a personal record-第8章
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〃Well! Well! Here I am going; but God only knows how I am to
make myself understood to our master's nephew。〃
We understood each other very well from the first。 He took
charge of me as if I were not quite of age。 I had a delightful
boyish feeling of coming home from school when he muffled me up
next morning in an enormous bearskin travelling…coat and took his
seat protectively by my side。 The sledge was a very small one;
and it looked utterly insignificant; almost like a toy behind the
four big bays harnessed two and two。 We three; counting the
coachman; filled it completely。 He was a young fellow with clear
blue eyes; the high collar of his livery fur coat framed his
cheery countenance and stood all round level with the top of his
head。
〃Now; Joseph;〃 my companion addressed him; 〃do you think we shall
manage to get home before six?〃 His answer was that we would
surely; with God's help; and providing there were no heavy drifts
in the long stretch between certain villages whose names came
with an extremely familiar sound to my ears。 He turned out an
excellent coachman; with an instinct for keeping the road among
the snow…covered fields and a natural gift of getting the best
out of his horses。
〃He is the son of that Joseph that I suppose the Captain
remembers。 He who used to drive the Captain's late grandmother
of holy memory;〃 remarked V。 S。; busy tucking fur rugs about my
feet。
I remembered perfectly the trusty Joseph who used to drive my
grandmother。 Why! he it was who let me hold the reins for the
first time in my life and allowed me to play with the great
four…in…hand whip outside the doors of the coach…house。
〃What became of him?〃 I asked。 〃He is no longer serving; I
suppose。〃
〃He served our master;〃 was the reply。 〃But he died of cholera
ten years ago nowthat great epidemic that we had。 And his wife
died at the same timethe whole houseful of them; and this is
the only boy that was left。〃
The MS。 of 〃Almayer's Folly〃 was reposing in the bag under our
feet。
I saw again the sun setting on the plains as I saw it in the
travels of my childhood。 It set; clear and red; dipping into the
snow in full view as if it were setting on the sea。 It was
twenty…three years since I had seen the sun set over that land;
and we drove on in the darkness which fell swiftly upon the livid
expanse of snows till; out of the waste of a white earth joining
a bestarred sky; surged up black shapes; the clumps of trees
about a village of the Ukrainian plain。 A cottage or two glided
by; a low interminable wall; and then; glimmering and winking
through a screen of fir…trees; the lights of the master's house。
That very evening the wandering MS。 of 〃Almayer's Folly〃 was
unpacked and unostentatiously laid on the writing…table in my
room; the guest…room which had been; I was informed in an
affectionately careless tone; awaiting me for some fifteen years
or so。 It attracted no attention from the affectionate presence
hovering round the son of the favourite sister。
〃You won't have many hours to yourself while you are staying with
me; brother;〃 he saidthis form of address borrowed from the
speech of our peasants being the usual expression of the highest
good humour in a moment of affectionate elation。 〃I shall be
always coming in for a chat。〃
As a matter of fact; we had the whole house to chat in; and were
everlastingly intruding upon each other。 I invaded the
retirement of his study where the principal feature was a
colossal silver inkstand presented to him on his fiftieth year by
a subscription of all his wards then living。 He had been
guardian of many orphans of land…owning families from the three
southern provincesever since the year 1860。 Some of them had
been my school fellows and playmates; but not one of them; girls
or boys; that I know of has ever written a novel。 One or two
were older than myselfconsiderably older; too。 One of them; a
visitor I remember in my early years; was the man who first put
me on horseback; and his four…horse bachelor turnout; his perfect
horsemanship and general skill in manly exercises; was one of my
earliest admirations。 I seem to remember my mother looking on
from a colonnade in front of the dining…room windows as I was
lifted upon the pony; held; for all I know; by the very Joseph
the groom attached specially to my grandmother's servicewho
died of cholera。 It was certainly a young man in a dark…blue;
tailless coat and huge Cossack trousers; that being the livery of
the men about the stables。 It must have been in 1864; but
reckoning by another mode of calculating time; it was certainly
in the year in which my mother obtained permission to travel
south and visit her family; from the exile into which she had
followed my father。 For that; too; she had had to ask
permission; and I know that one of the conditions of that favour
was that she should be treated exactly as a condemned exile
herself。 Yet a couple of years later; in memory of her eldest
brother; who had served in the Guards and dying early left hosts
of friends and a loved memory in the great world of St。
Petersburg; some influential personages procured for her this
permissionit was officially called the 〃Highest Grace〃of a
four months' leave from exile。
This is also the year in which I first begin to remember my
mother with more distinctness than a mere loving; wide…browed;
silent; protecting presence; whose eyes had a sort of commanding
sweetness; and I also remember the great gathering of all the
relations from near and far; and the gray heads of the family
friends paying her the homage of respect and love in the house of
her favourite brother; who; a few years later; was to take the
place for me of both my parents。
I did not understand the tragic significance of it all at the
time; though; indeed; I remember that doctors also came。 There
were no signs of invalidism about herbut I think that already
they had pronounced her doom unless perhaps the change to a
southern climate could re…establish her declining strength。 For
me it seems the very happiest period of my existence。 There was
my cousin; a delightful; quick…tempered little girl; some months
younger than myself; whose life; lovingly watched over as if she
were a royal princess; came to an end with her fifteenth year。
There were other children; too; many of whom are dead now; and
not a few whose very names I have forgotten。 Over all this hung
the oppressive shadow of the great Russian empirethe shadow
lowering with the darkness of a new…born national hatred fostered
by the Moscow school of journalists against the Poles after the
ill…omened rising of 1863。
This is a far cry back from the MS。 of 〃Almayer's Folly;〃 but the
public record of these formative impressions is not the whim of
an uneasy egotism。 These; too; are things human; already distant
in their appeal。 It is meet that something more should be left
for the novelist's children than the colours and figures of his
own hard…won creation。 That which in their grown…up years may
appear to the world about them as the most enigmatic side of
their natures and perhaps must remain forever obscure even to
themselves; will be their unconscious response to the still voice
of that inexorable past from which his work of fiction and their
personalities are remotely derived。