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第3章

the yellow wallpaper-第3章

小说: the yellow wallpaper 字数: 每页4000字

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And it is like a woman stooping down and creeping about
behind that pattern。  I don't like it a bit。  I wonderI begin
to thinkI wish John would take me away from here!

It is so hard to talk with John about my case; because he is
so wise; and because he loves me so。

But I tried it last night。

It was moonlight。  The moon shines in all around just as the
sun does。

I hate to see it sometimes; it creeps so slowly; and always
comes in by one window or another。

John was asleep and I hated to waken him; so I kept still
and watched the moonlight on that undulating wall…paper till I
felt creepy。

The faint figure behind seemed to shake the pattern; just as
if she wanted to get out。

I got up softly and went to feel and see if the paper DID
move; and when I came back John was awake。

〃What is it; little girl?〃 he said。  〃Don't go walking about
like thatyou'll get cold。〃

I though it was a good time to talk; so I told him that I
really was not gaining here; and that I wished he would take me
away。

〃Why darling!〃 said he; 〃our lease will be up in three
weeks; and I can't see how to leave before。

〃The repairs are not done at home; and I cannot possibly
leave town just now。  Of course if you were in any danger; I
could and would; but you really are better; dear; whether you can
see it or not。  I am a doctor; dear; and I know。  You are gaining
flesh and color; your appetite is better; I feel really much
easier about you。〃

〃I don't weigh a bit more;〃 said I; 〃nor as much; and my
appetite may be better in the evening when you are here; but it
is worse in the morning when you are away!〃

〃Bless her little heart!〃 said he with a big hug; 〃she shall
be as sick as she pleases!  But now let's improve the shining
hours by going to sleep; and talk about it in the morning!〃

〃And you won't go away?〃 I asked gloomily。

〃Why; how can I; dear?  It is only three weeks more and then
we will take a nice little trip of a few days while Jennie is
getting the house ready。  Really dear you are better!〃

〃Better in body perhaps〃 I began; and stopped short; for
he sat up straight and looked at me with such a stern;
reproachful look that I could not say another word。

〃My darling;〃 said he; 〃I beg of you; for my sake and for
our child's sake; as well as for your own; that you will never
for one instant let that idea enter your mind!  There is nothing
so dangerous; so fascinating; to a temperament like yours。  It is
a false and foolish fancy。  Can you not trust me as a physician
when I tell you so?〃

So of course I said no more on that score; and we went to
sleep before long。  He thought I was asleep first; but I wasn't;
and lay there for hours trying to decide whether that front
pattern and the back pattern really did move together or
separately。


On a pattern like this; by daylight; there is a lack of
sequence; a defiance of law; that is a constant irritant to a
normal mind。

The color is hideous enough; and unreliable enough; and
infuriating enough; but the pattern is torturing。

You think you have mastered it; but just as you get well
underway in following; it turns a back…somersault and there you
are。  It slaps you in the face; knocks you down; and tramples
upon you。  It is like a bad dream。

The outside pattern is a florid arabesque; reminding one of
a fungus。  If you can imagine a toadstool in joints; an
interminable string of toadstools; budding and sprouting in
endless convolutionswhy; that is something like it。

That is; sometimes!

There is one marked peculiarity about this paper; a thing
nobody seems to notice but myself;and that is that it changes as
the light changes。

When the sun shoots in through the east windowI always
watch for that first long; straight rayit changes so quickly
that I never can quite believe it。

That is why I watch it always。

By moonlightthe moon shines in all night when there is a
moonI wouldn't know it was the same paper。

At night in any kind of light; in twilight; candle light;
lamplight; and worst of all by moonlight; it becomes bars!  The
outside pattern I mean; and the woman behind it is as plain as
can be。

I didn't realize for a long time what the thing was that
showed behind; that dim sub…pattern; but now I am quite sure it
is a woman。

By daylight she is subdued; quiet。  I fancy it is the
pattern that keeps her so still。  It is so puzzling。  It keeps me
quiet by the hour。

I lie down ever so much now。  John says it is good for me;
and to sleep all I can。

Indeed he started the habit by making me lie down for an
hour after each meal。

It is a very bad habit I am convinced; for you see I don't
sleep。

And that cultivates deceit; for I don't tell them I'm
awakeO no!

The fact is I am getting a little afraid of John。

He seems very queer sometimes; and even Jennie has an
inexplicable look。

It strikes me occasionally; just as a scientific
hypothesis;that perhaps it is the paper!

I have watched John when he did not know I was looking; and
come into the room suddenly on the most innocent excuses; and
I've caught him several times LOOKING AT THE PAPER!  And Jennie
too。  I caught Jennie with her hand on it once。

She didn't know I was in the room; and when I asked her in a
quiet; a very quiet voice; with the most restrained manner
possible; what she was doing with the papershe turned around as
if she had been caught stealing; and looked quite angryasked me
why I should frighten her so!

Then she said that the paper stained everything it touched;
that she had found yellow smooches on all my clothes and John's;
and she wished we would be more careful!

Did not that sound innocent?  But I know she was studying
that pattern; and I am determined that nobody shall find it out
but myself!


Life is very much more exciting now than it used to be。  You
see I have something more to expect; to look forward to; to
watch。  I really do eat better; and am more quiet than I was。

John is so pleased to see me improve!  He laughed a little
the other day; and said I seemed to be flourishing in spite of my
wall…paper。

I turned it off with a laugh。  I had no intention of telling
him it was BECAUSE of the wall…paperhe would make fun of me。 
He might even want to take me away。

I don't want to leave now until I have found it out。  There
is a week more; and I think that will be enough。


I'm feeling ever so much better!  I don't sleep much at
night; for it is so interesting to watch developments; but I
sleep a good deal in the daytime。

In the daytime it is tiresome and perplexing。

There are always new shoots on the fungus; and new shades of
yellow all over it。  I cannot keep count of them; though I have
tried conscientiously。

It is the strangest yellow; that wall…paper!  It makes me
think of all the yellow things I ever sawnot beautiful ones
like buttercups; but old foul; bad yellow things。

But there is something else about that paperthe smell!  I
noticed it the moment we came into the room; but with so much air
and sun it was not bad。  Now we have had a week of fog and rain;
and whether the windows are open or not; the smell is here。

It creeps alll over the house。

I find it hovering in the dining…room; skulking in the
parlor; hiding in the hall; lying in wait for me on the stairs。

It gets into my hair。

Even when I go to ride; if I turn my head suddenly and
surprise itthere is that smell!

Such a peculiar odor; too!  I have spent hours in trying to
analyze it; to find what it smelled like。

It is not badat first; and very gentle; but quite the
subtlest; most enduring odor I ever met。

In this damp weather it is awful; I wake up in the night and
find it hanging over me。

It used to disturb me at first。  I thought seriously of
burning the houseto reach the smell。

But now I am used to it。  The only thing I can think of that
it is like is the COLOR of the paper!  A yellow smell。

There is a very funny mark on this wall; low down; near the
mopboard。  A streak that runs round the room。  It goes behind
every piece of furniture; except the bed; a long; straight; even
SMOOCH; as if it had been rubbed over and over。

I wonder

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