jeremy-第46章

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these　rites　and　services　because　〃she　always　made　Barbara　cry。〃

She　was；　therefore；　very　much　alone；　and　felt　all　her　injuries　twice
as　deeply　as　she　had　felt　them　before。　Hamlet　began　to　be　an
obsession　with　her。　She　had　always　had　a　habit　of　talking　to
herself；　and　now　she　could　be　heard　telling　herself　that　if　it　were
not　for　the　dog；　Jeremy　would　always　be　with　her；　would　play　with
her；　walk　with　her；　laugh　with　her　as　he　used　to　do。　She　acquired
now　an　awkward　habit　of　gazing　at　him　with　passionate　intensity。　He
would　raise　his　eyes　and　find　the　great　moon…faced　spectacles　fixed
upon　him　with　a　beseeching；　reproachful　glare　in　the　light　of　them。
This　would　irritate　him　intensely。　He　would　say：

〃You'll　know　me　next　time；　Mary。〃

She　would　blush　crimson　and　then；　with　trembling　mouth；　answer：

〃I　wasn't　looking。〃

〃Yes；　you　were。〃

〃No；　I　wasn't。〃

〃Of　course；　you　werestaring　as　though　I　were　an　Indian　or
Chinaman。　If　my　face　is　dirty；　say　so。〃

〃It　isn't　dirty。〃

〃Well；　then〃

〃You're　always　so　cross。〃

〃I'm　not　crossonly　you're　so　silly〃

〃You　usen't　always　to　say　I　was　silly。　Now　you　always　doevery
minute。〃

〃So　you　are。〃　Then　as　he　saw　the　tears　coming　he　would　get　up　and　go
away。　He　didn't　mean　to　be　unkind　to　her；　he　was　fond　of　herbut　he
hated　scenes。

〃Mary's　always　howling　about　something　now；〃　he　confided　to　Helen。

〃Is　she？〃　Helen　answered　with　indifference。　〃Mary's　such　a　baby。〃

So　Mary　began　to　attribute　everything　to　the　dog。　It　seemed　to　her
then　that　she　met　the　animal　everywhere。　Cow　Farm　was　a　rambling
building；　with　dark；　uneven　stairs；　low…ceilinged　rooms；　queer；　odd
corners；　and　sudden　unexpected　doors。　It　seemed　to　Mary　as　though　in
this　place　there　were　two　Hamlets。　When；　in　the　evening　she　went　to
her　room；　hurrying　through　the　passages　for　fear　of　what　she　might
see；　stumbling　over　the　uneven　boards；　sniffling　the　mice　and　straw
under　the　smell　of　her　tallow　candle；　suddenly　out　of　nowhere　at　all
Hamlet　would　appear　scurrying　along；　like　the　White　Rabbit；　intent
on　serious　business。

He　came　so　softly　and　with　so　sudden　a　flurry　and　scatter　when　she
did　hear　him　that　her　heart　would　beat　for　minutes　afterwards；　and
she　would　not　dare　that　night　to　search；　as　she　usually　did；　for
burglars　under　her　bed；　but　would　lie；　quaking；　hot　and　staring；
unable　to　sleep。　When　at　last　dreams　came　they　would　be　haunted　by　a
monstrous　dog；　all　hair　and　eyes；　who；　with　padding　feet；　would
track　her　round　and　round　a　room　from　which　there　was　no　escape。
Hamlet；　being　one　of　the　wisest　of　dogs；　very　quickly　discovered
that　Mary　hated　him。　He　was　not　a　sentimental　dog；　and　he　did　not
devote　his　time　to　inventing　ways　in　which　he　might　placate　his
enemy；　he　simply　avoided　her。　But　he　could　not　hinder　a　certain
cynical　and　ironic　pleasure　that　he　had　of；　so　to　speak；　flaunting
his　master　in　her　face。　He　clung　to　Jeremy　more　resolutely　than
ever；　would　jump　up　at　him；　lick　his　hands　and　tumble　about　in　front
of　him　whenever　Mary　was　there；　and　then　suddenly；　very　straight　and
very　grave；　would　stare　at　her　as　though　he　were　the　most　devout　and
obedient　dog　in　the　place。　Indeed；　he　bore　her　no　malice；　he　could
afford　to　disregard　the　Marys　of　this　world；　and　of　women　in　general
he　had　a　poor　opinion。　But　he　loved　to　tease；　and　Mary　was　an　easy
prey。　He　had　his　fun　with　her。

After　the　affair　of　the　sea…picnic；　Jeremy　was　for　some　time　under　a
cloud。　It　was　felt　that　he　was　getting　too　big　for　anyone　to　manage。
It　was　not　that　he　was　wicked；　not　that　he　kept　bad　company　with　the
boys　on　the　farm；　or　was　dishonest；　or　told　lies；　or　stole　things
no；　he　gave　no　one　that　kind　of　anxietybut　that　he　was　developing
quite　unmistakably　a　will　of　his　own；　and　had　a　remarkable　way　of
doing　what　he　wanted　without　being　actually　disobedient；　which　was
very　puzzling　to　his　elders。　Being　a　little　in　disgrace　he　went　off
more　than　ever　by　himself；　always　appearing　again　at　the　appointed
time；　but　telling　no　one　where　he　had　been　or　what　he　had　been
doing。　His　father　had　no　influence　over　him　at　all；　whilst　Uncle
Samuel　could　make　him　do　whatever　he　wantedand　this；　as　Aunt　Amy
said；　〃was　really　a　pity。〃

