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第8章

a personal record-第8章

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〃Well!  Well!  Here I am going; but God only knows how I am to



make myself understood to our master's nephew。〃







We understood each other very well from the first。  He took



charge of me as if I were not quite of age。  I had a delightful



boyish feeling of coming home from school when he muffled me up



next morning in an enormous bearskin travelling…coat and took his



seat protectively by my side。  The sledge was a very small one;



and it looked utterly insignificant; almost like a toy behind the



four big bays harnessed two and two。  We three; counting the



coachman; filled it completely。  He was a young fellow with clear



blue eyes; the high collar of his livery fur coat framed his



cheery countenance and stood all round level with the top of his



head。







〃Now; Joseph;〃 my companion addressed him; 〃do you think we shall



manage to get home before six?〃  His answer was that we would



surely; with God's help; and providing there were no heavy drifts



in the long stretch between certain villages whose names came



with an extremely familiar sound to my ears。  He turned out an



excellent coachman; with an instinct for keeping the road among



the snow…covered fields and a natural gift of getting the best



out of his horses。







〃He is the son of that Joseph that I suppose the Captain



remembers。  He who used to drive the Captain's late grandmother



of holy memory;〃 remarked V。 S。; busy tucking fur rugs about my



feet。







I remembered perfectly the trusty Joseph who used to drive my



grandmother。  Why! he it was who let me hold the reins for the



first time in my life and allowed me to play with the great



four…in…hand whip outside the doors of the coach…house。







〃What became of him?〃 I asked。  〃He is no longer serving; I



suppose。〃







〃He served our master;〃 was the reply。 〃But he died of cholera



ten years ago nowthat great epidemic that we had。  And his wife



died at the same timethe whole houseful of them; and this is



the only boy that was left。〃







The MS。 of 〃Almayer's Folly〃 was reposing in the bag under our



feet。







I saw again the sun setting on the plains as I saw it in the



travels of my childhood。  It set; clear and red; dipping into the



snow in full view as if it were setting on the sea。 It was



twenty…three years since I had seen the sun set over that land;



and we drove on in the darkness which fell swiftly upon the livid



expanse of snows till; out of the waste of a white earth joining



a bestarred sky; surged up black shapes; the clumps of trees



about a village of the Ukrainian plain。  A cottage or two glided



by; a low interminable wall; and then; glimmering and winking



through a screen of fir…trees; the lights of the master's house。







That very evening the wandering MS。 of 〃Almayer's Folly〃 was



unpacked and unostentatiously laid on the writing…table in my



room; the guest…room which had been; I was informed in an



affectionately careless tone; awaiting me for some fifteen years



or so。  It attracted no attention from the affectionate presence



hovering round the son of the favourite sister。







〃You won't have many hours to yourself while you are staying with



me; brother;〃 he saidthis form of address borrowed from the



speech of our peasants being the usual expression of the highest



good humour in a moment of affectionate elation。  〃I shall be



always coming in for a chat。〃







As a matter of fact; we had the whole house to chat in; and were



everlastingly intruding upon each other。  I invaded the



retirement of his study where the principal feature was a



colossal silver inkstand presented to him on his fiftieth year by



a subscription of all his wards then living。  He had been



guardian of many orphans of land…owning families from the three



southern provincesever since the year 1860。  Some of them had



been my school fellows and playmates; but not one of them; girls



or boys; that I know of has ever written a novel。  One or two



were older than myselfconsiderably older; too。  One of them; a



visitor I remember in my early years; was the man who first put



me on horseback; and his four…horse bachelor turnout; his perfect



horsemanship and general skill in manly exercises; was one of my



earliest admirations。  I seem to remember my mother looking on



from a colonnade in front of the dining…room windows as I was



lifted upon the pony; held; for all I know; by the very Joseph



the groom attached specially to my grandmother's servicewho



died of cholera。  It was certainly a young man in a dark…blue;



tailless coat and huge Cossack trousers; that being the livery of



the men about the stables。  It must have been in 1864; but



reckoning by another mode of calculating time; it was certainly



in the year in which my mother obtained permission to travel



south and visit her family; from the exile into which she had



followed my father。  For that; too; she had had to ask



permission; and I know that one of the conditions of that favour



was that she should be treated exactly as a condemned exile



herself。  Yet a couple of years later; in memory of her eldest



brother; who had served in the Guards and dying early left hosts



of friends and a loved memory in the great world of St。



Petersburg; some influential personages procured for her this



permissionit was officially called the 〃Highest Grace〃of a



four months' leave from exile。







This is also the year in which I first begin to remember my



mother with more distinctness than a mere loving; wide…browed;



silent; protecting presence; whose eyes had a sort of commanding



sweetness; and I also remember the great gathering of all the



relations from near and far; and the gray heads of the family



friends paying her the homage of respect and love in the house of



her favourite brother; who; a few years later; was to take the



place for me of both my parents。







I did not understand the tragic significance of it all at the



time; though; indeed; I remember that doctors also came。  There



were no signs of invalidism about herbut I think that already



they had pronounced her doom unless perhaps the change to a



southern climate could re…establish her declining strength。  For



me it seems the very happiest period of my existence。  There was



my cousin; a delightful; quick…tempered little girl; some months



younger than myself; whose life; lovingly watched over as if she



were a royal princess; came to an end with her fifteenth year。



There were other children; too; many of whom are dead now; and



not a few whose very names I have forgotten。  Over all this hung



the oppressive shadow of the great Russian empirethe shadow



lowering with the darkness of a new…born national hatred fostered



by the Moscow school of journalists against the Poles after the



ill…omened rising of 1863。







This is a far cry back from the MS。 of 〃Almayer's Folly;〃 but the



public record of these formative impressions is not the whim of



an uneasy egotism。  These; too; are things human; already distant



in their appeal。  It is meet that something more should be left



for the novelist's children than the colours and figures of his



own hard…won creation。  That which in their grown…up years may



appear to the world about them as the most enigmatic side of



their natures and perhaps must remain forever obscure even to



themselves; will be their unconscious response to the still voice



of that inexorable past from which his work of fiction and their



personalities are remotely derived。


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