the magic skin(驴皮记)-第36章

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while　her　mistress　lay　carelessly　back　on　her　cushioned　armchair
beside　the　fire；　yawned；　and　scratched　her　head。　Every　movement　was
perfectly　natural；　there　was　nothing　whatever　to　indicate　the　secret
sufferings　or　emotions　with　which　I　had　credited　her。

〃　'George　must　be　in　love！'　she　remarked。　'I　shall　dismiss　him。　He　has
drawn　the　curtains　again　to…night。　What　does　he　mean　by　it？'

〃All　the　blood　in　my　veins　rushed　to　my　heart　at　this　observation；　but
no　more　was　said　about　curtains。

〃　'Life　is　very　empty；'　the　countess　went　on。　'Ah！　be　careful　not　to
scratch　me　as　you　did　yesterday。　Just　look　here；　I　still　have　the
marks　of　your　nails　about　me；'　and　she　held　out　a　silken　knee。　She
thrust　her　bare　feet　into　velvet　slippers　bound　with　swan's…down；　and
unfastened　her　dress；　while　Justine　prepared　to　comb　her　hair。

〃　'You　ought　to　marry；　madame；　and　have　children。'

〃　'Children！'　she　cried；　'it　wants　no　more　than　that　to　finish　me　at
once；　and　a　husband！　What　man　is　there　to　whom　I　could？　Was　my
hair　well　arranged　to…night？'

〃　'Not　particularly。'

〃　'You　are　a　fool！'

〃　'That　way　of　crimping　your　hair　too　much　is　the　least　becoming　way
possible　for　you。　Large；　smooth　curls　suit　you　a　great　deal　better。'

〃　'Really？'

〃　'Yes；　really；　madame；　that　wavy　style　only　looks　nice　in　fair　hair。'

〃　'Marriage？　never；　never！　Marriage　is　a　commercial　arrangement；　for
which　I　was　never　made。'

〃What　a　disheartening　scene　for　a　lover！　Here　was　a　lonely　woman；
without　friends　or　kin；　without　the　religion　of　love；　without　faith　in
any　affection。　Yet　however　slightly　she　might　feel　the　need　to　pour
out　her　heart；　a　craving　that　every　human　being　feels；　it　could　only
be　satisfied　by　gossiping　with　her　maid；　by　trivial　and　indifferent
talk。　。　。　。　I　grieved　for　her。

〃Justine　unlaced　her。　I　watched　her　carefully　when　she　was　at　last
unveiled。　Her　maidenly　form；　in　its　rose…tinged　whiteness；　was　visible
through　her　shift　in　the　taper　light；　as　dazzling　as　some　silver
statue　behind　its　gauze　covering。　No；　there　was　no　defect　that　need
shrink　from　the　stolen　glances　of　love。　Alas；　a　fair　form　will
overcome　the　stoutest　resolutions！

〃The　maid　lighted　the　taper　in　the　alabaster　sconce　that　hung　before
the　bed；　while　her　mistress　sat　thoughtful　and　silent　before　the　fire。
Justine　went　for　a　warming…pan；　turned　down　the　bed；　and　helped　to　lay
her　mistress　in　it；　then；　after　some　further　time　spent　in
punctiliously　rendering　various　services　that　showed　how　seriously
Foedora　respected　herself；　her　maid　left　her。　The　countess　turned　to
and　fro　several　times；　and　sighed；　she　was　ill　at　ease；　faint；　just
perceptible　sounds；　like　sighs　of　impatience；　escaped　from　her　lips。
She　reached　out　a　hand　to　the　table；　and　took　a　flask　from　it；　from
which　she　shook　four　or　five　drops　of　some　brown　liquid　into　some　milk
before　taking　it；　again　there　followed　some　painful　sighs；　and　the
exclamation；　'MON　DIEU！'

〃The　cry；　and　the　tone　in　which　it　was　uttered；　wrung　my　heart。　By
degrees　she　lay　motionless。　This　frightened　me；　but　very　soon　I　heard
a　sleeper's　heavy；　regular　breathing。　I　drew　the　rustling　silk
curtains　apart；　left　my　post；　went　to　the　foot　of　the　bed；　and　gazed
at　her　with　feelings　that　I　cannot　define。　She　was　so　enchanting　as
she　lay　like　a　child；　with　her　arm　above　her　head；　but　the　sweetness
of　the　fair；　quiet　visage；　surrounded　by　the　lace；　only　irritated　me。
I　had　not　been　prepared　for　the　torture　to　which　I　was　compelled　to
submit。

〃　'Mon　Dieu！'　that　scrap　of　a　thought　which　I　understood　not；　but　must
even　take　as　my　sole　light；　had　suddenly　modified　my　opinion　of
Foedora。　Trite　or　profoundly　significant；　frivolous　or　of　deep　import；
the　words　might　be　construed　as　expressive　of　either　pleasure　or　pain；
of　physical　or　of　mental　suffering。　Was　it　a　prayer　or　a　malediction；
a　forecast　or　a　memory；　a　fear　or　a　regret？　A　whole　life　lay　in　that
utterance；　a　life　of　wealth　or　of　penury；　perhaps　it　contained　a
crime！

