; but; as meseemeth; in a great and a foul city。〃
〃And then; as it were; I fall asleep; and in my sleep is nought;
save here and there a wild dream; somedeal lovely; somedeal hideous:
but of this dream is my Mistress a part; and the monster; withal;
whose head thou didst cleave to…day。 But when I am awaken from it;
then am I verily in this land; and myself; as thou seest me to…day。
And the first part of my life here is this; that I am in the
pillared ball yonder; half…clad and with bound hands; and the Dwarf
leadeth me to the Lady; and I hear his horrible croak as he sayeth:
'Lady; will this one do?' and then the sweet voice of the Lady
saying: 'This one will do; thou shalt have thy reward: now; set
thou the token upon her。' Then I remember the Dwarf dragging me
away; and my heart sinking for fear of him: but for that time he
did me no more harm than the rivetting upon my leg this iron ring
which here thou seest。〃
〃So from that time forward I have lived in this land; and been the
thrall of the Lady; and I remember my life here day by day; and no
part of it has fallen into the dimness of dreams。 Thereof will I
tell thee but little: but this I will tell thee; that in spite of
my past dreams; or it may be because of them; I had not lost the
wisdom which the old woman had erst learned me; and for more wisdom
I longed。 Maybe this longing shall now make both thee and me happy;
but for the passing time it brought me grief。 For at first my
Mistress was indeed wayward with me; but as any great lady might be
with her bought thrall; whiles caressing me; and whiles chastising
me; as her mood went; but she seemed not to be cruel of malice; or
with any set purpose。 But so it was (rather little by little than
by any great sudden uncovering of my intent); that she came to know
that I also had some of the wisdom whereby she lived her queenly
life。 That was about two years after I was first her thrall; and
three weary years have gone by since she began to see in me the
enemy of her days。 Now why or wherefore I know not; but it seemeth
that it would not avail her to slay me outright; or suffer me to
die; but nought withheld her from piling up griefs and miseries on
my head。 At last she set her servant; the Dwarf; upon me; even he
whose head thou clavest to…day。 Many things I bore from him whereof
it were unseemly for my tongue to tell before thee; but the time
came when he exceeded; and I could bear no more; and then I showed
him this sharp knife (wherewith I would have thrust me through to
the heart if thou hadst not pardoned me e'en now); and I told him
that if he forbore me not; I would slay; not him; but myself; and
this he might not away with because of the commandment of the Lady;
who had given him the word that in any case I must be kept living。
And her hand; withal; fear held somewhat hereafter。 Yet was there
need to me of all my wisdom; for with all this her hatred grew; and
whiles raged within her so furiously that it overmastered her fear;
and at such times she would have put me to death if I had not
escaped her by some turn of my lore。〃
〃Now further; I shall tell thee that somewhat more than a year ago
hither to this land came the King's Son; the second goodly man; as
thou art the third; whom her sorceries have drawn hither since I
have dwelt here。 Forsooth; when he first came; he seemed to us; to
me; and yet more to my Lady; to be as beautiful as an angel; and
sorely she loved him; and he her; after his fashion: but he was
light…minded; and cold…hearted; and in a while he must needs turn
his eyes upon me; and offer me his love; which was but foul and
unkind as it turned out; for when I nay…said him; as maybe I had not
done save for fear of my Mistress; he had no pity upon me; but
spared not to lead me into the trap of her wrath; and leave me
without help; or a good word。 But; O friend; in spite of all grief
and anguish; I learned still; and waxed wise; and wiser; abiding the
day of my deliverance; which has come; and thou art come。〃
Therewith she took Walter's hands and kissed them; but he kissed her
face; and her tears wet her lips。 Then she went on: 〃But sithence;
months ago; the Lady began to weary of this dastard; despite of his
beauty; and then it was thy turn to be swept into her net; I partly
guess how。 For on a day in broad daylight; as I was serving my
Mistress in the hall; and the Evil Thing; whose head is now cloven;
was lying across the threshold of the door; as it were a dream fell
upon me; though I strove to cast it off for fear of chastisement;
for the pillared hall wavered; and vanished from my sight; and my
feet were treading a rough stone pavement instead of the marble
wonder of the hall; and there was the scent of the salt sea and of
the tackle of ships; and behind me were tall houses; and before me
the ships indeed; with their ropes beating and their sails flapping
and their masts wavering; and in mine ears was the hale and how of
mariners; things that I had seen and heard in the dimness of my life
gone by。〃
〃And there was I; and the Dwarf before me; and the Lady after me;
going over the gangway aboard of a tall ship; and she gathered way
and was gotten out of the haven; and straightway I saw the mariners
cast abroad their ancient。〃
Quoth Walter: 〃What then! Sawest thou the blazon thereon; of a
wolf…like beast ramping up against a maiden? And that might well
have been thou。〃
She said: 〃Yea; so it was; but refrain thee; that I may tell on my
tale! The ship and the sea vanished away; but I was not back in the
hall of the Golden House; and again were we three in the street of
the self…same town which we had but just left; but somewhat dim was
my vision thereof; and I saw little save the door of a goodly house
before me; and speedily it died out; and we were again in the
pillared hall; wherein my thralldom was made manifest。〃
〃Maiden;〃 said Walter; 〃one question I would ask thee; to wit; didst
thou see me on the quay by the ships?〃
〃Nay;〃 she said; 〃there were many folk about; but they were all as
images of the aliens to me。 Now hearken further: three months
thereafter came the dream upon me again; when we were all three
together in the Pillared Hall; and again was the vision somewhat
dim。 Once more we were in the street of a busy town; but all unlike
to that other one; and there were men standing together on our right
hands by the door of a house。〃
〃Yea; yea;〃 quoth Walter; 〃and; forsooth; one of them was who but
I。〃
〃Refrain thee; beloved!〃 she said; 〃for my tale draweth to its
ending; and I would have thee hearken heedfully: for maybe thou
shalt once again deem my deed past pardon。 Some twenty days after
this last dream; I had some leisure from my Mistress's service; so I
went to disport me by the Well of the Oak…tree (or forsooth she
might have set in my mind the thought of going there; that I might
meet thee and give her some occasion against me); and I sat thereby;
nowise loving the earth; but sick at heart; because of late the
King's Son had been more than ever instant with me