the virgin of the sun-第11章

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mother　and　goods。

I　rested　but　ill　that　night；　as　those　do　who　are　over…weary。　Moreover；
this　had　been　my　first　taste　of　battle；　and　again　and　again　I　saw
those　men　falling　before　my　sword　and　arrows。　Very　proud　was　I　to　have
slain　them；　wicked　ravishers　as　they　were；　and　very　glad　that　from　my
boyhood　I　had　practised　myself　with　sword　and　bow　till　I　could　fence
with　any；　and　was　perhaps　the　most　skilled　marksman　in　Hastings；
having　won　the　silver　arrow　at　the　butts　at　the　last　meeting；　and　from
archers　of　all　ages。　Yet　the　sight　of　their　deaths　haunted　me　who
remembered　how　well　their　fate　might　have　been　my　own；　had　they　got　in
the　first　shot　or　blow。

Where　had　they　gone　to；　I　wondered？　To　the　priest's　Heaven　or　Hell？
Were　they　now　telling　their　sins　to　some　hard…faced　angel　while　he
checked　the　count　from　his　book；　reminding　them　of　many　that　they　had
forgotten？　Or　were　they　fast　asleep　for　ever　and　ever　as　a　shrewd
thinker　whom　I　knew　had　told　me　secretly　he　was　sure　would　be　the　fate
of　all　of　us；　whatever　the　priests　might　teach　and　believe。　And　where
was　my　mother　whom　I　had　loved　and　who　loved　me　well；　although
outwardly　she　was　so　stern　a　woman；　my　mother　whom　I　had　seen　burned
alive；　singing　as　she　burned？　Oh！　it　was　a　vile　world；　and　it　seemed
strange　that　God　should　cause　men　and　women　to　be　born　that　they　might
come　to　such　cruel　ends。　Yet　who　were　we　to　question　His　decrees　of
which　we　knew　neither　the　beginning　nor　the　finish？

Anyway；　I　was　glad　I　was　not　dead；　for　now　that　all　was　over　I
trembled　and　felt　afraid；　which　I　had　never　done　during　the　fighting；
even　when　my　hour　seemed　very　near。

Lastly　there　was　this　high…born　lady；　Blanche　Aleys；　with　whom　fortune
had　thrown　me　so　strangely　that　day。　Those　blue　eyes　of　hers　had
pierced　my　heart　like　darts；　and　do　what　I　would　I　might　not　rid　my
mind　of　the　thought　of　her；　or　my　ears　of　the　sound　of　her　soft　voice；
while　her　kisses　seemed　still　to　burn　upon　my　lips。　It　wrung　me　to
think　that　perhaps　I　should　never　see　her　again；　or　that　if　I　did　I
might　not　speak　with　her；　being　so　far　beneath　her　in　condition；　and
having　already　earned　the　wrath　of　her　father；　and；　as　I　guessed；　the
jealousy　of　that　scented　cousin　of　hers　whom　they　said　the　King　loved
like　a　brother。

What　had　my　mother　told　me？　To　leave　this　place　and　go　to　London；
there　to　find　my　uncle；　John　Grimmer；　goldsmith　and　merchant；　who　was
my　godfather；　and　to　ask　him　to　take　me　into　his　business。　I
remembered　this　uncle　of　mine；　for　some　seven　or　eight　years　before；
when　I　was　a　growing　lad；　because　there　was　a　plague　in　London　he　had
come　down　to　Hastings　to　visit　us。　He　only　stayed　a　week；　however；
because　he　said　that　the　sea　air　tied　up　his　stomach　and　that　he　would
rather　risk　the　plague　with　a　good　stomach　than　leave　it　behind　him
with　a　bad　onethough　I　think　it　was　his　business　he　thought　of；　not
his　stomach。

He　was　a　strange　old　man；　not　unlike　my　mother；　but　with　a　nose　more
hooked；　small　dark　eyes；　and　a　bald　head　on　which　he　set　a　cap　of
velvet。　Even　in　the　heat　of　summer　he　was　always　cold　and　wore　a
frayed　fur　robe；　complaining　much　if　he　came　into　a　draught　of　air。
Indeed　he　looked　like　a　Jew；　though　a　good　Christian　enough；　and
laughed　about　it；　because　he　said　that　this　appearance　of　his　served
him　well　in　his　trade；　since　Jews　were　always　feared；　and　it　was　held
to　be　impossible　to　overreach　them。

For　the　rest　I　only　recalled　that　he　examined　me　as　to　my　book
learning　which　did　not　satisfy　him；　and　went　about　valuing　all　our
goods　and　fishing…boats；　showing　my　mother　how　we　were　being　cheated
and　might　earn　more　than　we　did。　When　he　departed　he　gave　me　a　gold
piece　and　said　that　Life　was　nothing　but　vanity；　and　that　I　must　pray
for　his　soul　when　he　was　dead　as　he　was　sure　it　would　need　such　help；
also　that　I　ought　to　put　the　gold　piece　out　to　interest。　This　I　did　by
buying　with　it　a　certain　fierce　mastiff　dog　I　coveted　that　had　been
brought　on　a　ship　from　Norway；　which　dog　bit　some　great　man　in　our
town；　who　hauled　my　mother　before　the　bailiff　about　it　and　caused　the
poor　beast　to　be　killed；　to　my　great　wrath。

