the magic skin(驴皮记)-第24章

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perfumed　room；　with　hangings　of　painted　silk；　to　find　a　woman　there；
who　likewise　shakes　away　the　snow　from　her；　for　what　other　name　can　be
found　for　the　white　muslin　wrappings　that　vaguely　define　her；　like
some　angel　form　issuing　from　a　cloud！　And　then　I　wish　for　furtive
joys；　for　the　security　of　audacity。　I　want　to　see　once　more　that　woman
of　mystery；　but　let　it　be　in　the　throng；　dazzling；　unapproachable；
adored　on　all　sides；　dressed　in　laces　and　ablaze　with　diamonds；　laying
her　commands　upon　every　one；　so　exalted　above　us；　that　she　inspires
awe；　and　none　dares　to　pay　his　homage　to　her。

〃She　gives　me　a　stolen　glance；　amid　her　court；　a　look　that　exposes　the
unreality　of　all　this；　that　resigns　for　me　the　world　and　all　men　in
it！　Truly　I　have　scorned　myself　for　a　passion　for　a　few　yards　of　lace；
velvet；　and　fine　lawn；　and　the　hairdresser's　feats　of　skill；　a　love　of
wax…lights；　a　carriage　and　a　title；　a　heraldic　coronet　painted　on
window　panes；　or　engraved　by　a　jeweler；　in　short；　a　liking　for　all
that　is　adventitious　and　least　woman　in　woman。　I　have　scorned　and
reasoned　with　myself；　but　all　in　vain。

〃A　woman　of　rank　with　her　subtle　smile；　her　high…born　air；　and　self…
esteem　captivates　me。　The　barriers　she　erects　between　herself　and　the
world　awaken　my　vanity；　a　good　half　of　love。　There　would　be　more
relish　for　me　in　bliss　that　all　others　envied。　If　my　mistress　does
nothing　that　other　women　do；　and　neither　lives　nor　conducts　herself
like　them；　wears　a　cloak　that　they　cannot　attain；　breathes　a　perfume
of　her　own；　then　she　seems　to　rise　far　above　me。　The　further　she　rises
from　earth；　even　in　the　earthlier　aspects　of　love；　the　fairer　she
becomes　for　me。

〃Luckily　for　me　we　have　had　no　queen　in　France　these　twenty　years；　for
I　should　have　fallen　in　love　with　her。　A　woman　must　be　wealthy　to
acquire　the　manners　of　a　princess。　What　place　had　Pauline　among　these
far…fetched　imaginings？　Could　she　bring　me　the　love　that　is　death；
that　brings　every　faculty　into　play；　the　nights　that　are　paid　for　by
life？　We　hardly　die；　I　think；　for　an　insignificant　girl　who　gives
herself　to　us；　and　I　could　never　extinguish　these　feelings　and　poet's
dreams　within　me。　I　was　born　for　an　inaccessible　love；　and　fortune　has
overtopped　my　desire。

〃How　often　have　I　set　satin　shoes　on　Pauline's　tiny　feet；　confined　her
form；　slender　as　a　young　poplar；　in　a　robe　of　gauze；　and　thrown　a
loose　scarf　about　her　as　I　saw　her　tread　the　carpets　in　her　mansion
and　led　her　out　to　her　splendid　carriage！　In　such　guise　I　should　have
adored　her。　I　endowed　her　with　all　the　pride　she　lacked；　stripped　her
of　her　virtues；　her　natural　simple　charm；　and　frank　smile；　in　order　to
plunge　her　heart　in　our　Styx　of　depravity　that　makes　invulnerable；
load　her　with　our　crimes；　make　of　her　the　fantastical　doll　of　our
drawing…rooms；　the　frail　being　who　lies　about　in　the　morning　and　comes
to　life　again　at　night　with　the　dawn　of　tapers。　Pauline　was　fresh…
hearted　and　affectionateI　would　have　had　her　cold　and　formal。

〃In　the　last　days　of　my　frantic　folly；　memory　brought　Pauline　before
me；　as　it　brings　the　scenes　of　our　childhood；　and　made　me　pause　to
muse　over　past　delicious　moments　that　softened　my　heart。　I　sometimes
saw　her；　the　adorable　girl　who　sat　quietly　sewing　at　my　table；　wrapped
in　her　meditations；　the　faint　light　from　my　window　fell　upon　her　and
was　reflected　back　in　silvery　rays　from　her　thick　black　hair；
sometimes　I　heard　her　young　laughter；　or　the　rich　tones　of　her　voice
singing　some　canzonet　that　she　composed　without　effort。　And　often　my
Pauline　seemed　to　grow　greater；　as　music　flowed　from　her；　and　her　face
bore　a　striking　resemblance　to　the　noble　one　that　Carlo　Dolci　chose
for　the　type　of　Italy。　My　cruel　memory　brought　her　back　athwart　the
dissipations　of　my　existence；　like　a　remorse；　or　a　symbol　of　purity。
But　let　us　leave　the　poor　child　to　her　own　fate。　Whatever　her　troubles
may　have　been；　at　any　rate　I　protected　her　from　a　menacing　tempestI
did　not　drag　her　down　into　my　hell。

