the stokesley secret-第35章

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you　wish　to　avail　yourself　of　the　offer？〃

Sam　grew　very　red　in　the　face；　looked　down；　and　twirled　the　button　of　his　sleeve。　　He　certainly　was　not　a　gracious　boy；　for　all　he　said　was　in　a　gruff　hoarse　voice；　without　even　thanks；　〃Not　if　it　is　for　this。〃

〃For　this！　　What　do　you　mean；　Sam？〃　said　Captain　Merrifield；　thinking　either　that　the　boy　was　faint…hearted；　or　that　his　wish　had　been　the　mere　fancy　of　the　girls。

〃Not　if　it　is　to　punish　Hal；〃　said　Sam；　with　another　effort。

〃That　is　not　the　question。　　Do　you　wish　it？〃

Sam　hung　his　head；　and　made　his　eyebrows　come　down；　as　if　they　were　to　serve　as　a　veil　to　those　horrid　tears　in　his　eyes；　and　after　all；　his　voice　sounded　sulky；　as　he　said；　〃Yes。〃

〃Is　that　all？〃　said　the　Captain；　angry　and　disappointed。　　〃Is　that　the　way　you　take　such　an　offer？　　If　you　had　rather　stay　here；　and　be　bred　up　to　be　a　country　squire；　say　so　at　once；　don't　mince　the　matter！〃

〃O　Papa！〃　cried　Sam　indignantly；　〃how　can　you　think　that？　　Didn't　I　always　want　to　be　like　you？〃

〃Then　why　can't　you　say　so？〃

〃Because　I　can't　bear　to　cut　Hal　out！〃　said　Sam；　putting　his　arm　over　his　eyes；　as　a　way　he　considered　secret　of　disposing　of　his　tears。

〃Put　that　out　of　your　head；　Sam；　or　if　you　don't　fancy　the　sea；　have　it　out　at　once。〃

〃O　Papa！　please　listen。　　You　know；　though　Miss　Fosbrook　is　very　jolly；　we　couldn't　help　getting　nohow　when　you　were　away；　US　two　particularly。〃

〃You　have　no　mischief　to　confess；　surely；　Sam？〃　said　his　father；　really　imagining　that　this　preference　to　Hal　was　acting　on　him　so　as　to　make　him　mention　some　concealed　misdemeanour；　〃if　you　have；　you　know　truth　is　the　best　line。〃

〃But　I　haven't；　Papa；〃　said　Sam；　looking　up；　quite　surprised。　　〃You　know　I　am　a　year　older；　and　couldn't　help　caring　more；　and　Miss　Fosbrook　is　so　nice；　one　couldn't　bother　her；　but　you　see　the　Grevilles　WOULD　put　it　into　Hal's　head　that　it　was　stupid　and　like　a　girl　to　mind　her。　　It　is　all　their　fault；　and　they　were　sneaks　about　the　turkey…cock；　and　wouldn't　payand　I　know　he　would　have　ended　by　putting　the　money　back　when　he　could；　only　Davie　made　such　a　row　before　he　could；　and　he　did　so　reckon　on　the　navyhe　would　pay　it　back　the　first　thing。〃　　The　last　sentences　came　between　gasps；　very　like　sobs。

〃Have　done　with　Hal；〃　said　Captain　Merrifield；　still　with　displeasure。　　〃I　wouldn't　take　him　now　on　any　account。　　If　the　Grevilles　lead　him　wrong；　what　would　he　do　among　the　mids？　　If　he　acts　dishonourably　here；　we　should　have　him　disgracing　himself　and　his　profession。　　Since　he　can't　take　it；　and　you　won't；　I　shall　try　to　make　some　exchange　of　the　chance　till　John　or　David　will　be　old　enough。〃

〃But　Papa；　I〃　began　Sam。

〃_I_　don't　want　to　force　you　to　it；〃　continued　Captain　Merrifield；　in　his　vexed　voice。　　〃I　never　mean　to　force　my　sons　to　any　profession　if　I　can　help　it；　and　you　have　a　right　to　be　considered。　　It　has　always　been　a　disadvantage　to　me；　and　to　this　place；　that　I　was　bred　to　the　sea　instead　of　to　farming；　and　though　you　can't　live　on　the　property　without　some　profession；　it　may　be　quite　as　well　that　you　should　turn　your　mind　to　something　elseonly　if　it　be　the　army；　I　can't　help　you　on　in　it。〃

〃I　had　rather　go　to　sea；　if　you　please；〃　said　Sam。

〃Don't　say　so　to　please　me；〃　said　his　father。　　〃I　tell　you；　the　examinations　are　a　pretty　deal　harder　than　they　were　in　my　time。　　It　is　not　a　trade　for　a　youngster　to　be　idle　in；　and　I　won't　have　you；　just　when　you've　knocked　about　a　few　years；　and　are　getting　fit　to　be　of　use　on　board　and　nowhere　else；　calling　yourself　heartily　sick　of　it；　and　turning　round　to　say　it　was　my　doing。〃

〃I'll　never　do　that；　Papa；〃　said　poor　Sam；　unable　to　understand　why　his　father　should　speak　as　though　scolding　him。

〃No？　　And　mind；　you　must　take　the　rough　with　the　smooth；　if　you　sail　with　me；　and　not　be　always　running　after　me；　Papa…ing　me。　　I　can't　see　after　you；　and　should　only　get　you　ill　will　if　I　tried。〃