〃The　mystery　that　lurked　beneath　this　fair　semblance　of　womanhood　grew
afresh；　there　were　so　many　ways　of　explaining　Foedora；　that　she　became
inexplicable。　A　sort　of　language　seemed　to　flow　from　between　her　lips。
I　put　thoughts　and　feelings　into　the　accidents　of　her　breathing；
whether　weak　or　regular；　gentle；　or　labored。　I　shared　her　dreams；　I
would　fain　have　divined　her　secrets　by　reading　them　through　her
slumber。　I　hesitated　among　contradictory　opinions　and　decisions
without　number。　I　could　not　deny　my　heart　to　the　woman　I　saw　before
me；　with　the　calm；　pure　beauty　in　her　face。　I　resolved　to　make　one
more　effort。　If　I　told　her　the　story　of　my　life；　my　love；　my
sacrifices；　might　I　not　awaken　pity　in　her　or　draw　a　tear　from　her　who
never　wept？

〃As　I　set　all　my　hopes　on　this　last　experiment；　the　sounds　in　the
streets　showed　that　day　was　at　hand。　For　a　moment's　space　I　pictured
Foedora　waking　to　find　herself　in　my　arms。　I　could　have　stolen　softly
to　her　side　and　slipped　them　about　her　in　a　close　embrace。　Resolved　to
resist　the　cruel　tyranny　of　this　thought；　I　hurried　into　the　salon；
heedless　of　any　sounds　I　might　make；　but；　luckily；　I　came　upon　a
secret　door　leading　to　a　little　staircase。　As　I　expected；　the　key　was
in　the　lock；　I　slammed　the　door；　went　boldly　out　into　the　court；　and
gained　the　street　in　three　bounds；　without　looking　round　to　see
whether　I　was　observed。

〃A　dramatist　was　to　read　a　comedy　at　the　countess'　house　in　two　days'
time；　I　went　thither；　intending　to　outstay　the　others；　so　as　to　make　a
rather　singular　request　to　her；　I　meant　to　ask　her　to　keep　the
following　evening　for　me　alone；　and　to　deny　herself　to　other　comers；
but　when　I　found　myself　alone　with　her；　my　courage　failed。　Every　tick
of　the　clock　alarmed　me。　It　wanted　only　a　quarter　of　an　hour　of
midnight。

〃　'If　I　do　not　speak；'　I　thought　to　myself；　'I　must　smash　my　head
against　the　corner　of　the　mantelpiece。'

〃I　gave　myself　three　minutes'　grace；　the　three　minutes　went　by；　and　I
did　not　smash　my　head　upon　the　marble；　my　heart　grew　heavy；　like　a
sponge　with　water。

〃　'You　are　exceedingly　amusing；'　said　she。

〃　'Ah；　madame；　if　you　could　but　understand　me！'　I　answered。

〃　'What　is　the　matter　with　you？'　she　asked。　'You　are　turning　pale。'

〃　'I　am　hesitating　to　ask　a　favor　of　you。'

〃Her　gesture　revived　my　courage。　I　asked　her　to　make　the　appointment
with　me。

〃　'Willingly；'　she　answered'　'but　why　will　you　not　speak　to　me　now？'

〃　'To　be　candid　with　you；　I　ought　to　explain　the　full　scope　of　your
promise：　I　want　to　spend　this　evening　by　your　side；　as　if　we　were
brother　and　sister。　Have　no　fear；　I　am　aware　of　your　antipathies；　you
must　have　divined　me　sufficiently　to　feel　sure　that　I　should　wish　you
to　do　nothing　that　could　be　displeasing　to　you；　presumption；　moreover；
would　not　thus　approach　you。　You　have　been　a　friend　to　me；　you　have
shown　me　kindness　and　great　indulgence；　know；　therefore；　that
to…morrow　I　must　bid　you　farewell。Do　not　take　back　your　word；'　I
exclaimed；　seeing　her　about　to　speak；　and　I　went　away。

〃At　eight　o'clock　one　evening　towards　the　end　of　May；　Foedora　and　I
were　alone　together　in　her　gothic　boudoir。　I　feared　no　longer；　I　was
secure　of　happiness。　My　mistress　should　be　mine；　or　I　would　seek　a
refuge　in　death。　I　had　condemned　my　faint…hearted　love；　and　a　man　who
acknowledges　his　weakness　is　strong　indeed。

〃The　countess；　in　her　blue　cashmere　gown；　was　reclining　on　a　sofa；
with　her　feet　on　a　cushion。　She　wore　an　Oriental　turban　such　as
painters　assign　to　early　Hebrews；　its　strangeness　added　an
indescribable　coquettish　grace　to　her　attractions。　A　transitory　charm
seemed　to　have　laid　its　spell　on　her　face；　it　might　have　furnished　the
argument　that　at　every　instant　we　become　new　and　unparalleled　beings；
without　any　resemblance　to　the　US　of　the　future　or　of　the　past。　I　had
never　yet　seen　her　so　radiant。

〃　'Do　you　know　that　you　have　piqued　my　curiosity？'　she　said；　laughing。

〃　'I　will　not　disappoint　it；'　I　said　quietly；　as　I　seated　myself　near
to　her　and　took　the　hand　that　she　surrendered　to　me。　'You　have　a　very
beautiful　voice！'

〃　'You　have　never　heard　me　sing！'　she　exclaimed；　starting
involunt