〃It's　a　good　thing　he's　going　to　school　in　September；〃　sighed　his
mother。　〃He's　getting　out　of　women's　hands。〃

Mary　longed　with　feverish　longing　to　share　in　his　adventures。　If
only　he　would　tell　her　what　he　did　on　these　walks　of　his。　But　no；
only　Hamlet　knew。　Perhaps；　if　he　did　not　go　with　the　dog　he　would　go
with　her。　When　this　idea　crept　into　her　brain　she　seized　it　and
clutched　it。　That　was　all　he　wanteda　companion！　Were　Hamlet　not
there　he　would　take　her。　Were　Hamlet　not　there。　。　。　She　began　to
brood　over　this。　She　wandered。　。　。　She　considered。　She　shuddered　at
her　own　wickedness；　she　tried　to　drive　the　thoughts　from　her　head；
but　they　kept　coming。

After　all；　no　one　need　know。　For　a　day　or　two　Jeremy　would　be　sorry
and　then　he　would　forget。　She　knew　the　man　who　went　round　selling
dogsselling　dogs　and　buying　them。

She　shuddered　at　her　wickedness。




III


The　last　days　of　August　came；　and　with　them　the　last　week　of　the
holiday。　Already　there　was　a　scent　of　autumn　in　the　air；　leaves　were
turning　gold　and　red；　and　the　evenings　came　cool　and　sudden；　upon
the　hot　summer　afternoons。　Mary　was　not　very　well；　she　had　caught　a
cold　somewhere；　and　existed　in　the　irritating　condition　of　going　out
one　day　and　being　held　indoors　the　next。　This　upset　her　temper；　and
at　night　she　had　nightmares；　in　which　she　saw　clouds　of　smoke
crawling　in　at　her　window；　snakes　on　the　floor；　and　crimson　flames
darting　at　her　from　the　ceiling。　It　was　because　she　was　in　an
abnormal　condition　of　health　that　the　idea　of　doing　something　with
Hamlet　had　gained　such　a　hold　upon　her。　She　considered　the　matter
from　every　point　of　view。　She　did　not　want　to　be　cruel　to　the　dog；
she　supposed　that　after　a　week　or　two　he　would　be　quite　happy　with
his　new　master；　and；　in　any　case；　he　had　strolled　in　so　casually
upon　the　Cole　family　that　he　was　accustomed　to　a　wandering　life。

She　did　not　intend　that　anyone　should　know。　It　was　to　be　a　deep
secret　all　of　her　own。

Jeremy　was　going　to　school　in　September；　and　before　then　she　must
make　him　friendly　to　her　again。　She　saw　stretching　in　front　of　her
all　the　lonely　autumn　without　him　and　her　own　memories　of　the
miserable　summer　to　make　her　wretched。　She　was　an　extremely
sentimental　little　girl。

As　always　happens　when　one　is　meditating　with　a　placated　conscience
a　wicked　deed；　the　opportunity　was　suddenly　offered　to　Mary　of
achieving　her　purpose。　One　morning　Jeremy；　after　refusing　to　listen
to　one　of　Mary's　long　romances；　lost　his　temper。

〃I　can't　stop；〃　he　said。　〃You　bother　and　bother　and　bother。　Aunt　Amy
says　you　nearly　make　her　mad。〃

〃I　don't　care　what　Aunt　Amy　says；〃　Mary　on　the　edge　of　tears
replied。

〃Hamlet　and　I　are　going　out。　And　I'm　sick　of　your　silly　old
stories。〃　Then　he　suddenly　stopped　and　gazed　at　Mary；　who　was
beginning；　as　usual；　to　weep。

〃Look　here；　Mary；　what's　been　the　matter　with　you　lately？　　You're
always　crying　now　or　something。　And　you　look　at　me　as　though　I'd
done　something　dreadful。　I　haven't　done　anything。〃

〃Ineversaid　youhad；〃　Mary　gulped　out。　He　rubbed　his　nose　in　a
way　that　he　had　when　he　was　puzzled。

〃If　it's　anything　I　do；　tell　me。　It's　so　silly　always　crying。　The
holidays　will　be　over　soon；　and　you've　done　nothing　but　cry。〃

〃You'reneverwith　menow；〃　Mary　sobbed。

〃Well；　I've　been　busy。〃

〃You　haven't。　You　can't　be　busy　allby　yourself。〃

〃Oh；　yes；　you　can。〃　He　was　getting　impatient。　〃Anyway；　you　might　let
Hamlet　and　me　alone。　You're　always　bothering　one　of　us。〃

〃No；　I'm　not。〃　She　choked　an　enormous　sob　and　burst　out　with：　〃It's
always　Hamlet　now。　I　wish　he'd　nevercome。　It　was　much　nicer
before。〃

Then　he　lost　his　temper。　〃Oh；　you're　a　baby！　I'm　sick　of　you　and
your　nonsense；〃　he　cried；　and　stamped　off。

In　Mary's　red…rimmed　eyes；　as　she　watched　him　go；　determination
grew。

It　happened　that　upon　the　afternoon　of　that　same　day　Miss　Jones
announced　that　she　would　take　Mary　for　a　walk；　then；　just　as　they
passed　through　the　f