Now　that　I　came　to　think　of　it；　I　had　liked　my　Uncle　John　well　enough
although　he　was　so　different　from　others。　Why　should　I　not　go　to　him？
Because　I　did　not　wish　to　sit　in　a　shop　in　London；　I　who　loved　the　sea
and　the　open　air；　also　because　I　feared　he　might　ask　me　what　I　had
done　with　that　gold　piece　and　make　a　mock　of　me　about　the　dog。　Yet　my
mother　had　bidden　me　go；　and　it　was　her　last　command　to　me；　her　dying
words　which　it　would　be　unlucky　to　disobey。　Moreover；　our　boats　and
house　were　burnt　and　I　must　work　hard　and　long　before　these　could　be
replaced。　Lastly；　in　London　I　should　see　no　more　of　the　lady　Blanche
Aleys；　and　there　could　learn　to　forget　the　lights　in　her　blue　eyes。　So
I　determined　that　I　would　go；　and　at　last　fell　asleep。

Next　morning　I　made　my　confession　to　the　old　priest　that；　amongst
other　matters；　he　might　shrive　me　of　the　blood　which　I　had　shed；
though　this　he　said　needed　no　forgiveness　from　God　or　man；　being；　as　I
think；　a　stout　Englishman　at　heart。　Also　I　took　counsel　with　him　as　to
what　I　should　do；　and　he　told　me　it　was　my　duty　to　obey　my　mother's
wishes；　since　such　last　words　were　often　inspired　from　on　high　and
declared　the　will　of　Heaven。　Further　he　pointed　out　that　I　should　do
well　to　avoid　the　lady　Blanche　Aleys　who　was　one　far　above　me　in
degree；　the　following　of　whom　might　bring　me　to　trouble；　or　even　to
death；　moreover；　that　I　might　mend　my　broken　fortunes　through　the　help
of　my　uncle；　a　very　rich　man　as　he　had　heard；　to　whom　he　would　write　a
letter　about　me。

Thus　this　matter　was　settled。

Still　some　days　went　by　before　I　left　Hastings；　since　first　I　must
wait　until　the　ashes　of　our　house　were　cool　enough　to　search　in　them
for　my　mother's　body。　Those　who　found　her　at　length　said　that　she　was
not　so　much　burned　as　might　have　been　expected；　but　as　to　this　I　am
uncertain；　since　I　could　not　bring　myself　to　look　upon　her　who　desired
to　remember　her　as　she　had　been　in　life。　She　was　buried　by　the　side　of
my　father；　who　was　drowned；　in　the　churchyard　of　St。　Clement's；　and
when　all　had　gone　away　I　wept　a　little　on　her　grave。

The　rest　of　that　day　I　spent　making　ready　for　my　journey。　As　it
chanced　when　the　house　was　burnt　the　outbuildings　which　lay　on　the
farther　side　of　the　yard　behind　escaped　the　fire；　and　in　the　stable
were　two　good　horses；　one　a　grey　riding…gelding　and　the　other　a　mare
that　used　to　drag　the　nets　to　the　quay　and　bring　back　the　fish；　which
horses；　although　frightened　and　alarmed；　were　unharmed。　Also　there　was
a　quantity　of　stores；　nets；　salt；　dried　fish　in　barrels；　and　I　know
not　what　besides。　The　horses　I　kept；　but　all　the　rest　of　the　gear；
together　with　the　premises；　the　ground　on　which　the　house　had　stood；
and　the　other　property　I　made　over　to　William；　my　man；　who　promised　me
to　pay　me　their　value　when　he　could　earn　it　in　better　times。

Next　morning　I　rode　away　for　London　upon　the　grey　horse；　loading　the
armour　of　the　knight　I　had　killed　and　such　other　possessions　as
remained　to　me　upon　the　mare　which　I　led　with　a　rope。　Save　William
there　was　none　to　say　me　good…bye；　for　the　misery　in　Hastings　was　so
great　that　all　were　concerned　with　their　own　affairs　or　in　mourning
their　dead。　I　was　not　sorry　that　it　fell　out　thus；　since　I　was　so　full
of　sadness　at　leaving　the　place　where　I　was　born　and　had　lived　all　my
life；　that　I　think　I　should　have　shed　tears　if　any　who　had　been　my
friends　had　spoken　kind　words　to　me；　which　would　have　been　unmanly。
Never　had　I　felt　so　lonely　as　when　from　the　high　ground　I　gazed　back
to　the　ruins　of　Hastings　over　which　still　hung　a　thin　pall　of　smoke。
My　courage　seemed　to　fail　me　altogether；　I　looked　forward　to　the
future　with　fear；　believing　that　I　had　been　born　unlucky；　that　it　held
no　good　for　me　who　probably　should　end　my　days　as　a　common　soldier　or
a　fisherman；　or　mayhap　in　prison　or　on　the　gallows。　From　childhood　I
had　suffered　these　fits　of　gloom；　but　as　yet　this　was　the　blackest　of
them　that　I　had　known。

At　length；　the　sun　that　had　been　hidden　shone　out　and　with　it