a personal record-第8章

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〃Well！　　Well！　　Here　I　am　going；　but　God　only　knows　how　I　am　to



make　myself　understood　to　our　master's　nephew。〃







We　understood　each　other　very　well　from　the　first。　　He　took



charge　of　me　as　if　I　were　not　quite　of　age。　　I　had　a　delightful



boyish　feeling　of　coming　home　from　school　when　he　muffled　me　up



next　morning　in　an　enormous　bearskin　travelling…coat　and　took　his



seat　protectively　by　my　side。　　The　sledge　was　a　very　small　one；



and　it　looked　utterly　insignificant；　almost　like　a　toy　behind　the



four　big　bays　harnessed　two　and　two。　　We　three；　counting　the



coachman；　filled　it　completely。　　He　was　a　young　fellow　with　clear



blue　eyes；　the　high　collar　of　his　livery　fur　coat　framed　his



cheery　countenance　and　stood　all　round　level　with　the　top　of　his



head。







〃Now；　Joseph；〃　my　companion　addressed　him；　〃do　you　think　we　shall



manage　to　get　home　before　six？〃　　His　answer　was　that　we　would



surely；　with　God's　help；　and　providing　there　were　no　heavy　drifts



in　the　long　stretch　between　certain　villages　whose　names　came



with　an　extremely　familiar　sound　to　my　ears。　　He　turned　out　an



excellent　coachman；　with　an　instinct　for　keeping　the　road　among



the　snow…covered　fields　and　a　natural　gift　of　getting　the　best



out　of　his　horses。







〃He　is　the　son　of　that　Joseph　that　I　suppose　the　Captain



remembers。　　He　who　used　to　drive　the　Captain's　late　grandmother



of　holy　memory；〃　remarked　V。　S。；　busy　tucking　fur　rugs　about　my



feet。







I　remembered　perfectly　the　trusty　Joseph　who　used　to　drive　my



grandmother。　　Why！　he　it　was　who　let　me　hold　the　reins　for　the



first　time　in　my　life　and　allowed　me　to　play　with　the　great



four…in…hand　whip　outside　the　doors　of　the　coach…house。







〃What　became　of　him？〃　I　asked。　　〃He　is　no　longer　serving；　I



suppose。〃







〃He　served　our　master；〃　was　the　reply。　〃But　he　died　of　cholera



ten　years　ago　nowthat　great　epidemic　that　we　had。　　And　his　wife



died　at　the　same　timethe　whole　houseful　of　them；　and　this　is



the　only　boy　that　was　left。〃







The　MS。　of　〃Almayer's　Folly〃　was　reposing　in　the　bag　under　our



feet。







I　saw　again　the　sun　setting　on　the　plains　as　I　saw　it　in　the



travels　of　my　childhood。　　It　set；　clear　and　red；　dipping　into　the



snow　in　full　view　as　if　it　were　setting　on　the　sea。　It　was



twenty…three　years　since　I　had　seen　the　sun　set　over　that　land；



and　we　drove　on　in　the　darkness　which　fell　swiftly　upon　the　livid



expanse　of　snows　till；　out　of　the　waste　of　a　white　earth　joining



a　bestarred　sky；　surged　up　black　shapes；　the　clumps　of　trees



about　a　village　of　the　Ukrainian　plain。　　A　cottage　or　two　glided



by；　a　low　interminable　wall；　and　then；　glimmering　and　winking



through　a　screen　of　fir…trees；　the　lights　of　the　master's　house。







That　very　evening　the　wandering　MS。　of　〃Almayer's　Folly〃　was



unpacked　and　unostentatiously　laid　on　the　writing…table　in　my



room；　the　guest…room　which　had　been；　I　was　informed　in　an



affectionately　careless　tone；　awaiting　me　for　some　fifteen　years



or　so。　　It　attracted　no　attention　from　the　affectionate　presence



hovering　round　the　son　of　the　favourite　sister。







〃You　won't　have　many　hours　to　yourself　while　you　are　staying　with



me；　brother；〃　he　saidthis　form　of　address　borrowed　from　the



speech　of　our　peasants　being　the　usual　expression　of　the　highest



good　humour　in　a　moment　of　affectionate　elation。　　〃I　shall　be



always　coming　in　for　a　chat。〃







As　a　matter　of　fact；　we　had　the　whole　house　to　chat　in；　and　were



everlastingly　intruding　upon　each　other。　　I　invaded　the



retirement　of　his　study　where　the　principal　feature　was　a



colossal　silver　inkstand　presented　to　him　on　his　fiftieth　year　by



a　subscription　of　all　his　wards　then　living。　　He　had　been



