the magic skin(驴皮记)-第34章

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〃Ah；　the　music　of　Rossini　was　as　nothing　compared　with　those　words。
But　to　return　to　the　performance　at　the　Funambules。

〃I　thought　of　pawning　the　circlet　of　gold　round　my　mother's　portrait
in　order　to　escort　the　countess。　Although　the　pawnbroker　loomed　in　my
thoughts　as　one　of　the　doors　of　a　convict's　prison；　I　would　rather
myself　have　carried　my　bed　thither　than　have　begged　for　alms。　There　is
something　so　painful　in　the　expression　of　a　man　who　asks　money　of　you！
There　are　loans　that　mulct　us　of　our　self…respect；　just　as　some
rebuffs　from　a　friend's　lips　sweep　away　our　last　illusion。

〃Pauline　was　working；　her　mother　had　gone　to　bed。　I　flung　a　stealthy
glance　over　the　bed；　the　curtains　were　drawn　back　a　little；　Madame
Gaudin　was　in　a　deep　sleep；　I　thought；　when　I　saw　her　quiet；　sallow
profile　outlined　against　the　pillow。

〃　'You　are　in　trouble？'　Pauline　said；　dipping　her　brush　into　the
coloring。

〃　'It　is　in　your　power　to　do　me　a　great　service；　my　dear　child；'　I
answered。

〃The　gladness　in　her　eyes　frightened　me。

〃　'Is　it　possible　that　she　loves　me？'　I　thought。　'Pauline；'　I　began。　I
went　and　sat　near　to　her；　so　as　to　study　her。　My　tones　had　been　so
searching　that　she　read　my　thought；　her　eyes　fell；　and　I　scrutinized
her　face。　It　was　so　pure　and　frank　that　I　fancied　I　could　see　as
clearly　into　her　heart　as　into　my　own。

〃　'Do　you　love　me？'　I　asked。

〃　'A　little；passionatelynot　a　bit！'　she　cried。

〃Then　she　did　not　love　me。　Her　jesting　tones；　and　a　little　gleeful
movement　that　escaped　her；　expressed　nothing　beyond　a　girlish；　blithe
goodwill。　I　told　her　about　my　distress　and　the　predicament　in　which　I
found　myself；　and　asked　her　to　help　me。

〃　'You　do　not　wish　to　go　to　the　pawnbroker's　yourself；　M。　Raphael；'
she　answered；　'and　yet　you　would　send　me！'

〃I　blushed　in　confusion　at　the　child's　reasoning。　She　took　my　hand　in
hers　as　if　she　wanted　to　compensate　for　this　home…truth　by　her　light
touch　upon　it。

〃　'Oh；　I　would　willingly　go；'　she　said；　'but　it　is　not　necessary。　I
found　two　five…franc　pieces　at　the　back　of　the　piano；　that　had　slipped
without　your　knowledge　between　the　frame　and　the　keyboard；　and　I　laid
them　on　your　table。'

〃　'You　will　soon　be　coming　into　some　money；　M。　Raphael；'　said　the　kind
mother；　showing　her　face　between　the　curtains；　'and　I　can　easily　lend
you　a　few　crowns　meanwhile。'

〃　'Oh；　Pauline！'　I　cried；　as　I　pressed　her　hand；　'how　I　wish　that　I
were　rich！'

〃　'Bah！　why　should　you？'　she　said　petulantly。　Her　hand　shook　in　mine
with　the　throbbing　of　her　pulse；　she　snatched　it　away；　and　looked　at
both　of　mine。

〃　'You　will　marry　a　rich　wife；'　she　said；　'but　she　will　give　you　a
great　deal　of　trouble。　Ah；　Dieu！　she　will　be　your　death；I　am　sure　of
it。'

〃In　her　exclamation　there　was　something　like　belief　in　her　mother's
absurd　superstitions。

〃　'You　are　very　credulous；　Pauline！'

〃　'The　woman　whom　you　will　love　is　going　to　kill　youthere　is　no
doubt　of　it；'　she　said；　looking　at　me　with　alarm。

〃She　took　up　her　brush　again　and　dipped　it　in　the　color；　her　great
agitation　was　evident；　she　looked　at　me　no　longer。　I　was　ready　to　give
credence　just　then　to　superstitious　fancies；　no　man　is　utterly
wretched　so　long　as　he　is　superstitious；　a　belief　of　that　kind　is
often　in　reality　a　hope。

〃I　found　that　those　two　magnificent　five…franc　pieces　were　lying；　in
fact；　upon　my　table　when　I　reached　my　room。　During　the　first　confused
thoughts　of　early　slumber；　I　tried　to　audit　my　accounts　so　as　to
explain　this　unhoped…for　windfall；　but　I　lost　myself　in　useless
calculations；　and　slept。　Just　as　I　was　leaving　my　room　to　engage　a　box
the　next　morning；　Pauline　came　to　see　me。

〃　'Perhaps　your　ten　francs　is　not　enough；'　said　the　amiable；　kind…
hearted　girl；　'my　mother　told　me　to　offer　you　this　money。　Take　it；
please；　take　it！'

〃She　laid　three　crowns　upon　the　table；　and　tried　to　escape；　but　I
would　not　let　her　go。　Admiration　dried　the　tears　that　sprang　to　my
eyes。

