a personal record-第7章
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the couch and still said nothing。 I opened and shut a drawer
under my desk; on which a filled…up log…slate lay wide open in
its wooden frame waiting to be copied neatly into the sort of
book I was accustomed to write with care; the ship's log…book。 I
turned my back squarely on the desk。 And even then Jacques never
offered a word。 〃Well; what do you say?〃 I asked at last。 〃Is
it worth finishing?〃 This question expressed exactly the whole
of my thoughts。
〃Distinctly;〃 he answered; in his sedate; veiled voice; and then
coughed a little。
〃Were you interested?〃 I inquired further; almost in a whisper。
〃Very much!〃
In a pause I went on meeting instinctively the heavy rolling of
the ship; and Jacques put his feet upon the couch。 The curtain
of my bed…place swung to and fro as if it were a punkah; the
bulkhead lamp circled in its gimbals; and now and then the cabin
door rattled slightly in the gusts of wind。 It was in latitude
40 south; and nearly in the longitude of Greenwich; as far as I
can remember; that these quiet rites of Almayer's and Nina's
resurrection were taking place。 In the prolonged silence it
occurred to me that there was a good deal of retrospective
writing in the story as far as it went。 Was it intelligible in
its action; I asked myself; as if already the story…teller were
being born into the body of a seaman。 But I heard on deck the
whistle of the officer of the watch and remained on the alert to
catch the order that was to follow this call to attention。 It
reached me as a faint; fierce shout to 〃Square the yards。〃 〃Aha!〃
I thought to myself; 〃a westerly blow coming on。〃 Then I turned
to my very first reader; who; alas! was not to live long enough
to know the end of the tale。
〃Now let me ask you one more thing: is the story quite clear to
you as it stands?〃
He raised his dark; gentle eyes to my face and seemed surprised。
〃Yes! Perfectly。〃
This was all I was to hear from his lips concerning the merits of
〃Almayer's Folly。〃 We never spoke together of the book again。 A
long period of bad weather set in and I had no thoughts left but
for my duties; while poor Jacques caught a fatal cold and had to
keep close in his cabin。 When we arrived in Adelaide the first
reader of my prose went at once up…country; and died rather
suddenly in the end; either in Australia or it may be on the
passage while going home through the Suez Canal。 I am not sure
which it was now; and I do not think I ever heard precisely;
though I made inquiries about him from some of our return
passengers who; wandering about to 〃see the country〃 during the
ship's stay in port; had come upon him here and there。 At last
we sailed; homeward bound; and still not one line was added to
the careless scrawl of the many pages which poor Jacques had had
the patience to read with the very shadows of Eternity gathering
already in the hollows of his kind; steadfast eyes。
The purpose instilled into me by his simple and final
〃Distinctly〃 remained dormant; yet alive to await its
opportunity。 I dare say I am compelledunconsciously
compellednow to write volume after volume; as in past years I
was compelled to go to sea voyage after voyage。 Leaves must
follow upon one an other as leagues used to follow in the days
gone by; on and on to the appointed end; which; being Truth
itself; is Oneone for all men and for all occupations。
I do not know which of the two impulses has appeared more
mysterious and more wonderful to me。 Still; in writing; as in
going to sea; I had to wait my opportunity。 Let me confess here
that I was never one of those wonderful fellows that would go
afloat in a wash…tub for the sake of the fun; and if I may pride
myself upon my consistency; it was ever just the same with my
writing。 Some men; I have heard; write in railway carriages; and
could do it; perhaps; sitting crossed…legged on a clothes…line;
but I must confess that my sybaritic disposition will not consent
to write without something at least resembling a chair。 Line by
line; rather than page by page; was the growth of 〃Almayer's
Folly。〃
And so it happened that I very nearly lost the MS。; advanced now
to the first words of the ninth chapter; in the Friedrichstrasse
Poland; or more precisely to Ukraine。 On an early; sleepy
morning changing trains in a hurry I left my Gladstone bag in a
refreshment…room。 A worthy and intelligent Koffertrager rescued
it。 Yet in my anxiety I was not thinking of the MS。; but of all
the other things that were packed in the bag。
In Warsaw; where I spent two days; those wandering pages were
never exposed to the light; except once to candle…light; while
the bag lay open on the chair。 I was dressing hurriedly to dine
at a sporting club。 A friend of my childhood (he had been in the
Diplomatic Service; but had turned to growing wheat on paternal
acres; and we had not seen each other for over twenty years) was
sitting on the hotel sofa waiting to carry me off there。
〃You might tell me something of your life while you are
dressing;〃 he suggested; kindly。
I do not think I told him much of my life story either then or
later。 The talk of the select little party with which he made me
dine was extremely animated and embraced most subjects under
heaven; from big…game shooting in Africa to the last poem
published in a very modernist review; edited by the very young
and patronized by the highest society。 But it never touched upon
〃Almayer's Folly;〃 and next morning; in uninterrupted obscurity;
this inseparable companion went on rolling with me in the
southeast direction toward the government of Kiev。
At that time there was an eight hours' drive; if not more; from
the railway station to the country…house which was my
destination。
〃Dear boy〃 (these words were always written in English); so ran
the last letter from that house received in London〃Get yourself
driven to the only inn in the place; dine as well as you can; and
some time in the evening my own confidential servant; factotum
and majordomo; a Mr。 V。 S。 (I warn you he is of noble
extraction); will present himself before you; reporting the
arrival of the small sledge which will take you here on the next
day。 I send with him my heaviest fur; which I suppose with such
overcoats as you may have with you will keep you from freezing on
the road。〃
Sure enough; as I was dining; served by a Hebrew waiter; in an
enormous barn…like bedroom with a freshly painted floor; the door
opened and; in a travelling costume of long boots; big sheepskin
cap; and a short coat girt with a leather belt; the Mr。 V。 S。 (of
noble extraction); a man of about thirty…five; appeared with an
air of perplexity on his open and mustached countenance。 I got
up from the table and greeted him in Polish; with; I hope; the
right shade of consideration demanded by his noble blood and his
confidential position。 His face cleared up in a wonderful way。
It appeared that; notwithstanding my uncle's earnest assurances;
the good fellow had remained in doubt of our understanding each
other。 He imagined I would talk to him in some foreign language。
I was told that his last words on getting into the sledge to come
to meet me shaped an anxious exclamation:
〃Well! Well! Here I am going; but God only knows how I am to
make myself understood to our master's