guardian　of　many　orphans　of　land…owning　families　from　the　three



southern　provincesever　since　the　year　1860。　　Some　of　them　had



been　my　school　fellows　and　playmates；　but　not　one　of　them；　girls



or　boys；　that　I　know　of　has　ever　written　a　novel。　　One　or　two



were　older　than　myselfconsiderably　older；　too。　　One　of　them；　a



visitor　I　remember　in　my　early　years；　was　the　man　who　first　put



me　on　horseback；　and　his　four…horse　bachelor　turnout；　his　perfect



horsemanship　and　general　skill　in　manly　exercises；　was　one　of　my



earliest　admirations。　　I　seem　to　remember　my　mother　looking　on



from　a　colonnade　in　front　of　the　dining…room　windows　as　I　was



lifted　upon　the　pony；　held；　for　all　I　know；　by　the　very　Joseph



the　groom　attached　specially　to　my　grandmother's　servicewho



died　of　cholera。　　It　was　certainly　a　young　man　in　a　dark…blue；



tailless　coat　and　huge　Cossack　trousers；　that　being　the　livery　of



the　men　about　the　stables。　　It　must　have　been　in　1864；　but



reckoning　by　another　mode　of　calculating　time；　it　was　certainly



in　the　year　in　which　my　mother　obtained　permission　to　travel



south　and　visit　her　family；　from　the　exile　into　which　she　had



followed　my　father。　　For　that；　too；　she　had　had　to　ask



permission；　and　I　know　that　one　of　the　conditions　of　that　favour



was　that　she　should　be　treated　exactly　as　a　condemned　exile



herself。　　Yet　a　couple　of　years　later；　in　memory　of　her　eldest



brother；　who　had　served　in　the　Guards　and　dying　early　left　hosts



of　friends　and　a　loved　memory　in　the　great　world　of　St。



Petersburg；　some　influential　personages　procured　for　her　this



permissionit　was　officially　called　the　〃Highest　Grace〃of　a



four　months'　leave　from　exile。







This　is　also　the　year　in　which　I　first　begin　to　remember　my



mother　with　more　distinctness　than　a　mere　loving；　wide…browed；



silent；　protecting　presence；　whose　eyes　had　a　sort　of　commanding



sweetness；　and　I　also　remember　the　great　gathering　of　all　the



relations　from　near　and　far；　and　the　gray　heads　of　the　family



friends　paying　her　the　homage　of　respect　and　love　in　the　house　of



her　favourite　brother；　who；　a　few　years　later；　was　to　take　the



place　for　me　of　both　my　parents。







I　did　not　understand　the　tragic　significance　of　it　all　at　the



time；　though；　indeed；　I　remember　that　doctors　also　came。　　There



were　no　signs　of　invalidism　about　herbut　I　think　that　already



they　had　pronounced　her　doom　unless　perhaps　the　change　to　a



southern　climate　could　re…establish　her　declining　strength。　　For



me　it　seems　the　very　happiest　period　of　my　existence。　　There　was



my　cousin；　a　delightful；　quick…tempered　little　girl；　some　months



younger　than　myself；　whose　life；　lovingly　watched　over　as　if　she



were　a　royal　princess；　came　to　an　end　with　her　fifteenth　year。



There　were　other　children；　too；　many　of　whom　are　dead　now；　and



not　a　few　whose　very　names　I　have　forgotten。　　Over　all　this　hung



the　oppressive　shadow　of　the　great　Russian　empirethe　shadow



lowering　with　the　darkness　of　a　new…born　national　hatred　fostered



by　the　Moscow　school　of　journalists　against　the　Poles　after　the



ill…omened　rising　of　1863。







This　is　a　far　cry　back　from　the　MS。　of　〃Almayer's　Folly；〃　but　the



public　record　of　these　formative　impressions　is　not　the　whim　of



an　uneasy　egotism。　　These；　too；　are　things　human；　already　distant



in　their　appeal。　　It　is　meet　that　something　more　should　be　left



for　the　novelist's　children　than　the　colours　and　figures　of　his



own　hard…won　creation。　　That　which　in　their　grown…up　years　may



appear　to　the　world　about　them　as　the　most　enigmatic　side　of



their　natures　and　perhaps　must　remain　forever　obscure　even　to



themselves；　will　be　their　unconscious　response　to　the　still　voice



of　that　inexorable　past　from　which　his　work　of　fiction　and　their



personalities　are　remotely　derived。