〃Until　last　winter　I　led　the　uneventful　studious　life　of　which　I　have
given　you　some　faint　picture。　In　the　earliest　days　of　December　1829；　I
came　across　Rastignac；　who；　in　spite　of　the　shabby　condition　of　my
wardrobe；　linked　his　arm　in　mine；　and　inquired　into　my　affairs　with　a
quite　brotherly　interest。　Caught　by　his　engaging　manner；　I　gave　him　a
brief　account　of　my　life　and　hopes；　he　began　to　laugh；　and　treated　me
as　a　mixture　of　a　man　of　genius　and　a　fool。　His　Gascon　accent　and
knowledge　of　the　world；　the　easy　life　his　clever　management　procured
for　him；　all　produced　an　irresistible　effect　upon　me。　I　should　die　an
unrecognized　failure　in　a　hospital；　Rastignac　said；　and　be　buried　in　a
pauper's　grave。　He　talked　of　charlatanism。　Every　man　of　genius　was　a
charlatan；　he　plainly　showed　me　in　that　pleasant　way　of　his　that　makes
him　so　fascinating。　He　insisted　that　I　must　be　out　of　my　senses；　and
would　be　my　own　death；　if　I　lived　on　alone　in　the　Rue　des　Cordiers。
According　to　him；　I　ought　to　go　into　society；　to　accustom　people　to
the　sound　of　my　name；　and　to　rid　myself　of　the　simple　title　of
'monsieur'　which　sits　but　ill　on　a　great　man　in　his　lifetime。

〃　'Those　who　know　no　better；'　he　cried；　'call　this　sort　of　business
SCHEMING；　and　moral　people　condemn　it　for　a　〃dissipated　life。〃　We　need
not　stop　to　look　at　what　people　think；　but　see　the　results。　You　work；
you　say？　Very　good；　but　nothing　will　ever　come　of　that。　Now；　I　am
ready　for　anything　and　fit　for　nothing。　As　lazy　as　a　lobster？　Very
likely；　but　I　succeed　everywhere。　I　go　out　into　society；　I　push　myself
forward；　the　others　make　way　before　me；　I　brag　and　am　believed；　I
incur　debts　which　somebody　else　pays！　Dissipation；　dear　boy；　is　a
methodical　policy。　The　life　of　a　man　who　deliberately　runs　through　his
fortune　often　becomes　a　business　speculation；　his　friends；　his
pleasures；　patrons；　and　acquaintances　are　his　capital。　Suppose　a
merchant　runs　a　risk　of　a　million；　for　twenty　years　he　can　neither
sleep；　eat；　nor　amuse　himself；　he　is　brooding　over　his　million；　it
makes　him　run　about　all　over　Europe；　he　worries　himself；　goes　to　the
devil　in　every　way　that　man　has　invented。　Then　comes　a　liquidation；
such　as　I　have　seen　myself；　which　very　often　leaves　him　penniless　and
without　a　reputation　or　a　friend。　The　spendthrift；　on　the　other　hand；
takes　life　as　a　serious　game　and　sees　his　horses　run。　He　loses　his
capital；　perhaps；　but　he　stands　a　chance　of　being　nominated　Receiver…
General；　of　making　a　wealthy　marriage；　or　of　an　appointment　of　attache
to　a　minister　or　ambassador；　and　he　has　his　friends　left　and　his　name；
and　he　never　wants　money。　He　knows　the　standing　of　everybody；　and　uses
every　one　for　his　own　benefit。　Is　this　logical；　or　am　I　a　madman　after
all？　Haven't　you　there　all　the　moral　of　the　comedy　that　goes　on　every
day　in　this　world？　。　。　。　Your　work　is　completed'　he　went　on　after　a
pause；　'you　are　immensely　clever！　Well；　you　have　only　arrived　at　my
starting…point。　Now；　you　had　better　look　after　its　success　yourself；
it　is　the　surest　way。　You　will　make　allies　in　every　clique；　and　secure
applause　beforehand。　I　mean　to　go　halves　in　your　glory　myself；　I　shall
be　the　jeweler　who　set　the　diamonds　in　your　crown。　Come　here　to…morrow
evening；　by　way　of　a　beginning。　I　will　introduce　you　to　a　house　where
all　Paris　goes；　all　OUR　Paris；　that　isthe　Paris　of　exquisites；
millionaires；　celebrities；　all　the　folk　who　talk　gold　like　Chrysostom。
When　they　have　taken　up　a　book；　that　book　becomes　the　fashion；　and
if　it　is　something　really　good　for　once；　they　will　have　declared　it
to　be　a　work　of　genius　without　knowing　it。　If　you　have　any　sense；　my
dear　fellow；　you　will　ensure　the　success　of　your　〃Theory；〃　by　a
better　understanding　of　the　theory　of　success。　To…morrow　evening　you
shall　go　to　see　that　queen　of　the　momentthe　beautiful　Countess
Foedora。　。　。　。'

〃　'I　have　never　heard　of　her。　。　。　。'

〃　'You　Hottentot！'　laughed　Rastignac；　'you　do　not　know　Foedora？　A
great　match　with　an　income　of　nearly　eighty　thousand　livres；　who　has
taken　a　fancy　to　nobody；　or　else　no　one　has　taken　a　fancy　to　her。　A
sort　of　feminine　enigma；　a　half　Russian　Parisienne；　or　a　half　Parisian