〃　'You　are　an　angel；　Pauline；'　I　said。　'It　is　not　the　loan　that
touches　me　so　much　as　the　delicacy　with　which　it　is　offered。　I　used　to
wish　for　a　rich　wife；　a　fashionable　woman　of　rank；　and　now；　alas！　I
would　rather　possess　millions；　and　find　some　girl；　as　poor　as　you　are；
with　a　generous　nature　like　your　own；　and　I　would　renounce　a　fatal
passion　which　will　kill　me。　Perhaps　what　you　told　me　will　come　true。'

〃　'That　is　enough；'　she　said；　and　fled　away；　the　fresh　trills　of　her
birdlike　voice　rang　up　the　staircase。

〃　'She　is　very　happy　in　not　yet　knowing　love；'　I　said　to　myself；
thinking　of　the　torments　I　had　endured　for　many　months　past。

〃Pauline's　fifteen　francs　were　invaluable　to　me。　Foedora；　thinking　of
the　stifling　odor　of　the　crowded　place　where　we　were　to　spend　several
hours；　was　sorry　that　she　had　not　brought　a　bouquet；　I　went　in　search
of　flowers　for　her；　as　I　had　laid　already　my　life　and　my　fate　at　her
feet。　With　a　pleasure　in　which　compunction　mingled；　I　gave　her　a
bouquet。　I　learned　from　its　price　the　extravagance　of　superficial
gallantry　in　the　world。　But　very　soon　she　complained　of　the　heavy
scent　of　a　Mexican　jessamine。　The　interior　of　the　theatre；　the　bare
bench　on　which　she　was　to　sit；　filled　her　with　intolerable　disgust；
she　upbraided　me　for　bringing　her　there。　Although　she　sat　beside　me；
she　wished　to　go；　and　she　went。　I　had　spent　sleepless　nights；　and
squandered　two　months　of　my　life　for　her；　and　I　could　not　please　her。
Never　had　that　tormenting　spirit　been　more　unfeeling　or　more
fascinating。

〃I　sat　beside　her　in　the　cramped　back　seat　of　the　vehicle；　all　the　way
I　could　feel　her　breath　on　me　and　the　contact　of　her　perfumed　glove；　I
saw　distinctly　all　her　exceeding　beauty；　I　inhaled　a　vague　scent　of
orris…root；　so　wholly　a　woman　she　was；　with　no　touch　of　womanhood。
Just　then　a　sudden　gleam　of　light　lit　up　the　depths　of　this　mysterious
life　for　me。　I　thought　all　at　once　of　a　book　just　published　by　a　poet；
a　genuine　conception　of　the　artist；　in　the　shape　of　the　statue　of
Polycletus。

〃I　seemed　to　see　that　monstrous　creation；　at　one　time　an　officer；
breaking　in　a　spirited　horse；　at　another；　a　girl；　who　gives　herself　up
to　her　toilette　and　breaks　her　lovers'　hearts；　or　again；　a　false　lover
driving　a　timid　and　gentle　maid　to　despair。　Unable　to　analyze　Foedora
by　any　other　process；　I　told　her　this　fanciful　story；　but　no　hint　of
her　resemblance　to　this　poetry　of　the　impossible　crossed　herit
simply　diverted　her；　she　was　like　a　child　over　a　story　from　the
Arabian　Nights。

〃　'Foedora　must　be　shielded　by　some　talisman；'　I　thought　to　myself　as
I　went　back；　'or　she　could　not　resist　the　love　of　a　man　of　my　age；　the
infectious　fever　of　that　splendid　malady　of　the　soul。　Is　Foedora；　like
Lady　Delacour；　a　prey　to　a　cancer？　Her　life　is　certainly　an　unnatural
one。'

〃I　shuddered　at　the　thought。　Then　I　decided　on　a　plan；　at　once　the
wildest　and　the　most　rational　that　lover　ever　dreamed　of。　I　would
study　this　woman　from　a　physical　point　of　view；　as　I　had　already
studied　her　intellectually；　and　to　this　end　I　made　up　my　mind　to　spend
a　night　in　her　room　without　her　knowledge。　This　project　preyed　upon　me
as　a　thirst　for　revenge　gnaws　at　the　heart　of　a　Corsican　monk。　This　is
how　I　carried　it　out。　On　the　days　when　Foedora　received；　her　rooms
were　far　too　crowded　for　the　hall…porter　to　keep　the　balance　even
between　goers　and　comers；　I　could　remain　in　the　house；　I　felt　sure；
without　causing　a　scandal　in　it；　and　I　waited　the　countess'　coming
soiree　with　impatience。　As　I　dressed　I　put　a　little　English　penknife
into　my　waistcoat　pocket；　instead　of　a　poniard。　That　literary
implement；　if　found　upon　me；　could　awaken　no　suspicion；　but　I　knew　not
whither　my　romantic　resolution　might　lead；　and　I　wished　to　be
prepared。

〃As　soon　as　the　rooms　began　to　fill；　I　entered　the　bedroom　and
examined　the　arrangements。　The　inner　and　outer　shutters　were　closed；
this　was　a　good　beginning；　and　as　the　waiting…maid　might　come　to　draw
back　the　curtains　that　hung　over　the　windows；　I　pulled　them　together。
I　was　running　great　risks　in　venturing　to　manoeuvre　beforehand　in　this
way；　but　I　had　accepted　the　situation；　and　had　deliberately　reckoned
with　its　dan