jeremy-第58章

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Jeremy's　dreams　were　confused；　bewildered；　distressing；　he　was
struggling　to　find　something；　was　always　climbing　higher　and　higher
to　discover　it；　only　to　be　told　that；　in　the　end；　he　was　in　the
place　where　he　had　begun。

Hamlet's　dream　was　of　an　enormous　succulent　bone　that　was　pulled
away　from　him　so　soon　as　he　snapped　at　it。　They　both　awoke　with　a
start　to　find　that　it　was　time　for　high　tea。




III


Throughout　the　evening　Jeremy　was　more　and　more　lonely。　He　had　never
before　felt　so　deep　an　affection　for　the　family　and　never　been　so
utterly　unable　to　express　it。　It　was　as　though；　during　the　whole
year　he　had；　by　his　own　will；　been　slipping　away　from　them；　and　now
they　had　gone　too　far　for　him　to　call　them　back。

He　sat　on　the　floor　at　his　mother's　feet　whilst　she　read　〃Midshipman
Easy。〃　It　was　all　so　cosy；　the　room　was　so　comfortable　with　all　the
familiar　pictures　and　photographs　and　books；　and　Helen　and　Mary
diligently　sewing；　and　Hamlet　stretched　out　in　front　of　the　fire；
his　nose　on　his　pawssix　months　ago　Jeremy　would　have　felt　utterly
and　absolutely　part　of　it。　Now　he　was　outside　it　and；　at　the　same
time；　was　inside　nothing　else。　It　might　be　that　in　a　week's　time　he
would　be　so　familiar　with　his　new　world　that　he　would　be　as　happy　as
a　crickethe　did　not　know。　He　only　knew　that　at　this　moment　he
would　have　given　all　that　he　had　to　fling　his　arms　round　his
mother's　neck；　to　be　hugged　and　kissed　and　nursed　by　her；　and　that；
at　the　same　time；　he　would　have　died　rather　than　do　such　a　thing。

The　evening　came　to　an　end。　The　girls　got　up　and　said　good…night。
His　mother　kissed　him；　holding　him　perhaps　for　a　moment　longer　than
usual；　but　at　that　same　instant　she　said：

〃Oh；　I　must　remind　Ella　about　the　half…past　seven　breakfast　again；
she　always　has　to　be　told　everything　twice。〃

The　girls　went　on　ahead；　Jeremy　and　Hamlet　following　close　behind。
Jeremy　found　himself　alone　in　the　schoolroom；　where　the　fire　was
very　low；　giving　only　little　spurts　and　flashes　that　ran　like　golden
snakes　suddenly　through　the　darkness。

Moved　by　an　impulse；　he　went　to　the　toy…cupboard　and；　opening　it；
put　his　hand　quite　by　chance　on　the　toy　village。　The　toy　village！　He
laid　it　out　and　spread　it　on　the　floor。　He　could　not　see；　but　he
knew　every　piece　by　heart；　and　he　laid　it　all　out；　the　church　and
the　flower　garden；　and　the　Noah's　house　and　the　village　street；　the
animals　and　the　Noahs。　What　centuries　ago　that　birthday　was；　what
worlds　away！　How　excited　he　had　been；　and　now！

With　a　sudden　impatient　gesture　he　tumbled　the　pieces　over　on　to
their　sides；　then　quickly；　as　though　he　were　afraid　of　the　dark；
went　into　his　bedroom　and　began　to　undress。




IV


In　the　morning　events　moved　too　quickly　for　thought。　He　had　still
the　same　lonely　pain　at　his　heart；　but　now　he　simply　was　not　given
time　to　consider　it。

His　father　called　him　into　the　study。　He　gave　him　ten　shillings　and
a　new　prayer…book。　Jeremy　knew　that　he　was　trying　to　come　close　to
him　and　be　a　friend　of　a　new　kind　to　him。

He　heard　in　a　distance　such　words　as：　〃。　。　。　a　new　world；　full　of
trial　and　temptation。　God　sees　us。　。　。　Work　at　your　Latin　。　。　。
cricket　and　football　。　。　。　prayers　every　night。　。　。〃　But　he　could
feel　no　emotion　nothing　but　terror　lest　some　sudden　stupid　emotional
scene　should　occur。　Nothing　occurred。　He　kissed　his　father　and　went。

Then；　quite　suddenly；　just　as　he　came　down　in　his　hat　and　coat　and
heard　that　the　cab　was　there；　his　restraint　melted；　he　was　free　and
impulsive　and　natural。　He　kissed　Mary；　telling　her：

〃You　may　have　my　toy　village。　I'd　like　you　toYes；　rather。　I　mean
it。〃

He　kissed　Helen　and　Barbara；　and　then　held　to　his　mother；　not　caring
whether　all　the　world　was　there　to　see。　The　old　life　was　going　with
him！　He　was　not　leaving　it　after　all。　The　town　and　the　house；　and
all　the　things　to　which　he　had　thought　that　he　had　said　good…bye；
were　going　with　him。

Hamlet！　He　found　the　dog　struggling　to　get　into　the　cab。　That　was
more　than　he　could　stand。　He　was　not　going　to　make　a　fool　of
himself；　but　the　only　way　to　be　secure　was　to　get　into　the　cab　and
hide　there。　He　caught　Hamlet's　head；　gave　it　a　kiss；　then　jumped　in；
catching　a　last　glimpse　of　the　family　grouped　at　the　door；　the
servants　at　the　window；　the　old　garden　with　the　dead　leaves　gathered
upon　it；　Hamlet　held；　struggling；　in　Mary's　arms。

He　choked　down　his　sobs；　felt　the　ten　shillings　in　his　pocket；　then
with　a　mighty　resolve；　to　which　it　seemed　that　the　labours　of
Hercules　were　as　nothing；　leaned　out　and　waved　his　hand。

The　cab　rolled　off。

Hamlet　lay　down　upon　the　mat　just　inside　the　hall…door。　Someone
tried　to　pull　him　away。　He　growled；　showing　his　teeth。　His　master
had　gone　out。　He　would　wait　for　his　returnand　no　one　should　move　him。







End