〃I　had　rather　go；〃　said　Sam。

〃I'm　sure　I　don't　know　what　to　make　of　you；〃　said　his　father；　looking　at　him　in　a　puzzle。　　〃However；　if　you　do　mean　to　go；　you　may　tell　Freeman　to　get　your　things　ready　to　come　up　with　me　on　Thursday；　only　if　you　don't　really　like　the　notion；　find　out　your　own　mind；　and　let　me　know　in　time；　that's　all。〃

The　Captain　turned　away；　and　gave　a　long　whistlean　accustomed　signalthat　brought　children　and　dogs　all　rushing　and　tumbling　about　him　together；　to　walk　with　him　about　the　farm；　and　his　brother　among　them；　but　Sam　hung　back。　　He　had　not　the　heart　to　go　with　that　merry　throng；　for　he　did　not　know　whether　his　father　were　not　displeased　with　him；　and　he　therefore　thought　he　must　be　to　blame。

People　who；　like　Sam；　rather　cultivate　the　habit　of　gruffness　and　reserve；　and　prefer　to　be　short　and　rude；　become　so　utterly　unable　to　express　what　they　mean；　that　on　great　occasions　they　are　misunderstood；　and　give　pain　by　supposed　ingratitude　and　dislike；　even　when　they　feel　most　warmly。　　Captain　Merrifield　could　only　judge　from　looks　and　words；　and　even　when　Sam　had　been　satisfied　about　Henry；　he　had　shown　so　little　alacrity　or　satisfaction；　as　really　to　leave　a　doubt　whether　he　were　not　unwillingly　yielding　to　his　father's　wishes；　which　would　have　been　a　mistaken　act；　as　the　Captain　thought　no　one　ought　to　be　a　sailor　unless　with　a　very　strong　desire　that　way。　　Thus　Sam　really　perplexed　and　distressed　his　father；　when　he　least　intended　it；　and　unable　to　understand　what　was　the　matter；　yet　feeling　heavy　and　sad；　he　turned　aside　from　the　rest；　and；　by　way　of　the　quietest　place　he　could　find；　climbed　up　a　tall　pear…tree；　to　the　very　highest　branch　he　could　reach。　　He　put　himself　astride　on　one　bough；　his　feet　upon　another　below；　and　his　back　leaning　against　the　main　stem。　　No　one　could　see　him　up　so　high　among　the　thick　leaves；　but　he　could　see　all　around　the　village；　and　over　the　house；　he　could　look　down　into　the　farm…court　at　the　pigs　burying　themselves　in　the　straw；　and　out　beyond　at　the　geese　and　ducks　in　the　meadow；　and　the　broods　of　chickens　pecking　and　scratching　about；　or　the　older　poultry　rolling　in　the　dust…holes　they　had　scraped　for　themselves。　He　could　see　Purday　among　his　cabbages　in　the　garden；　and　further　off；　could　watch　the　walking…party　through　the　fields；　his　father　with　little　George　in　his　arms；　and　Uncle　John　as　often　as　possible　by　his　side；　while　the　others　frisked　about；　sometimes　spreading　out　like　a　flock　of　sheep　in　the　pasture　land；　or　when　they　came　to　the　narrow　paths　in　the　cornfields；　all　getting　into　single　file；　and　being　lost　sight　of　all　but　their　heads。

Sam　recollected　how；　the　day　when　he　had　heard　that　he　was　not　likely　to　be　a　sailor；　he　had　felt　as　if　he　hated　Stokesley；　and　as　if　it　would　be　a　prison　to　him；　and　how　everything　reminding　him　of　the　sea　had　been　a　misery　to　him。　　He　would　not　then　have　believed　anyone　who　had　told　him　that　he　would　really　hear　of　his　appointment　and　be　so　little　glad。　　Yet　for　two　whole　years　the　loss　of　the　hope　had　weighed　on　him；　and　made　him　dull　whenever　he　thought　of　grown…up　life；　heard　of　the　sea；　or　was　asked　what　he　was　to　be：　　and　almost　always；　at　his　prayers；　he　had　that　meaning　in　his　mind；　when　he　said　〃Thy　Will　be　done；〃　he　had　really　submitted　patiently；　and　tried　to　put　away　the　longing　from　his　mind；　and　would；　there　can　be　no　doubt；　have　been　happy　and　dutiful　at　home；　but　at　length　the　wish　of　his　heart　was　suddenly　granted。

And　then；　wish　though　it　still　were；　there　came　all　this　grief　and　discomfort。　　The　gladness　was　in　him　somewhere；　but　he　could　not　get　at　it；　either　for　his　own　comfort；　or　that　of　his　father。　　He　missed　his　mother　exceedingly。　　SHE　would　know　what　he　meant；　and　tell　Papa　that　he　did　care　to　go。　　Yet；　did　he　care　so　very　much？　　Only　think　of　beginning　to　be　a　stranger　at　this　dear　old　home！　and　seeing　no　mother；　no　Susie；　nor　any　of　them；　for　years　togetherprobably　not　his　father　after　the　first　voyage！　　However；　the　sailor　was　too　strong　in　Sam　for　that　grief　not　to　pass　off；　and　his　chief　trouble　was　the　sense　of　supplanting　Henry。　　He　knew　the　disappointment　would　be　most　bitter；　and　he　could　not　get　rid　of　the　sense　of　having　taken　an　unfair　advantage　of　the　disgrace　of　Henry's　adventure